All-Nighters

by Meredith Taylor

  “Luke! What’s up, my man?” Busi’s cheerful voice came through the speaker. Luke could hear music in the background.

  Luke shook away his melancholy and emulated Busi’s cheeriness: “Hey, Busi. What are you up to tonight? I’m just checking if you want to join me for some dancing at Hunters?”

  He could hear Busi talking to someone else for a few seconds, and then Busi responded: “I wish I could, buddy. I’m out with some other friends in the city already. You’re welcome to join us here if you can get a cab or something.”

  Luke scrunched his face and responded: “Nah, no worries. I’m not up for the mission of getting to the city right now. I’ll see you on Monday for some lunch, maybe.”

  “Sure thing, Luke, enjoy your night,” Busi said, and hung up before Luke could even say goodbye. Luke shrugged it off and sent a text to Blair, hoping that his loyal partner in crime would be free to join him for some partying: What are you up to? Join me at Hunters?

  He tossed his phone on his bed as he awaited a response, and saw the notes for his Psychology assignment. He had been trying to focus on studying, but the endless calls from Stephanie had made it impossible. He just wanted to lose himself in loud music and attractive guys for the night. He would worry about studying later. Besides, he had treated Jesse so badly that Jesse probably wouldn’t even want to work with him on the assignment. Luke had regretted the way he made Jesse feel that night. The look of anguish on Jesse’s face as he stormed out of Luke’s apartment almost broke his heart. But things were getting too real. It wasn’t just the random hookup that Luke had wanted it to be. He had to make it clear to Jesse that he couldn’t offer anything more than one night of fun. No matter how he was starting to feel about him.

  Luke was finding a jacket for the night when his phone chimed its message tone and Luke picked it up again to read Blair’s text: No can do. I’m having a sleepover with the investment banker tonight. Another time. Luke put his phone in his pocket, grabbed his wallet and a dark blue coat, and walked out of his flat. He would just have to enjoy the night alone.

  ***

  Luke walked to the edge of campus. Not many students were out and about, even though it was a Saturday. He checked the time on his phone: it was 11.30 pm, the perfect time to arrive at Hunters on a Saturday night. He heard the music from about a block away, seeing the dingy shopping area where the club was hidden. Villier Street, where Hunters was situated, was lined with small bookstores, coffee shops and antique stores, the perfect place for the resident hipsters. But at night it was much less pleasant; a hotspot for crime and home to a few seedy bars and clubs like Hunters. Luke always walked to Hunters despite how dangerous it was in the area. He enjoyed the element of mystery and suspense in walking down Villier Street. Perhaps he was willing something to happen…

  He saw the neon-colored entrance to the club with the name Hunters spelled in green lights above it. A dance remix of a diva ballad was playing, and Luke could hear the voices of lots of guys singing along. He walked up to the burly bouncer and had himself searched, paying the cover charge. The place was reasonably packed, with quite a few guys dancing and drinking, although at the end of term it was usually impossible to even move inside the club. As Luke walked through the darkened entryway he spotted some guys staring at him. He felt a surge of energy pulse through his body. The way that other guys admired him was exhilarating. He walked to the bar and ordered a drink, trying to scout out the scene. A cute, earthy-looking guy with a man-bun and beard was smiling at him from the other side of the bar. Luke smiled back, intrigued by the guy. The bartender brought Luke’s drink and he raised it in the direction of the bearded guy, lifting his eyebrow and mouthing the word “Cheers.” The guy flashed Luke a sly smile and whispered something to a woman sitting next to him. Both of them looked at Luke, and the woman nodded before whispering something back to her bearded friend. The bearded guy came over to Luke, his shoulders pushed back and his chin raised. The guy sat down directly next to Luke and turned to face him.

  “You’re hot,” he said. “My name’s Aaron. What’s yours?” Up close Aaron was much less attractive, and his breath smelled of cigarettes. Luke could see that he was drunk and there was something off-putting about the way he carried himself. Luke sat back a bit.

  “I’m Luke. Nice to meet you, Aaron,” Luke said, trying to remain cordial. He could do much worse, he reasoned.

  Aaron ordered two shots of tequila and passed one to Luke. Luke downed it, feeling the liquor burn his throat on the way down and warm his insides. He winced and shook his head vigorously. Maybe Aaron would start looking cuter soon.

  “Do you want to dance?” Aaron asked, running his hand over his greasy hair.

  “Sure,” Luke responded, and they walked over to the dancefloor together. Luke could still feel a hundred eyes on him as he moved through the crowd. An annoying pop song was playing, and Luke did his best to dance along to it as Aaron watched him closely. Aaron’s eyes were all over Luke, and Luke started to feel self-conscious.

  Aaron leaned in and shouted in Luke’s ear over the loud music: “You’re hot!” The smell of cigarettes on his breath was overpowering.

  “You said that already,” Luke responded. He started feeling lightheaded and the room was spinning around him. He felt drops of sweat starting to form on his forehead. His mind was flooded with thoughts of Stephanie, her words when he saw her in the hospital after his accident, the coldness in her eyes when she looked at him. And intermingled with those memories were thoughts of Jesse, the guy who had come into his life just when all of these memories had started to resurface. The guy who Luke had felt so close to for those few hours, who had made him feel something he thought he would never feel again, even just for those fleeting moments. Luke felt claustrophobic in the room full of dancing guys. The music was grating to him, and his head felt heavy. Something was wrong.

  “Are you okay?” Aaron asked, his face full of confusion. The smell of cigarettes invaded Luke’s nostrils again.

  Luke stopped dancing and walked towards the exit without responding to Aaron. He needed to be outside. He pushed through the crowd, shoving some people out of his way, and made his way towards the exit. He tried to take a deep breath, but his chest felt tight. Finally, he made it to the exit and went out into the street. He wished that he wasn’t so far from home, that he could lie down immediately. He walked in the direction of Donovan Square, passing through the empty streets. With every step he took he felt worse. His legs felt like jelly and he decided to try and find a bench so that he could sit down for a while, perhaps order a driver on his phone. He scanned his surroundings, his vision slightly blurry, and walked towards a pathway on the side of the road. He took out his phone; he was worried that he might be sick, and didn’t want to have a driver pick him up just to be a mess all over the back seat of a stranger’s car. He would have to call someone to come and get him. But who? Who could he rely on to get him in the middle of the night? He started going through his contact list and stopped at Blair’s name, ready to press the dial button. But before he could dial her number, he felt his legs give in. He collapsed into some bushes at the side of the road, and the world around him went black.

  Chapter 9

  It was nearly 11pm when Jesse arrived at Martin’s flat. Martin lived in one of the apartment buildings along the picturesque Elizabeth Street, the long, wide and oak-lined street at the heart of the Ridgemont residential area. Most of the university’s official student residences were found along Elizabeth Street, each with their own history and tradition. Jesse was always glad that he didn’t have to live in one of the all-male residences, where he had heard that the initiation practices could be very unpleasant for first-year students.

  Martin’s flat was just across from a small eatery in Elizabeth Street, where a tall oak tree stood proud next to the block of flats. Jesse walked up to the gate and buzzed Martin’s apartment number, feeling a knot in his stomach. He had only seen Martin in public places since thei
r break up, careful not to be alone with him. Martin had always had a distinct power over Jesse, and when Martin wanted something he usually got it. Even though Martin and Jesse had dated for most of their time at Ridgemont University, Martin had always received lots of attention from other guys. He was the life of the party when Jesse would merely be sitting in a corner or grinning through an uninteresting conversation. Martin was the archetypal extrovert, coming alive when he had an audience for his animated stories. He studied drama and was often found in the regular hipster coffee shops along Villier Street or lazing around at the benches of Donavan Square. With his thick, shaggy hair and bushy eyebrows, and eyelashes so long and dark that it looked like they were fake, Martin was always noticeable in a crowd. He usually wore a tattered, slogan t-shirt, the slogan usually protesting corporatist greed, matched with an expensive designer jacket, a muddle of contradictions like many of the drama students at Ridgemont could be.

  Jesse braced himself to see Martin again. He heard the sweet, sing-song tone of Martin’s hello come through the intercom, and he responded: “It’s me. J-J-Jesse.”

  Martin giggled through the intercom. “No need to be nervous, sweetheart,” he responded, making Jesse feel doubly nervous and annoyed with his stutter. Jesse scratched at his blonde curls and the gate buzzed open.

  Jesse walked through the rustic-style apartment building until he reached Martin’s door, and hesitated only slightly before he knocked three times. He fidgeted with his t-shirt and felt his skin break into goosebumps in the cool air. With a loud whoosh of the door, Martin’s face was in front of him: “Hi, handsome!” he bellowed. Jesse almost jumped back in surprise, raising his hand to his chest. Martin giggled again, his warm, velvety voice like music: “I didn’t mean to frighten you, dear. Come inside out of the cold. You’ll catch your death.” Martin grabbed Jesse’s arm and led him inside of the flat. The strong musky smell of Martin’s cologne hung heavy in the air, making Jesse dizzy. Martin wore a tight turtleneck grey shirt, his skinny frame drowning in it. His bush of hair was combed over to one side, and his long eyelashes were like the flute of a snake charmer to Jesse, instantly putting him in a state of trance. Jesse could feel Martin’s magic getting to him already.

  Martin pulled him towards the couch and was rushing to prepare some coffee before Jesse had even formed a single thought. “We have a lot to talk about, sweetheart,” Martin called to Jesse without looking in his direction. “But let me get you something to drink and nibble on. I baked some chocolate fondant today. Some of my friends were over to try it earlier, and they said it was… what was the word they used? Oh, transcendent! I’ll get you a serving so you can try it.”

  Jesse’s face was stuck in a shocked expression. Suddenly, it felt like a year before. Nothing had changed. Jesse was still blissfully unaware of Martin’s cheating – although he had his very strong suspicions – and Martin was still the charming, slightly absentminded and self-important person that he always had been. Even though all of the negative memories were coming back to Jesse, he couldn’t help but feel like he was coming home after a long time away, and like being there again was like putting on a pair of old shoes that might not have been all too shiny but that were comfortable nonetheless.

  “It’s good to see you so chipper, Martin,” Jesse said. “I’m glad I came to see you tonight.”

  “Oh?” Martin let out, turning to face Jesse with one of his bushy eyebrows raised impossibly high on his forehead. “It’s good to see you too, dearest! We have so much to talk about. So much. But first, coffee!” Martin poured the boiling water into the cups on his kitchen counter and brought over a tiny plate with a serving of fondant and some cream. It smelled heavenly. Jesse remembered all of Martin’s many talents: he was a skilled, if unrefined, actor; he was an excellent cook, and had even considered culinary school; he was an amazing kisser – a fact Jesse later found out that many Ridgemont students had first-hand knowledge of. But Jesse tried to fight off the unpleasant thoughts of Martin’s indiscretions. That was in the past. Martin had asked him to focus on the present.

  Jesse took a sip of the coffee that Martin offered him, burning his lips in his nervous haste. Martin smiled a curious smile, and lounged on his comfortable sofa right next to Jesse, his arm sprawled over the side and his knees touching Jesse’s leg. “You’re looking good, Jesse,” Martin said, his sly smile expanding. “Very good, in fact. You’re taking my fashion tips these days? You’re looking positively… put-together.”

  Jesse nodded, taking another sip of coffee and trying to resist eating the fondant and getting gooey chocolate all over his teeth. “Thank you,” he said, lamely.

  Martin spoke again, his voice comforting like warm milk: “I forgot just how handsome you are, Jesse. You’re a real stud, you know that?”

  The flattery was making Jesse’s cheeks tingle. He worried that he would break out into an embarrassing, full-blown crimson blush. “You’re looking good too, Martin,” he said.

  Martin sat up straight, putting his hand gently on Jesse’s knee and looking Jesse right in the eye, his long eyelashes flitting enticingly: “Anyway, the reason I brought you here was to say… I just wanted you to know again how terribly, agonizingly sorry I am, sweet Jesse. You’ve only ever been an angel to me. Perpetually kind and loving. And I regret what I did to you so much. It’s taken me a while, but I’ve seen the error of my ways.” Martin’s exaggerated speech always used to annoy Jesse, but in that moment he found it endearing. “Is there any way you could forgive me?”

  Jesse put down his cup and tried to maintain eye contact with Martin despite his nerves. “Martin, I know I was hard on you after our break up. I’m sorry about that.” Jesse knew that if Phillip could hear him now, he would be outraged. Phillip had often scolded Jesse for being too apologetic, even taking the blame when someone else did him wrong. “Of course I forgive you. You just really hurt me back then. And you made it hard for me to trust people. I’m not the kind of guy who just goes out and meets someone and can let them in. It takes me a while. And I trusted you so fully that I don’t see myself trusting that much in the near future.”

  Martin’s expression broke into a heartbreaking frown: “Oh, Jesse, it pains me so much to hear you say that. How can I ever make it up to you? I’ve realized that all of the other guys I’ve been with haven’t been nearly as good to me as you’ve been since the start. I’ve been with a lot of guys, a lot of guys, but none of them ever made me feel as special as you make me feel. Their eyes don’t light up when they hear me speak quite the way yours do. They don’t listen to my stories with unwavering attention like you do. You see, I was dating a guy for a month and he broke up with me two weeks ago, just before I contacted you. He said he didn’t see a future with me. And when he broke up with me I realized something. I deserve someone who will love me completely. I deserve someone who will be… unwavering. And no one has ever loved me the way you have.”

  Jesse sat quietly when Martin finally finished talking. He wasn’t sure what to think. Nothing Martin was saying to him was particularly making him feel good about himself. It sounded like he was nothing more than someone to stroke Martin’s ego. Jesse wanted to say something, to make Martin realize that he was more than just an accessory like the ones Martin wore. Jesse wanted to stand up for himself. But in a sense, Martin was right. Jesse knew that they complemented each other. Jesse was the yin to Martin’s yang. Martin showered him with gifts and affection and took him to all of the most interesting places, and Jesse, in return, listened to Martin and supported him when he wasn’t feeling confident. Jesse knew that deep down, Martin was deeply insecure, and he needed someone like Jesse to remind him that he was talented and attractive. It was that insecurity, Jesse figured, that led Martin to seek out many other guys even while they were dating. Jesse knew that they fit together, but he just wasn’t sure that he was ready to trust Martin again. How long would it really be until another guy caught Martin’s eye? And would there ever be a guy who worshipped Mart
in enough to make him leave Jesse for good?

  Martin spoke again when Jesse did not respond: “I want us to get back together, Jesse. I want us to give this thing another shot. I promise I’ll make some changes this time. We both had a lot of growing up to do, but I think that we can make it work this time. What do you say?” Martin’s eyes seemed sincere, his hand now moving up Jesse’s leg a bit more. Jesse felt his heart racing faster. The smell of Martin’s cologne was still strong in the air.

  Finally, Jesse responded: “I know you’re sorry, Martin. And I loved you deeply, so it was hard for me to move on when we broke up. You were my whole life. I looked up to you for your confidence and for how brilliant you were. All of the guys used to tell me how lucky I was to have you as my boyfriend. I believed it, too. I used to tell myself that I would never be able to find someone like you if we ever broke up. That’s why I struggled so much. I haven’t healed yet. I haven’t gotten myself together. I even considered dating again,” Jesse’s mind briefly flashed with an image of Luke, his blue eyes looking down on him as they kissed, and he continued, “but I realised that other guys were only out to use me. I need a real relationship. I need commitment. If you can really offer me that this time… I just need to think about things.” Jesse let out an exasperated sigh. Reliving all of the painful memories had somehow ripped him back to reality and broken Martin’s spell over him.