Desensitizer

by Kaero Davis

  Enter Scenario

  “I can’t believe I got the whole thing wrong. I deserve this. And there’s no escape – no end. My purgatory – endless. How could I have ever thought this would’ve never happened? GOD! I feel like a fuckin idiot. I hid behind this damning façade believing everything was kosher. This isn’t anything like I expected to happen. I feel I’m going mad – I’m almost enjoying this filthy job. This disgusting afterlife. I laugh maniacally at the tickle of filth I scrub from the prince of darkness’ teeth. It’s so foul the stench gets right up my nostrils and my eyes water. And my eyes sting with the lick of putrid rotting smell wafting over my face. How did I not account for this when alive? Was I too much of a slippery weasel – hiding beneath the bigger picture, but cavorting about – masquerading so much detest and disgust? Was I truly to blame? Maybe it might be more my fault that I knew I was doing it – and doing it on purpose. Fuck, I might really deserve this – oh shame on my blasphemous life.” – Kutu.

  Satan’s Toothpick

  Well, I was a little feral during my mortal life,

  Digging into perils that soon brought me strife,

  And the evil I’d consumed is what had contrived,

  The consequential doom beyond all I’d connived,

  And now I’m Satan’s toothpick,

  Pickin’ teeth clean,

  I scavenge off the foul,

  And make those pearls gleam,

  So, I’m payin’ for the crimes I had I thought were fun,

  It’s so scathing cleaning grime off of the boss’s tongue,

  Always prayin’ for the time till my chore is done,

  Complaining how degrading scrubbing off the slime and scum,

  Yeah, I’m Satan’s toothpick,

  Pickin’ teeth clean,

  I scavenge off the foul,

  And make those pearls gleam…

  Exit Scenario

  “What little I knew still never saved me. I was – looking back on it now – one of the grandest designs of hypocrites there was, ignorant – and now, this is what becomes of my fate. A hypocrite to have delved into evil for my own profit and gain but it’s disgusting, the true terrific force it stood for, that which I myself face now – my equally disturbing punishment – I guess I’ll never escape and get another turn. I guess I’ll have to just accept my fate and do what is intended of me now, here in this place…” – Kutu.

  Enter Scenario

  “Sometimes, you give more than you get. And some won’t show the same respect. Some consideration never goes astray and some just don’t think about what they say. They all want to be treated equal – but what about you? Don’t you deserve it? Especially when you’re giving it, and then – what about the things you hear are said about you behind your back? Aren’t we considerate – no, compassionate enough that we always put others’ feelings before our own? I know I never say what I don’t mean, because I really don’t like to. I really don’t like bad mouthing anybody unless I feel like they’ve done wrong by me…I don’t even like it done to me, I absolutely hate the negativity. You think the people you’re around know you better sometimes, and it’s painful hearing trash talk about yourself when you’ve never gone out of your way to be that arsehole or that cunt that some think you are. How do you approach anyone that slanders you when you think highly enough of them and they don’t return the good deed where it appropriately fits? You accept everyone the way they are and press no further – yet, you can’t be returned so much acceptance yourself? There’s always something to be picked on or nit-picked at, and they only want to focus on the negatives and all the miserable shit. Why can’t they say – “you know, it’s all right, there’s nothing wrong, please feel free to do as you like – so long as I won’t regret allowing you to do so.” Where did all the faith go? When did I let you down? How the fuck did I let you down?

  They tell you and you spin out at the little, childish, insignificant shit – and then you wonder if they even see everything else you do. Nag at the little but be oblivious to all the precious good. Makes no real sense to me. Just scratch each other’s back…” – Zoukaa.

  Scratch NOT Slash

  You should know you’ll lose all my respect,

  When I hear you’ve been implementing threats-

  I’m not the kind of mind to forget,

  Nor am I the kind of mind to regret,

  It goes both ways but you disappoint me,

  ‘Yet to prove worthy’ is what I would anoint thee,

  I don’t want to cringe the moment I know you want to speak,

  I don’t want my anxiety to explode beyond its’ peak,

  You should know my respect isn’t just ‘handed out,’

  What is it really do you think that I’m about?

  How was it really that I set your mind to doubt?

  Why should you so easily want to kick and punch and shout?

  Scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours,

  Generosity and positivity have their rewards,

  Those two qualities will always guide you forwards,

  But negativity will always retain its’ flaws,

  What’s so bad about optimism?

  Expand your mind, increase your vision,

  You’re not gonna make it far with your scepticism,

  You know you also make it difficult with your cynicism,

  But when you slash my back and I shiv yours,

  Both of us battle a losing cause,

  The issues won’t go away ignored,

  We need a result we can both applaud,

  Enter Scenario

  “You’d think most of the people you’re constantly around would notice your bodily motions and expressions more than you think, but no, sadly not. They say they see everything that goes on around them, but they make it seem like they’re likely stuck in their own world and more focussed on themselves – until you miss something, or do something wrong or, something they don’t like and don’t agree with. What’s the big deal about doing something you love that makes you happy and doesn’t hurt anyone? Some folk are just irritated rather quite quickly and don’t seem to care how bad they blast you, or how nastily they crush your enjoyment. They find it hard to say, “please stop, please don’t do that,” in a kind and gentle manner but in a snarling growl through grit teeth say – “Shut that shit fucking music off!” or blow it out of proportion and act as if what you’re doing will endanger half the world within seconds. Have YOU ever been doing something and have someone take a bite at you as if you’d disgraced them – something so little (in the grander scale of things) that turned out to make you seem the worst person in the world? The worst in all of history? What really gets to me is the repulsed look on someone’s face as though they’ve been disgusted, and at something so little. It’s another kind of something you could almost laugh your arse off at. Oh, and people that’re wound so tight day in day out, that they never have anything nice to say about anything and are always complaining – you almost want to tell ’em to shut the fuck up – only you don’t because you know how badly they’d over react at that. Bullies tease and pick on you, arseholes that would rather discriminate against you before looking at themselves in the mirror and asking, “What the fuck is wrong with me?” I bet you a lot of them would be bored, or, could even hate themselves a lot worse than you could ever imagine. AND a lot of them wouldn’t even tell you. A lot of them might only be jealous, and if someone’s jealous of you then they’re more than likely going to be an arsehole if they don’t get their way or aren’t the centre of attention when you’re together in the presence of a mix of different people. Yeah…what do you do?” – Zoukaa.

  Enter Scenario

  “A vision with condition, a view that requires a lose. I’m tired of conditions, I wish I could receive a hand up without something in return. I don’t mind scratchin’ someone’s back as
long as it’s not too far out of my way, if it sets me back or is unreasonably inconvenient. I might help so long as I feel I’m being compensated fairly enough. Otherwise – Ha! Forget it. Why should I be expected to give more than I conveniently receive? I might go to great lengths if I feel more than just satisfied, if I feel I’m being appreciated. If I feel I’m being done an honour – a great honour, then I’m going to do a far better job at whatever it is than just mediocre or okay. I’ll go further than just all right, I’ll do the proper distance. If it’s just unreasonable or plain ridiculous – I’m gonna laugh or tell ya to shove it or both. I should, I need to remember that while I’m living in a world where it’s everyman for himself, I’m the only one whose gonna have my back aside of maybe a small few I trust are worthy. It’s not something for nothing. Life isn’t free, and not one country in the goddamn world is whether they say different or otherwise. People break their word – the only difference in separating those honest from the deceitful cunts, is that they’ll tell you right from the start. And sometimes, you need to be blunt.” – Netheil.

  Submission

  So it’s your way or no way,

  It’s behave or go astray,

  Another day with no say,

  A power play and I’m prey,

  Where rights are forsaken,

  Excitements are shaken,

  Insights mistaken,

  Respite’s misshapened,

  I deny my submission,

  And never surrender to your prison,

  I’ll deny any submission,

  To what you have envisioned,

  I’ll do it my way,

  Even if it turns me grey,

  Never prey to your power play,

  Freedom never frayed,

  Where rights are forsaken,

  Excitements are shaken,

  Insight’s mistaken,

  Respite’s misshapened,

  I deny my submission,

  And I’ll never surrender to your prison,

  I’ll deny any form of submission,

  To anything you’ve envisioned…

  Exit Scenario

  “I will accept that wherever there is need of assistance – there will be certain conditions, but I will be reluctant if I think the conditions are ridiculous, if I think they’re unfair – too much to ask of. From time to time I’ll find I won’t even bother asking for assistance because I know if I do – I can bet I’m going to be presented with some whopper of a quid-pro-quo. I don’t want to surrender more than is required of me to get ahead. One step back, two steps forward but three steps back again – nah – fuck that, I’m hoping it’s the other way. I want some middle-ground. I want a negotiation of terms where both parties are content and satisfied, and perhaps benefit from the situation. I can’t stand the thought of having to step on someone else to get ahead. I like to strategize some way that works for all and no one loses. Unless…revelation – I suppose one or either or both can change the way they perceive the help. Alter your thinking and fare more fairly, find ways to look at it that suits both and then, the attitude will appear a lot healthier and more light-hearted. Shit, attitudes got a lot do with it. If you can’t agree, can’t find the good in whatever deal proposed – it’s not going to run smooth, and you’re better scrapping it or modifying it. And any conflict one has with another is going to make the interaction – the engagement the lesser joyous. For everyone.” – Netheil.

  Enter Scenario

  “In my mind I can quite spiritually speaking, step outside myself and view things from another perspective. I don’t like what I see. As much as I am disgusted, I sympathize. It’s not God that turned the world to shit, but the God in Man that has. Nothing is humble any more – or at least I’m seeing less and less of it every new day that follows. And nothing is held sacred except for that we keep internal for ourselves alone. Greed shows beneath and bleeds from the cuts to the soul. And it’s whenever we go against our true nature, it’s when we harm ourselves in ways we aren’t capable of visibly seeing. It’s only ’til we’re completely vulnerable in every sense that we can feel it completely. And a rare low percentage of the society it is, can notice but is, taboo to speak of.” – Ccessetti.

  Sympathy for God

  For someone to part with their soul,

  Must first sever what is whole,

  Surrender structure for internal fold,

  Relinquish control and all you uphold,

  It has been said God is within all things,

  And proven upon discovery of the Higgs Boson genes,

  Science – the evolution of ancient alchemy,

  Having God within us makes him accomplice to our sins,

  The all-knowing God never thought that one through,

  And perhaps it may very well be his doom,

  The devil plots and plans for collecting his dues,

  The world is under constant surveillance view,

  The Devil’s eyes are on me and you,

  I feel pity, sympathy for God,

  The such paradise he preaches is long lost,

  The Devil’s temper is raging hot,

  And he will take all that he wants,

  I feel pity, sympathy for God,

  His faith, his love comes at a whopping cost,

  The path he trod was a monotonous lot,

  The rising opposition won’t be stopped,

  I feel pity, sympathy for God,

  Lain silent, alone, dead and in rot,

  Shepherds fled and left the live-stock,

  And we’re as good as dead and gone…

  Exit Scenario

  “Some are afraid to face it, others aren’t so much to call it what it is, and few others actually embrace it. But it is within us all. I feel pity, sympathy upon us all who aren’t particularly keen to embrace all that is within us. We aren’t using our full potential and I pity that others would argue and beg to differ, pity others who see it as a sign of weakness to do ‘good’. I feel sympathy for those who don’t embrace what God or adverse Gods are within us all. I sympathize for all who can’t bring themselves to see it.” – Ccessetti.

  Enter Scenario

  “Don’t hate the players that beat you at your games – they’ve maybe been at it far longer than you, it’s become reflex – it’s natural to them, second nature. Never breed hell unless you’re comfortable living it yourself. Cause some people return it, and they do it well. Shove your bad moment up your arse or another may do it for you. The good book says whence an assailant smite thee on one cheek – smash them doubly as hard on the other. Recompense yourself because others won’t. Feed it back. And heavier than a like-degree for good measure. When they feel so obliged to torment and terrorize you – then you are equally as obligated to set them right and reciprocate. You see what they haven’t realized is; that when they do unto you, they’ve openly invited it on themselves – they just don’t often like it when they’re on the losing side of the argument. They hate being wrong but sometimes you’ve just got to put them in their place. Now…” – Vellecklain.

  That C-U-Next-Tuesday

  You almost had me stunned,

  My tongue struck dumb – I’m gulping numb,

  You’re having fun but you’ve got to run,

  Because I have really only just begun,

  You said what bitch?

  I’m laughing with a stitch,

  You want some prick?

  I’ll start swingin’ fists,

  You’ll be stuffed – cause I’m more than enough,

  I get tough, and start playing rough,

  You’ll be snuffed when you call my bluff,

  I eat pussies – so you know I’m a cunt,

  Don’t go runnin’ snitch,

  When I’ve made you a bitch,

  You wanted some prick,

&
nbsp; Now bite my fist,

  You got stuffed, cause I’m more than enough,

  I got tough, you couldn’t handle my rough,

  You were snuffed as soon as you called my bluff,

  I ate pussy, and became that cunt,

  Thought you had me stunned and struck dumb numb,

  You thought it was fun ’til kicked back like a gun,

  You plucked my strings and you pinched the wrong one,

  You were too fucked before I had only just begun…

  Exit Scenario

  “Surprised? Got plenty more if you want it. Keep off – outta my face. I’m a mirror and I’ll be yours. Only this mirrors words have fists. You want to act that way towards me – then you’ll have met your match mate. Test me, tempt me, and I’ll teach you…

  If you can’t handle the heat…Jog on,” – Vellecklain.

  Enter Scenario

  “Here is a piece that can be interpreted into thousands of different situations, for instance – whereupon one may be caught between something they love and something they know is important or has high priority to them in some way or another, regardless of whether you answer to something – someone, you hold a measure of importance on.