Heartless

by Jennifer Sucevic

  Undeterred, Hunter swings around to face me.

  “If you’re looking for someone to suck your dick, I suggest you find the girl from the party. She seemed eager to please.” The memory flashes painfully through my head. The way his hands had tangled in her hair right before he pulled her toward him makes me sick.

  A slow smile curves his lips. “Jealous much?”

  “Hardly.” I shake my head, refusing to admit the truth, even to myself. “More like disgusted.”

  “Really?” He tilts his head. “And why is that?”

  I press my lips together, refusing to answer. Whatever I say will only end up incriminating me and I won’t give him any more leverage.

  Hunter’s muscles bunch and flex as he prowls closer. “We’ve been through this. We’re not together. It shouldn’t matter what I do.”

  I tip my head in acknowledgment. “You’re right. It doesn’t.”

  “Then it shouldn’t matter how many girls I fuck, right?”

  “Nope, not at all.” But the sad truth is that it does. Every girl he’s slept with is a score across my heart. When I was living halfway across the country, it was easier to pretend that Hunter wasn’t involved with other people. Now that I’m at Claremont, it’s in my face.

  “If it makes any difference,” he says softly. “When I closed my eyes, it was you I was imagining. It’s you that I want.”

  Lies.

  He doesn’t want me. Not really. Not in a way that matters.

  I force myself to say, “You want to fuck me so you can move on.”

  “You’re right.” He shrugs unapologetically and steps closer. “That’s exactly what I want.” With gentle fingers, he caresses the line of my jaw. “Aren’t you ready to let go of the past and move on? We need this, Skye. We need to say goodbye.”

  If only it were that simple.

  What I’m afraid of is that it will only make everything worse. But I can’t continue to do this with him. Something has to give.

  “Okay.”

  It’s almost comical the way his dark brows shoot across his forehead. He looks as startled as I feel.

  “Okay?”

  I jerk my head into a tight nod. If I think about it too hard or for too long, I’ll chicken out and change my mind. The two of us having sex is a disastrous idea.

  Hunter doesn’t ask any further questions. Instead, one hand whips out and tugs me to him. I stifle a yelp of surprise when his mouth slants over mine, dragging me beneath the surface to a place where thinking becomes an impossibility. It’s enough to quiet the clamoring voices inside my head.

  His hard body presses close to mine until all I feel is his unrelenting heat. It’s like the sun beating down upon my flesh. All I want is to bask in the warm glow of it.

  With one hand, he tugs the belt around my waist until the knot unravels, allowing the robe to gape open. He pushes the plush material away from my shoulders until it puddles in a thick pile around my feet.

  Hunter pulls away enough so that his gaze can slide down the length of my naked body. It’s been years since he’s seen me without clothing, and I’ve changed during that time. My breasts are heavier, and my hips fuller.

  A groan breaks free from his lips as his eyes ignite with heat. That response is enough to silence the insecurities raging through my head.

  “How is it possible that you’re more gorgeous than I remember?”

  When my mouth opens under the firm pressure, his tongue slips inside to tangle with my own. He drags me closer until all of my soft curves are aligned with his hard ones. I moan at the feel of his thick erection jutting against my belly. Barely has he touched me, and I’m soaked.

  His mouth lifts from mine long enough to mutter, “Tell me that you want this.”

  Only now do I understand that I’ve been fooling myself from the very beginning. I thought it was possible for us to peacefully coexist at the same school, but it’s not. There’s too much history. Too many hurt feelings that simmer beneath the surface. Maybe neither of us want to feel them, but they continue to lurk in the darkness. It’s like a monster that needs to be fed.

  Will this be enough to satisfy the beast?

  I have no idea.

  I only know that it has to be this way.

  “I want this.” I draw him closer so that my fingers can slide from his shoulders, to his neck, before tunneling through his thick hair. “I want you.”

  His lips are bruising in their intensity. It’s as if he doesn’t want to hesitate for a single moment or I’ll change my mind.

  But that’s not going to happen.

  His hands drop from my back to my ass before he lifts me up until my legs can wrap around his waist as he walks us into the hallway.

  “Which room?” he mutters against my lips.

  “The one on the left.”

  With our mouths fused, he carries me through the doorway before placing me on the middle of the queen-sized bed. His gaze doesn’t leave mine as he grabs the back of his T-shirt and yanks it over his head before tossing it to the floor. Then he’s back, his mouth roving hungrily over mine as his hands palm my breasts. His mouth slides over my chin before traveling south to my collarbone as he works his way lower.

  “Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed these?” he murmurs against my warm flesh.

  There have been too many times to count when I laid awake in my dorm bed, longing for his touch. Sometimes I would squeeze my eyes closed and caress myself, imagining that it was Hunter, but it never felt the same.

  When he tweaks my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, a shaft of pleasure spears through me and a moan escapes. He captures one turgid peak with his lips before drawing the bud deep into his mouth. My fingers spear through his hair so I can pull him closer. It doesn’t take long for me to grow restless beneath him. When I can’t stand another moment, he releases the bud with a pop before sliding to the other side and repeating the process. After a few moments, his mouth drifts from my breasts to my ribcage. When he arrives at my navel, he swirls the velvety softness of his tongue around it before sinking lower. My breath catches as I await his touch.

  Hunter peers at me from between my thighs. His warm breath feathers over my throbbing center. I arch my back, needing to feel his mouth sliding over my heat.

  “How much do you want me?” His tongue swipes over my clit.

  A whimper falls from my lips as the ache intensifies. It’s not possible for me to want Hunter any more than I already do.

  “You need to tell me.” There’s a pause. “Tell me how much you want to be fucked.” He presses a soft kiss against the top of my slit before his tongue slips inside me.

  I groan and widen my legs, needing more.

  “Say the words, Skye,” he cajoles. His warm breath ghosts over my heated flesh, driving me to the brink of insanity. “I want to hear just how much you missed my dick buried inside your pussy.”

  “I missed it more than you’ll ever know,” I whisper. Whatever he wants me to say, I’ll do it. I need him more than I need air to breathe.

  “I bet you did.” His hands slide to the inside of my thighs before he gently presses them apart, widening my legs until I’m completely exposed. His gaze settles on the most intimate part of me. The longer he stares, the more moisture gathers. Reaching out, he traces the lips of my pussy, circling around the outer edges before slowly moving toward the center.

  “So fucking pretty.”

  I lift my hips, wanting him to drive his fingers deep inside me, but he doesn’t. He takes his time, relearning my flesh, tormenting me until it feels like I’m going to come right out of my skin. When he finally slides one thick finger inside my sheath, my body squeezes the digit and a long moan breaks free. His expression turns to one of intense concentration as he slowly pumps his finger in me.

  My eyelashes flutter shut, and pleasure radiates from my center in hot, suffocating waves. I don’t remember the last time I felt like this. Maybe never. Thin wisps of an orgasm curl like smo
ke deep in the pit of my belly.

  “You’re so damn wet. You need this, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” I gasp, unable to focus on anything other than the ecstasy unfurling in me.

  “Good, I’m going to give you everything you need.” His gaze flicks to mine. “For the rest of your life, you’ll mourn the loss of my dick.”

  If he wasn’t playing with my body, stroking me into submission, those words would have the power to wound me, but the only thing I’m capable of focusing on is the pleasure that continues to pummel my senses.

  My hips gyrate in perfect rhythm with his thrusts. All of my muscles lock as I hurtle toward the edge. I’m one pump away from fulfillment when he withdraws from my body. A whimper of protest leaves my lips. He slaps my throbbing clit with the tips of his fingers, and I yelp.

  “Be patient.”

  It’s not hard enough to hurt, just sting before exploding with more pleasure than I thought possible. Now that he’s no longer stroking me, all that mounting ecstasy has nowhere to go. My harsh pants fill the room as everything in me pulses with newfound awareness before slowly disintegrating into nothingness.

  I want to claw my way out of my skin as a scream builds in my lungs.

  Hunter comes to his feet, sliding both his shorts and black boxer briefs over his trim hips. I prop myself up on my elbows so I can watch. When he’s completely naked, he pauses, giving me time to look my fill.

  Good Lord but he’s gorgeous. His body was made to be appreciated. All that sharply honed muscle and athletic grace.

  Hunter’s expression remains inscrutable as he moves to the side of the bed. There was a time when I knew his thoughts, but that was years ago. No longer do I know the man before me.

  He hooks his hands under my arms and drags me to the edge of the bed until my head hangs off the mattress. My heart pounds a painful staccato as adrenaline rushes through my blood. It’s silently that I watch as he takes his place before me. His muscular thighs flank each side of my head as he wraps a hand around his shaft and brings the bulbous tip to my lips.

  “Open.”

  A thrill shoots through me as I quickly comply with his command. The crown of his cock slides between my lips and over my tongue. I close my eyes and enjoy the feel of his girth filling me. Already I can taste the salty moisture that has beaded at the tip.

  Hunter groans as he starts off with slow strokes. With each thrust of his hips, he slips further inside my mouth until he can nudge the back of my throat. I widen my jaw and focus on breathing through my nose, drawing in deep breaths as he fucks my mouth. My hands drift from his thighs to his ass until my fingers are able to bite into his muscular cheeks with every gyration.

  Its music to my ears when his breathing grows ragged. I slide one hand from his backside to his cock before knocking his hand away and wrapping mine around the thick length. Then I pull him closer until he’s able to sink all the way inside me. Every time I swallow, the muscles of my throat contract around him.

  “Fuck, that feels amazing,” he groans.

  His fingers go to my breasts to play with my nipples. He tugs and pinches them. It’s a heady cocktail of pain mixed with pleasure, but it’s the pleasure that overwhelms my senses. With my mouth full of cock, I moan out my enjoyment. When I can’t stand another moment, he strokes his way over my ribs, hips, and thighs until each hand can wrap around an ankle. He pulls my legs wide, shackling them against the mattress so I’m completely exposed. The length of his body presses against mine, pinning me in place as his mouth fastens onto my clit, drawing the tiny bud into his mouth.

  That’s all it takes for him to drive me over the edge and explode. Not once does he let up on the pressure of his lips and tongue. His hips continue to gyrate as he sinks so far down my throat that I feel the root of his cock against my mouth with every stroke. My orgasm doesn’t have a chance to fully dissipate when he lifts his mouth and releases the pulsating bundle of nerves. He straightens before slipping his dick from my mouth and I gasp.

  Hunter grabs my hips and flips me over before dragging me to the edge of the bed. I pant as he spreads my thighs wide. His hand slides from my ass to the middle of my back before pushing me down and pinning me to the mattress.

  Only when I’m in position with my ass in the air does he ask, “Are you on the pill?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. I don’t want anything between us when we fuck, not even a condom. I want you bare.”

  Before I can fully grasp his intent, he thrusts deep inside my soaked pussy until he’s buried to the hilt. My muscles stretch around him, adjusting to his size. It feels so damn good that I almost see stars.

  “Fuck,” he groans as if reading my thoughts.

  His hands settle on my hips as his fingertips bite into my flesh to hold me still. It takes less than a dozen strokes for him to come. His body becomes impossibly tight as he growls out his release. I close my eyes, feeling the hot jets of his orgasm paint my womb. He’s the only boy I’ve ever allowed inside me without protection. We were each other’s firsts. As soon as we decided to have sex, I went to the doctor and got a prescription for the pill. In all the years we were together, we never used a condom. In retrospect, it was pretty stupid considering that the pill can fail. I guess we were lucky.

  There’s a fragile moment of connection that binds us together as Hunter collapses on top of me. With his chin resting against my shoulder, his choppy breath fills my ear. A sigh of contentment falls from my lips and I wonder if it’s possible for this encounter to be more than a way for him to evict me from both his head and heart. My thoughts are cautiously optimistic. I’m almost afraid to acknowledge them.

  When I walked away, I caused irreparable damage.

  But still…

  This feels as if it could mean so much more.

  As soon as the tension drains from his muscles, Hunter stretches to his full height and pulls out of me. I blink, bewildered by the loss of his heat and his heavy weight pinning me to the mattress. The haze surrounding our encounter begins to clear and reality threatens to crash down upon us.

  I wrack my brain for something to say, something that will send our relationship careening in a different direction. Is that even possible? Or has too much harm been inflicted for that to happen?

  My teeth sink into my lower lip as I search his face for clues as to what he’s thinking, but his expression remains unreadable as he grabs his boxers and yanks them up his legs in one swift movement.

  A chill sweeps over me. “You’re leaving?”

  I wince as he tosses a cold look my way. It’s as if he can’t be bothered with anything more. Any tentative emotional bond that had been forged between us is quickly severed.

  “Yeah.” He glances around for his shorts and shirt before gathering them up and tugging them on. In less than sixty seconds, he’s fully dressed and ready to bolt.

  He takes a step toward the bedroom door before glancing at me. I have yet to move. It’s as if I’ve been stunned into a strange paralysis. It’s only when his gaze drifts over my naked body that embarrassment scorches my cheeks and I realize how truly meaningless this has been.

  I’ve had sex with half a dozen guys since Hunter. Two of them were one-night stands, but none have ever made me feel as dirty and used as I do now. With shaking fingers, I grab the edge of the comforter and flip it over me in an attempt to shield my nudity.

  Our gazes lock and he shifts his weight. I’m waiting for that damnable smirk to appear on his face, but it remains elusive.

  It’s as if neither of us know how to wrap up this encounter.

  Hunter’s shoulders slump as regret flashes in his eyes. “Guess I’ll see you around, Skye.”

  I press my lips together unwilling to say anything. If I do, the tears I’m holding at bay will flood my eyes and I don’t want him to see how much his behavior has wounded me. I won’t give him the satisfaction.

  When it becomes apparent that I’m not going to return the farewell, Hunter jerks
his head into a tight nod before walking out of the room.

  Once the apartment door closes with a soft click, I fall back against the bed and stare sightlessly at the ceiling. It takes effort to blink back the wetness, but I refuse to shed another tear for Hunter Price.

  He wanted closure and he got it. Then I toss the covers from my body and head to the bathroom for another shower. There was a time when I loved the scent of Hunter on my skin. That’s no longer the case.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Skye

  I peer through one of the long thin windows that flank the front door, but don’t see any movement inside. After thirty seconds, I rap my fist again and wait. Dad’s silver Volvo is parked in the drive while Brandi’s white Mercedes is conspicuously absent. It’s not like I’m keeping track of my stepmother’s daily itinerary, but I know enough to realize that she’s usually at the gym around this time which is exactly why I swing by. The less contact I have with Brandi, the better off we all are.

  The lunch I was forced into attending a couple of weeks ago is something I won’t be repeating any time soon. Dad is going to have to accept that wife number three and I will never be besties.

  If I can live with that, so can he.

  My forehead scrunches with concern as I peer through the glass. If someone doesn’t answer the door soon, I’ll be forced to walk in, and I really don’t want to do that. Even though I lived with Dad and Brandi after Mom moved to Wisconsin in eighth grade, this place no longer feels like home.

  I nibble my lower lip as concern blooms in the pit of my belly. Did he have a doctor’s appointment? I try to keep track of those as well as the test results, so I know what’s going on.

  When I spoke to Dad on the phone yesterday, there had been a deep weariness filling his voice. This chemo has been taking more of a toll on him and I don’t like it. His appetite has plummeted and in a matter of weeks, he’s lost a noticeable amount of weight. When he looks and feels good, it’s easier to pretend that the doctors are wrong, and he’ll beat the prognosis. When he’s tired and unable to keep food down, it’s more difficult to do that. It makes the cancer seem like an unrelenting force that is unstoppable.