the Trouble with Hate is...

by Elizabeth Stevens

  I walked her back to her locker at recess and found Trent waiting for her with a wide smile on his face. Lani shrugged out from under the arm I had around her shoulder as I fell back a few steps. If Trent was there under amorous intents, I so didn’t need to be part of that.

  “Casper, man, how’s it going?” Trent nodded at me.

  “Yeah, good, man. You?”

  “Can’t complain. Mind if I borrow your girl?”

  I shook my head and held up my hands in defence as Lani rounded on me; I knew that look, she was daring to me say the wrong thing. “Not my girl, man. Have at it.”

  Lani scowled; as I’d expected, anything I’d chosen to say would have been the wrong thing.

  “Thank you. I do so love to be treated like men’s property,” she commented dryly as she pulled her locker open.

  Megan’s words from over the weekend floated into my head again and I decided now was as good a time as any to start putting those plans in motion; fuck any potential confusing consequences, this was for Lani as much as for me.

  I slid my arms around her waist and felt her jump, but she didn’t pull away.

  “Sorry, Lei,” I said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

  Amusingly, Trent only gave me a look as though he was asking me if I was done and he could have his shot now. I filed away that piece of information to go along with the others. It seemed it wasn’t just the girls who weren’t jealous of our relationship; the boys didn’t see me as a threat with Lani either. At least, not one that was going to be a romantic rival; I’d totally deck any wanker who got too close. But, Trent was an all right guy.

  I grinned at Trent and slapped his palm before giving him a fist bump.

  “Right. See you after school, then.” I dropped my arm from around Lani and left them to their devices.

  But, you can be sure I used every opportunity to annoy her all day.

  At lunch, I found her, Bec and Emma at Emma’s locker. Lani was laughing at something one of them had said and Emma pushed her glasses further up her nose. Bec saw me before I could sneak up on them and gave me her most evil glare.

  “Whelp, here’s trouble,” she sighed.

  “What do you want, Drake?” Lani asked without even turning around.

  “What? A guy can’t say hi to his girls?”

  Even Emma snorted in disbelief. “I don’t see anyone here clamouring to be your girl, Cas.”

  “What? Why not?” I asked, pretending to be highly offended.

  I watched the girls all share a look before Lani headed up the group stare.

  “If you’re too dumb to work it out, we’re certainly not being the bearers of bad news,” she answered sweetly as she cupped my cheek. “What do you want, anyway? Please don’t tell me Brett’s snuck off to the disabled loos again…”

  I sniggered, remembering the time Brett and some chick had done just that and been totally busted by the vice principal. That hadn’t been the first time one or both of us had been suspended and I doubted it would be the last, even with mere months to go.

  “Oh, shit. He has?” Lani sighed.

  I tried to get some control over myself and shook my head. “No. Well, actually, I’m not an authority on the situation. I’m here on secret chorie business.” I tried so damn hard not to smile, to be totally serious. But, I couldn’t stop picturing Brett and that girl being hauled out of the loo by Mr Hayes.

  Lani sighed and rolled her eyes. “God, what? I only saw you this morning.”

  Ignoring amusing memories, I waved my hands at her excitedly, much like jazz hands. “I made a breakthrough!’

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “In barely over – what? – two hours?”

  I nodded and grinned. “Yeah, you ready?”

  There was a spectacular amount of eye rolling. “Fine. What?”

  I looked to Emma and Bec and made shooing motions. “Terribly private. She’ll meet you at Tuck or wherever you lot disappear to when you’re not lurking in dark library stacks…”

  Bec glared at me. “We’re not going anywhere.”

  “No one wants to steal your dance ideas, you idiot,” Emma added.

  “Rude.” I pointed at my twin, and then took a step closer to Lani.

  She took a step back as her eyes widened a little and I saw a question in them. Her back hit the locker behind her and I leant towards her.

  “Cas, what are you–”

  “Shh,” I whispered in her ear as I leant one arm on the locker behind her. The scent that was distinctly Leilani Granger hit me; I couldn’t really describe it, but it was some kind of perfume or deodorant that I always associated with her. I ducked my lips to her ear. “I was thinking costumes…”

  She turned her head to look at me and blinked. “Sorry, what? Your big breakthrough was costumes?”

  “Didn’t I tell you to be shush?” I asked, looking behind me.

  I saw Trent walk passed with Phoebe and Imogen. Trent smirked at me with a face full of humour, no doubt expecting me to be up to something diabolical. As Phoebe and Imogen looked at me, I inched my lips closer to Lani’s neck and saw Phoebe’s eyebrow rise in surprise. Imogen mirrored Trent’s smirk.

  One out of two ain’t bad… I thought. Maybe it would be easier than I thought to convince the school population that Lani and I could be something. Why are we doing this again?

  Because we can, and it will annoy Lani to no end and I’m sure it will help with her Latin.

  Plus it might keep Leery Luke away from her!

  I winked at Phoebe and brushed my lips over Lani’s skin.

  “What the shit are you doing?” she hissed and moved back only far enough to look me in the eyes.

  “So, you agree, then?” I asked as though I’d been divulging something terribly secret and important to her.

  She blinked again and I wasn’t sure if she was more amused or annoyed. “I agree you belong in a mental hospital.”

  I grinned. It was a start. “Excellent. I’ll see you girls later.” I waved to them and swanned after Trent and the girls.

  I was a terribly good boy and I went to all my classes after lunch. Then, I headed for my bike after school, deciding that all my good behaviour deserved a trip home before dance that night.

  I was home in the driveway when I felt my phone vibrating. I pulled it out and saw I had six missed calls from Lani. I didn’t hesitate to call her back.

  “What’s up?” I asked when she picked up.

  “Have you seen Brett?”

  I looked around as though that was going to give me any answers. “Not since…third lesson, I think. Why?”

  I heard her sigh. “The car’s not here. He’s not here. No one I’ve spoken to has seen him in hours.”

  I frowned. “I’ve just got home and don’t see the car here. Might be in the garage. Want me to check?”

  “No. No. I don’t think he’s home…” Her voice got softer and I wasn’t sure she was paying attention anymore.

  “Lei?”

  “Sorry. I…” She sighed again. “Look, it’s no big deal. Just, I’m going to get the bus. I’ll see you later, okay?”

  “You going to have time?” I asked.

  “I’ll have what time I have and hope it’s enough.”

  “Lei, I’ll come back and get you. It’s no problem.”

  She didn’t say anything and I knew what she was thinking.

  “It’s fine, Lani. I’m on my way now.”

  “Um…yeah, okay. That’d be good, thanks.”

  I slid off my bike and swapped to the car, knowing how she’d feel about the bike. I felt like I’d already pushed her daily limit of physical contact – and I was feeling particularly partial to my balls that day – so the car seemed the safer choice.

  By the time I got her, got back home again, and it was time to head to dance class, there was still no sign of Brett. I’d tried calling him. I’d tried texting. Hell, I’d even texted Georgie and
John to see if he’d told them anything. But, nothing.

  He was locked in his room with the music on loud by the time Lani and I got back from dance and neither of us could get in. I just had to hope he wasn’t doing anything more stupid than usual.

  e

  “Mister Drake, a word please.”

  I stopped and saw Mr Hayes, the vice principal, standing in the door to his office. Looking around, wondering what I’d done this time, I took a step towards him.

  “What can I do for you, VP?” I asked.

  He looked behind me as though he expected someone to be listening in on our secret spy plans and ushered me into his office. He closed the door behind me and pointed to his guest chair.

  “Everything okay, sir?” I asked as we both sat down awkwardly.

  Mr Hayes laced his fingers together on his desk and looked at me over the rims of his glasses. “I wanted to ask you that question, Casper.”

  “Uh…yeah. I mean, I think so?” I answered, now not so sure after all. Was I dying?

  Mr Hayes nodded. “How is Brett? And, Lani? Emma? Are they doing okay?”

  I blinked, suddenly thinking I knew where this was going. “Um, well, Lani’s always strong, sir, you know? She gets a little down now and then, like everyone, but she always rallies.”

  He nodded again, this time in agreement. “She is a remarkable girl.”

  “Emma’s…Emma. Big into study, not a lot of anything else.”

  Another nod. “Brett, though…” He typed some things on his computer and looked at a piece of paper in front of him. “Brett’s been missing a lot of class lately…”

  I sat up a little straighter then, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

  “More class than you, which surprises me.” He looked at me. “Are you two fighting?”

  “Uh…”

  Were we fighting? I wasn’t aware we were fighting. Last time I’d spoken to him, everything had been the sa–

  Fuck! Had he seen me with Lani the day before?

  No, surely not. Brett was the kind of guy to hit me for touching his sister inappropriately, not go off and sulk.

  So, what the hell was going on?

  “Casper?” Mr Hayes pressed gently and I looked up.

  “Uh, what… What is he missing?” I asked the first thing that came to mind.

  Mr Hayes looked down. “Sport, a bit of Biology, some English–”

  “Hang on,” I asked, leaning forward, “how long has this been going on?”

  He looked at me sympathetically. “A couple of weeks. Maybe a month.”

  Now I wasn’t just confused, I was pissed.

  Whatever the fuck Brett had been getting up to was more than just a bit of drinking at school, was more than just ditching and forgetting he was giving his sister a ride home. It was a hell of a lot more serious than Lani or I had let ourselves believe.

  Question was; was I going to tell Lani? Or, not worry her?

  “So, you were unaware of this?” Mr Hayes asked.

  “I… Didn’t realise it was this bad, sir.” I felt like a complete dick, sitting in front of this teacher and not even knowing how badly my best mate was doing…

  Mr Hayes nodded. “I know there have been problems, Casper, and I understand. I think you’ve all done exceptionally well given the circumstance.”

  Why did teachers always sound so awkward at this point? Like, a combination of they were going to burst into tears, or their voice was going to break, or they didn’t actually give a single fuck, or maybe even that they thought you were actually handling the situation terribly and just didn’t want to say so? It only served to make us all uncomfortable and I really wished, three years on, we could either have a proper fucking conversation about Jonny or just move on.

  Mr Hayes cleared his throat. “Johnathan and Georgia are aware, obviously, of his absentees. But, I thought I would take the opportunity to check how you were doing, perhaps ask you to keep an eye on Brett? See if he needs any help.”

  Because we haven’t been doing that for years… Hadn’t been trying to help for years…

  But, I nodded. “Sure thing, sir. Always happy to help.”

  He looked like I’d offered to shoulder every burden he carried in this world as he smiled widely. “Thank you, Casper. The school is always here for you if you need anything.”

  And, now he sounded like a mob boss…

  I nodded and shook the proffered hand. “Thanks, VP. I’ll see you later, then.”

  “Yes, of course.”

  I strolled out of his office only to find Brett a little ways down the corridor with Ashford and Nick. They bounded up to me and I took the moment to really look at Brett as he threw his arm around my shoulders.

  “Getting suspended without me, Drake?” he chuckled and the others grinned.

  Fuck, he smelled like booze and something weedy. Things were definitely more serious than we’d been willing to believe; Brett had only ever touched pot at the height of his depression…what, twelve to eighteen months ago? And, if he was using it to dull the pain again, then things were beyond pretending they were okay.

  How much did John and Georgie know? Was Brett in therapy and on medication and the parents were hiding it from us? Fuck, was it Jonny all over again?

  I hid my mood as best I could – knowing any sign of weakness on my part would send him into a deeper tailspin – and grinned. “Just a warning this time, mate.”

  “What did you do?” Nick chuckled.

  I saw Lani further up the corridor. I saw her frown as she caught my eye and I looked back to Brett hurriedly.

  I hadn’t been able to stop myself sending a silent message to her that things were not well. It was entirely unintentional. But, my worry kicked in as soon as I saw her, just like it always did. I knew she’d be fine; Leilani Granger, our rock, was always fine. But, it didn’t stop me wanting to protect her. It was instinctual and no amount of knowing she’d fare far better than me was going to dampen it.

  I grinned at Brett. “Accidentally found myself in the girls’ change rooms again, mate. Just lost my bearings. You know how it is.”

  Brett laughed and clapped me on the chest as we walked up to Lani and Bec. They both smiled pleasantly at Nick and Ashford, and then looked at Brett and me like we were less than welcome.

  I pulled away from Brett and was hugging Lani before I realised what my intention had been. And, God, she eased some of my tension. Lani, herself, seemed far more tense than usual. But, I was too weak to pull away when she’d probably prefer it.

  “Don’t scare me like this,” she whispered.

  “I’m sorry. Later. We’ll talk about it later, okay?”

  I felt her nod against me and kissed her hair before I pulled away, my usual easy smirk plastered to my face like a lifeline.

  Bec threw a look between us like she wondered what the hell was happening. I seriously doubted even the lovable harpy Rebecca Attlesee was starting to think there was more to Lani and my relationship. And, the way her eyes slid to Brett before her eyebrow rose at me reinforced that doubt. But, I just shook my head at her subtly.

  “Will we see you girls at the party tomorrow night?” Nick was asking.

  Lani didn’t let go of me, but she turned to look at them with a smile.

  “You will. We’ll be there with the proverbial bells,” she answered.

  “Sweet. You’ll save me a dance, Bec?” Ashford asked.

  Bec grinned with enough charm to rival me. “If you’ve earned it, maybe.”

  Ashford laughed. “You just tell me what I need to do, baby.”

  Bec leant towards him. “Just be you, darling.” She winked, then pulled back and grabbed Lani’s arm.

  “If you’ll excuse us, we’re terribly good students and need to get to class,” she said.

  Lani gave me a surreptitious squeeze and let Bec pull her away. Lani looked at Brett and put her hand on his arm for a moment as she passed.
>
  Brett scoffed. “What’s up with her?”

  I ran my hand over my face and slid the mask into place. “Dunno, mate. Women, right?”

  I shared a grin with the boys and we did not go to class.

  Chapter Eight

  Lani

  I didn’t know what was up with Casper all of a sudden. He seemed to take any excuse to hug me or touch me. I constantly found myself in his arms or with his nose against my neck and I had no idea what was going on.

  But, I had to admit there was something about it I didn’t hate…

  And, it wasn’t because it was nice to have human contact, that it made me feel a little less alone in the world, or that I felt a little less overwhelmed about all of Brett’s shit – especially after the conversation Cas and I had had after school the day before about him. No, it was purely that my lack of reaction annoyed him as much as he was hoping to annoy me, and that was fun.

  So, I’d decided to go along with it, pretending that nothing was out of the ordinary. And, in many ways, it wasn’t. Casper and I had always been close. Maybe not in recent years, but there was a time when we’d hugged a lot. I don’t remember ever having his nose trail along my neck in a way that gave me goose bumps, or him kissing my cheek so often. But, we were older now. So…maybe… That’s…just what happened…as you got…older? Right?

  But, whatever was going on I eventually had to ask him what was going on. And, Saturday while we were the only two up and in my house seemed like as good a time as any.

  “What’s with all the touchy-touchy?” I asked.

  He snorted. “What? Touchy-touchy?” He paused. “Oh, hey, we haven’t watched that in a while. Have we got popcorn? We can watch it now?”

  I licked yoghurt off my finger and got up to make more coffee. “What? ‘Emperor’s New Groove’?”

  “Yeah, I love that!”