Bound by Love

by Stephie Walls

  The girl, whatever her name is, starts chatting like we are best friends, “It’s so good to see you again, Annie. How’s Gray? I haven’t heard from him in ages but I knew when you guys got back together that he was off the market. I mean, there was no doubt how he felt about you, even when he was supposed to be with me. He talked about you all the time. You guys must be super close.” She kept talking and I tuned out after that, slowly facing my friends, giving them the what the hell look before Jenny saves my ass.

  She looks at the nametag on the girls boob that was opposite from me, keeping it from my view. “Look, ah…Erin. I’m sure you and Annie have scads to catch up on but tonight is really just about eating and heavy drinking. Can we order?” Her sarcasm is dripping from her lips but poor Erin is too dense to catch it.

  “Oh, yeah, of course. What can I get you guys?” We rattle off our order, starting off with heavy shots, followed by food, then there would be more shots. After the first two rounds of Sambuca, my worst fear comes waltzing in the door. Gray makes eye contact with me instantly. Why the fuck do I always insist on facing the door? He never would have seen me if I were sitting on the opposite side. Gray being Gray, doesn’t recognize, or doesn’t care about my mental anguish and zero lack of desire to be next to him, when he plops his gorgeous ass in the booth next to me.

  He leans over kissing my cheek. “Hey, Bird Dog.” Then he greets my friends, who now have that what the fuck is he thinking look on their faces. I’m sitting in stunned silence. I keep chanting to myself, I got here first. I got here first. What the hell does that even mean? Obviously, he doesn’t think I followed him here. With no response from any of the three of us, he picks at the celery in the center of the table, then looks back at me.

  “How’ve you been?” he asks like we are casual friends who haven’t seen each other in a couple of weeks.

  “Umm, I’m good. How about you?” Before he can answer, I see his posse traipse in. He scoots out of the booth, telling me he’ll talk at me later, then heads to his friends.

  Leaning back against the booth, my shoulders slump. “I swear, I’m destined for continued hell,” I mumble, shaking my head.

  Lynn perks up. “Nah, but I think Gray’s going to be before the night is over.”

  “Why?”

  “Look, Annie, Gray needs to know that you aren’t pining for him. You’re gorgeous, you look hot tonight, you’ve had plenty of alcohol to calm the nerves, and we are going to find you a sexy dance partner. If Gray happens to see you grinding with some other guy, it’s in your favor, right?” Lynn can’t stand what Gray has done to me, especially since she feels responsible for me meeting him to begin with.

  “Lynn, I’m no good at games with men. It’s just not my style.”

  “You don’t have to play games. Just let a guy come ask you to dance. If he’s good looking, dance with him, make him want you. I’ll make sure Gray sees it.”

  I really have no intention of following through with this, but when we get upstairs and more alcohol runs down my throat, I find myself wrapped up in a really hot guy’s arms that looks vaguely familiar. I don’t ask his name mainly because that would imply I care. I’m having a hard enough time staying on my feet as drunk as I am, and remembering where I know this guy from is out of the question. I think he assumes I know him, I allow him intimate contact, maybe it was a little over the top. My ass grinds into his crotch, with one of his arms around my waist, the other stroking the length of my body. Allowing myself to feel the music, the sensuality of it, letting it flow through my limbs into his, I catch a glimpse of Lynn and Jenny from the corner of my eye. They are arguing with Gray but I can’t hear what about. The music is too loud. My head finds hot guy’s shoulder, exposing my neck; he makes a move to kiss it. I turn my head allowing him greater access. That’s when I see Lynn lose her position in front of Gray. He is barreling towards me after throwing a beer bottle in the trashcan ten feet from him. He is pissed. I smile at him, continuing my seduction on the hotness behind me, that is, until Gray reaches me.

  His fingers curl around my bicep a little too forcefully for my liking causing my head to jerk up and Mr. Hotness loses his hold on me. “What the hell, Gray?”

  “What the fuck are you doing, Annie?” I’m not sure if he’s as ticked off as he seems to be or if the booze is clouding my judgment.

  “I’m dancing. What does it look like?” I retort.

  “It looks like you’re having sex on the dance floor like a whore while a room full of people watch you.” I stand stock-still and my mouth falls open when Mr. Hotness comes to my defense.

  “Gray, man, what’s your problem?” Mr. Hotness has a smooth, deep, sexy voice that makes my body vibrate a foot away. That’s when it dawns on me. He knows Gray.

  “Brett, that’s my fucking girlfriend you’re all over!” Gray couldn’t be more than two inches from Mr. Hotness’s face screaming, whom I now realize I recognize as one of the managers at the DC. One of the two guys I initially proposed my bid. Holy mother of god, Satan is laughing his ass off at me right now, doubled over, unable to control the tears flowing from his hysterical cackling at my life.

  Mr. Hotness, or Brett, never loses his calm demeanor. “Actually, Gray, my understanding is that you guys broke up a few months ago. Did I get the wrong memo?” Oh, hell, he snakes his arm back around my waist, pulling me against his side protectively. Gray is going to flip shit.

  “That’s not the point. She’s off the market to my friends.”

  “I guess it’s a good thing we aren’t friends then, isn’t it, Gray?” I imagine Gray punching the smirk off his face, but it doesn’t come. Brett looks down at me, “Baby, you want to get out of here?”

  As much as I don’t want to do it, I know it will hurt him but I have to walk away from Gray. He has to see he doesn’t own me, doesn’t control me anymore, that he gave me up. He will never know how much pain it causes me to look at Brett, kissing him on the cheek. “Sure, let me tell my friends I’m leaving. I’ll meet you downstairs, okay?”

  “Sure.” I part from him to go tell Jenny and Lynn I’m leaving with Mr. Hotness when I hear him say to Gray, “You’re a total dumbass to have ever let her walk away.” I don’t hear Gray’s response over the music and the distance I have put between us, but I get to hear it a moment later when his hand is back on my arm.

  Brett has started making his way down the stairs but sees Gray’s hand on me. Stopping, I smile at him, giving him the go-ahead. Ripping my arm out of Gray’s hand, staring up at him, completely intoxicated, takes a lot more effort than normal, that eight-inch height difference playing havoc when my equilibrium is off kilter. Those blue eyes rock me to my core, but I stay strong. “What’s with you?” I snarl at him.

  “You can’t be serious about Brett?”

  “I’m not serious about anything other than having a good time tonight. If that’s with Brett or someone else, it really doesn’t concern you. Now, if you will excuse me, I’m leaving.”

  “Don’t do this, baby.”

  “Do what, Gray? Leave with some other guy? Last time I checked, you gave up the right to have any say in my life. If you don’t want me to leave with some other guy, you shouldn’t have given one the opening.” I don’t wait for a response. I just walk away, waving over my shoulder to my friends, who couldn’t be happier I am leaving with someone other than Gray.

  When I get home, thanks to Brett, who is a complete gentleman, I ask him to come up. He helps me up the stairs but refuses to come inside. “Annie, I think you’re a great girl and I would love to take you out some time, if you want to go. Tonight, you needed to show him you could stand on your own; you’re not bound to him, and I get that, even if I was just a pawn.” He holds my head in his hand, stroking my cheek with his thumb, and then lightly kisses my lips. The electric shock I get from Gray isn’t there, but it definitely sends tingles to my girly spots. It has mad potential, that’s all I can say.

  “Brett, I didn’t set out to pit you aga
inst Gray. Honestly, when I ran into you, I was so drunk, I knew I recognized you, but couldn’t place where from. If I had, I wouldn’t have put you in the position you were in to face him.”

  “I didn’t figure you made the connection. You’re too sweet for that kind of thing, but I really would like to see you again.” I nod my head in agreement and he hands me his business card with his cell number on it, although I already have one…somewhere.

  Taking his face in both of my hands, I pull his lips toward mine, confirming that I have a desire to see him again. When I release him, he stands back up, smiling as I open my door, stepping through while saying goodnight. I have a smile the size of Texas on my face after I close the door. It feels good to be wanted by someone else, even if I don’t know what his motivation is. I decide I wanted to ride the high before it wears off; I pull my phone from my pocket, type in his number, send him a quick text:

  Me: Thanks 4 bein my knight n shining armor 2 nite

  Brett: No problem, sweetheart

  Me: Can I c u 2morrow?

  Brett: Absolutely

  That night starts a slow progression towards a relationship between Brett and myself. He is a really great guy. He’s funny, honest, we have more in common work wise, and he is just easy to talk to. Not only is he amazing to look at but he is killer smart too, making him even more attractive to me. We aren’t hot and heavy like Gray and I were, but he doesn’t push for that which I appreciate. We go out on dates; we talk and get to know each other. We mess around but he never pushes, which really means there is only heavy petting but damn, he can wet my panties with a simple kiss. I can only imagine what he would be like completely naked.

  We frequent a lot of restaurants that I love, often running into Gray and whoever he is with that night, usually a different girl. Each one younger than the last. He always stops to say hello and introduce her, but he never acknowledges who I was to him, just that Brett is a manager at the DC and I am his girlfriend. I can see the vulgar taste in his mouth when he says the words, but he is always outwardly respectful. The last time we saw him, as he left the table, Brett told me Gray had approached him at the DC about our relationship. Brett said he isn’t worried about Gray, that as long as I’m happy, he’s happy. Brett quickly shows me that he is the antithesis of Gray in every way, but most importantly, he wasn’t absorbed in his own happiness, mine always comes first. He protects me with vigor both emotionally and physically. He never pries for information from me but I find myself giving it to him freely.

  Brett and I have been dating for over a year, we haven’t had sex. He has never pushed for it, knowing I’m not ready. I can’t tell you the countless number of women I have seen Gray with, but tonight, when Brett and I are sitting at dinner, a cozy little Italian restaurant with private booths, soft candle light, and fantastic food, he asks me if I’ve heard from him.

  “Who are you talking about?” The question comes out of left field, until Brett dips his head toward the door. I see Gray walk in with a really short blonde girl. She’s cute, big boobs, little frame, but not someone I have seen him with before. “Uhn huh, why?”

  “No one’s told you?”

  “Told me what?” I feel a heavy weight like I’m about to get the air kicked right out of me waiting for him to respond. He hesitates. I can tell he was hoping someone else had told me, whatever is on the tip of his tongue. “Brett, what is it?”

  “Gray’s getting married,” his voice is hesitant and almost shaky.

  “Really? That’s great. Who’s the girl?”

  “I can’t remember her name. What…you’re not upset?” He seems shocked, in utter disbelief.

  “You sound disappointed at my response. Brett, why would I care if Gray gets married? We broke up a while ago and I’m very happy where I am.” I squeezed his hand across the table then lean forward to plant a kiss on his luscious lips. “Baby, don’t do that. Don’t belittle what we are to each other because it’s not the same thing I had with Gray.” I hope he doesn’t hear the air escape from my lungs or see the sadness in my eyes. I certainly don’t want to communicate that to him. The truth is, I very much love Brett, not the way I love Gray, but still, I’m devoted. Brett is everything Gray will never be for me. Brett is security. Gray is passion. I need security, stability, someone I’m attracted to but not necessarily someone I have to devour every time I see him. Brett is my best friend and we talk about everything. He knows me inside and out, warts and all, including those with Gray’s name all over them. He also knows Gray was my once in a lifetime love but doesn’t begrudge me having him. He doesn’t try to compete, which is good, because he doesn’t need to. I’m well aware that I am Brett’s Gray. He makes no mistake in showing me that he feels the kind of love toward me that I felt toward Gray. He has told me he loves me several times; although at this point, I haven’t returned the sentiment. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me, this man would follow me through a raging fire doused in gasoline.

  “Not disappointed, surprised though.”

  “Why?”

  “I know you still love him, Annie. It has to sting.”

  “What, you mean that he’s going to marry a second woman, that he’s dated less time than he dated or lived with me, but I didn’t make the cut?” I’m a little agitated at the direction of this conversation. What the hell? Do people think that I’m going to sit around and wait on Gray Dearsley for the rest of my life?

  “Annie…” I stand up and go over to his side of the booth, sitting next to him. I take his hand in mine, looking into his eyes.

  “Brett, Gray and I can’t be together. Yes, I love him. I always will, but I also recognize that he can never be what I need a man to be. I don’t want to change him and he doesn’t want to change. I accepted that a long time ago. I need you to accept it. You’re the person I want to be with. Please don’t diminish that.”

  For the first time, I really believe the words I just said to him. I knew in my heart that I can’t ever be with Gray, no matter how much I long for him, no matter how my heart grieves him almost daily. He can never be what I need and I can never be what he wants. I need stability and Gray wants a playmate. Brett loves me in a different way, but completely all the same.

  “I love you, baby, more than you can possibly fathom.” He seals his declaration with a kiss that causes my heart to skip a beat. He touches his forehead to mine, causing me to smile in adoration for the man in front of me.

  It appears that all of my friends knew about Gray getting engaged but none of them wanted to be the one to share that tidbit with me. When I brought it up to Lynn and Jenny, they both indicated they knew but were afraid of how I would take the news. They thought it would be easier for me to handle hearing it from Brett. It dawned on me how fragile they all think I am; I guess in retrospect, that is what I had portrayed to them in the months after Gray and I split. Brett and I see them, Gray and his fiancée, who I have kindly started referring to as Slut Muffin, not because I’m jealous, but she dresses like she should be walking a street corner.

  Gray mentioned her name once but I seriously don’t remember it. In the scheme of things, it didn’t matter to me. Through the grapevine, I heard he was getting married in a few months, but Brett and I never talked about it again after that night. If I’m being honest, it hurts to think that Gray could commit to someone else, but I keep reminding myself of how different she and I are. You can see that just by looking at the two of us. I don’t want Brett to ever know these feelings are floating across my thoughts regularly. He deserves more. I don’t admit thinking about Gray to anyone, not even my friends. When we see him, I smile, always attaching myself to Brett in an intimate show of affection and devotion, both for Brett and myself.

  Chapter Thirty-Four – Gray

  My relationship with Amber has been a whirlwind. I met her at a bar, and she was cute, had a tight little body, and overall was fun to be around. Yes, she could be a bitch, and no, she wasn’t Annie, but I got to where I loved the girl. Or
maybe it was her little girl, Alexis, that I loved so much. Amber was easier to be with than Annie. She comes from the same life I do and I feel like I fit in around her. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough for Annie, she was classy, came from money, and I was some poor kid with a single mom from Powdersville, South Carolina. I didn’t go to fancy schools, or museums, or ballets I didn’t attend the theatre, all of which Annie grew up doing and still enjoys. Annie never pushed me to do those things but I knew that was who she was – she was class, plain and simple, no matter how hard she tried to slum it with me.

  When I got passed the anger of seeing Brett move in on her, which I truly think he did that night at Wild Wings just to piss me off, I started to see that they were a much better fit for each other. Brett was a lot like Annie. He grew up with the same kind of parents, graduated from Clemson, has a great job, but most importantly, he wants the white picket fence with the 2.5 kids running around. After talking to him at work a few weeks later, I realize he cherishes the ground she walks on and he deserves her. He will make her happy in the long run.

  Amber took me home the first night I met her. She was a freak in the sheets, teaching me shit. I’m not afraid to admit that turned me on, a lot. The next morning, when I woke up at her house after passing out from too much alcohol, I tried to get the hell out of dodge before she woke up. I don’t sleep over, ever. I quietly, but quickly got dressed. When I reached the kitchen, there was this little blond haired angel sitting at the table eating cereal. Her long hair had soft curls that fell down her back. She looked up at me with her rosy little cheeks and round green eyes, grinning I could see she was missing her front teeth. “Hey! I’m Alexis. I’m five years old. I have Fruity Pebbles. Do you want some too?” She had a slight lisp from the loss of teeth and in that instant, that little girl captured my heart. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone you had just met, but if it was, I loved her.