Surrounded by Idiots

by Thomas Erikson

  Adapting to Yellow Behavior

  What a Yellow Expects of You

  “ISN’T IT NICE BEING HERE ALL TOGETHER?”

  In essence, Yellows are not afraid of conflict. If something goes wrong, they can really blow a gasket, but if possible, they prefer a pleasant and cozy atmosphere. Yellows are at their best when everyone is being friendly and the sun is shining.

  A Yellow, however, can be very sensitive to whether people are in good spirits or not. If the people in a group are in bad spirits and aggression is pouring down like from a cloudburst, he won’t be happy at all.

  Conclusion: A Yellow functions best when he is happy and content. His creativity is at its zenith and all his positive energy flows. You should strive to create a warm and friendly atmosphere around him.

  Smile a lot, have fun, and laugh. Listen to his crazy jokes, laugh along at all his childish remarks, and kindle the easygoing and happy-go-lucky atmosphere.

  If you do that, he’ll feel better about you and listen to you more, which is always a good thing. A Yellow in a bad mood is not much fun to be with.

  “I ASKED SOMEONE TO FIX THAT TINY DETAIL—I CAN’T REMEMBER WHO, THOUGH.”

  Keeping a Yellow’s interest is, in all honesty, not the easiest thing to do. There are many things that bore the socks off a Yellow employee, customer, friend, or neighbor. A foolproof method to put a Yellow to sleep quickly and efficiently is to bring up lots of details.

  Don’t do that. A Yellow simply can’t cope with details. It just gets boring. Not only will he forget what you’re talking about, but he’ll also simply think that he doesn’t need any of those details. His strength lies in the broad brushstrokes. You can easily ask a Yellow to draw up a vision for the next ten years, but don’t ask him to explain how to make it happen.

  Conclusion: If you want to keep a Yellow’s attention, strip away as much of the minutia as you possibly can. Always start with the big questions. It’s perfectly fine that you know how to install the latest surround sound system, but don’t tire your Yellow friend with it. It’s not for him. He just wants to know how to get the music started.

  It’s just like with Reds, if not worse. Yellows don’t care about how things work, only that they work. So put away the instruction manual—they’ll never open it.

  FOLLOW YOUR GUT. IT WORKS EVERY TIME.

  If I had a dollar for every time a Yellow has explained a totally crazy decision by saying that it felt right, I could be sleeping at the Ritz. There’s a study that shows that some people make better decisions if they only go on gut feeling. Whatever you do, never mention that to your Yellow friend or you’ll never hear the end of it.

  It must feel right. A Yellow can readily ignore the actual facts so long as it feels right. Don’t misunderstand this: A Yellow understands perfectly well that some people look at facts and that this is important. He’s not stupid. It’s just that he’s not interested. He wants to feel his way.

  Do you want to get a Yellow to make a decision? Try to put the Excel spreadsheets aside, lean forward, and say with a broad smile, “How does this feel?”

  He will understand exactly. And you’ll get an answer.

  Conclusion: Just accept that a Yellow feels his way. He has a high tolerance for uncertainty and isn’t overly afraid of risks. Adapt to it. You can get through to him by showing him that you too follow your gut. No matter how wrong this might feel to you, this is the way to a Yellow’s heart. He’ll recognize himself in you. You’ll become the best of friends. The sun will shine on you.

  “THIS CAR IS A PROTOTYPE? THE CONCEPT COMPLETELY UNTESTED? NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THIS BEFORE? PERFECT!”

  While a Red focuses on speed, a Yellow focuses on the latest and greatest. “New” is synonymous with “good.” All Yellows know that. And why not? Without creativity and new inventions all development would simply grind to a halt, right?

  Everyone likes having a little excitement in their everyday life. The difference lies in how we define “exciting.” For a Yellow, “new” means “exciting.” Yellows are so-called early adopters, the very first to try out new things. Check out who is wearing the latest fashion, who is the first to drive a new and preferably unusual model of car. Who has the latest cell phone and who knows what restaurant will be the newest sensation in a few months?

  How can they keep track of all this? Don’t ask me. They probably devote some of their time at work to keep au courant on all things new and interesting. But they’re also early in implementing new work methods and new concepts to sell goods and services. It’s just great fun.

  Conclusion: Allow a Yellow to devote himself to the latest thing. He’ll love it. If you want to sell something to a Yellow, use expressions like “state-of-the-art,” “newly developed,” and “never before used.” Your potential customer will really get into gear.

  “No one else has ever tried this? I have to have it!”

  He’ll like you because you’re so exciting and so interesting and, above all, innovative. Equip yourself with lots of energy, because it can be challenging to keep up-to-date, but Yellows will adore you. However, be prepared to be replaced rather quickly if they find someone else who is even more knowledgeable about newer things.

  “YOU SEEM INTERESTING. WANNA KNOW WHO I AM?”

  By now we’ve established that Yellows like other people. They function best if they surround themselves with a crowd. Of course, Yellows don’t like everyone they meet, but they will give the majority a decent chance.

  You need to show a Yellow that you are just as open and friendly as he is. If you’re way too closed and private, he’ll feel unwelcome. Why didn’t you reply when he spoke to you? Why didn’t you smile at the funny story about his dog? Why doesn’t he know anything about you? What are your dreams? Insufficient personal connection can result in a strong sense of insecurity, and your relationship won’t develop in a positive direction. If you’re Red or Blue, you need to think carefully about how to get this to work. If you want to, of course.

  Conclusion: Become approachable. Demonstrate that you’re available; smile a lot; be sure to have open body language. When a Yellow wonders where you grew up, don’t just respond with “New York.” Say that you lived in Chelsea, and that you loved jogging along the High Line, and that a pickpocket stole your wallet once while you were walking down Fifth Avenue, and that you met the love of your life when she accidentally dropped a plate of fries on your pants at a restaurant. It may seem a bit unnecessary, but you should definitely show interest in the Yellow as a person. Admittedly, it won’t be difficult to find out things about him, because he’ll freely tell you a great deal. But be sure to show that you are curious and interested.

  And remember that Yellows are very susceptible to flattery.

  How to Behave When You Meet a Yellow

  To keep a Yellow in good spirits, you need to rub him the right way. The problem will become obvious after a while. They won’t get that much work done. I’ve looked at a group of Yellows who were trying to solve a problem. They all spoke at the same time and had a great time, and when you asked them how things were going they said, “Fantastic!” But nothing got written down. To really make headway with Yellows, you need to do more than just create a great atmosphere. Once you’ve tuned into their frequency, you need to do the following.

  Learn to Tell Whether a Yellow Is Actually Listening

  I’m just going to say it like it is—Yellows are, beyond the shadow of a doubt, the worst listeners. Usually, they will never admit it. The very expression itself—“awful listeners”—is something negative, and they’ll do anything to avoid negativity. Many Yellows really see themselves as good listeners. Who knows where they got that idea? It’s simply not true. Of course, there are Yellows who listen—when it suits them. Or when they’ve already gotten what they wanted out of a conversation. But in most cases, forget about it.

  They don’t want to listen. They want to talk. Yellows simply think that they can express everything far better
than anyone else. The problem is that they neglect to listen to what anyone else is saying.

  Conclusion: When you’re dealing with Yellows, there are certain things you need to do. It doesn’t matter if you’re speaking to your partner about your summer vacation or to a colleague about an ongoing project, you need a plan of action. You need to have prepared yourself carefully. You have to know what your message is and exactly what response you need from them. You must persuade the Yellow, happy person to answer your questions very concretely and hear him say, “Yes, I will be there at four just as I promised,” or, “Of course I’ll notify the customer exactly what we have agreed to.”

  But—big but—be prepared to follow up if it’s important, because the Yellow didn’t write down any of it. Unless you managed to persuade him to write it on his calendar, of course. That would be the best way. But in all other contexts, you should expect that what you’ve said has gone in one ear and out the other.

  Learn How to Respond to “No Problem—That Won’t Take Long at All!”

  Yellows are optimists regarding time; that’s just the way it is. Sure, your work can be done quickly, but rarely as quickly as a Yellow thinks. This has to do with the fact that he simply can’t plan or structure his life. I’ve personally worked with people who legitimately believed that they could manage eight meetings per day, who thought that it only took two days to renovate an entire kitchen and that it is possible to walk across Manhattan in twenty minutes.

  These are typical manifestations of a Yellow’s optimism. The problem is obvious. It’s impossible to accomplish everything a Yellow wants to do, particularly because he doesn’t even know how long anything takes. And even if he does ask someone how long it takes, he doesn’t listen to what the person says, because what he’s saying is wrong. After all, the Yellow believes he probably knows best.

  The other problem is that he won’t get into gear when he should. Do you know anyone who has taken a day off to paint the bedroom and at three o’clock in the afternoon, hasn’t opened the can of paint yet? “I’ll just do this first, then call so and so, then pop out for a bit, then…” Sometimes I wonder if the people who schedule the subways are all Yellow. There’s nothing nasty in this; it’s just about a total inability to have a realistic sense of time. And a genuine belief that this commodity is inexhaustible.

  I remember a dinner I went to with a few Yellow friends. The pub had a policy of ninety-minute reservations, which meant that if you got there twenty-five minutes late there wouldn’t be time for an appetizer or for dessert because the kitchen couldn’t manage it in time. My partner and I arrived fifteen minutes early—we both have some splashes of Blue in our profiles. We went to the table and sat down to wait for the others. Time passed. Forty minutes later, twenty-five minutes late, they arrived, joyfully joking about how they had forgotten the time. We managed to order just a main course, eat it, and quickly pay for it before the next guest wanted his table. The strange thing was that when we spoke about the incident afterwards, their recollection was that they were just a few minutes late. They had simply repressed the fact that they missed 30 percent of the dinner.

  Conclusion: Coordinate all appointments properly with Yellows. Synchronize your watches. Explain very clearly that the plane takes off at 8:00 P.M. and that if he doesn’t show up by then he’ll be left standing at the gate. Say it like it is: If he’s not in his car outside your door two hours before the plane takes off, you’ll drop down dead of a heart attack. Tell the Yellow that you will be deeply irritated with him and that your friendship could be damaged due to his continual slipups.

  If the dinner is due to start at 7:00 P.M., invite everyone for that time, but make it 6:30 for your Yellow friends. They’ll arrive last anyway. They’ll come with very well-worded excuses. Be prepared for very colorful stories. But also know that Yellows will emphatically deny that they are optimists regarding time. They’ll insist that they most certainly kept an eye on the clock. It was just that something happened on the way.

  It Looks Like a Hand Grenade Went Off in Here

  The most cluttered desks I have ever seen have all belonged to Yellows. Computer screens with so many Post-it notes stuck to them that you can barely see the screen. The most topsy-turvy garages and the most overloaded attics belong to Yellows as well. But this is only the visible. Ask to look at a Yellow person’s calendar. Or handbag. Don’t even think about looking in a Yellow’s closet. And this is still only the purely physical.

  Meetings are moved or forgotten; things disappear; whole cars are lost in parking lots. Keys are gone without a trace. Furthermore, many Yellows have no ability to plan their day. They can go to the supermarket five times in a row and buy three things at a time because they didn’t write down what they needed. This can be because they don’t know what they want until they get there or because they’re sure they’ll be able to recall the nineteen things they need to buy. (Yellows have a very generous view of their own ability. They’ll tell anyone who wants to listen that they have the best memory in the world.)

  Conclusion: If you really want to help a Yellow get organized, make sure he gets at least some structure in his life. Help out by creating a simple list. If you are going shopping: Write down everything yourself. Your partner or pal will forget half of the items.

  Create a structure for him. Yellows are the ones who are most in need of structure in the form of diagrams and checklists. Paradoxically, they hate all of that. They won’t let themselves be “shoehorned” into a system not of their own choosing. Be diplomatic. If you press too hard, you can get some powerful reactions:

  “Why does everything have to be micromanaged? Are we living in a fascist state, or what?”

  Remember That for Yellows the Most Important Thing Is to Look Good. All the Time.

  “Me, me, me.” Yellows have strong egos, just like Reds, no doubt about that. They like getting attention; they throw themselves into the center of things faster than anyone else. They enjoy themselves the most when they’re in the middle of where the action is. Your yellow friend is a ray of sunshine, talking louder and faster than everyone else and lighting up a room with his behavior.

  “Shine all the spotlight on me. See me, hear me, like me.” But this means that no one else gets any space. Many conversations end up with the Yellow individual loudly and resonantly speaking about his experience or his opinion. No matter what you are talking about—war, starvation, dieting, cars, executives, gardens—a Yellow will bring up a story in which he himself is the protagonist. If he doesn’t have any story, he’ll make one up.

  Their thoughts often begin with the word “I.” “I want,” “I think,” “I can,” “I know,” “I will.” It’s quite natural. They like other people, but there is one thing they like even more: themselves.

  Conclusion: Yellows need to understand that there are other people in the room or working on the project besides themselves. You can never allow Yellows to consume all the oxygen. They need to hear—from someone with courage and perseverance—that they have to let others enter the conversation or whatever it may be.

  It’s impossible to explain this in the midst of a conversation with others present. It won’t fall on fertile ground. A Yellow can be very offended by such criticism. He’ll think things like, “Everyone else just thinks of themselves,” or, “I’m the only one who looks out for me.” This type of feedback must be given discreetly and in a positive way. It depends a little bit on how Yellow the person in question is, so you will probably need a plan.

  Be prepared for one thing: You may very well become enemies in the process. You’re definitely taking a risk here. Hearing that you are egocentric and self-centered is extremely unflattering. Yellows will understand this; they’re not stupid. But they will just think that your analysis is wrong. So you’ll have to work a lot here. Or swap pals.

  All Talk, but No Walk

  I might as well get straight to the point here to avoid confusion: Yellows talk more than they work. They have
a penchant for talking about everything they need to do rather than actually doing anything. Everyone who knows a genuine Yellow knows exactly what I’m talking about.

  Okay, so many people have trouble getting motivated to work, especially with boring tasks. But Yellows find it particularly hard to leave the starting block when faced with uncomfortable tasks. It may be about having to call a dissatisfied customer, or getting an oil change, or going to the pharmacy. If it’s dull and uninspiring, it won’t happen. Their excuses for avoiding these tasks will be numerous and imaginative.

  Because a Yellow’s perspective on time is based in the future, they spend more time talking about the future than dedicating their energy to getting there. Seldom have so many crazy plans been drawn up or so many insane goals set as is done by Yellows. Because they think aloud, people around them believe that these fantasies are going to happen: “Wow! It sounds amazing!”

  Conclusion: To help your Yellow friend you need to make sure that he puts his shovel in the ground and starts digging. Push him, but push gently. Treat him a little bit like you would treat a child. Be kind but clear. If he notices that you’re becoming his taskmaster, things may become difficult. Yellows hate feeling controlled. They need the most help to get into gear, but that doesn’t mean they like it. They are free souls and don’t obey anyone else.

  So you need to be diplomatic. Softly and gently explain the value of actually doing the job itself, now that he knows what needs to be done. Take a moment to explain to a Yellow how the great popularity he already enjoys can actually be increased even further if he just happens to get finished. Everyone will love him, and he will be more beloved than ever.