Surrounded by Idiots

by Thomas Erikson

  Does that sound simple? It is simple. All you need to do is overcome your resistance to inflating someone’s ego in such an obvious way. But it will work.

  Realize That Yellows May See Your Lips Moving but Not Hear Anything You’re Saying

  This could very well be a subtitle to a section on bad listeners, because these things are connected to each other. All of us make mistakes and no one is perfect. This is obvious to everyone, even to a Yellow. In hypothetical discussions, Yellows can agree that other people really need to get a grip, sort things out, and do better. They can even admit that there are no perfect people. So far, no problems. The problems arise when we try to make a particular Yellow understand that he may need to improve. This creates a conflict, especially if the criticism is expressed in public.

  Yellow people find it difficult to cope with criticism. They don’t like it because it doesn’t make them look good. Imagine, there’s someone who doesn’t like everything they do and everything they say! I have individually sat down with Yellows and given them personal feedback on their profiles. Everything goes fine until we get to the page with the heading “Areas of Improvement,” which is to say, weaknesses.

  Even if we’re on good terms, the temperature in the room gets significantly cooler. Defensive walls pop up quicker than you can say “poor self-awareness.” Deep down the Yellow individual knows that he has weaknesses; he just won’t consider talking about them.

  Conclusion: If you wish to get through to a Yellow with negative feedback, you need to be persistent. Create a friendly atmosphere in the room and find the right tone so that your criticism lands where it should.

  You can always slam your fist on the table as hard as you can to really shake him up, lay down the cold, hard truth, and give it to him straight. I don’t recommend this. Better to work slowly and consistently, repeating the same feedback until he understands.

  Clarity is key. Make sure to be extremely well prepared, with all possible facts to substantiate your claims. Yellows are clever manipulators. If he senses that you’re not serious in your criticism and that you won’t follow up, he’ll lure you off track. He is good at smokescreens. Make sure you don’t get lost in the fog.

  Get real answers to your questions, and be sure that he understands the message. Insist that he writes down what you have said. Ask him to repeat your feedback.

  You also need to set up a plan of action. But save that for the next meeting. Right now, you’ve probably gotten as far as you can with a Yellow. You’ll just exhaust yourself if you keep going.

  One more thing: This doesn’t happen with positive feedback. Then, the Yellow will jump on the bandwagon quicker than you can imagine.

  Adapting to Green Behavior

  What a Green Expects of You

  EVERYTHING SHOULD FEEL GOOD ALL THE TIME

  Security will always be important to a Green. A Green worries about everything that may happen. He doesn’t like insecurity and solves it by hiding under the covers. If you don’t see it, then it’s not there. He doesn’t want to be anywhere if it’s too insecure. He strives for stability and doesn’t even want to think about wild gambles.

  You may be thinking, The world is a dangerous place to live. There’s an infinite number of dangers out there. Absolutely anything can go wrong. My relationship may fall apart; I might get sick; my husband [or wife] could leave me; my children might think I am an idiot. I can lose my job; my boss may start agreeing with my children; I could end up in conflict with a lot of people. On the way to work, I could have a car accident. A person can die from a tiny fish bone caught in his throat!

  All these things make life scary. Anything can happen. Many Greens I’ve known over the years in my role as a coach have said that all these potential dangers paralyze them. They become overwhelmed with thoughts about these risks and dangers. They become completely powerless to act. And since they’re not particularly motivated to get out in the world, it becomes easier to just stay at home. Nice and safe at home by the hearth.

  It wasn’t Greens who left their homes and immigrated to America. They would never have gotten on the boat, because who knows how the trip would go? And if you survived the voyage itself, who could really say what you would find when you got there? Those stories about all those people who achieved success and wealth could well be humbug from start to finish. And if you did get a job and if you did find somewhere to live, who knows if you would be happy? Imagine if you end up even more miserable than you were at home! You know what you have, but you have no idea at all what you’ll get.

  Conclusion: Accept that this person doesn’t think like you do. Accept that he is driven just as much by fear as by anything else—perhaps even more. Show that you’re prepared to listen to what he is anxious about. Don’t say things like “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” It doesn’t work because the fear itself is real. And it’s also not true. There are many legitimate things to be afraid of. We all have things we’re anxious about; a Green just has more of them.

  Instead, help your Green friend to face his fear of the unknown. Encourage him to brave things that feel scary and still move ahead. Just as we learned to swim as children, despite the fact that the water looked cold and dangerous, you can give support through small, gentle nudges forward.

  When your friend says that the grass only looks greener on the other side, simply take a deep breath and keep at it.

  NOTHING HAPPENED. TWICE.

  I’m sure you recall that I mentioned the Green’s passivity. Nothing is too big to be ignored. Being proactive and driven, having an active lifestyle—all these things disturb tranquility. And it won’t be appreciated. He won’t be happy if you’re constantly coming up with new things to do.

  Greens feel better when they don’t have to be active. They come home on a Friday evening so completely exhausted from spending the week trying to accomplish as little as possible that they now need to take a good rest. I’ve met Greens whose efforts to avoid work cost them more energy than actually doing the work.

  The consequences are obvious to those around them. They don’t like weekends with full schedules. Visiting the mother-in-law, organizing a picnic, taking his son to soccer, cleaning out the garage, inviting the neighbors over for dinner—everything becomes a burden for him, and half the time nothing gets done at all. A Green glides under the radar and disappears completely. He needs peace and quiet to be able to do what he does best. Peace and quiet make him feel safe and content.

  Conclusion: It’s important to respect this on one level. We need to put ourselves in other people’s shoes, knowing how stressful it can be for them to be constantly on the go. In today’s society, it’s not possible to avoid all the bustle and activity. It means that a genuine Green often feels that he is doing something wrong. He hears about everyone else’s weekends, their activities, how they’ve completed one complicated project after the other. For a Green that just sounds exhausting.

  The solution is to allow the Green his periods of peace, quiet, and inactivity. He needs to function like that. This doesn’t mean, of course, that he can sit on his butt his whole life, but he does need to be allowed to do a reasonable amount of—nothing.

  “WHERE ARE WE GOING? I THINK I’LL SIT THIS ONE OUT.…”

  Stability and predictability are valuable to a Green. And when you think about it, it’s very logical—it’s a good thing knowing what’s going to happen. We probably all have some measure of control dependency. We simply want to know. For Greens, this dependency is very strong. When Reds ask what, Yellows wonder who. When Blues ask why, Greens want to know how.

  A Green simply needs to know what the plan is. What needs to happen? When will things be taking place? What should he expect?

  Just look at how it works at home. Who always has the same spot at the breakfast table? I know that many of us are creatures of habit, but if you snitch a Green’s since-a-long-time-ago-claimed chair, you unhinge his very existence and he won’t be able to get his food down.


  But their need for predictability goes further than that. It’s about anything that even resembles change. In our society today, the only thing that’s permanent is change. Nothing is totally predictable; everything rotates on its own axis and appears in new shapes and forms. And all of this is extremely stressful for Greens.

  Conclusion: Since a Green won’t come up with anything on his own, it will be you and I who will have to handle the planning. But maybe that’s okay. We can help ease Greens’ minds by explaining every step of the plan. Instead of just saying that I’ve invited guests over for the weekend, I could explain that we will be having John and Mary over for dinner and we’ll be offering a three-course dinner consisting of an appetizer, a main course, and a dessert. I’ll fix the main course while my Green partner should make the dessert and should follow this recipe. I explain who is doing what. Who will buy the wine, who will buy the flowers, and so on. I might even explain which day my Green partner has to do the shopping. And who knows, maybe I’ll write down the address of the flower shop with a list of exact instructions about what should be purchased.

  Does this sound exaggerated? Not at all. Remember, Greens aren’t world champions at taking their own initiative. Think of your family as a company—everyone doesn’t do the same things, because we’re good at different things. If you’re better at taking the initiative, do it. But make sure that your Green partner is on board. Otherwise, there’s a risk that he’ll run out the back door.

  How to Behave When You Meet a Green

  Okay, now you know how your Green friends would like to be handled. The result will be a calm and excellent relationship, and you will be good friends for many years. Nice, huh? But you can’t stop there, because unless you’re a genuine Green yourself you’ll want to actually do something every now and then. And you’ll need to have some appropriate strategies to kick-start your stability-loving friend.

  “Why Does Everything Have to Be Such a To-do? Ugh. I’m Going to Bed.”

  I’ve said this before, but we need to spill more ink on this issue. Greens don’t like friction of any kind. They back off when a discussion heats up or if you frown at the wrong time. Everything could be a potential conflict, and this is a very bad condition for all Greens. They lock themselves in and become silent and passive.

  Many years ago, I was giving a sales conference at which I trained sellers in personal effectiveness. One of them was playing with his cell phone unremittingly, and when I—nicely and gently—asked him to write his text messages during the break, he completely stiffened up and stopped speaking. He didn’t respond to any questions or take part in any discussions. He didn’t so much as lift his pen for the remainder of the day. He glared at me, and when I asked what the problem was he just shrugged his shoulders.

  He gave me what is probably the worst evaluation I have ever received. Although the conference was five days long, it was that one day that was critical to him, and he truly cut me to shreds. He had never encountered such a rude and incompetent consultant. He felt as if I had stuck a knife in his back. Obviously, this was a completely unreasonable reaction, especially considering that we had agreed not to use our mobile phones during work sessions. But it didn’t matter—this guy still thought that I had wronged him wholly and entirely, and he punished me the only way he could: through total passivity. I phoned him afterwards and confronted him about it. He admitted that it was juvenile behavior and apologized.

  Conclusion: If you have a comment to make about a Green’s behavior, make sure you’re careful about how you present it. For example, if it involves criticism, you should deliver it in private. Make sure that the person you are talking to understands that you still like him, but that you believe that he and the group (work team, sports team, family, association) will function better if he changes certain things. Don’t ask him what he can do about the behavior; just ask him to do certain specific things. It may be that he knows what to do, but as usual, he will not lead the conversation—you’ll need to do that.

  “It Was Better Before. Much Better.”

  When I’m talking about change, one of my favorite exercises is to ask everyone in the group who is afraid of change to stand up. Occasionally someone will stand up, but it’s more common that no one moves.

  Why? Because we all understand that change is inevitable and necessary if we’re going to keep up with the world. Some people can admit that they dislike change, but this observation is only at an intellectual level. And so we all sit quietly in our seats pretending that there are no opponents to change to be found here. And besides, no one else is standing up.

  After that, my second question is, “Who thinks that someone else in the group is afraid of change?” Suddenly the whole group stands up, and they look around quite amused. So who doesn’t like change? Answer: “Everyone else. And because those other people are the problem, I don’t need to do anything at all.”

  The issue is widespread. The majority of the population has Green as its dominant quality. This is the main reason why we can’t accept change with open arms. Everything new is evil, and it should be strongly discouraged.

  Rapid change is the most difficult to accept. The faster it is, the worse it is. So the faster the wheels of society spin, the more frantic all those opponents of change become. We see this all the time in new reports. Yellows and Reds devise constant change, Greens and Blues, who are in the majority, try to keep up. And the stress just increases.

  Conclusion: If you want Greens to accept change, you’ll have to equip yourself with a good dollop of patience. Break down the process into small pieces and set aside a few weeks to persuade, win over, and spell out the particulars. You must describe the process in detail, and since no one is going to take any notes, you’ll have to go through it again, and again, and again until the message gets home.

  The group must get the chance to feel its way to the only possible solution—change. Once that feeling has developed, you’re home free. But the road is long and complicated. You need to know exactly where you’re heading, and you need to remind yourself constantly why you are going through all this trouble. If you are Red, every day you’ll be seized by the urge to simply force your opinion on the group, but I hardly need to explain that you might as well shut the company down if you do that. It would spare everyone involved a great deal of time and suffering.

  Someone Needs to Take the Helm If We Aren’t Going to Sink to the Bottom

  Let’s be honest—isolated from everything else Green behavior is not a distinct leadership quality. Especially because oftentimes leadership is all about change. Fortunately, this doesn’t mean that there are no good Green bosses—there are many of them out there—but they don’t grow on trees. They won’t step forward in the same way as Reds and Yellows do.

  It’s convenient not to have to take responsibility. I think all of us have a certain degree of laziness in us. It’s liberating not to have to think, to avoid having to decide and just be a passenger. Of course, it varies depending on the circumstances, but Greens have developed this laziness into an art form. They don’t want any responsibility because a) it can lead to conflict if someone doesn’t agree with a decision or b) there may be lots of extra work and that’s never good. And so they dodge it, for as long as possible.

  Responsibility is burdensome, requiring inner strength as well as an external drive to assume it. But at the same time, it’s a measure of maturity, and it begins with taking responsibility for yourself and your own life. Greens (and some other colors on occasion) have a tendency to blame everything and everyone but themselves. I knew a woman who had an entire list of things she could blame if something didn’t go her way. She blamed the government, the opposition, taxation, her employer, the state of the market, her education, her parents, her husband, and her children. Sometimes it was the weather’s fault. She blamed everything and everyone except herself.

  What did she gain from this? She didn’t have to take any responsibility herself. Because there was
always some other factor that was responsible for this and that, she never had to tackle her own problems and really change anything. I remember that I asked her to explain how it was possible that she was also not on her own list, but I suspect that she didn’t understand the question.

  Given the monumental passivity a Green person can demonstrate, we immediately end up with problems. If someone doesn’t row the boat or take the helm, no amount of prayer will ever help. And Greens will remain seated, waiting for help. (Usually, someone comes and helps out; so, despite everything, they survive.)

  Conclusion: If you want to make headway with a large group of Greens, you have to take command, get a firm hold on the steering wheel, and, in some cases, simply get into the driver’s seat yourself. Asking a group of Greens to solve a task is as much use as trying to put a brake on a canoe. They won’t get started unless you put them on the track.

  A doggone-I-thought-they-were-adults approach will not work. Sure, they’re adults, but they’re children when it comes to such basic things like making decisions. This is because once upon a time they made a decision not to make any decisions. So someone has to put his foot down and just decide.

  Do it and do it now. But at the same time, do it gently.…

  Adapting to Blue Behavior

  What a Blue Expects of You

  IT’S BEST TO THINK EVERYTHING ALL THE WAY THROUGH FROM THE BEGINNING

  A Blue prepares meticulously. If you’ve planned to meet at a certain place at a certain time, you can rest assured that he’ll be there. A Blue will have gone through all the material, analyzed everything down to the smallest detail, and he’ll be prepared to discuss just about anything on the topic. He will have an alternative plan and a contingency plan for that as well.