What's Real

by Daaimah S. Poole

I waited at the curb as Walei went and got the car. He put my luggage in the backseat and opened the sunroof.

  “What cologne do you have on?”

  “Aspen aftershave.”

  “It’s too strong. You smell like a grandpop. Don’t wear it again.”

  “I won’t. So how was your trip, Tanya?”

  “It was okay. I didn’t do as much shopping as I wanted to.”

  “I can try to take you to the mall this weekend.” He said exactly what I expected.

  “Why do I have to wait till the weekend?” I asked as I crossed my arms, annoyed.

  “I have to send money to my sister, she is in London at school. I told you this.”

  “Can’t she wait?” I asked. I don’t give a fuck about her. She will make it. I thought.

  “Tanya, I will call and ask her if she can wait. Are you going to Monica’s house?”

  “Yeah, and then I’m going home from there. Can you drop my luggage off at my house?”

  Monica was a chick from around the way that I hang with every now and then. She is like thirty and still into dumb shit. She is okay at times, but really I don’t trust that bitch. She is good for going out, playing niggas, and getting money, but I would never trust that bitch with my man or a secret. She would tell the world. She’s really not that pretty, but dudes be liking her ’cause she got a nice shape. She lives in a small bi-level apartment in southwest Philly. She do hair sometimes. She used to do my wrap when we was younger.

  We got to Monica’s apartment building and he asked if I wanted to go to dinner. I told him no and that I would see him later.

  I knocked on Monica’s door. Nobody answered, so I checked to see if it was open. It was; I walked in and yelled, “Monica!”

  I heard her say, “In here.” I walked in the back to her bedroom. I opened the door and saw her lying on her stomach with the pillow tucked under her chin. She was watching Maury on television. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She had on low-waist jeans that revealed her gigantic tattoo that read Lil’ Ron with this big swordlike figure on her back. I don’t know why she got his name on her back. He still messes with his kid’s mom. And every girl in the city, I thought.

  “Hey, girl, what you doing here?” she said as she turned around and sat up at the edge of the bed on her maroon plaid comforter.

  “Just got back.”

  “I know you came up?” she asked.

  “Not really. It was okay. Fucking Natalie’s cousin was down there thinking she was the fuck cute. That bitch came up! She met a fucking dude that play for the damn NFL,” I said as I sat down.

  “Damn, she ain’t even all that cute.”

  “I know, I said the same thing.”

  “She don’t look better than you. Pass me my cigarettes,” she said. I stood up, grabbed Monica’s cigarettes off the dresser, and handed them to her and continued to rant about Janelle.

  “Plus, she got a fucking weave. I got my own hair. She is average and I’m cute. Everybody say how good I look. I know all that bitch got on me is that she ain’t got no kids. She still down there. She’s staying for another week. But she left me and Natalie the whole entire weekend. Then Natalie was acting like a miserable little bitch. She going to get her ass beat when she get home.”

  “For what?”

  “Her dumb ass went away without telling her husband. I got to call her to see if she made out all right. You got any weed?” I asked as I stood up again and checked my face out in her mirror on her dresser.

  “No, Lil’ Ron just left, he went to go get me some. Why you think I smoking some cigarettes? Did you meet anybody?”

  “A few people, but not really. I met this guy from Baltimore, he was cool, and this other comedian dude that tried to play me. So I took his credit card.” I pulled out Kamani’s credit card. “That’s why I came over here. To tell you that I had some work.”

  Monica asked how long I had it. I told her a couple of days. She sat on the bed and said she had to call this guy Mike-Mike to see if he could make a license to go with the card. My cut would be 60 percent of whatever we got. Monica got dressed and we got in her 1992 aqua-colored Honda Accord to ride to the gas station.

  “Yo, you don’t have no air in this car?” I asked Monica, annoyed.

  “No, I need some Freon. I’m going to get it tomorrow. Just roll down the window,” she said.

  “You got me in this fucking sauna! My hair is going to get all frizzy and fucked up,” I yelled at her as I glanced over at my hair in the side-view mirror.

  We drove to the gas station to see if the credit card was still active. You didn’t need ID at the pump and if it didn’t work, we could pull off, if it was reported stolen. The card was still working. We filled Monica’s car up.

  We met up with Mike-Mike. He already had a new laminated license with Kamani’s name on it and his picture. I didn’t know his right address, so he just made up an Atlanta address for him. He got in the car and started rolling a blunt. We smoked the blunt and then I sprayed perfume on my clothes so I wouldn’t smell like that shit. We walked into the Best Buy in Springfield, right outside Philly. We couldn’t go to any electronic store in the city, because they would be hip to the game. Plus, they would ask too many questions because they got burnt before. Mike-Mike walked up to the register and within a few minutes, he walked over to us and said they gave him five thousand dollars’ worth of instant credit. We walked outside and decided on what we were going to get. Should we get a couple of televisions or one big-screen or flat TV? With the five thousand, we got a big-screen television, ten car stereo systems, and three Playstations. I went and got the kids some DVDs. The cashiers just rang everything up for him. We had like a thousand left. I told them to spend the rest at another Best Buy, the one on the boulevard. There was a computer store down the street from there. We went right over to Computer World. They gave him four thousand dollars’ worth of instant credit.

  “This nigga got good credit.” Mike-Mike laughed.

  We got three computers and a laptop. We had shit all over the place. Monica’s dumb ass was talking about going to buy a fur coat.

  “No, not in June, asshole, we would look suspicious.” We gave Mike-Mike all of the stuff and he went to sell it. On the street, even though we had over eight thousand dollars’ worth of stuff, we could only get about half. That was the rule. Half off the original price. Mike-Mike had regular customers who bought from him. So he wouldn’t burn us.

  After it was all said and done, I had twenty-five hundred, a new computer, and a few DVDs and Playstation 2 games. We went back to Monica’s house. Her daughters, Sabrina and Alexis, were home. They were too damn grown and looked like her sisters instead of her daughters. They only were eleven and twelve. They get smart and be trying not to go to school. The younger one had already been left down twice, but ask her about how to do a dance and she could do that. Sabrina’s ponytail was like thirty-six inches, too long for a little girl. The youngest one was built, a little tiny waist and a big ass like her mom. Monica leaves them in the house all the time. Their asses going to be pregnant real soon if she keeps letting them be grown. Little boys already be knocking on the door for them. Wait a few more years. She’ll be a grandmother before she is thirty-two.

  “What you bring me?” Alexis asked Monica.

  “Nothing. Get this fucking living room clean,” she said.

  “Lil’ Ron called, Mom,” Sabrina said.

  “When? Where did you tell him I was?” she asked anxiously.

  “I didn’t tell him nothing,” Sabrina answered.

  “Get me the cordless so I can call him.”

  Lil’ Ron showed up at the door moments later. They called him Lil’ Ron because he was short. I didn’t like him. He was like a dwarf to me and he wasn’t that cute, with bad skin. I said, “What’s up?”

  “Nothing. Same shit. Let me talk to you, Monica,” he said as he began walking toward the kitchen. She walked him in there and they talked for a little bit and the
n he left.

  After Lil’ Ron left, Monica took me home. I had to carry all my boxes and bags into the house.

  “Mommy, we missed you! What did you bring us back?” Deja asked as she ran to the door to greet me. I had managed at the last minute at the airport to buy all three of them shirts and a key chain. My grandmother gave me this stare like you know you wrong. I ignored her. Deja gave me a hug and Davon just looked at his shirt. I pulled out my bag and I handed Davon the games and DVDs.

  “Thanks, Mom, this is the game I wanted,” Davon said.

  “Tanya, you got my money?” my grandmother asked as she eyed me down.

  “Yeah, Mom-Mom. I got your money.”

  “About time,” she said as I placed the money in her hand.

  “That fellow brought your luggage. Where did you stop before seeing your children that you haven’t seen in days?”

  “I had to make a few runs. What’s in here to eat?” I asked as I walked toward the kitchen.

  “Ain’t shit here to eat. You didn’t leave these kids here with any money, but I bet your ass been eating like a queen,” my grandmother said as she followed me to the kitchen.

  “I didn’t have any money,” I said.

  “I hope they broke the mold when they made you, girl.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked as I pulled some leftover chicken out of the refrigerator.

  My grandmother told the kids to go upstairs and then said, “For someone so much into their looks you need to take better care of your kids. Then you need to stop smoking that mess.”

  “Grandmom, I don’t smoke at all.”

  “Yeah, right, what you think, I don’t know? You smell like that mess every time you walk in the door. You try to spray perfume over it, but I still smell it. You are setting a bad example for your children. Your mother is an addict. It is in your genes to be an addict. Don’t you see that you need to stop?”

  “Mom-Mom, I’m in control. I got this. I take care of my kids.”

  “You need to buy these kids clothes. It’s a hundred degrees outside and Davon running around with sweatpants on. You are a part-time mom, when you find the time and it is convenient for you. I shouldn’t have to spend my last on these kids. I raised my child. I should be out and seeing the world. I did this already.”

  “Mom-Mom, leave me alone. Davon got clothes. That’s what he chose to put on.” My grandmother had better get out my face. I was unfazed by her comments. I sat down at the table, ate my chicken, and continued not to listen to her.

  All that traveling and riding around with Monica, I was exhausted. I went to my room and closed the door.

  My bed was a gold-frame daybed. Department store bags, a jewelry box, perfume, deodorant, makeup were everywhere. I didn’t have enough room for all my clothes, so they were piled all over the place. My shoe boxes and pocketbooks were aligned next to my closet. I listened to all my messages on my answering machine. I had a separate line from my grandmom. I’d had my own line since I was like fifteen when my mom-mom first told Barry he couldn’t call after nine. I unpacked and took off my clothes. I dumped all of the numbers out of my bag. I had to throw away a lot of them. I’m not calling Kamani for obvious reasons.

  I called this guy I met named Aaron. His phone was disconnected. I called Keith. He didn’t answer, so I took a nap. Almost as soon as I fell asleep, my phone rang.

  “Hello,” I said, annoyed as hell.

  “Hello, can I speak to Keith?” a woman asked.

  “Don’t no Keith live here,” I said

  “Do you know a Keith?”

  “What? Who is this?”

  “All I want to know is if you know Keith. You might have met him in Miami, he is from Baltimore,” the woman said as she tried to put a little bass in her tone.

  “Look, I don’t know what the fuck you talking about, bitch, and I’m asleep. Don’t call my house.” I hung the phone up.

  The woman called right back and said, “Listen, I’m not trying to come at you. I just want to know if you know him. I’m his fiancée. He was in Miami this weekend for his bachelor party. I want to see if he was cheating on me. We are about to get married next week, and he said he didn’t meet nobody. But I found your number. We got three kids together and I just wanted to know if he is telling me the truth.” Her little sympathy story did not mean a damn thing to me. I was tired and she was interrupting my sleep.

  “Yo, I don’t care who you are. I don’t give a fuck if you getting married or not. You playing yourself by calling my phone. You want to know who I am? Ask your fucking man, bitch. If you call my phone again, you are going to have a problem.”

  Keith talked all that shit to me and he’s about to get married. I picked up my cell phone and erased his number. I am so tired of bitches calling me about their niggas. They need to get their niggas in check. All niggas do is lie and lie some more.

  “Mom, can you buy me some construction paper for my project?”

  “Davon, close my door, I’m asleep.”

  “Mom, my project is due.”

  “Boy, you heard what I said, I’m asleep. Shut my door.” I tried to go back to sleep, but it was useless.

  I went into the kids’ room; they weren’t in there, so they must be outside. They had a bunk bed. Davon slept on the bottom that was a full-size bed and Deja slept on the top that was a twin. I decorated her bed with Dora the Explorer sheets and pillows. Davon didn’t like cartoon sheets. He already thought he was grown at times. I went downstairs. My mom-mom was on the phone and I asked her where Davon and Deja was. She said she sent them to the store. I stood in the doorway and saw them coming down the street.

  “Mom I need to do my project.” I looked down at my watch it was almost seven.

  “Davon, I don’t know where I’m going to find construction paper. You should have told me before about your project.”

  “I did tell you.”

  “No you didn’t. I don’t feel like going to the market or walking to the Rite Aid. You’re just going to hand the project in late.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Janelle

  It had been three weeks and I was still in Miami. Every time I was ready to leave, Damon asked me to stay again. My first week down here I kept calling my job saying I was sick. The second week I said my mother was sick. Then he said, why don’t you just live here? I didn’t think twice. I called my job and quit. I don’t want to ever go back home. I love it here. I drive his BMW and he drives his Yukon truck. The first time I got in that thing by myself I almost crashed. I slightly put my foot on the pedal and the car took off. I think if Dame kicked me out today or tomorrow I would beg for change, or become a cigar girl and do dishes, just to live by the beach. Sean has been calling and leaving messages. I don’t have the heart to talk to him. I just ignore his calls. When Damon asks who’s calling my phone, I just tell him it is Natalie whining or my mom. And my uncle, I haven’t been able to catch him. I have been leaving him messages. I know he is going to have something to say. I called my mother to tell her the news. She had a fit.

  “Mom, I’m not coming home. I’m going to stay.”

  “Stay where?” she asked.

  “In Miami. I’m going to live here.”

  “What do you mean? What in the hell is wrong with you, Janelle?” she yelled at me.

  “Nothing is wrong with me,” I said, annoyed.

  “What about your job?”

  “I quit, Mom.”

  “You are not supposed to quit your job for a man. I know he is in the NFL, but next week when he meets somebody else what are you going to do?”

  “I’ll deal with that when it happens. I’m grown and can do whatever I want to do.”

  “If you’re so grown you wouldn’t have to tell me you’re grown. And what about Sean? He has been calling here almost every day. What do you want me to tell him?”

  “I don’t know, tell him the truth. Mom, don’t worry. I’m going to get a job. I have been working since I was fift
een. You think I’m not going to get a job? There are plenty of places down here.” I was getting tired of explaining. I felt like I didn’t have shit to explain to my mom. She was in my apartment.

  My mother was silent for a moment, then said, “Well, I guess I could have your room.”

  “For now, Mom, but listen, I don’t want them boys destroying everything.”

  “Janelle, I think you should think again about moving.”

  “Mom, I already made up my mind. I’ll call you later.”

  I tried to reassure myself that I was doing the right thing. I went and got some orange juice out of the refrigerator.

  I’m not explaining anything to anybody. I’m the fuck grown. I’m twenty-three without any responsibility. No kids, no man, my only bill was my apartment. So, I was free. I mean if we don’t make it, so what the fuck? I get to live in Miami without working, chilling by the beach for a couple of months. Philly will still be there. So will jobs in the mall. I have manager experience, so I can work anywhere.

  I was warm in Damon’s arms. The sun was bright and filling the room through the drapes. He gave me a kiss and asked me what time it was. I looked over my shoulder to the nightstand and told him it was eight-thirty. Damon got up out of the bed, went into the bathroom, and turned on the shower.

  “Dame, why you jump up? Where you going?” I asked as I yawned.

  Damon came back in the room with a towel wrapped around his waist and said, “Preseason is about to began. I have to practice. Go to the gym, work out.” He flexed his muscles.

  “Huh, already?”

  “Yeah, how you think I am going to get money for us?”

  “I know, but doesn’t football start in the winter?”

  Damon laughed at me and shook his head. “No, Janelle, training camp begins around the third week of July each season. The first game is in August against the Jaguars.”

  “So, Damon, I’m going to have to stay here by myself?”

  “Kelly is going to come and take you to the mall. I know you need some things. She is cool. You remember her, right? I’ll leave you some money on the dresser, okay?”