What's Real

by Daaimah S. Poole

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, she will be over around noon.” Dame dressed, gave me a kiss, and walked out the door.

  Kelly showed up exactly at twelve. I went and opened the door and she said, “Hey, girl, what’s up?” She sashayed past me and into the house. She had a pastel Chanel pink pocketbook that matched her dress and sandals. Her scarf was tied around her hair like a headband. Her stringy brown hair had light blond streaks in it. Pink lavender and purple-pink-tinted sunglasses with a big double G on them concealed her eyes. They were probably Gucci, I thought.

  “So where you want to go first?”

  “I don’t know. I need everything. There is a nice shoe store I like on Ocean Drive.”

  “Please, that’s where the tourists shop. I’ll take you to Bal Harbor Mall. They have all the stores like Saks and Hermes.”

  “Well, let me get dressed,” I said as I walked into the bedroom. I glanced at the dresser and noticed Dame had left me eight hundred dollars in cash and his Visa card to go shopping. He gave me more money to shop with than I would make in two weeks working.

  Her car was a shiny mint-green Mercedes Benz CLK convertible. It was freshly waxed and the sun was shining against it. It was so clean it appeared like it was glowing.

  Bal Harbor had all the stores and we went in every one. The mall didn’t have a roof. You could see the bright sun. It was very different. Shopping with Kelly was no limit. I was in awe. Kelly spent four hundred on seven jeans, twenty-seven hundred on a tangerine dress and heels to match. We went to the next store and I was pondering over a pair of sandals that were three hundred.

  “Buy them, girl, shit, I spend all of Carl’s money. He can’t make it fast enough for me,” she insisted.

  I didn’t buy the shoes, but I did see sandals I liked. They were $565. I never spent more than two hundred on sandals, but they were Prada. They matched a dress I had seen in Neiman Marcus. I decided to charge it. The lady at the cash register did not give me any problem. She didn’t ask for any identification like I would have done at the store I used to work at. She just said, “Thank you, Mrs. Scott.”

  She turned to Kelly and said, “How’s it going, Kelly? I see you’re back again.” Almost every store we went in, the clerks knew Kelly on a first-name basis and gave her the red carpet treatment. They must be working on commission.

  Kelly tried on a few outfits and said, “I am getting so fat. I used to run every morning. Now I do Pilates.”

  “What are you, like a five? That’s not big,” I said.

  “Yeah, but I used to be a three. You’re in good shape. Do you work out?” she asked.

  “Please, skinny, but I eat practically whatever I want. I wear a size eight and I don’t work out at all.”

  “Really, you don’t look that big. No offense, you look really thin. I got my breasts done last year,” she said.

  My breasts are a little smaller than I would like, but I can’t do anything about that. I don’t believe in breast implants and push-up bras. Take it or leave it, I thought. I bought sandals, two dresses, lingerie and perfume.

  After shopping for what seemed like forever, we went to have lunch at the Blue Door Café down the road from the mall. Kelly’s cell phone rang. She answered and said, “Hey, Lisa. . . . No, I’m not home. I’m with Damon’s girlfriend, Chanelle.”

  I looked over at her, corrected her, and said, “It’s Janelle.” I couldn’t believe we had spent the whole afternoon together shopping and she didn’t even know my name.

  “I meant Janelle. So what’s up? Come join us,” she said as she toyed with her hair. She hung up her phone and said that Lisa and Amber were on their way. Kelly gave me the quick word about Lisa and Amber. Lisa was Cuban and married to Stephen, a defensive tackle on the team. Amber was a white girl who had been engaged to James, a tight end, for four years. Kelly said James was not going to marry her, but they had kids so she wasn’t going anywhere. Once the girls arrived, I could tell they were looking me up and down trying to figure me out and price my clothes.

  “So, where are you from?” Amber asked.

  Lisa didn’t give me a chance to answer before she asked, “Oh, so how did you meet Damon?”

  I answered their question even though I knew they were just trying to pry. These girls were pretty, in shape, stylish, but something was ugly about them. They were nauseating, eyeing me up and down. They were so fucking phony I couldn’t take it. They would smile at me, then smile at each other in some secret smiling language only they could understand.

  “Guess what? You know Bobby bought Dana a car for her birthday?” Amber said.

  “That is so nice. What kind did he buy her?” Lisa and Kelly asked in unison.

  “A micro Benz,” she said, laughing.

  “A micro Benz, not a Kompressor. What? You can’t be serious.”

  “Yes, a Kompressor, can you believe it?”

  “Was it brand-new?”

  “No, it wasn’t. It was a 2002 and he leased it. Now you know he just renegotiated his contract. He has money. He could have paid for it in cash,” Lisa said.

  “Why would he try to play her like that? With that little-ass car? That’s not a good sign,” Amber said.

  “If Stephen tried some bullshit like that, I would have left him,” Lisa said.

  “Right. Didn’t he promise her a six hundred? Oh, he is a cheap bastard. She is not getting a ring, so she might as well pack her shit.” Amber laughed.

  I sat and just looked over at Kelly.

  “Well, that’s what she gets. She thinks she is so hot because she was in a stupid rap video.”

  “Yeah, that’s right, she was only in one video, and the song was not even that hot. She probably only got paid a couple thousand.”

  “I don’t think she got anything,” Kelly said.

  “And the rapper was a nobody. His record only did good overseas. It’s not like he’s 50-cent or Jay-Z,” Amber chirped.

  “Right. Whoever heard of that guy? What was his name?”

  “Kep or something like that,” Lisa said.

  “Well, speaking of rings, I need an upgrade. I saw this six-carat pear ring. It was so nice. I hinted around to Stephen. I’ll probably get it for my birthday,” Lisa said.

  I looked over at her three stone diamond ring. It was enormous and she wanted something bigger. I didn’t fit in with this group. I was thinking, What is wrong with a Kompressor Mercedes Benz? I’d be happy with a car, any car that didn’t break down.

  The conversation went on and on. Kelly, Amber, and Lisa were so materialistic and egotistic it was sickening. Anyway, after forty-five minutes of mind-numbing conversation I had had it. Fortunately the dullness was broken up by the ringing of my cell phone. I looked down at it and it was Sean again. I didn’t want to take the call. I hoped I didn’t look nervous looking down at my phone. I looked up to see if anyone was paying me attention. They weren’t. They were still talking. I thought about picking up the call, but then Sean would be asking all kinds of questions I didn’t want to answer in front of them. I decided not to answer the call. I pushed Sean’s call to voice mail. He called right back four more times. I kept sending his call to voice mail. I hoped he got the message. They all said they had to go. Amber had to pick up her children. Everyone began fighting over who would pay the bill. That was a first. My friends and I usually argue about what we are not going to pay on the bill. Amber eventually paid because they all agreed that Kelly had paid the last time and the time before that Lisa paid.

  When I got back in the house I checked my messages. Sean was on there saying since I didn’t know how to answer the phone could I at least give him his money back he loaned me? He was so petty. I made a mental note to send my mom the money to pay him back. I checked on my mom and called Natalie. Damon came home and asked to see what I had bought. I modeled all my new clothes for him.

  “Let me see you in that,” Damon said as he held up some lingerie that I had bought.

  “Look at my boo’s butt,
” he said as he slapped my butt.

  “Baby, I need to go home and get some things together.”

  “Like what? You just went shopping.”

  “My birth certificate so I can get a job and just bring some of my personal belongings.”

  “I told you, you don’t have to work.”

  “I got to work.”

  “No, you don’t. Baby, can’t your mom mail that stuff to you?”

  “Babe, I have to go home. I’ll only be gone for a couple of days. Plus, you will be at practice.”

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Natalie

  I have called Anthony repeatedly for almost a month. I sent him flowers, I offered to cook for him, to just talk. I have called him, left him messages, and begged for forgiveness. I have been going crazy. I need him. I miss him. I am plain old exhausted and frustrated with him and this whole situation. Me chasing Anthony, it is getting so old. Sometimes I feel like yes, I’m free! Let him go. He left me and I didn’t do anything wrong. Then the next moment I feel like I was wrong, I shouldn’t have gone to Miami without his consent. Anthony is a good man, he never cheated on me. He is a good-looking brother and I don’t want to lose him. My biggest fear is that Anthony is really serious about leaving me. If he goes and marries somebody else and starts a new family, that would hurt me so bad. This hurts so bad. It really hurts. I miss him. Anthony is right in his thinking in some ways. There are a lot of desperate and not so desperate women in Philadelphia that will want my man. Every time Anthony and I would go out to dinner, he made it his business to point them out to me. The women would be huddled in groups, acting like they were having fun with their friends. They knew they came out to look for a man. Don’t get me wrong, women can go out with their friends. But you know the fat-girl cliques, drunk-as-hell, no-man cliques of girls. They hang out at every restaurant. Those are the bitches that be eyeing your man until they see you behind him. Then they try to sip their drink and turn the other way like they weren’t looking at him. Or when you go to the bathroom they will try to pass him their number. I don’t want Anthony to meet a woman that just gave up all her self-respect and hope and is ready to put up with all his shit. A kind of woman that is willing to spoil and buy her man. I can’t compete with someone like that. I’m still young and I’m not ready to give up my freedom just yet.

  I couldn’t take him ignoring me anymore, so I decided to go up to his job. I drove to his job, put the baby on my hip, and marched into the waiting area of the garage. Telephones were ringing and people were sitting in the waiting room watching the midday news. I saw a few mechanics walking past and I pulled one to the side and asked, “Is Anthony Grant here?” The guy said yes and went to the back and got him. I waited fretfully. I didn’t know what Anthony was going to say. Anthony came out in his dirty uniform and wiped his soiled hands with a rag. He walked out of the building. I followed.

  “What, Natalie? What are you coming up here for?”

  “I just want to know. Is it over?” I asked as I looked him directly in his eyes.

  “Yeah, it’s over,” he said as he shook his head. Then he said, “Why are you up here at my job, with the baby, making a scene?”

  “So it’s over just like that, Anthony?” I asked.

  “Yeah, Natalie, I think so. You just hurt me too bad, I don’t think I can trust you anymore.”

  “What do you mean you can’t trust me? I made one bad decision.”

  “Look, I got to go back to work. I can’t talk about this right now. I’ll talk to you later.”

  I couldn’t control my emotions. Anthony was right in front of me. I was missing him and wanted him to come home. I started to cry and said, “I love you, Anthony.”

  “No, you don’t,” he said as he pushed me out of the way and went back toward the building.

  “Anthony, please don’t do this to me! Please, I love you! Think about our son,” I pleaded.

  “I have been thinking about our son. Well, my son. You should have thought about that when you went away,” he said as he continued toward the building. Then he turned around and walked back over to me. I thought he might have wanted to talk or was having a change of mind. But he grabbed my hand and began to pull my engagement ring and wedding band off my hand.

  “You don’t deserve or appreciate this,” he said in a mean voice. My finger was somewhat swollen and fat so the ring wouldn’t budge. I tried to get my hand away from him. He finally got a good grip and pulled it off. I looked down at my hand. It was bleeding and sore. “You’re dead to me, Natalie. I’ll never take you back after you fucked and sucked somebody else.”

  He went back into the building. I didn’t want to start a scene, so I walked back to the car. I put baby Anthony in his car seat and drove home. With Anthony out of my life, I had nothing to live for. My man was gone. I went to my parents’ home and cried myself to sleep.

  “Natalie, Natalie,” my mom called out. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes,” I said. I had fallen asleep on the sofa, snot and tears all over me. The baby was still in his car seat, asleep.

  “What’s going on?” she asked.

  “Nothing, just Anthony.”

  She walked over to me and gave me a hug and said everything was going to be okay.

  I got myself together and asked my mother if she could perm my hair. I cut the end of my braids, put Vaseline around my edges and began taking them out. My mother had shared my story with a few of her clients.

  “Mom, stop telling my business,” I said. I didn’t want everybody in my business. But it was good to get other women’s opinions.

  “Honey, your husband will get over it. Women need lives outside their husbands. If I didn’t do little stuff like go get my hair done or go shopping, I would have to kill my husband. You need an outlet,” my mom’s regular client Ms. Donna said.

  “Donna, you need an outlet but you don’t go on vacation by yourself,” my mom said.

  “Ms. Donna, that’s what I was trying to tell my mom.”

  The other lady under the dryer joined in on the conversation and said, “See, the problem is that these young girls are taking these guys on dates. My son got women asking him do he want to go on a vacation? Young girls spoiling these young guys too much. Buying them gifts and taking them out, we didn’t do that in our day.”

  I started laughing and then I heard Anthony crying upstairs. I ran to go get him. Once I got upstairs he stopped. My dad was already taking Anthony out of his car seat.

  “Are you doing your hair?” he asked.

  “Yeah, Mommy’s about to do it.”

  “Then he can stay upstairs with me. I don’t want him hanging around down in that hair salon.”

  “Thank you, Daddy.” I went back down to the salon and shampooed a few ladies for my mom and she paid me for helping her out and did my hair.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Tanya

  I didn’t have anything to do and I was bored. My grandmother had decided that since I didn’t take the kids anywhere yet, she would take them to Ocean City, Maryland. I gave her the money and drove them to the bus station in her car. Since I was driving, I went to check on Natalie to make sure she was taking Anthony’s leaving her okay. Her husband was so stubborn and mean. If Barry was still alive, I’d get him to scare him nice or stick him up. Something to put some sense in his dumb-ass head.

  Natalie’s baby was crawling all around trying to go up the steps when I came in. She pulled him off the steps and placed him on her hip.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “I dropped my mom-mom and the kids off.”

  “It’s a mess in here. I have to clean up,” she said as she sat down on her tan love seat.

  “What you have to eat?” I asked.

  “There is some pizza.”

  “You didn’t cook a big Sunday dinner? What? I can’t believe it.”

  “I haven’t felt like cooking the last couple of weeks. The baby don’t eat a lot of food yet, and Anth
ony’s not here, so why should I cook?” Natalie’s baby crawled over to me. I picked him up; he was cute and fat, like a sumo wrestler.

  “What size are you buying him now?” I asked.

  “Like eighteen months.”

  “When I get the kids some clothes I’m going to pick him up some things. So what’s going on with Anthony?”

  “He’s still acting like a fool. I am so depressed. I don’t know what to do.”

  “You need to ignore his ass. He is trying to break you and you are falling for it.”

  “You think so? Janelle said the same thing.”

  “Yeah, I’m telling you. He is missing you just like you are missing him. Men have feelings too! He’s not only mad that you got over on him, he is mad because you did it and he had no idea. He is used to sweet, innocent Natalie that doesn’t do anything. The Natalie that listens to him and has his food ready and waiting for him. You need to start going out and having fun. You are young! Fuck that nigga.”

  “You’re right.”

  “So what’s up with Janelle?”

  “She is still in Miami.”

  “What? Damn. I should have met her friend. I need to be living in Florida.” I stayed a little while trying to make Natalie feel better about her situation. Natalie was still a close friend of mine. No matter what, I know she had my back. I told her if she needed anything to call me and I left.

  I got back in my grandmother’s car and the gas light came on so I pulled over at the first gas station. As soon as I pulled up to the pump, a smoker came out of nowhere trying to pump my gas. He was like five ten with a scruffy beard and mustache. He was prepared to put air in my tires, wash my windows, and pump my gas for some loose change. This man was strung out on that shit. “Yo, sis, what pump you on?” he asked. I know he probably got a family, like my mother, wherever she is. Her smoking ass is probably somewhere pumping gas, or since she got a pussy, she’s probably getting fucked for a couple of dollars. Last time I seen my mom was when Deja was born. She said she would never touch that shit again. She told me how she would sleep in abandoned houses and how she rode down South with a dead body just to buy crack. She never wanted to go through that again. The next thing I know she was back out there again. She came around for a couple of weeks and then vanished again, like a ghost.