Just Breathe

by Rachel Brookes

  “Sav, I’m okay if you don’t want me to come in. I’m sure you want to take it slow and I know I’ve screwed up and—”

  I drew my finger to his lips and stopped him mid-sentence. I looked at him in amazement. I had never seen him this vulnerable before. There was nothing more I wanted than to crawl into bed with him and forget about everything. The feelings I had for him no longer scared me, they excited me. I didn’t feel scared of losing him, and I didn’t feel afraid to trust him. For me to admit that was the hardest thing I’d ever have to do. I crashed my lips to his and kissed him with everything I had.

  Pulling away breathlessly, I pulled him close to me and wrapped my arms around his waist. “How do you think we are going to go slow? Have you forgotten what we did earlier?”

  “Sav, there is no way I could forget that,” he replied with a grin and kissed my cheek tenderly.

  “I want you to stay, I want you to sleep with me, I want to break rules with you and I want you to be there when I wake up. Is that clear enough for you?”

  He saluted me as we walked toward my apartment, which only caused me to chuckle at his failed attempt at humor.

  That night there was no sex, there was no innuendo and there was no hesitation. We had a bath together in complete silence, with only candlelight filling the darkness. He washed my hair, massaged my shoulders and then we climbed into bed. We held each other as we spoke about everything and nothing until I finally passed out in his arms just after three. It was one of those moments of complete contentment. To be back in his arms, to feel his heart beat under me, to feel his breath on my neck was something that I would never be able to explain.

  After years of fighting the thought of ever having this again, of feeling I didn’t deserve this type of happiness and believing that I wasn’t born to be loved and happy, it had come to this. But in reality I had never experienced anything like this before. When he told me he loved me, I didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe that someone like Tate could love me or that I deserved this type of existence.

  The scariest part was that I loved him. I loved him with everything that I was, and I knew I had for a long time. He was everything I needed.

  Chapter Thirty

  I felt the bed shift beside me and cool air hit my skin as the blankets were lifted off my bare back. When my eyes focused I saw Tate’s broad shoulders as he sat on the edge of the bed, looking out the glass door that led to my balcony. I gazed longingly over his back, watching the muscles constrict as he breathed. Even his back caused my heart to pound. I was hopeless.

  “What are you doing?” I asked my voice still croaky from my sleep. I looked at the clock beside my bed and groaned when I saw that it was six. Why was he awake at six? My hand shot out from under the covers and I grabbed hold of the elastic waist of his boxer shorts and pulled him back toward me.

  His laughter filled my bedroom and I grinned like a fool as he turned and crawled over me with eyes of intent. When he collapsed hard onto my body, an oomph escaped my lips.

  “I think you just broke my rib.” I grimaced before Tate’s arm’s wrapped around my body and flipped me over so I was on top of him.

  “Are you calling me fat?” he shrieked in a high-pitch girly voice.

  Fluttering my eyelashes at him, I gave him my cheekiest smile. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  He rolled his eyes at me and buried his face deep into the crook of my neck. I whimpered as I felt his lips. He kissed me where he knew he’d get a reaction. He knew all the right moves when it came to my body, he knew exactly what to do to set me on fire. His lips caressed and lightly sucked on the sensitive skin just under my ear and my eyes closed in delight.

  “I’m going surfing with Lucas and Jack.” His voice vibrated on the skin of my neck.

  “Really? With Lucas? Already?” To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I continued to run my nails along his arms and was pleased to see him shiver under my touch.

  “Do you like that?” I purred in his ear. I was becoming very accustomed to the ways that I could make his body react.

  “I like everything you do to me, Sav. But I have a beach waiting for me and I can’t let Jack and Lucas come barging in here. You know Jack’s track record, so it wouldn’t surprise me…fucking Jack,” he mumbled under his breath.

  “Thank you for this,” I whispered. He pulled his lips from my neck and cocked his head. His eyes skimmed my face in what could only be described as wonder. I moved my body so I could curl around him as a cool breeze floated through the room causing me to shiver, instantly his arms tightened around me providing me warmth.

  “I am in love with you, and if that means swallowing my pride, I will. Lucas is important to you and Ali, and I need you both in my life. I’ll stop being such an ass.” He tightened his hold of me and I think I may have floated to heaven.

  We laid in silence and I enjoyed the sound of his heartbeat below me. Tate and I started in frustration, we were all about make-out sessions, fights and sex, but we had gravitated to a point where being together like this was more than anything I could have imagined.

  Tate’s phone started ringing from his pants that were slumped over the chair by the window.

  “I better go. We’re minutes away from Jack barging in. I’ll bring home breakfast and I will let you into my crazy mind in regards to all things Lucas.” He sighed, nervously running his hand through his messy hair.

  I looked at him standing over me, clad in board shorts and looking so innocent. I never in my twenty-two years thought I’d get to this moment. I wasn’t meant to love someone, and I certainly didn’t deserve for someone to love me like he did. I was meant to be broken for the rest of my life, but for some reason this man had allowed me to breathe again.

  “Tate… I lo…” My heart clenched, the words I wanted to say so close, but they still wouldn’t come out.

  As if he could sense my panic, Tate leaned over me and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “Hot chocolate and croissants for breakfast?” he questioned with a smile.

  “You are too good to me.”

  He winked at me as he left my bedroom and I rolled back over only to cuddle into his vacant pillow, the scent of Tate lingering on the cotton.

  ***

  Tate didn’t say a word to me when he got back from his surf. He was sandy, wet and exhausted. He had no clue that I loved him looking like this. He hadn’t said a word as he walked into my bedroom. He had stood at the edge of my bed and stared at me, he just watched me as his mind ticked over. Still without a word, he walked into my bathroom and showered before coming back in wearing low-slung sweatpants and sat crossed-legged on the bed in front of me and told me his innermost thoughts about Lucas.

  “Lucas reminds me a lot of Blake and it brought up memories of when he betrayed me by sleeping with my girlfriend after Candice died. When I saw how close you two were, I freaked out,” Tate said. “It was like déjà vu and I couldn’t let it happen again. The thought of you two hanging out scared the fuck out of me. I was gutless and I know I should have spoken to you about it. But I promise you, hand on heart, that I didn’t do anything with Chelsea.

  “The thing is that I think Lucas is a really cool guy; we have so much in common. Shit, he likes the same football team as me. I just need to grow a set of balls and get over myself. You are it for me, Sav. Lucas is your friend and I don’t expect you to stop being his friend, so I will man up.” He dropped his eyes and started picking at his croissant. He wasn’t hesitating in his words. He was telling me the truth, telling me his darkest thoughts and his insecurities.

  “Tate, I love you.” I said it. “I have loved you from the moment you showed me who you were. I love that you are crazy, obnoxious, ambitious and frustrating, but most of all I love that you know me. I love that you love me.” I moved closer to him and crawled into his lap. “The thing that sealed the deal is that you bring me hot chocolate and croissants in bed. No other guy has ever done that for me. Tate Andrew Connors…I love you!�
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  “You love me?” he whispered, his arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me close. I loved that he always wanted us to be so close to each other; I knew he didn’t know how much it comforted me. I looked square in his eyes, they there glistening with happiness and the thought that three simple words that I had said brought him happiness made my heart swell in my chest.

  “More than you know. I have for a while now.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I was scared. You scared me. I wasn’t meant to fall in love. I wasn’t meant to be here with a guy I would do anything for. This wasn’t meant to be me. But then you barged into my life and made me question everything.” I kissed him lightly and leaned my forehead against his, our noses touching in a soft moment.

  “I don’t think you’ll ever stop giving me butterflies, Sav,” Tate whispered as his words caressed my heart and I knew I had found him. I knew at that moment that we could take on anything. I knew that I had found the one that would make my frozen heart come back to life.

  I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck and drew his face to mine. Our mouths connected in a rage of passion and need, his tongue massaging mine. I needed to show him I loved him. I had said the words but I had to make him believe them.

  “Let’s take this off,” I mumbled against his lips as my hands found their way under his shirt. I took it off in one swift movement and threw it to the corner of the room and pushed him back on the bed. I crawled over him, my eyes burning into his as he watched my every move with hooded eyes. I licked my lips as I straddled him, rocking on him, making my intentions clear.

  “I love you.” I leaned down and kissed the corner of his mouth and his hands crept to my hips and rocked me harder against him. My body purred in delight.

  “Say it again,” he groaned against my lips, his hands travelling up the front of my shirt, a deep gasp escaping my throat.

  “I love you, Tate.” My voice was low and breathless. He had only just touched me and I was ready.

  It was like I had unleashed a tiger from its cage. I giggled as his flipped me onto my back and proceeded to rip off my clothes, literally. His lips caressed my stomach and I wriggled under his touch. My body hummed as his fingers caressed my panties and I knew I couldn’t hold out much longer.

  “Tate!” I groaned as I lifted my hips to try and get closer to his touch. I wanted his fingers, his mouth, his body to touch me. I needed to get closer to his touch. I needed him.

  “As you wish,” he growled in primal instinct.

  He pushed deep into me without any warning and my body reacted instantly. I lost my breath by the contact. My nails dug into his back as I moved my hips with his, I needed him deeper and I encouraged him with every thrust. His breathing was muffled against my lips but he never broke our kiss. We matched our movements and I loved the feeling of his body pressed onto mine, a thin layer of sweat coating our skin as we became one. I bit hard on his bottom lip as I felt myself losing it. “Fuck, Savannah,” he groaned against my lips as he went deeper than he had ever been. My walls clenched around him and I lost it. I hummed his name against his shoulder as I shook in delight. I would never get over moments like this. I felt him succumb to my body before he collapsed onto my chest, breathing deeply.

  “Holy shit. What was that?” He laughed into my neck.

  “I think that is what you would call ‘hot sex.’”

  “If that’s what I get from bringing you croissants and hot chocolate, shit, I’ll open a bakery and become a barista.” Our laughter filled my bedroom.

  We spent the day in bed, huddled together watching reruns of our favorite shows with the occasional break to make use of my bed. I think he made me blush at least five times, much to his delight.

  “Check out my kitchen cupboards,” I said, rolling over to my side, pulling the sheet over my shoulder and propping up my head. He looked at me with suspicious eyes before walking into my kitchen.

  He shrieked as he found the goodies that I had received in the post from Australia. “I know I have already told you that I love you, but Sav, I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!” he yelled from my kitchen.

  My kitchen cupboards were overflowing with Australian treats, like Tim Tams, Violet Crumbles and Caramello Koalas, and I knew Tate’s sweet tooth would thoroughly enjoy them.

  “Oh my god…Tim Tams! Savannah,” he exclaimed before he filled his arms with Aussie goodness and brought them back to my bed. Folding his legs under himself, he opened every packet and began gorging.

  “What did I do to deserve you? You provide me with the hottest sex I’ve ever had, you’ve got the most adorable accent, you give me Tim Tams and you just told me that you love me,” he spluttered between mouthfuls of treats.

  “Well, I am pretty awesome, even if I do say so myself.” I grabbed one of the packets of Tim Tams from his hands and began eating, and that’s what we did for the rest of the day. We sat on my bed eating chocolate until we both passed out due to over consumption. Australian treats…you had won once again.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  I had often wondered what pure bliss felt like, and I could hand on heart say that the past month had been just that. Bliss to me was being able to spend my nights with Tate, being able to be true to myself, being able to burp in front of him, wearing no makeup and lazing around on my couch with him. It was the three in the morning text messages when we weren’t together, but more than anything it was hearing him say he loved me and knowing he meant it.

  It had taken me five completely screwed-up years to get to this point. My heart was slowly healing all because of one man. He made me feel alive again. He made me talk about my parents, he made me realize that he was nothing like Corey and he made me realize that I did deserve this. Every day was something new for us. He had finally stopped blaming himself for Candice’s death, he had reconnected with her family and he could speak about her with happiness in his voice. I was his in every way possible. I loved him.

  In the past month we had spent two nights apart, and as I laid on the couch flicking through photos on my phone, I couldn’t help but smile. He made me deliriously happy.

  “What are you smiling about?” Tate questioned as he strolled out of my bedroom in his work pants. I swallowed hard at the sight of him. He caused me to go breathless on a daily basis.

  “You,” I admitted without hesitation.

  He leaned down over me and kissed me softly. “Finally you realize how awesome I am!”

  “I’ve always realized how awesome you were…you kind of forced it on to me from the first day.”

  I followed Tate into the kitchen and sat myself on the bench as he poured himself a drink before he left for work.

  “Are you sure you can’t stay home tonight?”

  “What, and leave all the women at the bar devastated that they don’t get to see this?” He smirked as he ran his hands over his body and winked at me.

  “You are so pretentious,” I said as my eyes betrayed me and ran the length of his body.

  “I love it when you call me names.” He leaned down and placed his hands on either side of me behind the bench. He pushed his way between my legs and I hooked my legs behind him to lock him in. “How long do we have until I leave for work?” he murmured into my ear as my body shivered. I didn’t bother answering. I wrapped my arms around his neck and placed my lips to his.

  “You look kind of sexy in just your work pants.” I sighed against his lips.

  “I aim to please, Sav,” he replied. My hands fumbled with his fly as his mouth started to attack my neck. His lips kissed their way to my collarbone and he nipped my skin, causing me to yelp. In one swift move his arms wrapped around me and pulled my body close to his, and I could feel that he was begging to be released from his pants. I continued my assault on his fly with aggressive, needy fingers. I purposefully brushed my hands over his bulge and a deep growled escaped deep from his throat. I couldn’t help but smile. “You are a fucking minx.” His eyes fired at me as his
heavy gaze searched mine. I leaned back on the kitchen bench as his fingers tortuously undid the buttons of my shirt. The feeling of his warm fingertips on my cold skin caused goose bumps to rise to attention. The cool air in my apartment hit my bare skin as Tate’s fingers skimmed my shirt from my shoulders and let it bunch near my bent elbows, leaving my red lace bra on full display.

  “I am going to kiss every inch of you.” The tone of his voice caused my elbows to weaken and if he hadn’t had his arm propped under me, I would have collapsed onto the marble bench top. My head fell back in pleasure as his lips collided with my neck before softly moving toward my chest as he began kissing my breast through the lace of my bra. I could feel myself aching for him and my body was begging for him to release me.

  “Fuck me dead!” Tate groaned against my lips at the sound of loud knocking at my front door. His arms wrapped around my back and he pulled me to a sitting position, allowing my bra-clad chest to press closely with his chest. The loud knock on my front door continued and then the low laugh of Jack immediately ended the notion of christening my kitchen bench.

  “I have to go get rid of this.” He groaned as he tapped his bulging crotch. “Fucking Jack.” He kissed me quickly before stepping away.

  I giggled as he rushed toward my bedroom. The knocking on my front door made me hurriedly button my top and slide off the bench. I grimaced as my feet hit my tiled floor; I was in pain, Tate had me that worked up that I was counting to ten in my head to try and get the thought of having sex with him out of my head.

  “It’s about time you answered the damn door,” Tanzi teased before she kissed my cheek and made her way to my living room. Jack looked at me with suspicious eyes and I couldn’t bear looking at him.

  “Where’s Tate?” Tanzi called from the couch. I felt my cheeks blush and Jack sniggered.

  “I did it again, didn’t I?” he asked and then his booming laughter hit my ears. I rolled my eyes and walked into my living room.