Being Whitney (Book one of the Being Series): A Young Adult Novel

by Elizabeth Thompson

  Whitney text Brynley first.

  What are you doing tonight? She waited semi-patiently for a few minutes before texting again.

  Do you want to come over tonight? When she grew impatient again she text Everley.

  Do you want to come over tonight? Ice Cream, movies, facials?

  Everley text back first.

  Sorry, I can’t tonight. L

  Whitney held out hope for Brynley. She’d invite Ivy if one of the other girls could come, but wasn’t sure about just Ivy.

  Sorry, I can’t. Why aren’t you hanging out with Leif? Brynley finally text.

  He can’t. Was all Whitney text back.

  Anger, sadness and fear all occupied equal parts of Whitney’s heart, leaving it ready to burst. She needed out of this stupid town, but for now out of her room would have to do.

  “Want to go for a ride?” she asked, poking her head into Mable’s room.

  “Of course!” Mable said and within five minutes they were crossing the driveway towards the barn.

  “You haven’t ridden with me in forever. I have to show you how well Marco is doing. He hasn’t been pulling for his head at all lately!”

  Mable’s rant continued as Whitney stepped into the barn and let the familiar scent wash away all thoughts of Leif or the girls.

  Riding across the field beside their house, Whitney tried to sort through her life. She already missed basketball, the one place where she understood things, but just the thought of it sent a rush of fear through her body. The way she’d played this year left a bitter taste in her mouth and every day off the court was one more she’d have to make up later. She thought about her dad, the fear he evoked gripping her chest tightly. She wanted to stand up to him, to be the person Leif saw in her, but then she also wanted Leif to be her boyfriend, which seemed equally out of reach. She bent over resting her cheek on Allie’s neck giving into the fact that she had no idea what to do with her life.

  When Whitney and Mable got back they found their mom prepared with pizza and board games, just what Whitney needed. Whitney thought about grabbing her phone from her room once, but then remembered she didn’t have anyone who’d want to text her, and left it.

  When she finally retreated to her room, full of pizza, ice cream and aching from laughter, she found three messages from Leif.

  Did you get any studying done?

  We need to study for math!

  Did you go to bed already?

  Sorry. Fell asleep. Whitney text back.

  Hi! I thought I’d missed my chance to talk to you.

  Is 11 pm your texting window?

  Kinda, my parents are worried about my focus so I’m not really supposed to have my phone, but I stole it from the kitchen after they went to bed. I wanted to talk to you.

  I wanted to talk to you too. How was family night?

  It was fine. Boring. How was your night?

  Fine. Went for a ride with Mable.

  Is there anything you’re not awesome at?

  Just because I went riding doesn’t mean I’m good at it.

  Please! You’re good at everything you do.

  Whitney stared at his text, falling farther and farther down the Leif rabbit hole.

  No one is good at everything they do.

  You are.

  I wish we could have hung out today. Whitney text.

  Me too, he text and Whitney wanted to believe it. She really did.

  Chapter 14

  On her way to first period Monday, lost in an internal debate over her love life, Leif grabbed Whitney by the arm and pulled her swiftly down a side hall.

  “Hey sunshine,” he said leaning in and kissing her quickly.

  “Hey,” she said between quickened breaths.

  “I just wanted to see you. I missed you this weekend.”

  Whitney couldn’t stop the smile creeping over her whole face. “I missed you too.”

  Leif stole another quick kiss before they headed opposite ways down the main hall.

  Whitney turned over Leif’s hot and cold actions in her head for the rest of the morning. She didn’t even know what she wanted, but this continued yo-yo wasn’t it. She was still debating asking him to commit, when she sat down for lunch beside Jesse. A heated discussion about the best and worst snapchats ever sent was already underway, with James claiming he had it.

  “I’m sorry, but that one Bryn sent me Saturday night of you three in weird mud masks was awful.” Whitney immediately felt the knife thrust into her heart.

  “Hey, we sent you the after one too, that one was pretty,” Everley said, not noticing the frozen nature of Ivy, Brynley and Whitney.

  “They ones where you were in your bras in Ivy’s bathroom. Yeah, that was pretty good. Would have been better if you had gotten Jasmine and Eva in that one too,” he said laughing. The knife dug in deeper and turned. Whitney didn’t even want to hear the excuse, she just wanted to leave. She picked up her Styrofoam tray, tossed it in the garbage and headed down the hall, ignoring Brynley’s calls behind her. She panicked as she tried to find a place to go, tears already falling down her cheeks. She burst through the back doors, sat on the cement walkway and let the tears fall.

  “I’m sorry,” Jesse said as sat down beside her and put his arm around her shoulder.

  “I just don’t get it!” Whitney said. “I asked them to come to my house Saturday night and they all couldn’t because they were having a party without me!?!? Why didn’t they invite me? I thought we were friends. AND it was at Leif’s house. Leif told me we couldn’t hang out because his family was having family night. But Brynley, Everley AND Eva were there? That doesn’t sound like much of a family night to me. I feel so stupid. I thought all these people liked me and they obviously don’t. I’m such a fool.”

  “You’re not a fool,” Jesse said, trying to calm her down. “They suck.”

  “Please stop crying Whit,” he pleaded, “I hate it when you cry.” He rubbed her back while she tried to pull herself together. They stayed there, on the cold concrete, until the bell rang.

  “Thank you,” she said to Jesse wrapping him in a hug.

  “Anytime,” Jesse said. “You know that,”

  ◆◆◆

  At practice Whitney started by avoiding everyone, even killing herself to run at Jesse’s pace to avoid falling in step with one of the girls. Yet, by the end, she found herself hanging around the storage shed, pretending to be busy, just waiting for a chance to talk to Leif. She watched as his dad pushed him, and Eva, through drill after drill.

  “Is your mom picking you up?” Jesse asked grabbing his bag from the shed.

  “Yeah, pretty soon,” Whitney lied. Honestly, she was hoping Leif would take her today and explain himself.

  “I’m gonna go wait out front,” Jesse said.

  “Me too,” she agreed.

  “Can you believe our first meet is next tomorrow?” Jesse asked. They sunk to the cement in front of the entrance to the gym.

  “No. I’m gonna make a fool of myself.”

  “No you aren’t,” he said. “You’re really good, especially for never having ran before.”

  When he smiled one side of his mouth went up just a touch higher than the other. She knew lots of people thought it looked funny, but she loved it.

  “I didn’t know track was such a big deal,” Whitney said after a minute.

  “You mean you didn’t know your boyfriend and his ex were track Gods worshipped by the whole town?” he said.

  “He’s not my boyfriend,” Whitney said. “But yeah, that either.”

  “He better be being nice to you.” Jesse said.

  “He is….” Whitney didn’t know what else to say. He was being nice, when she saw him.

  Jesse sat with his mouth closed and his knee shaking like he might explode with a million things he wanted to say at any moment. Whitney knew she didn’t want to hear them, although she didn’t like to see him like that either. His mom saved them both by pulling in.

  �
��I’ll see ya tomorrow Whit,” he said.

  Whitney picked up her bag and wandered back towards the track. As it came into view she paused. There were only two people left; Leif and Eva. She watched as they finished a sprint and both immediately started laughing. Her eyes were still glued on them when John Smyth came around the corner.

  “You waiting for someone Whitney?” he asked.

  Whitney’s heart thumped in her throat and she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking.

  “Umm….my mom’s on her way,” she said.

  “Awesome. I’m sure she’ll be here soon. If not, Eva could probably give you a ride,” he said. Whitney was paralyzed. She managed to get herself to nod before turning and walking back to the front of the school. She text her mom for a ride and sat back down on the pavement fighting back the tears. Thinking back to that morning and the way Leif pulled her aside for that kiss stung as harshly as the thought of him spending Saturday night with Eva.

  From the parking lot behind her she heard cars start and head out of the lot through the far driveway. As Leif’s passed she felt her heart sink into her gut. She watched him exit the parking lot and then immediately turn back into it. He drove towards her and she wished she could melt into the pavement. He parked in the spot nearest to her and climbed out. She tried to erase the desperate and deflated from her face.

  “What are you still doing here?” he asked with an air of both surprise and irritation.

  “Just waiting for my mom,” Whitney said.

  “Didn’t you finish forever ago?” He talked while standing over her like an authority figure and she hated it.

  “Yeah. She’s just late,” Whitney said. “I’m fine. I’ve waited for my mom alone many times.” She was struggling to not cry. She didn’t want him to make up lies or pretend to only want her right now. She wanted him to leave her alone.

  “You’re not going to wait alone,” he said returning to the sweet tone he usually used with her. He looked around searching for something and then sat next to her. Whitney stared at the ground and played with her drawstrings, looking towards the road every few minutes hoping to spot the black SUV that would save her.

  “Are you liking track?” he asked.

  Whitney shrugged her shoulders. “It’s fine. I like basketball better, but it will keep me in shape and our distance crew is pretty fun,” she said.

  A white SUV pulled around the corner slowly, stopping right in front of them. Mr. Smyth rolled down his window exposing his permanently expressionless face.

  “We need get home Leif. Your mom will be holding dinner for us,” he said without even acknowledging Whitney.

  “I know. Her mom will be here any minute,” Leif said. His dad rolled up the window and drove away. When he was gone Leif reached over and took Whitney’s hand in his and laid his head on her shoulder. He seemed even more messed up than her, leaving her unable to stay upset. She turned her head and breathed in the scent from his hair. It was fresh and clean. She kissed his head gently and a tear rolled silently down her face. She swept it away quickly with her free hand, but not quick enough. Leif sat up and looked at her. His grey and distant eyes broke her heart.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, catching the next tear with his fingers before it made it over her high cheekbones.

  “Nothing. I’m just tired,” she said.

  “I don't believe that for a minute,” Leif said.

  “What happened on Saturday?” she asked.

  “Saturday? Umm, nothing. What do you mean?”

  “When you had 'family night' but then apparently everyone in town was at your house.” She struggled to remain strong against the hollow ache in her chest.

  Leif sat up and sighed. “Nothing happened. Who told you something happened?”

  “No one. No one tells me anything,” Whitney said.

  Whitney's mom pulled in as she finished her sentence and she stood to go.

  “Whitney, nothing happened,” Leif said. “I didn't even talk to Eva. I wanted to hang out with you,”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said.

  ◆◆◆

  The week before, excitement had surrounded their first track meet, but now it was gone. It was over an hour away, Whitney was only doing one event and she hated everyone she joined track to be with, except Jesse. At least she had Jesse.

  She ate lunch alone on the stairs outside the theater, which no one ever went near. Jesse text her once and she ignored it. She finished picking at her food and then stared at the track in front of her. She saw Leif and Eva, laughing as they had the Friday before and thought about her at his house over the weekend. Her phone broke her thought by announcing another text message. She expected it to be Jesse, but smiled when she saw Leif’s name pop up.

  I just wanted to warn you that the coaches wont let anyone sit by me on the bus. They want me focused. It has nothing to do with you. I just wanted you to know that I’m not choosing not to sit with you.

  Yet another thing to look forward to in regards to the afternoon, she thought sarcastically.

  She followed Jesse onto the bus and sat next to him near the front. Half of her did it to make Leif mad, the other half did it because he was the only friend she was currently talking to. Whitney heard Eva before she saw her, and wasn’t surprised to find her followed by the crew. Leif smiled at Whitney and kneaded her head as he passed. She smiled weakly back, ignoring the knot in her chest. Jesse watched it all and smiled sympathetically. His ability to understand her emotions was impeccable.

  The senior crew laughed, screamed and gossiped the entire way to the meet. Whitney could not even fathom how that was not distracting, but her sitting by Leif would have been. The thought pulsed through her head and fueled her even more.

  Throughout warm-ups Whitney watched as Eva regularly threw herself at Leif. She hated it, but she hated Eva more. By the time her race came she was more than ready to run out her emotions. She went out with Jesse and Will, but knew she wouldn’t be able to stay with them. She started falling back on lap three, but remained far ahead of Everley. Whenever she felt herself waning she would remember one of the things that had severely pissed her off over the course of the last two days and get a little boost. In the end she finished second with an 11:41 time. She was ecstatic. Her head coach was ecstatic. Jesse came flying at her and spun her around.

  “You just killed your first race! I’m impressed!” he said after he put her down. Everley finished and joined the celebration.

  “You just ate me for dinner out there. Did you lie to us? Have you done track your whole life?” Everley asked.

  “No. Seriously. First race,” Whitney shrugged as she said it. She walked back over to their shade tent with Jesse and Everley, scanning the crowd. She’d seen Leif near the tent while she ran and she’d heard him cheer a couple times, yet now he was gone. She pulled on her warm-up pants and searched her bag for her sweatshirt, eventually realizing she’d left it on the bus.

  “Go steal Leif’s,” Everley said.

  “He’ll probably want his own sweatshirt,” Whitney said.

  “He’s probably gonna run a couple races and be hot, plus he’d freeze so you could wear it if you asked. Just take it.”

  Whitney was cold, and she knew basketball season Leif would have given her his sweatshirt any day of the week, but this track Leif was a different creature. But, he had told her nothing happened with Eva on Saturday. One more gust of wind through the tent was all she needed to cave. She grabbed it from on top of his bag and breathed him in as she slipped it on. His smell alone made her crazy. She’d give it to him when he got back if he wanted it. Jesse gave her a sideways glance when she rejoined them near the track to cheer people on, but she ignored it.

  “Much better, huh?” Everley said when she saw her.

  “Maybe,” Whitney said.

  Whitney was lost in the events of the track meet when Mr. Smyth approached. Leif was just two events away and she was getting nervous for him. He’d ran by once o
n a warm-up circuit and gave her a grin when he saw her in his sweatshirt, putting her worries at ease.

  “Ms. Volsum, can I talk to you?” Mr. Smyth asked.

  “Um, sure,” Whitney said, walking his way. He mostly focused on hurdles so she hadn’t expected him to be coming to talk to her. She saw Ivy whisper something to Brynley as she walked away though and it worried her.

  “Everyone on the team was told to purchase their own sweatshirt to wear. We ask you to do that because every athlete should properly warm up and stay warm leading up to their events. I know your family can afford a sweatshirt so would you like to tell me why you’ve chosen to take our best athlete’s sweatshirt instead of wearing your own?”

  He caught Whitney off guard. Was he serious, she wondered for a second, but his piercing eyes and pursed lips told her he was. “I forgot mine on the bus,” Whitney started trying to speak over her pounding heart, “Leif wasn’t wearing his and it was cold. I figured it’d be fine if I borrowed it while he wasn’t wearing it.”

  He just stared at her like she was explaining how to solve a math problem years above his comprehension.

  “He saw me wearing it and didn’t say anything,” she added quickly.

  “He didn’t say anything because he’s focused on his race. I will ask you once, and only once to take off the sweatshirt, return it to my son’s bag and never touch his stuff again.” He didn’t wait for an answer but instead turned and jogged towards the starting line. Mortified, Whitney took off Leif’s sweatshirt and placed it on his bag, highly aware of the multitude of eyes watcher her as she did.

  “Did he make you take off Leif’s sweatshirt?” Everley asked. Whitney simply nodded. She didn’t want to talk about it. She was embarrassed enough. Luckily Eva ran next and everyone focused their attention on her.

  “Here, you can wear my sweatshirt,” Jesse said holding it out for her.

  “I’m not going to take your sweatshirt. You’re done running too, and it’s cold,” Whitney said.

  “I have long sleeves in my bag, I can put those on,” Jesse said looking into her soul with his soft brown eyes.