As I Am

by David B. Jai

“Babe, thank you for bringing me to your favorite place.”

  “I’m glad that you came with me.”

  “Baby, sit down for a minute, my legs hurt.”

  I was looking for a reason to stop; my penis was amazingly hard and needed a release. I looked at the water, and I leaned over and kissed Toe on his jaw. Toe started kissing my lips and then the sensitive spots on my neck. I looked straight in his saying, “I want you now. Right now!”

  “Bo, right now?” Toe asked, as if he wasn’t sure what he’d heard.

  “Yes! I want you to be my first one! I can’t wait until tomorrow night after the prom.”

  We kept our shirts on and pulled our pants down to our knees. We didn’t have any lubrication, but we didn’t need it, as I felt moist in my pants.

  “Darnell, I promise, I won’t hurt you, do you believe me?”

  “Yes, I know that, and I trust you with my life.”

  “Are you sure you’re ready because I’m ready and been waiting on this moment for months.”

  “Yes, babe, I’m ready. I want you so bad, and now is the time”.

  We made love for the first time. Afterward, Toe rolled over and laid down on his back. “That was amazing.”

  We laid back, looking at the stars, finding Zeus and the most prominent stars and small dippers. “Toe, I wish that this night could last forever. I have never felt love like this before.”

  “Honestly, Bo, me neither. And we have the rest of our lives to enjoy each other.”

  For some reason, this time, when he said for the rest of our lives, I embraced it, as I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man, my man.

  “Babe, are you ready for round two?”

  “Hell yeah!” Toe responded.

  We made love again. This time it was better than the first because he allowed me to penetrate him.

  After our second session, we were both drained and went back to the car. We were exhausted and worn out. We got a couple of hours of sleep and waited before we decided to get back on the road. Tonight was the best night of my life, all because of Toe, all because one man chose to love me, and I allowed him to love and accept me as I am.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Toe and I arrived back in Louisville around 8:30 a.m. We had overslept and were rushing. We had so much to do before the prom tonight. I scheduled haircuts at 11 a.m., picked up boutonnieres from the florist, and checked into the hotel around 2 p.m. Toe’s Mom and Dad rented a limo to take him and some of his team members to the prom. Toe practically begged me to ride with him, but I declined because I still needed to leave the dance early to ensure that everything was set in the hotel room. Everyone was scheduled to meet over at Toe’s house at 6 p.m. for pictures. The limo would drive the players to pick up the girls and then down to Shawnee Park for more photos. I was excited as the day was finally here, which symbolized our senior year’s completion and the beginning of adulthood with my baby!

  The entire year had been remarkable, and I looked forward to life in college and, of course, life with Toe. Unfortunately, I did not earn valedictorian, but I did learn that I was graduating number three in my class with a GPA of 3.95. When I was at the other school, my grades were not as high because of the teasing and the bullying. However, I made a significant rebound and headed for a long career in psychology and great friends.

  Toe met me at my house at 5 p.m. so we could get dressed together. Mom and my stepdad were in the other room, snapping pictures as we put on each other’s clothes. We closed the bedroom door. I grabbed Toe and kissed him, thanking him for all that he’d done. He put his arms around me and told me how amazing I was. Of course, I was all smiles. We continued getting dressed, and occasionally I would slap Toe on his tight ass, and we started wrestling, making small wrinkles in our tuxes.

  “Stop! The limo will be here in thirty-five minutes.” I said as he had me pinned down, laughing. Luckily he did stop because we both had hard penises but decided to wait until later that night at the hotel.

  Toe looked terrific in his tux. He stood right at six-foot-two, one hundred eighty pounds of pure muscle, golden brown skin, hazel eyes, curly hair, and solid white teeth. His tux fit him to a tee. He wore a jet black white shirt with a black bow tie. Actually, the bow tie accented his thin mustache that was growing in. We are becoming adults.

  “Babe, you look amazing!”

  “Thank you! You look marvelous as well.”

  I must admit that I look quite impressive. My tux was solid black with a white shirt and a red bow tie. I chose red because red was Toe’s favorite color, and it accented my complexion. We went out front to take pictures with Mom and Lamont, and then we headed over to Toe’s house to take more photos.

  While taking pictures, Toe and I made several poses – back-to-back, squatting, holding hands. Toe’s mom even allowed us to hug. As we were finishing taking pictures, the limousine pulled up. It was a sizeable black stretch limo manufactured by Cadillac. It had shiny black paint as if it had just been driven off a new car showroom floor and a sunroof. Inside was a stereo system, TVs, a phone, as well as a bar filled with sodas, chips, and candy. I guessed they took out the liquor because of minors.

  Finally, the other guys from the basketball team arrived. Toe was so happy. They departed to go pick up the girls, which was just in time for me to run, check into the hotel room, and to head to the prom. However, I was going to leave early so I could give Toe the tickets to the Caribbean. I couldn’t wait to see the expressions on his face. I didn’t tell Mom about one of my friends grabbing us a couple bottles of Grey Goose, but I wanted to feel the affects of alchol tonight. I ran back home, looked at myself in the mirror, did a small fresh up, kissed Mom bye, and headed out the door.

  I got in the car and jumped on the expressway heading toward downtown Louisville. The radio played the Jennifer Holliday song “With Your Name On It.” I cranked up the volume and listened intensively to the words: “There’s a dream out there with your name on it. There’s a wish somewhere just waiting for you . . .”

  I thought about Toe and how he was the one for me. The love of my life and life couldn’t be any better.

  I arrived at the Galt House Hotel and checked into our hotel room. The front desk manager gave me an upgrade to a three-room suite on the fourteenth floor. I was so excited as I ran up to take a quick peek at this five-star hotel room.

  When I opened the door, there was a living room and a dining room area with a TV, couch, chairs, lamps, and end tables. Honestly, this room looked like something out of a magazine. The bedroom was massive. The room even had a queen-size bed, a forty-inch TV, dual sinks and vanities in the bathroom, and a view overlooking the Ohio River. I went to the balcony to walk out on the deck, but the patio door would not open for some reason. It was bolted. I said to myself, “I guess it saves lives as some people may accidentally fall over the balcony from being drunk.” I put the tickets and the box on the counter, and finally left for the prom.

  I drove to the parking lot where the prom was taking place. There were limos, Mercedes Benzes, BMW’s, Cadillacs, and cars everywhere. I didn’t see Toe’s limo there yet, so I waited for about twenty minutes. Still no Toe. I saw Tonya and another young lady heading toward the front door. I opened the car door and yelled, “Hey, Tonya!”

  Tonya turned her head and waved at me but still kept walking.

  “Hold up a minute!” I said, stopping her because I didn’t want to walk into the prom alone.

  I ran to where she was and saw that she was looking splendid. She wore a long, sequined, pearly white dress with the shoulders out and showing her cleavage. She had on some black stilettos shoes with small rhinestones, and a red and black corsage matching the school colors.

  “You two ladies look marvelous tonight. You are too beautiful to enter the prom by yourself. May I escort both of you?”

  “Boy, you full of shit!” T
onya said. “You know I’ve been trying to get that all year. But you keep playing with me, Darnell.”

  We both laughed, “Maybe one day,” I said.

  “One day? Why not tonight?” she said, as we walked toward the front door.

  “You will, one day!” I said, laughing.

  We gave the doorman our tickets, and Tonya grabbed my right arm, and her friend grabbed my left. They had big smiles on their faces thinking that they had just won a huge prize, but I wondered where my man was.

  Inside the prom, there was glitter everywhere. The white girls had gone crazy with the glitter bombs. There was a band on the stage, and they sounded pretty good. There were teachers, and of course, there was Principal Jared, but there was no sign of Toe.

  “Damn, that’s my song!” Tonya said as the band was playing “Let’s Groove” by Earth Wind and Fire. She grabbed my hand and took me to the dance floor.

  We finished the song, then the band played “Deep Inside Your Love” by Ready for the World. I tried to break free, but Tonya insisted on slow dancing with me. “Darnell, that’s my song,” she said. “Come on and slow dance with me, boy!”

  Without Toe, I felt like a fish out of water. Perhaps slow dancing with Tanya would ease my mind a little, so I took a deep breath. While dancing, she positioned her vagina on my leg and then started to hunch it. I just stood there in amazement and looked at her as if she was crazy.

  “This can be all yours tonight,” she whispered. “You going to go deep inside me, Darnell?”

  I started to gag. It felt awkward, so I just closed my eyes and went through the motions and remembered Toe deep inside me. Someone tapped me on my shoulders like they wanted to cut in. I was relieved. I turned around to yield the dance, and it was my baby Toe. I didn’t even see him come in.

  “Cut me in or cut it out!” Toe said, smiling.

  “Let’s just cut it out!” I said, plus I had to go use the bathroom. “Hey, Toe, will you go to the bathroom with me?”

  We open the doors and walked into the bathroom, and it was empty except for Toe and me.

  “Hi, baby! I’m glad to see you.”

  “Hey, Bo, I’m glad to see you as well.”

  We briefly gave each other a peck on the lips because we didn’t want to get caught.

  “Wait until we get to the hotel,” I said.

  “Let’s go now, big boy?”

  “You going to get it soon enough,” I said, as I wanted to see Toe be crowned Prom king.

  We regained our composure and went back to the dance. I saw Rochelle, and she looked amazing. She wore a beautiful red sequined dress with red high heels. She had a red bow in her hair to match and a black corsage. She wore her mother’s diamond necklace. She reminded me of a young Lena Horne. Rochelle was the package, the real deal, just an absolute beauty queen.

  Walking up to Rochelle, I said, “Thank you, sister, for coming.”

  “Umm, hmm! Don’t forget what I said. You and Toe owe me,” she said, smiling.

  “You know I got you!”

  I went to grab a table while Toe and Rochelle danced. On my way to the table, I noticed Theresa walking with her date.

  “Hey, Theresa!” I yelled. “Wow, don’t you look beautiful! You would look even better if you were on my arm,” I said jokingly.

  “Stop playing with me, Darnell. You’re supposed to be my date tonight,” Theresa said as she rolled her eyes.

  “Oh, is that right?”

  “Yeah, but dance with me before you leave, OK?” Theresa said.

  “OK, Theresa, you got that.”

  I sat at the table and enjoyed the atmosphere. Everyone was smiling and happy. There was jubilation in the air.

  “All right, men, grab your girls and hold them close as we are going to slow down the beat for a few minutes,” one of the band members said.

  The band began to play “Have You Ever!”

  “Oh shit,” I said out loud.

  Before I could get my thoughts together, Toe and Rochelle were walking toward me.

  “Babe, you got to dance with Rochelle and me. That’s our song.”

  “Toe, we can’t. People will be watching and talking.”

  “I don’t give a fuck about all that! That’s our song, and I want you to dance with me right now.”

  “Darnell, you’re overanalyzing it. It will be OK,” Rochelle said.

  We headed to the dance floor, Toe was in front of Rochelle, and I was in the back of her.

  Toe looked at me and lip-synched, “I love you!”

  I smiled and started to cry due to the overwhelming emotions. I lip-synched back, “I love you too.”

  I closed my eyes and laid my head on Rochelle’s shoulders, wishing this night would last forever. I was extremely grateful and thankful to God for allowing me to have this experience.

  After the song ended, Principal Jared made his way to the stage. “Seniors, may I have your attention, please!” Principal Jared used the same voice that he used when he would make announcements in school. “Seniors, now settle down.”

  But everyone continued to ignore him because we were having a good time.

  Suddenly, he made a loud whistling sound, and everyone stopped what they were doing. “Thank you! The time has come to name Rita’s Ross’s Prom king and queen.” Mr. Jared said with two envelopes in his hand. “This year’s list was extensive and competitive. However, the maximum number of votes determined who the king and queen are. May I have a drum roll, please.”

  The drummer started beating the drum, as Principal Jared opened one of the envelopes. The anticipation roared, and my heart started to race. There was a long pause, and everyone started yelling and calling out his or her friends’ names. I yelled out Toe’s name.

  Suddenly, after a long pause, Mr. Jared opened the envelope and said, “Mr. Toby Arden St. James is our Prom king.”

  Toe lit up like a Christmas tree and turned around and hugged me. Then I made him hug Rochelle. It was a fake hug. He ran to the stage, and Principal Jared crowned him Prom king. That smile and those beautiful white teeth were the perfect memory to capture for a lifetime.

  “Now it’s time to name the queen of the prom. Drum roll, please,” Principal Jared said as he opened the other envelope.

  Everyone started yelling for the person who they wanted to be the queen. Suddenly, Jaurice yelled out, “I’m the queen, honey,” and everyone went crazy laughing. Actually, I didn’t know that he made it. I turned around and winked at him. He lip-synched, “Thank you,” and I nodded my head in gratitude.

  “Theresa Elizabeth Jenkins!” Principal Jared said.

  Oh my gosh, Theresa was the Prom queen. Two of my favorite people. Rochelle didn’t look happy, but she was glad that she knew the two people who had won the titles.

  “Now, it’s time for the Prom king and queen to dance,” Mr. Jared said.

  The band started playing “All This Love” by DeBarge. I begin to tear up but decided no more tears tonight. It was a celebration. Toe and Theresa looked terrific. As soon as Toe walked down from the stage, he said, looking directly at me, “Bo, we did it!” Toe said, grabbing me and lifting me up!

  “No, you did it, congratulations,” I said, giving him a pat on his back and a gentle hug.

  “Thanks for pushing me.”

  “You know, that’s what we do. We push each other.”

  “You look so amazing.”

  “My king looks as amazing as well. Bring that crown to the room tonight, and we can roll play.”

  “Aw, shit! I’m down.” Toe said, smiling. “Bo, did you listen to the words of that song? I’ve got to get it!” Toe began to cry. “That will be our anthem because we had some problems but overcame them. All we have is love.”

  “Bae, let’s listen to the words tonight when we get back to the hotel room,” I said as I
tried to divert the conversation.

  Toe said it was fine, and he went on to find Rochelle. Tonya and I danced for three more songs. Afterward, I looked for Toe, and he was hanging with the senior players from the basketball team.

  I walked over to his table and told him that it was time for me to head back to the room to get ready for later tonight.

  Toe said he didn’t want me to leave, but he understood. “I’ve got a surprise for you too.”

  I was floored. When did Toe have time to get me anything? But I couldn’t wait to see him later.

  “Bo, can I stay for another hour, then I promise I will be to you by midnight.”

  “Yeah, baby, that’s fine. Take your time. You are the Prom King, so whatever you say goes tonight.”

  “Remember, you said that tonight in the bedroom.”

  “I got you, bro!”

  We hugged each other goodbye, and I grabbed his ass.

  “You know I’m going to smash tonight,” Toe said, as he grabbed my ass.

  I started laughing. “I love you, Negro.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I arrived back at the hotel around 11 p.m. I found a nice decorative box and placed the cruise tickets inside. I wrapped the package nice and tight, and put the purple balloons all around it. I still had about forty-five minutes before Toe would show up. I decided to continue the celebration by pouring a couple shots of Grey Goose. The bottle’s aroma was awful, and the taste made me gag, but then again, I thought what the hell it was prom night. I decided to shower and change clothes. I put on the jersey Toe purchased for me at Express and started to laugh. How could I have missed the signs that Toe was gay and was attracted to me? I never even comprehended that we would be in a relationship and, most notably, in love.

  I threw on some black basketball shorts. I turned on the radio and danced around the room, thinking about Toe. Once in the shower, I started to feel the effects of the drink. I guess I was a novice and couldn’t hold my liquor, as the room began to spin around. I began to laugh and call myself a drunken bitch.