BE MY BRAYSHAW

by Meagan Brandy

  He pats at his front and back pockets, his eyes bouncing around the room until they land on the counter where his phone is plugged into the charger. Once it’s in his hands, he’s searching around again, a small frown on his forehead.

  “Hey,” I say, slowly pushing to my feet.

  His eyes briefly meet mine and his lips raise into a small smile. “Hey.”

  “Looking for something?” I ask, walking farther into the room.

  “My keys.”

  “They’re in your hand, Cap.”

  He freezes, opening his palm with a scowl.

  “Leaving?”

  He hesitates, but then his shoulders seem to grow wider as he subconsciously opens his stance. In that one move, his decision, if ever he questions himself, was cemented.

  “Yeah, I am,” he says.

  This is what I meant when I told Mallory Captain has to see with his own two eyes. He has to read a situation, understand it for what it is, feel it in his gut.

  He would drive himself mad with what-ifs, forever question me if I were to even hint at that thought.

  So I smile as real as I can muster. “You painted her nails.”

  His eyes move between mine, and he nods. “Took me a couple tries.”

  A small laugh leaves me, and at first, his lips lift, but then he glares at the floor, and his feet start moving.

  “Captain—”

  “I have to go,” he cuts me off. “Zo.”

  Zoey runs right in, a basketball-shaped, fluffy mini backpack on her back, and slips her hand right into Captain’s.

  They walk out the door, leaving it wide open, so I step out onto the porch.

  “So much, Rora!” Zoey calls just before Captain closes her door, climbing into his own.

  Each roll of the tires has my pulse growing stronger.

  So much, ZoZo.

  The second they get onto the dirt road, Royce’s SUV flies by, passing Captain’s, and when Captain keeps going, Royce slams on his brakes, sending dust flying all around.

  Maddoc and Royce’s doors are thrown open and they both pop out, leaning over where the hood meets the open door.

  They look down the road, and to me, both hopping out and coming closer.

  “He left?” Royce shouts.

  I nod.

  “You didn’t tell him.” Maddoc’s frown deepens. “Why?”

  He holds my eyes, doing his best to read mine, only looking away when Royce is suddenly standing beside me on the porch.

  He waits for me to look into his eyes, understanding. “Why would she?”

  In other words, why would I think he’d care?

  He hated Maria and would have no other reason to give a damn.

  Right?

  Chapter 29

  Captain

  “Daddy, look!”

  I follow her little finger, spotting the squirrel right before it runs up the tree trunk. “I see, baby girl.”

  Zoey taps the little stick against the root of the tree and then sets it down and runs back over to me. “Can we go home now?”

  I turn her toward me, and she puts her little hands on my cheeks.

  “You ready to go home now? See your papa, and your uncles, Raven.” My eyes move between hers. “Rora?”

  She smiles, squeezing my cheeks until my lips are pinched. “And my bestest friend?”

  A small chuckle leaves me, but with it comes pain in my ribs.

  “Ready, Daddy?”

  My eyes canvas the area once more, and I pull out my phone to check the time.

  Two hours late.

  I give Zoey a little shake and she laughs, wrapping her hands around my neck as I lift her from her feet and head back for the car.

  “How about we go see a movie and then we go home?” I ask her. “Does that sound like fun?”

  “Yes!”

  I get her buckled in and drive us to the movie theater, but the second the SUV is in park, Zoey’s eyes close.

  Only then do the events of tonight hit me.

  I don’t know what I expected, what I had hoped for.

  That might be a lie.

  I’ve spent almost three and a half years hating Mallory.

  First for leaving and breaking a part of me I never meant to give to her, then for hiding my daughter from me, and later down the line, when I no longer gave a single shit about her myself, I hated her for our daughter.

  How dare she abandon our little girl.

  The second she asked to see her, my instincts told me no, fuckin’ never, but the guy she left behind was confused, and he and the father I am now, who doesn’t understand how she could leave, blended together. Millions of questions ran through my head.

  What if she didn’t want to leave me, but was forced?

  What if she never planned to give Zoey away, but felt helpless?

  What if she did what she did for our little girl?

  What if it was honor and selflessness that took her from me, from us?

  A decision a Brayshaw would make?

  If there was a chance, even the smallest of one, what kind of father would I be if I didn’t try and take it, if I didn’t try to give my daughter a mother she deserves?

  Mine was taken from me. I could never take hers from her.

  Not that Mallory gives a shit, she didn’t even have the guts to tell me she wouldn’t be here.

  With a deep breath, I pull from the parking lot, intending to head home, but end up driving around for who knows how long.

  Maybell is sitting on the porch when I turn onto the property, but as she sees me she stands and walks to the edge of the driveway.

  I slow to a stop, rolling down my window when she makes her way to it.

  “Miss Maybell, kinda cold out tonight to be sitting on the porch.”

  Her eyes are heavy with understanding.

  She was waiting for me.

  “Tough day, boy?”

  I’m unable to hold in the frown that takes over, and she gives a sad smile, her hand coming up to touch my cheek.

  “Go on,” she whispers. “Get that baby girl tucked in bed.”

  I nod, waiting until she’s inside the house with the door closed and roll the rest of the way down the road to do just that.

  Zoey wakes up as I carry her into the house, and I’m surprised when there’s no one sitting around in the living room.

  “Baby’s sleeping, Daddy?” she whispers with a yawn.

  “Yeah, Zo, I think everyone is sleeping. Let’s give you a quick bath since you’re awake now, okay? Get you nice and warm for your bed.”

  She nods, shifting in my arms.

  I set her down on her little stool in the bathroom and run the warm water, adding a few bubbles so she doesn’t get too cranky and help her inside.

  As I start washing her hair she begins to sing, “wash, wash, the baby... wash, wash the baby.”

  I grin and she smiles, too, blowing at the bubble in front of her. “That’s a good song.”

  She yawns, tilting her head back and closing her eyes so I can rinse the soap out. “I’m gonna sing it to my bestest friend.”

  I grab her hand so she can stand and lift her from the bath, wrapping a towel around her. “I think that’s a good idea. Raven will love that song.”

  I carry her to her room and help her into pajamas.

  She grabs the little brush from her dresser and runs it over to me, and I gently comb through the blonde curls, and with each swipe, my chest tightens.

  She may never know where her curls come from or that the golden shine in her hair isn’t only from mine.

  I stop brushing and turn her in my arms, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Want to bring your pillow and blanket and sleep in Daddy’s bed?”

  She shakes her head, glancing at her own. “My train and my bunny and my other toys missed me, see.”

  On her bed, there must be six stuffed animals along with her favorite one, the stuffed train Maddoc had ordered for her when she was first set to come home.


  A chuckle leaves me. “Okay, baby.”

  I kiss her cheek and stand, following as she climbs into her bed, tucking her blankets to her chin.

  She reaches up to grab my face, so I lower, and the vessels attached to my heart pump fiercely, to the point of pain, when she rubs her little nose along mine.

  Eskimo kisses...

  Victoria.

  What the hell did I do?

  I swallow, kiss her forehead and whisper into her ear, “I love you, Zo.”

  She yawns, wraps her arm around her little train and closes her eyes, her soft words finding me right as I begin to close the door, “Love you, Daddy.”

  Daddy.

  Something I am because I was gifted with the position, and not by one girl, but two.

  I go to step into my room, but when I spot Royce’s door open, I move to his instead.

  I need advice, help.

  I need my fucking brothers.

  We don’t hide from each other, never lie or go behind the others’ backs, and I’ve done all of this in the last few days.

  Betrayal burns deep into my core, and it’s coming from every angle, but I suck it up and step inside his room, ready to give every last detail only to find it empty.

  I move inside, sitting on the edge of his bed and drag my hands down my face.

  I could easily go down to get Maddoc, but I won’t wake up Raven when I know she’s having an even harder time sleeping than normal.

  They’d both be pissed if they knew I even paused for such a reason.

  I decide to text Royce, asking where he’s at and he sends back a single word.

  Royce: out.

  I sigh, toss my phone to the floor and tug at my hair.

  He’s pissed and I am such a dick.

  I replay the day, and it’s not the disappointment or anger I expected that I get stuck on. A second round of burning abandonment eats at me as I remember the way Victoria laughed when I admitted I messed up painting Zoey’s nails and had to try again.

  It was so soft, even her eyes smiled as if she could picture it or wished to, like she wanted to be there to see it.

  I bet she’d have recorded the sight rather than try and step in to do it herself.

  Forcing my thoughts to keep moving, my mind goes to the long drive I took with a sleeping Zoey in the back seat. Only then do I realize it’s the same one I took Victoria on.

  I was chasing the comfortable silence she gave me, the sense of ease and clear mind she provided. Having her beside me erased the millions of thoughts that were plaguing me only minutes before.

  Zoey was home safe with my family, and my girl was safe with me.

  My girl?

  My lungs deny me a breath as guilt eats at my betrayal like a feast for the wicked, tearing at my insides and reaching for the gut, the one part of me I’ve always been able to follow. To trust as I was taught, but everything that’s happened lately was a result of my decision.

  My instincts left me blind.

  Nothing Victoria did was to harm.

  Victoria changed my world when she left those hospital records for me to find, and then she came into it and changed it again and again, for the good and then the bad, and the truth followed and with it I was struck.

  I am struck.

  She was loyal to me when she had no reason to be.

  The second the thought hits, a heavy sense of desperation floods my veins, and I’m on my feet pacing.

  What the fuck did I do?

  I need her.

  Her hands and her skin and smile, her glare and the bratty little attitude she loves to give when she’s pushing back.

  I want her to push back.

  I want her.

  My feet carry me to her bedroom, and I lay my knuckle against the wood of her door, slowly pushing it open.

  The light of the moon is a little brighter than normal tonight and peeking through the edge of the curtain. It hits the chandelier above just right, illuminating her figure beneath the comforter I picked out for her, in the bed that I put together myself because I trusted no one else to do it right.

  Her chest rises, wrestling the sheets and alerting me she’s awake, that she knows I’m standing here in her doorway.

  As I grow closer, she shifts to lie flat on her back, the blankets moving with her and falling a bit from her body.

  My left knee hits the mattress first, and I climb up along her body, between her open legs until my palms are flat beside her shoulders.

  I can see her face now.

  She watches me, a softness in her eyes I don’t see often, but the slight lift of her lips is sorrow-filled, and the pain cuts into my own skin.

  Every night she waits up for me, expecting nothing and accepting the little I give, and I gave even more to a girl who wasn’t her.

  My hands start at her ribs, gently sweeping along her top and down her naked thighs until I can reach behind her knee. I tug, bringing it up to my side, my eyes closing as the heat of her blends with mine, bringing her core closer.

  I dip my head, slowly kissing along her collarbone, and her chest inflates sparking a fire in my own.

  My hand comes up, fingertips trailing the length of her arms and up over her shoulder until I can grip her neck.

  I pull my head back, kissing her chin, and then the corners of her mouth, and I freeze there.

  Her shuddered breath has my eyes peeling open, and finally her palms land flat on my chest.

  I drop my forehead to hers, soaking in the feel of her.

  When her fingertips curl, my hands sink into her hair and I do what I’ve wanted for so fucking long.

  I tip her mouth to mine, my lips falling onto the softest fucking pillows—

  “I lied before,” she breathes.

  My eyes fly open, our mouths touching.

  Raw sorrow washes over her and I’d swear a cloud of moisture sneaks into the deep, hypnotic brown of her gaze.

  Her hand leaves my chest, sliding along my arm until it’s tethered with the one in her hair.

  My fist tightens, and I press against her, but then she pulls it back, taking mine with her and cold hard dread seeps into me.

  Her eyes avoid mine, seeking out the night surrounding us as she repeats in a whisper, “I lied before... I’m not okay with pretending to be her.”

  Ice.

  My body turns to ice, stuck, fucking frozen.

  I try to pull her to me, but the hand she left on my chest plays as a barrier, pushing me away.

  The dark of the night aches behind her words, coating my throat, threatening to suffocate me.

  “What… no. Beauty, no—”

  She shakes her head, and then the light hits just right, capturing the tear that falls from her eye, and I fly from the mattress, toppling over my own feet and almost falling to my ass.

  The knob of her door stabs me in the ribs as I stumble into it, my back hitting the frame as I race backward from her room on unsteady feet.

  She knows.

  She fuckin’ knows.

  My pulse beats out of control and I can’t breathe. I fall to the wall, sliding down it until my ass crashes to the floor.

  My head buries in my hands, and then a pair of black, unlaced boots are in my vision.

  I look up at my brother.

  Royce shakes his head, anger in his eyes, but it’s gone in a blink.

  He came home for me.

  “You fucked up, brother,” he whispers.

  “I did.” I nod. “And you knew.”

  “I did.” He drops beside me with a sigh. “At least we know you’re as human as the rest of us now.”

  I scoff and a heavy chuckle leaves him.

  “Wanna know something that might make you feel even shittier?” he asks.

  My eyes slide to his, but he looks away before he speaks.

  “She’s okay with losing,” he says. “Or, shit, she thinks she is anyway.”

  Okay with losing, as in losing me to someone else.

  Raven was right
, she’s serious about her place here, and she plans to take it with or without me.

  “What are you gonna do, brother?” Royce asks.

  “I guess it depends on what she does,” I tell him. “But probably nothing good.”

  His eyes cut to mine and I shrug.

  “Can’t let her lock me out, won’t let her go.” I face forward again. “Guess I’ll force her hand.”

  “That’s kind of fucked.”

  “Yeah.” I nod. “It is.”

  Everything is.

  Chapter 30

  Victoria

  Morning comes too quickly and with it the smell of breakfast.

  Today I can’t hide from what’s been happening.

  The boys gave me a small pass last night, but they’ll fill their brother in on everything with Maria today, and I’ll have to face him and what he and I are not.

  I drag my ass from the bed and into the shower, but I don’t linger.

  There’s no point.

  I’m out and dressed within fifteen minutes. I part my hair, braiding back one side and pull it up into a messy bun on my head, tie a white bandana around it and skip the eyeliner for today.

  Downstairs, Zoey sits on the couch watching cartoons with Maddoc, while Raven chats with Rolland in the kitchen.

  Royce makes his way in then, and I’m a little shocked when he kisses my cheek as he passes, moving to do the same to Raven before grabbing the hot chocolate already made and waiting for him on the countertop.

  “Thanks, RaeRae,” he says as he takes a sip, walking out.

  Captain comes around the corner next, his feet stopping when he spots me.

  “ZoZo, you replaced me with Uncle D?” Royce teases her, sitting down and scooting her into his lap. He kisses her cheek. “Cartoon time is for Uncle Bro, ‘member?”

  Zoey just laughs and snuggles in to get comfortable, the little dog ears on her slippers flapping all over.

  But I caught it and so did Captain—Royce called her ZoZo. Not Zo or Zoey Bear.

  The corner of Captain’s mouth lifts and he keeps toward me, but then Maddoc pops from his seat.

  “Captain,” he calls, and slowly Royce’s head lifts. “Outside.”

  He spins in an instant, meeting his brother near the door as Royce gently moves Zoey off, whispering something in her ear before calling on Rolland. “Sit with her?”