Bittersweet

by Jannine Gallant

  “Why it’s called morning sickness is beyond me,” Rebecca said. “I’m sick morning, noon, and night.”

  “I was, too, with both my girls.” Nora patted her lips with her napkin. “It will stop eventually.”

  Tess smiled. “I wasn’t sick at all. Mind over matter, Rebecca.”

  Her friend groaned. “Tell that to my stomach.”

  Nora laughed and stood to clear away the plates. When Tess rose, Mary pushed her back into her seat. “I’ll help Nora. You sit there and enjoy yourself. It’s your special day.”

  “No, Mary, you stay put,” Nora ordered. “Lottie, Fay, and I will take care of everything.”

  The women quickly cleared the table. When they returned from the kitchen, Nora held a cake ablaze with candles. Emily shrieked in delight.

  Tess’s chest tightened. “Thank you, Mama. The cake is beautiful.”

  “Make a wish and blow out the candles before they melt into the frosting,” she said.

  Her gaze met Nathan’s and strayed to Daniel. Finally she looked at Emily. Everything she wanted most in life went into her wish. She closed her eyes and wished for a father for her daughter, a husband for herself. She wished for happiness. Taking a deep breath, she blew out all the candles.

  They ate cake and drank coffee, talking about past birthdays until Emily fell asleep in her lap. “I hate to break up such a wonderful party, but I should take her home.”

  “Goodness, I didn’t realize it was so late.” Nora jumped up from her chair and rounded the table. “You can’t possibly leave until you open your presents. I’ll hold Emily while you do it.”

  She relinquished her daughter. “I don’t need presents.”

  “Of course you do.” Rebecca touched her arm. “Everyone should have gifts on her birthday.”

  Nora urged the group into the front room, and Wesley brought out a stack of gifts and set it in front of Tess. “They’re all yours,” he said, giving her a pat.

  From Fay there was a pair of fine lace handkerchiefs. She exclaimed over them and gave her aunt a hug. Mary and Hank gave her half a dozen jars of blackberry preserves. From Rebecca and James there was a beautiful blue pottery bowl.

  “You really shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble,” Tess said, overwhelmed with the attention. “Everything is just wonderful.”

  “Now ours.” Nora handed her a soft package. “This is from your pa and me.”

  Tess opened it and found a blouse inside, hand tucked down the front and beautifully embroidered on collar and cuffs.

  “Oh, Mama, it’s lovely. You must have spent hours and hours working on all the embroidery.”

  Nora squeezed her hand. “I enjoy embroidering. It gave me a good excuse to sit down and put up my feet.”

  Tess ran her finger over the delicate stitches and smiled. “Well, I surely do appreciate it.”

  “Here,” Lottie said, handing her a small, flat package.

  Tess folded back the paper and discovered a beautifully bound book. “Shakespeare’s Sonnets, why, Lottie, how thoughtful of you. I can’t wait to sit down with this during a quiet moment. You know how much I love poetry.”

  She looked up, and her gaze moved from face to face, seeing the love and caring in the eyes of her friends and family. A lump of emotion lodged in her throat.

  “You still have another gift, Tess.” Nathan rested one hand on her shoulder and handed her a small box. Slowly, almost fearfully, she raised the lid.

  “Oh,” she gasped, relief flooding her. It wasn’t a ring. “How beautiful.” A pearl pendant suspended from a fine gold chain rested inside the box.

  His grip on her shoulder tightened. “It’s not as beautiful as you are.”

  “Let me see, Tess,” Rebecca said, leaning over the back of the settee.

  She lifted the pendant from the box, and the women crowded around to admire it. She glanced up when Daniel quietly left the room. He returned several minutes later.

  He stood in the doorway, holding a rocking chair. Tess’s hand flew to her mouth to still her trembling lips. Tears clouded her eyes.

  “It’s just a rocker.”

  She smiled and stood. Her legs quivered as she crossed the room to his side. She ran her hand down the silky smooth surface of the wood.

  “Oh, Daniel.”

  “I know how much you enjoyed the one at my house. I hope this one suits you.”

  “It’s perfect.” She sat down in the rocker and leaned back with a sigh. Daniel took Emily from Nora and handed her to Tess.

  “Now, it’s perfect.”

  “How can I ever thank you?” She smiled up at him.

  “I don’t want any thanks. Just enjoy it.”

  “Oh, I will.” Pleasure at his thoughtfulness filled her. She hugged Emily and cleared her throat. “Thank you all for a wonderful, wonderful birthday.”

  Nora picked up the wrapping paper. The others headed toward the door, wishing Tess a happy birthday as they left. Finally, it was just the Gallaghers and Nathan and Daniel remaining.

  “I’ll take your gifts out to the buggy,” Nathan said, “but I’m not sure where to put the rocker.”

  “I’ll bring it back,” Daniel offered. His gaze met Tess’s. “I’ll drop it off at your house sometime tomorrow.”

  “Thank you, Daniel, that would be a help.” Nathan left the room with his hands full.

  With her daughter asleep in her arms, Tess kissed her parents and hugged Lottie. Finally she stood in front of Daniel.

  “Your gift is very special. I really do love it.”

  “I know you do. Take Emily home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  She wanted more than anything to kiss him, and he seemed to understand. He bent forward and brushed his lips against her cheek. “Goodnight, Tess.”

  It wasn’t the sort of kiss she wanted, but she knew it was all she would get. “Goodnight, Daniel.”

  Nathan helped her into the buggy and slapped the reins. The night breeze blew warmly on her face as the horses trotted toward home. She leaned back in the seat and rested her cheek against Emily’s head.

  “What a wonderful birthday. Thank you for making me go and for the lovely pendant.”

  He shrugged. “It wasn’t much, not compared to the rocker. Daniel always seems to know exactly what is right for you.”

  “Daniel’s gift doesn’t detract from yours,” she said quietly. “I can enjoy them both.”

  He was silent for several minutes then cleared his throat. “On the way to town, you said you wanted to talk to me about something.”

  She sighed. “I do, but let’s talk at home after I put Emily to bed.”

  “All right.” His anxious gaze met hers in the moonlight.

  They rode the rest of the way without speaking. When they reached the house, he carried her gifts inside while she took Emily up to bed. Fay was already in her room. When Tess came downstairs, Nathan had a hot cup of tea waiting.

  “Thank you,” she said, taking the cup. “Let’s sit in the front room.”

  Once they were seated, she was reluctant to begin. She sipped her tea, but the hot liquid did little to warm the coldness inside her. She dreaded the task ahead. Nathan didn’t deserve to be hurt.

  “Just say it, Tess.”

  She set down her cup. “I don’t know how.”

  “Will it be easier if I say it for you? You don’t want to see me anymore. Isn’t that what this is about?”

  She reached for his hand, and his fingers curled around hers. “I do want to see you, but I have to be honest about my feelings. I have to be fair to you.”

  “Tell me how you feel.”

  She took a deep breath. “I like you very much. I enjoy spending time with you.” She hesitated, and he spoke before she could finish.

  “But you don’t love me.”

  “No, I don’t.” She raised her eyes. “I expect you won’t want to waste your time with me anymore, and I understand if you want the necklace back.”

  “Oh, Tess.” Nathan
pulled her into his arms. “I know you don’t love me.”

  “You do?”

  He nodded.

  “Then why have you been spending so much time with me?”

  “Because I believe I can change your mind.”

  She leaned against him and listened to the comforting sound of his heart beating beneath her ear. “What if I told you I love someone else?”

  “I guess I’ve known that for some time, but obviously there’s a problem.”

  “Yes, there is.”

  “Daniel’s a fool,” Nathan said.

  Tess looked up at him. “You don’t mind?”

  “I mind plenty, but I would rather have what you’ll give me than nothing at all.”

  “That’s not fair to you!”

  “Why don’t you let me decide what’s fair. I’m a grown man, capable of looking out for myself. Tell me something. Does my touch repulse you?”

  “No, of course not.”

  He pulled her closer. “Then let’s wait and see what happens. I think eventually you’ll discover I’m the right man for you.”

  “I don’t deserve you,” she mumbled against his chest and felt the rumble of his laughter. “What’s so funny?”

  “You are. Have you been agonizing over this talk?”

  She nodded. “I was certain you would wash your hands of me, and I knew I would miss you.”

  “Well, that’s a very good start.” He tipped up her chin and smiled at her. “It’s late. I should let you go to bed, but may I kiss the birthday girl first?”

  “Of course.” She closed her eyes as his lips descended. She felt pleasure at the contact and didn’t object when he deepened the kiss. Nor did she pull away when his hand moved up from her waist to caress her breast. She let out a shuddering breath when he finally pulled away.

  Nathan groaned and rested his cheek on her head. “After your confession, I don’t suppose you’ll let me stay longer?”

  She smiled. “No, I don’t suppose I will, but I wouldn’t object to another minute or two.”

  “In another minute, I won’t want to stop.”

  “Then it’s best you go. Even if Aunt Fay and Emily weren’t upstairs, I couldn’t do what you want.”

  He cupped her chin in his hand and looked into her eyes. “Say it, Tess.”

  “I can’t make love to you.”

  “Not yet.”

  “Not yet,” she amended.

  He gave her one last kiss before standing. She followed him to the door.

  “I’ll be around soon, maybe for that shooting lesson I promised you.” She made a face, and he laughed. “You really should know how to shoot, Tess. I would feel better about you being out here with just Fay and Emily if I knew you could protect yourself.”

  “I’ll do it,” she agreed, “but you’ll soon realize I’m hopeless.”

  “We’ll see. Goodnight.”

  She shut the door behind him. Her step was light as she mounted the stairs. A great burden lifted from her shoulders. She’d been honest, and Nathan hadn’t walked out of her life. She couldn’t ask for more than that.

  * * * *

  “Are you sure you’re aiming at the can?” Nathan asked, his frustration showing in the tone of his voice.

  Tess lowered the pistol and placed her hands on her hips. “Yes, I’m aiming at the can. I told you I’m no good at this.”

  He grabbed the gun. “If you aren’t careful, you’ll shoot yourself in the foot.” He cautiously offered her the pistol.

  “You keep it. I’m through.”

  “Come on, Tess, try again. I’m sorry I yelled.”

  His smile did little to improve her temper. “Let Lottie have a turn. If you insist, I’ll try again later.”

  He let out a deep breath. “All right.”

  Lottie headed out from the shade of the barn and handed Emily to Tess. “Nice shooting.”

  “Very funny.” She looked down at Emily’s filthy face and frowned. “What’s she been doing, playing in the dirt?”

  “Yes, but I tried to keep her from eating it.”

  She sighed. “Thank you. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

  Lottie’s smile was smug. “It’s understandable. You’re not used to doing something poorly. You’re always so darned perfect at everything.”

  Tess didn’t respond to the taunt, afraid she’d regret the waspish comments on the tip of her tongue. She sat down in the shade and let Emily crawl about as she pleased. Shadow lay next to her with a gusty sigh, and she scratched his ears.

  “Let’s see how good Lottie is,” she grumbled.

  Lottie stood in front of Nathan. He put both arms around her and adjusted her hold on the gun. Then he showed her how to line up her target. When he stepped back, she took aim and sent the can flying.

  “Nice shot.” Nathan beamed. “You have a natural talent.”

  “Thank you, but maybe it was beginners luck.” She lowered her eyes. “Show me again how to hold my hands.”

  He reached around her and adjusted her grip. She looked up at him, their faces inches apart.

  “Like that?”

  He nodded and slowly stepped away. Lottie aimed and fired five shots. Three cans flew off the top rail of the fence.

  “Darn, I missed two of them.”

  “For a beginner, you did wonderfully. I’ll set up more targets, and you can try again.”

  When Lottie hit all six cans, Nathan backed up and let her try from a longer range. Tess closed her eyes and relaxed against the side of the barn. From across the yard came the static sound of shots followed by his warm praise.

  “How’s the shooting practice going?”

  Her eyes popped open. “Hello, Daniel.” Her heart beat steadily. Maybe eventually she would be able to look at him without feeling a tug of longing.

  He squinted into the sun, looking toward the pair by the fence. “Hey, Lottie’s pretty good.”

  She made a face. “Yes, she is, and I failed miserably.”

  Daniel squatted beside her and smiled as Emily tottered toward him. “Did you hit the barn again?”

  “According to Nathan, I almost shot off my foot.”

  He laughed and scooped up Emily. He set her on his raised knee and let her explore his nose and eyes with her filthy fingers.

  “She’s getting dirt on you,” Tess said.

  “I don’t mind.”

  She turned to watch Nathan with his arms around Lottie. He demonstrated how to swing the gun in an arc, following a moving target. Lottie missed the first can he tossed in the air but hit the second.

  “Does that bother you?” Daniel asked.

  “What?” She turned to look at him.

  “Seeing Nathan with his arms around your sister.”

  She stared at him. It hadn’t occurred to her to be jealous of Nathan. “Of course not. Why should it?”

  “No reason. I don’t imagine Nathan would ever look at another woman while you’re around.”

  She studied her sister’s blond curls and creamy complexion, her narrow waist and full breasts. “She’s very pretty.”

  “Yes, she is.”

  A stab of envy pierced her. It didn’t bother her to see Nathan with his arms around Lottie, but it annoyed her to hear Daniel compliment her.

  She turned toward him. “Do you have a reason for being here other than to tease me?”

  “I brought your chair. I’m sorry I didn’t stop by with it yesterday.”

  “That’s all right.”

  “Would you like it upstairs or in the front room?”

  “In Emily’s room, please.” She touched his arm. “I really do love it, Daniel.”

  He smiled and rose to his feet. “I’ll take it upstairs. Then I need to get back to work.”

  “Aren’t you going to stay and say hello to Lottie and Nathan? It looks like they’re finished.”

  “Sure. A few more minutes won’t hurt.”

  Lottie glowed with pride. Daniel congratulated her on her shooting.

>   “I had a good teacher.” She smiled at Nathan.

  “I’m still amazed at how well you did.”

  “Especially after my performance.” Tess grimaced. “Apparently poor shooting isn’t a family trait.”

  “You just need practice.”

  Daniel smirked. “How about a bigger target?”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Maybe you should stand over there with an apple on your head.”

  “As long as you’re aiming at me, I should be perfectly safe.”

  Tess laughed with the others, even though the joke was on her. When Emily wrapped her arms around her ankles, she bent and picked her up.

  “They’re making fun of your mama.”

  “We’re not making fun,” Nathan protested. “Put Emily down, and we’ll try again.”

  She shook her head. “Maybe another day. I need to give Emily her dinner and put her down for a nap.”

  “Is it noon already?” Lottie asked.

  Daniel looked up at the sun. “Probably closer to one.”

  “I have chicken and dumplings simmering on the stove. There’s more than enough for everyone,” Tess offered.

  He shook his head. “I ate before I came over. Anyway, I have work to do.”

  Nathan cleared his throat. “I would love to stay if Lottie isn’t in a hurry to get back to town.”

  She shrugged. “Fine by me. I don’t have anywhere to be.”

  Daniel left after taking the rocker upstairs, and Nathan and Lottie sat at the table. Fay poured glasses of iced tea and passed them around. Tess put Emily in her high chair and dished up the meal. The scent of chicken and herbs filled the air. She missed Daniel but knew it was probably best he’d left.

  “This is delicious,” Nathan said.

  “Cooking I can manage.”

  “The shooting lesson didn’t go well?” Fay asked.

  Lottie smiled. “Nathan said I’m a natural.”

  “Tess’s aim will improve with practice. It’s important she learn to shoot.”

  “Why bother,” she said, spooning chicken into Emily’s mouth. “I’ve gone this long without knowing how.”

  He set down his spoon. “You should be able to defend yourself.”

  Tess looked up and frowned. A quality in his voice alarmed her. “What’s this about? Why are you so insistent we learn to shoot?”

  His mouth tightened. “A farm was raided fifty miles north of here. The culprits killed a woman while her husband was out in the fields.”