A House Out of Time

by Bruce Macfarlane

  I do wish sometimes that when I speak about anything other than what women are expected to say the company of men in my presence would not look so surprised.

  “That would make some sense,” said James. “And any portals, like that door for instance, flips into that time state until, to paraphrase Newton, an external force acts on it to change its state. What do you think, Marco? Does your machine leak?"

  "I've no idea. I never saw any effects but then I've always been inside the machine when it’s started up. Mind you, it’s got a Martian power source. God knows what that’s doing to all the dimensions."

  James continued to goad Mr Baralia. "Ever thought of doing a risk assessment before you start playing about with the universe, Marco? You're not thinking about making a black hole by any chance?"

  "What do you think powers time?"

  "What do you mean? Time ends or stops at the event horizon of the black hole."

  "Or that's where it starts, Urquhart. Does time run backwards or forwards?"

  "Ah," sighed James. " The old entropy question. Third law of thermodynamics. Time only travels one way. In the direction from order to disorder."

  "Wrong time, Urquhart. I'm talking about time, the fourth dimension. The one that all things travel on from the past to the future. You've seen it, haven't you? The Martians have shown you?"

  He was right. I recalled seeing the planets as the Martians did, extruding into twisting corkscrew paths around the Sun. In my mind I felt I could have reached down and touched any point in their past or future. As I imagined it again I suddenly realised what we did when we travelled. I said, "So to reach the past or future we have to travel out of time."

  "Exactly, Mrs Urquhart. Once again you've hit the nail on the head."

  "And to do that," said James, "you need a fifth dimension to travel in."

  "Well done, Urquhart. You’re catching up with your wife again."

  "I'll let her be the judge of that." replied James thankfully ignoring the jibe. "Anyway, my brain's full. So how are you lot getting back?"

  I'd forgotten about my father.

  "We have to come with you." said Mr Wells.

  So all six of us packed our bags and I changed into my green Victorian garments as I could not cope with any more comments on my dress or position in life.

  James was the first to look through the door. "OK, it's dark out there and I can't see anyone but that could mean they're all waiting to trap the first devil that comes out of this building. I think it's best if I go out first and scout around unless you want to do it, Marco. It must be your turn by now."

  Mr Batalia looked at us all. There was a glint of something in his eye. Then he shrugged his shoulders and said. "Very well. I'll go first." I realised what he was thinking and stopped him. "No, you are not. You would take the machine without us."

  He tried to deny it but I could see I had hit the mark.

  "Any other volunteers? OK. It's me then" said James resignedly, then looking at me a little dejectedly, "I have to prove a point to someone anyway."

  I hope I do not push James too hard. This equality of the sexes in his world is a delight. But I sometimes wonder whether being released from my world where the position of the woman is generally confined to the parlour and the nursery I take too much advantage. I have mentioned this to him once or twice to which he has replied in his usual diplomatic fashion that 'it keeps him on his toes'. What a difference to the treatment of women in the Roman world.

  However, I could not let him go out there by himself for I always have this fear that if we are separated we will lose each other in time. There was also, I thought rather selfishly, that the probability of ending up in the market might be reduced if I had four gentleman defending me. Though when I looked at them in their variety of fashions I didn't give much hope.

  Nevertheless, I said forcefully. “No! We all go as one." Everyone agreed, with the exception of Mr Batalia and gathering our luggage, a motley crew of strangely dressed devils one by one materialised out through the door.

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  J.

  A gibbous moon was rising in the east silhouetting the tree line. It was just as we approached the machine I noticed them all in a row by the side of the house. We stopped in our tracks and moved much closer to each other. Though what protection that gave us I’ve no idea. It looked like half the villa estate had turned up complete with the Roman with the toga and sword. Next to him I could see a woman and what looked like a child. When they saw us they immediately fell to the ground in some sort of obeisant position of reverence.

  Both groups lay or stood motionless not daring to move until Elizabeth, who has no fear, decided to take control after some mutterings about men and how you can't depend on them when you need them.

  She called to the Roman in her latin to stand up and bring his family with him. To my surprise his wife stood up first! I have to admit his wife was quite a beauty and had gone to some lengths to put on her Sunday best. Her dress, which seemed to be embroidered in silk fairy flowers, I would have bought Elizabeth without asking the price. It was only partially covered, as only women can partially cover themselves to reveal all, by that white loosely hanging smock which signified her marital status and held by two intricate gilt shoulder straps. Her hair must have been very long for it was plaited high up in many intricate knots and in the moonlight her face was pure white. She then spoke to her husband which by its delivery did not need translation and caused him to stand up as well. Having got him to his feet she then approached us and with some confidence which suggested she had concluded we weren't Gods from Heaven, she addressed Elizabeth directly. Why she thought Elizabeth was in charge of five men I've no idea. Anyway there then followed a rather fast latin conversation accompanied by much pointing at their respective husbands. Apparently, according to my nearest and dearest, who I believe absolutely at all times, the Roman's wife apologised for her husband questioning her status but added if I, that is the large barbarian next to her, had shown a bit more defence of Elizabeth's honour some of the comments by her husband would not have been made! How two women can take control over six men I don't know.

  The Roman's wife then said, glancing at her husband who was studiously staring at his feet for much of the conversation and looked like he would welcome an offer to go down the pub with me for a beer, that to make amends they had built a shrine in our honour in the porch of the house and carved our family name Urquhart beneath it. She then took us over to the door where there was now a carved oval recess below which cut in the stone block were the letters VQVT. I now understood where that worn recess with what looked like our name came from. However, within this alcove they had placed a small stone figure which looked like a hare. There was something a wrong with it though. I thought perhaps they had been in a hurry to finish it. Then I looked closer and realised what was wrong. It wasn't a hare; it was the spitting image of a Martian!

  I asked Elizabeth to ask them what it was to which they replied by pointing to the sky or more exactly to Mars which had now appeared between the clouds. To my surprise it was still orange. I wanted to ask more, but everyone else just wanted to get to the time machine while we were all in one piece.

  However, I was quite touched by what they had done for us considering if I had been one of them and met us in the way they had I would still be running towards Rome and I thought something in return was required before we left. A gift from the gods perhaps; I beckoned the husband to me. He looked askance at his wife who nodded. I smiled at him and shrugged my shoulders to signify I was also in the dog-house and no more in control than he was. He returned the same gestures in recognition. I then took off my solar-powered luminous watch and asked for his hand. It was a hand that had seen hard work although whether it was soldering, farming or both I didn’t know. I slid it onto his wrist and showed him how to close the titanium clasp. He immediately recognised what it did and showed his daughter and wife whose eyes lit up like his in w
onder.

  Elizabeth said. "That was very nice of you. I know that is almost as precious as your phone. I must follow your example and give something as well. Do you think some knowledge of our world would be nice?"

  "I’m not sure. Remember the Prime Directive."

  "What is that?"

  "Star Trek? Captain Kirk? No? Well, basically it means don't help the butterfly out of the chrysalis no matter how hard it struggles."

  "Ah, I see. One must find one's own way in the world. And I thought you were a socialist, James." she teased.

  "I am," I replied. " I make the garden, plant the flowers and show the birds and bees what to do. But after that it's up to them."

  She produced a pocket book and pencil and took it to the child who at first immediately clutched her mother. She opened the note book and proceeded in the dim moonlight to draw a teddy bear and a cat. She asked the child's name which was Aurelia, and wrote it on the page. Then after pointing at us she wrote our names underneath and the date 350 AD followed by ‘CCCL Anno Domini’. Elizabeth then gave the girl the pocket book and pencil.

  "Do you think that would change their civilisation?"

  Aurelia was already busy scribbling in the notebook assisted by her mother.

  I said, "Compared with seeing us come out that door and then in a minute disappear in the time machine, I don't think so."

  I was dying to point out to her that the AD system wasn't invented until at least the sixth century. But then decided best to bank it ready for the next time Elizabeth pointed out on of my minor errors.

  I shook hands with my fellow sufferer and asked Elizabeth to tell him if he ever fancied a beer to give me a call.

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  E.

  We entered the machine. It was a little crowded and I have to admit after a few minutes I would have welcomed the opening of a window to allow in some fresh air.

  James went over to the controls and asked when people wanted to go. He was, like me, exhausted. Mr Wells and Mr Hyatt wished to be ‘dropped off’ in 1895. Oh, to be home! My father wanted to return to 1873 where he started.

  Which left Mr Batalia.

  I thought of leaving him here with the Romans but reluctantly admitted to myself that would bring me down to his level. James suggested the Moon might be appropriate. We eventually decided that James’ period would be acceptable where we could keep an eye on him. After some hesitation during which James offered a number of other life-shortening locations he agreed. Which was a little disconcerting because I knew he was a slippery fish.

  As we went forward in time we saw once again the spectacle of the comet and the end of Roman civilisation. Then on we went, watching my house rebuild itself.

  Firstly, we dropped off Mr Batalia in 2016. James thought he could do with a walk so let him out in a field near Winchester. We departed before he knew where he was. Then we said our goodbyes to Mr Wells and My Hyatt. I said. “Please do not construe this the wrong way, Mr Wells, but I hope we don’t meet again for a while.”

  He gave an enigmatic smile and quipped, “There is time enough for everyone, Mrs Urquhart.”

  We then returned to our Hamgreen in 1873, closed down the machine, stepped out in to the courtyard and inhaled the fresh autumn evening air. James immediately went over to the pillar by the doorway. The worn alcove was still there and I could see now the worn lines of our name. However, I had not expected to see the little stone Martian sitting in the recess as fresh and as new as when we saw it last.

  I pulled the bell cord and in a moment Flory answered the door. There was no portal. This was followed by a very affectionate welcome from my sister for our father.

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  J.

  I must have lain in the bath for a good half hour. I had suggested to Elizabeth that to save on hot water we could share it but she felt that there was not room enough for two and in any case it would be unfair for me to have the tap end. She also said the maid servant was unavailable to scrub my back and if I asked again she would send Henry up with a wire brush.

  We were then treated to an excellent Victorian dinner. Elizabeth and Flory had dressed in ballroom finery and I was wearing a Victorian dinner suit which she said would considerably reduce the opportunities for remarks on gardening. As far as I can remember there were one hundred and twenty courses if you didn't include the side plates of ham, veal and mutton on the sideboard and I can only presume its preparation had laid waste the surrounding ten miles of countryside, judging by the number of birds, fowl and small animals served in the French fashion of 'if it’s alive you can eat it'.. Beside my plates were five coloured glasses which I discovered were all for me. These were expertly filled by a servant with champagne, hock, madeira, red wine and port.

  I say expertly for I never saw him fill or refill them, yet for some reason they were always full. It was like drinking from a cornucopia. Try as I might I could not empty a glass. It was only later I discovered that he had the dastardly trick of only filling my glasses when I was distracted by conversation.

  Eventually the eating and drinking stopped, mainly on their discovery that I was actually full to the point of bursting but had thought it impolite to leave the table without finishing everything.

  We men then retired, or staggered, to the smoking room. Apparently in this house someone else did the washing up. I declined the offer of a smoke but within ten minutes the small room was so filled with cigar fumes from her father and Henry that I felt as if I had smoked a couple anyway.

  After a while and a whiskey or two I asked if we could get out of the fug and go and look at the stars from the conservatory.

  It was a cool clear frost-bright night and the stars twinkled brightly in the haze of the alcohol. Two planets lay just between Orion and Taurus. One was distinctly orange. The telescope was still sitting in the corner so I asked if I could use it. After a few seconds of trying to focus, which I found easier once I had removed the end cap, I found Jupiter with two of its Galilean moons. I then turned to the other planet. It was Mars. The north and south poles were now blue-white like the colour of an iceberg. Over much of the surface there was orange desert but here and there were large patches of green connected by lines. I put a higher magnification lens in and after more fiddling with the-focus I saw at last the canals of Mars. They were ice blue. I wondered how the Martians were getting on and whether they knew we had saved their world.

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  E.

  The men eventually returned to the drawing room to join Flory and I. During their absence I had extracted enough information about Henry and her by posing enough disinterested enquiries and oblique references to keep Jill and I amused for a whole evening. Once the men were seated, and Henry had managed to fit his plain-glass monocle into his eye-socket without it falling out, ((one of the sillier of the male fashions of the time) we offered them some savouries but James declined saying that he had excelled himself even by his standards at dinner. I must admit I agreed and pointing at our ancestors on the wall reminded him if he continued with his regime he would look like them in no time at all.

  About one o'clock James suggested we should go home to our time. However, I was enjoying the comfort of my old home and family asked if he minded if we stayed here a few days with my father. He looked a little disappointed and seemed to indicate by his expression and manner which I hope was not noticed by anyone else that he would prefer the company of my body rather than my home. There was no need for signals from him as I had presumed the ‘sleeping’ arrangements were already 'a given', as he would say. However, he agreed to stay. As it was now getting late everyone decided it was time to retire. I went upstairs first where I was met by my maid Lilly.

  "I have put Mr Urquhart in the guest bedroom. I hope that is convenient, Miss Lizzy" she said with a smile. I nearly blurted out that it was not 'convenient’ when I suddenly remembered Henry's instructions and why James had made his expression in the drawi
ng room.

  I replied rather unconvincingly that it would suffice and thanked her. To which she added, with that look she reserved for me that indicated nothing ever got past her, that unfortunately the key to the door of the guest bedroom had unaccountably gone missing and could not be locked and hoped that would not cause any 'inconvenience'. Seeing by my countenance, which I tried unsuccessfully to hide, that I understood her implication she then wished me good night and walked back to her room humming a song to herself.

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  Chapter 13

  An Interlude

  E.

  I awoke to a bright, warm morning. Jill had packed my beautiful silk nightdress patterned in fairy gold and azure gossamer wings and embroidered with wild flowers which James had brought me in a rather expensive shop in North Street. He said, and I agreed, that it caressed me so smoothly and softly that when he closed his eyes he could not tell it was not my body.

  We had been staying at my home at Hamgreen for almost a week now in separate chambers to comply with my cousin Henry’s request. I must admit I had hoped for more intimacy but I had discovered the presence of Henry and the staff in my house caused quite some inhibitions in James’ advances. He was convinced, through possibly too many reminders from myself, that my honour must be preserved at all costs. This was not helped by the servants who unbeknownst to us understood we were an item and took great delight in being in the 'wrong' place when any advance towards me was expected. My maid Lilly who had still not found the missing key was complicit in these games and having obtained from me by her usual devious questioning that James and I normally shared the same bed ‘to save on heating’ had wagered that I could not entice him to bed before the end of the week. As I had not had the opportunity to be with James since we left our home, and after five nights only twenty feet from his unlocked bed room, I was driven to thinking a sign with the words. 'Respectable Lady requires a good ravishing by Mr. James Urquhart. Enquire within." would help. But I felt even in his times with its laissez-faire attitude to bedding this would have overstepped the mark. So, yesterday evening, the sixth evening of enforced abstinence, I paid Lilly her wager and asked for her assistance. An opportunity had arrived when Henry and Flory were invited to a soirée at Pulborough which required an overnight stay. Lilly arranged for the other staff to have a night off. She would stay to arrange breakfast but would be unaccountably missing at bedtime to assist in my undressing.