Fianna Kelly Versus the Jeebees: A Collection of Steampunk Stories

by Harry Dodgson

  I was talking with one man several times during the day. He'd always have a technical question about Bradan. He said that he was a professor at a university in Scotland. Some of the questions I could answer; mainly the ones I had already asked Bradan. The other ones I just looked back at Bradan and let him respond. The man scribbled some notes in a pad each time and then he went off to another place to talk with another person. I got the feeling that Bradan was acting as the professor and he was the student.

  As it got towards evening, many of the people had left and we had a scant few left in our tent to talk with. Felix's wife, Mary, arrived with our dinner in a picnic basket. It was so much better than lunch and I expressed my appreciation for her efforts. Felix was a lucky man as she made sure he ate at regular intervals in spite of his work. She had dressed extra special today because Felix had promised her a great evening. He had only promised me that I wouldn't hate being here. At least I wasn't the only woman overdressed here anymore.

  I could hear a band tuning their instruments in another tent. I checked the programme and saw it was a local group. Bevin sometimes helped them out when they needed more musicians. I sometimes helped Bevin out when she needed more singers. I didn't need to try hard to convince Felix and Mary to come along with Bradan and I to hear them play.

  It wasn't just music though. There was an amazing display of electric lights in all colours and shapes. The band was on a stage that was lit by four bright arc lights from over 50 yards away. I hoped all that light did not blind the musicians. Unlike most of the exhibits here, I could imagine some of this becoming popular. It kept one's attention focused on the band and not wandering around the tent looking for mischief.

  Bevin was on the left side playing her concertina. I thought about waving to her, but I doubted she could see me. Perhaps the lights were meant to keep the performers focused as well. If they couldn't see the audience, they wouldn't get stage fright. Since I wanted to talk to her, the four of us headed that way when the band took a break.

  I had an idea and I told it to her and she told it to the band leader and he told it to the band and then to the people controlling the lights. The next set started and they covered the arc lights so the stage was barely lit. The music kept playing though. I ran for the right side of the stage while Felix helped Bradan up on the left side. We were in position when the next song started; the one I had picked. They uncovered one arc light to show just me as I sang.

  In Glasgow Town my Mither dwells,

  As sure the Maidens ken,

  For oft her counsel warns the Girls,

  O ne'er to trust the Men,

  But let her chide and call them bad,

  the folk must all agree

  When it came time for the chorus, I called out "Everyone sing along!" and they uncovered another light to shine on Bradan. He had the words displayed for all to see.

  BLYTHE SANDY IS A BONNY LAD

  The band played it slower than usual so he could keep up with the word changes and everyone could sing.

  AND DEARLY HE LOVES ME

  BLYTHE SANDY IS A BONNY LAD

  AND DEARLY HE LOVES ME

  HE DOES

  AND DEARLY HE LOVES ME[v]

  His light was covered again after the chorus while I sang the next verse. When the next chorus came, he was lit again and the audience joined in. We did it one more time for the last verse and chorus. When the song finished, I curtsied and left the stage while the audience applauded. Felix helped Bradan down the steps to make sure he didn't topple over. All the lights were uncovered and the band continued with their next song.

  It took a minute or so for the spots in my eyes to go away. I figured that someone would have to invent a way to light up the band while keeping the lights out of their eyes if they wanted to keep doing it. Felix and Mary danced while Bradan and I just stood by the stage and listened. I was thinking about how nice it would be to listen to a band playing music whenever I wanted. I recalled that someone had invented a device to do that. I'd have to ask Felix if he could build one for me.

  Bevin walked to the edge of the stage near us and addressed the audience. "We have one more song for you to end the evening. Who wants to hear Fianna sing while I play 'The Hokey Cokey'?[vi] Let's give her some encouragement!"

  I didn't need to be coerced to sing, but Bevin believed the audience should always have an opportunity to express their appreciation. There was a decent amount of applause as I came back onto the stage. We hadn't asked for anything with the arc lights, but the men working them got into the mood and shown one light on the two of us and the other three onto the dance floor. I let Bevin play once through the song as a solo and joined her as it started again.

  That was a long song since we did all the verses and I needed a drink when we finished. Mary had thought of that and had glasses of cold lemonade for Bevin and I as we left the stage. I asked her about them being cold and Felix interrupted with his usual 'benefits of science' line.

  We all walked outside to watch the fireworks show coming next. I really did know where I was and what was going to happen, but when the first rocket went up I could only think of jeebees attacking. I looked back at Bradan and was comforted by the lack of warnings. It was a minute or two before I managed to relax and not jump at every loud noise. They had some spectacular blossoms this year.

  I was cold and tired on the way home and I allowed Felix and Mary to do all the talking. I thought about crawling under Bradan and getting a short nap. It would be comfortable and warm there, but would leave my dress all wrinkled and I needed to wear it again tomorrow. I settled for leaning on Mary. She was warm too and said it was the least she could do for me.

  • September 2

  The next day started about the same. The wagon ride felt shorter since I knew where we were headed. I took Bradan around the outside of the tents today and we arrived at our spot much faster because we didn't need to manoeuvre through people. I saw a lot more people here today; I'd guess at least twice the number of those here yesterday.

  The professor was back early in the morning. He excused himself for bypassing me while he talked directly to Bradan for at least an hour. I didn't mind being left out of the conversation as I had no idea what it was about. The letters on Bradan's chest didn't make any sense to me either. The professor thanked me as usual when he left.

  Felix and I were very busy talking to people. Yesterday we were able to take breaks with just one of us at our assigned spot, but today was different. Even Bradan was busy demonstrating his ability to lift heavy objects or reach difficult to access locations. When lunchtime came, I gave silent thanks to Mary who had saved me from experimental food by packing sandwiches for us today. I knew where the hots spots were on Bradan and he didn't object to me using him to toast my bread.

  I needed to take a break and visit the ladies' comfort room. When I returned, Felix was explaining how automatons could be used in restaurants to both cook and serve your food right at your table. I talked him out of demonstrating this as I didn't want Bradan smelling of burnt meat for the rest of the day. Instead, I persuaded him to show how Bradan could keep track of recipes and the directions to make soda bread properly.

  Around three o'clock, some guy in a worn suit talked with Felix for a minute then started shouting. "This is not an automaton! They are frauds! There is clearly a man inside of that thing working the controls. I demand you open it up for all to see!" He was dashing back and forth in front of us to draw attention.

  I was expecting something like this. Nothing ever goes smoothly in my life for long. I looked at Felix and he just shrugged. I looked around for the professor and didn't see him either. That meant it was up to me to deal with this man. I glanced down at my pistol to make sure it was ready to fire should I have to. I don't remember why I decided to wear it when I got dressed this morning. It certainly did not go well with my dress.

  I addressed the crowd that was forming, "I believe I have been insulted and slandered. Where is your p
roof?"

  "It is obvious that nothing mechanical can perform the acts that you claim this does. Everything it does is proof that there is a man inside of it."

  "What would we have to gain? We are neither selling his services nor offering to build more like him for profit. We are merely here to share our dream of a better world. Are you one of those people afraid of progress? Do you fear your wife might want a mechanical servant so she no longer has to spend her life in the kitchen?"

  "If there is no-one inside it, you won't mind if we open it up for all to see."

  "I propose that you are an empty man, and if we open you up, we will find nothing inside."

  The professor walked out of the crowd that had gathered. "Cedric, that is not the way to get the secrets to how their automaton works. All you have to do is be friendly and ask it."

  "You get your information your way and I get it mine," he replied.

  "If you continue this way, the young lady is likely to shoot you... and with good reason. If you don't apologise to her, right now, and for all to hear, I may shoot you too."

  "I will not embarrass myself on behalf of a woman. She can go to Hell first."

  The professor spoke up for all to hear. "I won't tell you again. You will recant your former statements and ask forgiveness for slandering these good people or I will tell everyone about you."

  Cedric reached into his suit and pulled out a small pistol. He waved it around, as if unsure about who or what he wanted to shoot. I was unsure how to respond. I wanted to shoot him because he upset me, but that wasn't a good enough reason. This man could hurt someone either intentionally or by accident. That was a good reason. Someone had to protect the other people and I was the best one here. I had been practicing with my revolver recently and could put the bullet where I wanted it at short range. I put one into his right leg and he fired a wild shot as he fell.

  I addressed the professor. "How do you know this vile man?"

  "I had him expelled last year for plagiarism." I gave him a questioning look. "He tried to steal the work of others and claim it as his own."

  "What was he trying to do here?"

  "I believe he wanted to see how your automaton worked so he could patent the processes."

  I kept my pistol pointed at Cedric until men from the Royal Constabulary came to take him away. For his part, he just laid there holding his leg with both hands and glaring at me.

  Felix asked, "Is it true that it told you how it works?"

  "Yes, but it's not like I could replicate the process. The jeebee science is much more advanced than ours. You could almost say it was magic."

  Bradan tapped me on the shoulder. That was never a good omen. He was also holding out my rifle.

  DANGER EAST 75 YARDS

  If this had been outdoors, I would have waited for it to come to me. Instead, I ran as fast as I could through the crowd. By the time I reached where Bradan had indicated, it was too late and there were no jeebees in sight.

  One man was lying on the ground. His face and arms had burn marks on them. I had seen wounds like this before. The guns that the jeebees used caused wounds like this. The man was in pain, as expected, but alive.

  A police constable had come running behind me. I said, "I don't know whether I find trouble or it finds me. I most certainly do not go out each day looking for new excuses to see you guys."

  He smiled and said, "I think trouble comes looking for you. I read these cheap novels of the American West where someone is looking to challenge the fastest gun. I am thinking they just might be here to challenge you."

  "What can I do to stop them?" I asked.

  "In the novels, one of them usually ends up dead and the winner is the fastest gun alive."

  "I don't like that ending. I need to find myself a different novel."

  "Let's find out what part this man plays in the story."

  The man was demonstrating his device to a small audience. He liked to keep it behind a curtain while he explained what it did. The jeebees had been in the process of stealing it when he surprised them by opening the curtain.

  The police constable asked me, "What can you tell us about the jeebees? It might help us if we knew what you know."

  "Between the army and I, we don't know much about them. They take people, farm animals, and items they deem useful."

  "How do we deal with them?" he asked?

  "If you see one, shoot it in the head. Do not fire a warning shot. Do not stop to ask questions. It isn't likely it will have anything good to say. If you see one wearing robes, run away as fast as you can."

  I addressed the wounded man as I bandaged his wounds, "Excuse me for not noticing sir, but what does your device do?"

  He said, "It concentrates sunlight to generate electricity."

  "Could the jeebees turn it into a weapon?"

  "Anything can be used as a weapon in the wrong hands, Miss. In short, yes they could."

  I walked back to Felix and Bradan. I explained what had happened and asked Bradan, "What was wrong? You usually provide warnings when the jeebees are further away."

  UNEXPECTED

  "I wasn't expecting them either. I'm sorry. We both need to be more vigilant. They could come back. Now that I look at the convention from a different perspective, I see many things here they might want."

  Felix spoke up. "Have you considered it might not be a coincidence that both disturbances happened so close to each other?"

  "You are suggesting that person was working with the jeebees?"

  "It's just a theory," he said meekly.

  "Let me think that over for a minute..." And that's what I did.

  I said, "I'm going to tell you a story."

  "Once upon a time there was a guy named Cedric. He was not a nice person. He was captured by the jeebees and pleaded for his miserable life, promising to do anything to avoid whatever jeebees do with people. They let him go and he comes to a convention to find inventions that they could use. He returns to them with what could be considered a device grocery list called a programme. He notes on it that their deadly enemies, Fianna and Bradan, who he never saw before, are coincidentally in attendance as well, since they are not listed in the programme."

  "So rather than wait for a convenient time and place to grab an invention when Fianna and Bradan have gone home, they send him back to cause a disturbance. They somehow know that Bradan can detect them when they attack, but will be occupied watching the spectacle while they steal the invention. So Cedric gets himself shot, which the jeebees could care less about. They get what they want and live happily ever after. Fianna ends up doubly embarrassed by Cedric's actions and the theft happening under her nose, as the saying goes."

  I finished, "Would you buy that for five pence?"

  "It is really far-fetched isn't it?"

  "'Tis unbelievable. You should keep thinking thoughts of a better world and I will deal with making sure we're around to see it." I addressed Bradan, "Let's take a walk around the tents and ensure 'tis safe for everyone now."

  When we returned, Felix was looking guilty about something. He said, "I have something to tell you."

  "That you and Mary are expecting your first child?"

  "Why is that the first thing people always think? No, God has not blessed us yet."

  "What do you have to tell me then?"

  "I coerced you into coming to the convention with me because I had run out of ideas for new inventions. I now have a few so you won't need to attend next year."

  "That's nice. I may come anyway just to keep new devices away from the jeebees."

  "In case you do, I'm thinking of making a wagon that is easier for Bradan to get into and out of. The front seats will swing out of the way and there will be a ramp on each end for him to use."

  "That would be useful for people with livestock as well. When you build the first one, I want to see it."

  He paused for a moment, then asked me, "Do you think the jeebees will try again next year?"

  I l
owered my head and said, "I thought we had scared them away in London. I was mistaken. They likely will be around until we get rid of them all."

  I looked up at Felix "I believe it's time for Bradan and I to leave. We've been in enough trouble for one day. Do you mind leaving early?"

  He said, "I also believe we have done all the damage we can do this afternoon. It would be better to quietly sneak out than be followed by an angry mob."

  I added, "But there is one exhibitor I need to visit first."

  We walked to the centre of the tent where a couple were demonstrating new wind-up toys. The man proclaimed that due to his special process, the springs would run them for twice as long as before. While Felix watched the little animals run around, I talked with the woman. She had metal wind-up valentine hearts about the size of my palm for sale. She said they were made especially for women to relieve anxiety and that they had a calming effect. Bevin had mentioned her to me yesterday and I figured that right now I could use something to help me relax.

  Felix looked over at it, but didn't say anything, as I bought it. If nothing else, it was pretty. It made a soft hum and shook a little as the spring wound down. A minute later, it was resting quietly in the bottom of my bag. I had another thought and pulled my pocket watch out of my bag. I showed it to the man.

  "I know what you are going to ask," he said.

  I started, "Right now, I need to wind it every morning when I get up..."

  "and you would like to sleep in on the weekends without needing to reset the time," he finished.

  I smiled. "That would be nice."

  "I can see the mainspring in your watch and am pleased to say I have one with me just the right size to replace it. You'd just need a watchmaker or someone with steady hands to put it in."