Fianna Kelly Versus the Jeebees: A Collection of Steampunk Stories

by Harry Dodgson

  I glanced over at Felix and gave him my best helpless expression. He sighed and admitted he could install it given several hours of not being disturbed. I smiled and thanked him after paying the man for the spring.

  We were both quiet on the way home. I guess he had run out of things to say or was just tired of talking. I knew that I didn't have much energy left in me for conversation. He and Mary had a house just a short distance away from where I lived so it was no problem for him to let us out on his way home again. Bradan and I went to our normal spots; me in my bedroom and he outside my window.

  End

  THREE

  But not always direct.

  • April 27

  It was a dreary afternoon, but I was expecting something interesting soon. I was hoping for a new adventure. A stocky man in a brown suit came riding up on a brown and white mare. He was the one I was expecting as news of his arrival travelled faster than he did. I didn't know who he was or what he wanted, just that he had come from London to see me.

  He stopped by the fence and addressed me, "Excuse me, Miss. I am looking for the Kelly residence."

  "You are in the right neighbourhood. All of us around here are Kelly's," I replied.

  "Specifically, I am looking for Miss Fianna Kelly."

  "That would be me."

  "I'm glad I found you. My name is Gerald and I work for Mr Balfour."

  I smiled at him. "I'm glad you found me too. I've been waiting out here a while for you."

  "How did you know I was coming?"

  I asked him, "Did you ask a tall, thin boy with a floppy hat for directions?"

  "That sounds about right."

  "That was my little brother, Peter. He gave you the long way around and got home ahead of you."

  He lowered his voice to just above a whisper. "Anyway, I'd like to talk with you in private."

  "I've gotten behind in my chores waiting for you. Do you mind if Bradan and I work while you talk?"

  "Who is Bradan?"

  I pointed to his right. "He's the one pretending to be a huge metallic bear beside you."

  He looked a bit startled. "Oh! I guess it's okay."

  "Follow us. 'Tis pretty private out in the fields."

  He dismounted and followed Bradan and I to the far end of the field.

  "I work with a small group of men unofficially and discreetly for Mr. Balfour."

  "Unofficially?" I asked.

  "You know how the royal family helps the queen by attending events when she has conflicts in her schedule? We do something similar for Mr. Balfour by scanning the news and reports around the empire and pointing out anything that deserves his attention. He prefers that people think he does it all himself."

  "What kind of things do you find?"

  "For example, I saw a report of a young woman and a large automaton arriving at an Army base. Then I saw a newspaper stating how that same woman was influential in a battle. I looked into your situation further and delivered that newspaper with a box of cartridges to Mr. Balfour along with a simple note:

  I think we should keep helping her.

  "I guess I owe you as much as I do him."

  He noticed what Bradan and I were doing and asked, "Excuse me for changing topics, but what are you doing out here?"

  "We're planting potatoes. Bradan digs the hole. He is very good at getting it just deep enough. I drop a spud into the hole and cover it up. Then I'll come back shortly to water them."

  "Couldn't he do all of it?" he asked.

  "Have you ever tried to dig a three-legged automaton out of the mud? 'Tis not an easy chore and not one I care to repeat."

  "Now I understand. Anyway, I have been watching the newspapers and I read about your little adventure last September."

  I replied, "I swear that Bradan and I do not try to get attacked. The day was going so well until things went wrong... twice."

  "I would never accuse you of that. We thought you could use some more help though."

  "What kind of help?" I asked.

  "Wouldn't it be nicer if the papers said 'Fianna Kelly persuades mad scientist to surrender to police' instead of 'Fianna Kelly shoots crazed scientist at convention'?"

  "I wasn't my fault. He had drawn his pistol first. Besides, I only wounded him," I explained.

  "I agree that you didn't have a choice. You were skilfully manoeuvred into that situation."

  "I don't understand," I said.

  "I had a talk with the man you shot. He and that so-called professor were working together to claim other's inventions as their own."

  "He wasn't a professor? He seemed so nice and gentlemanly."

  "He was so nice that he talked you into shooting his partner. Once he realised that he was getting nothing useful from your automaton, he decided to lessen his losses as well as remove his partner. I suspect he wanted you to kill that man instead of wound him."

  I had stopped working while we were talking and just noticed that Bradan had gotten ahead of me. I worked fast to catch up to him.

  Gerald ran after me. "We'd like you to join our team. You would be a perfect field agent. You can go places we cannot."

  "I would very much like to help both you and Mr. Balfour as you once helped me."

  "We've decided we need to do more than just read about the jeebees and you are the best jeebee exterminator we know about."

  "'Tis not just me. Bradan helps by giving me advance warning of them."

  "I'm sure you noticed how the jeebees usually try hard not be noticed. We'd like it if you'd help us and them keep it that way. We don't want people to panic or children to have nightmares about them."

  "But what about the battle outside London with the newspapers and the pictures?"

  "The editor cut the jeebee out of the picture because he felt it would scare small children. Didn't you see it?"

  I said, "I was rather busy that day and didn't have time to get a copy before they were all sold."

  "Looking at the other newspaper coverage, they preferred writing about you instead of the jeebees, who don't stick around for interviews."

  "How about the Royal Constabulary? They have to know what they are protecting the people from."

  "Some of them know the truth; most do not. We decide who needs to know. If you join us, you'll help make those decisions."

  "Does it pay well?"

  "We get paid better than most and all expenses while travelling are reimbursed."

  I looked at Bradan. "Do you think we should join their team?"

  YES

  I turned back to Gerald. "We'd be happy to join. I can hardly wait to tell all my friends."

  "Please be discreet about who you tell and what."

  "When do we start?"

  He looked around; I guess to make sure no-one was listening nearby. If he knew my brothers like I did, he'd look closer. "We think they have a jeebee infestation in Holland. We'd like you to attend the International Colonial and Export Exhibition with me to ensure it doesn't spread.

  "I sent Eric a reply to his postcard that I couldn't make it to the exhibition."

  "I don't think he got your response as they've printed notices stating you would be performing the week it begins."

  "They shouldn't have done that, but it will be less embarrassing when we arrive. How did you know I wasn't attending?"

  "I didn't know. I was hoping I would find you had already left."

  "'Tis lucky for you I was still here or you'd be riding around all day."

  "Do you want to go?"

  "You know the answer to that or you wouldn't be here. 'Tis too late for me to get there in time for the start of the exhibition though."

  "Not by airship, it isn't."

  "My father has forbidden us to travel that way and I have given up trying to change his mind."

  "I've been told that I am very persuasive. When you finish here, you can start packing. By the time you are ready, I will have your father's blessing for the trip."

  "I would love to see you
try, but Bradan and I have a lot of spuds to plant."

  "Could you tell me where your father is?"

  "You'll have to go in the house and ask my mother. Do not ask my brothers lest you go the long way around again."

  When we finished the planting, I found out that Gerald had been correct. My father had changed his mind about my riding in one of those 'evil' airships... this time. It didn't take me that long to pack. I brought my portmanteau and steamer trunk to the door and Bradan loaded them onto the wagon. I reminded him to fill up with wood and water as I didn't know how long we'd be travelling.

  As we started out, Gerald said, "Your father drives a hard bargain. Should anything happen to you while in the air, someone will be planting your potatoes for generations."

  I laughed and said, "You should not be so gullible or we'll always be taking the long roads."

  He laughed too. "I will work on it."

  I let him direct the horses while I gave him directions. He would point out the way he had come, and I'd tell him the shorter route to take. It was amazing he had even arrived considering the directions that my brother had provided. I would have to talk to those two about that now that I was working for Mr. Balfour. It wouldn't be good for them to send everyone who came to give me an assignment out to the coast and back.

  "Before I forget, I'd like you to think about the design for a merchant flag to fly on your airship."

  "Did you just say I have an airship?"

  "To be precise, it is being loaned to you while you are on assignments for us."

  "Where is it? Why aren't we in it now?"

  "It is in London preparing for your arrival. Let's get back to my request. We need to fly a flag on it that is unique to you."

  "Let me think for a moment... I'd like a green background with a white shamrock centred on it and a rifle inside that pointed straight up. Will that suffice?"

  "I believe it will. I will send a telegraph when we arrive in Dublin so your flag will be ready and flying from your airship when we arrive tomorrow."

  He sat quietly for a few minutes. I was ecstatic. I had a job that paid well. I had an airship of my own. I had my father's approval. I was going to another country. This was becoming one of the best days of my life. I was in the mood to sing

  Always look on the sunny side,

  And never yield a doubt;

  The ways of Providence are wise,

  And faith will bear you out.[vii]

  When I finished, Gerald said, "I wasn't sure if you could do anything other than shoot extremely well, but now I see there is much more to you than that. We need someone who can talk her way out of dangerous situations when required too."

  "I can't say I am good at that, having been involved in so few. I haven't had much practice in making speeches."

  "I believe you have a natural aptitude that we can work with and there are things that I can teach you."

  "You won't turn me into a bureaucrat, will you? My father will not put up with one of his children going into politics."

  "I can teach you to recognise when you are being manipulated and the ways you can use to get others to see your point of view. I can start now."

  I spent the rest of the day learning about verbal confrontation on the wagon ride to Dublin. It started with easy things; paying someone a compliment could help get what you wanted while insulting them was sure to make them contrary. After each lesson, we would play a game that he called 'Change My Mind'. He would make a statement and I would try to find the right words to make him retract it. Most times all that took was something from his previous lesson.

  • April 28

  We had stayed the night within walking distance of the aerodrome, but Gerald insisted that going by wagon would save time. He said that we needed to arrive well in advance of the departure time in order to get Bradan loaded. I felt sorry for Bradan because he would have to travel in the cargo hold since he was too big for the gondola. For the next hour, Gerald was busy with arrangements, Bradan was busy being shuffled around, and I was not busy at all.

  I was so happy when I looked about to see my friends riding up the road. I hadn't left word for them, but the news had spread quickly about my travel plans.

  "This is wonderful!" I said. "You are all here to see me finally get my feet off the ground."

  They all started talking at once and I loved it. Gerald chose that time to give me my boarding pass.

  "Gerald, these are my friends: Darina, Bevin, Melissa, and Sheela. My friends, this is Gerald."

  "What do you do Gerald?" asked Melissa.

  He replied, "Right now, I have made a deal with Fianna's father to make sure she arrives at her destination safely and on time or else face some very severe penalties."

  Darina responded, "Ah, an escort. Keep her away from shoppes during the day, the pubs in the evening, and the four of us anytime."

  "Thanks for the support, Darina," I said.

  Melissa said, "After your brothers told us where you were going and when you were leaving, they told us how you were going and what your father's demands were to allow it."

  Bevin added, "So have a fun time and don't forget about us when you are in the souvenir shoppes."

  Darina looked at my boarding pass. "Is this a window seat? You know she's a virgin flyer and deserves the best view."

  "Gerald says I will have my own airship once we reach London so I will have plenty of room to bring home surprises," I boasted.

  They all tried to talk at once, but Melissa was first. "Your own airship? What competition gives those out as prizes?"

  I looked over at Gerald. "Your turn."

  "Well... She needs to be in a certain place and at a certain time. The schedules for commercial airships were not flexible enough for our needs."

  Melissa pressed on. "So you just gave her an airship?"

  I interrupted before he could answer that. "I will even have my own flag on it."

  Darina asked, "Can we go along? I bet you have enough room for four more."

  I smiled sweetly and looked at Gerald. The other women followed along with their best pouts. "They followed me here, can we keep them?" I asked.

  "How about you take them for a ride when we return? We are on a tight schedule."

  Bevin was first to reply. "Do you promise?"

  I answered quickly before Gerald could think. "We promise. I'll let you know when I'm headed home and you can watch for my airship to land in the meadow behind Sheela's house. I believe 'tis big enough."

  I addressed Gerald, "I'd like to check on Bradan before we go. Can we do that?"

  He replied, "That should be no problem as long as we don't get in the way."

  That was much easier to say than to do. Men were everywhere with luggage and boxes of all sizes. I had no idea how they managed to stay out of each other's way. We cautiously walked to get to where Bradan was placed a few steps at a time. They had tied him down to a large wooden board and that was in turn secured to the walls so it would not shift.

  "How are you doing?" I asked.

  IMPROPER LOCKDOWN

  I asked him, "How can we fix that?"

  REAR LEG MUST BE FREE

  I called to a nearby worker. "Can you help us?"

  The stevedore asked, "Why does it need that? It is more secure when we tie down all its legs."

  Gerald replied, "The automaton knows the airship is not always on an even keel, but it needs to stay as level as it can. With one leg free, it can adjust itself as necessary."

  The stevedore relented. "Normally, we'd put items like that in a sling, but that wouldn't work either. I guess with two legs secured fore and aft, it won't shift much."

  I looked at Gerald and asked, "How did you know that?"

  He replied, "It just made sense."

  Gerald and I started to board the airship as my friends waved and shouted at me. I ran back and gave them all hugs. Once inside, we found our seats next to a small window and I waved to them. It was difficult to accept that I was fi
nally going to be flying. I kept getting goose flesh on my arms whenever I thought about it.

  It was a weird feeling as we rose into the air. The entire ship leant backwards as we went up and my ears kept getting plugged. Gerald pointed out the women near us who would cover their face with a fan as they yawned. I thought that a bit pretentious, but I followed their example. My ears would clear for a moment or two and I'd have to do it again.

  I had seen some sparse, fluffy clouds from the ground and Gerald brought my attention to the window as we went through them. It was like the thickest fog I had ever been in. Water droplets formed on the window and were swept away. We flew above the clouds and I looked down at them. They looked like giant sheep; so soft and thick with wool. I felt like I could just walk out and go to sleep on them. That would be a sleep I would not wake up from, unfortunately.

  The ship levelled off and I could stop clearing my ears at last. As I expected, it was an uneventful flight to London. I spent most of it looking out the window. It began with looking at clouds or the water below them. Then we flew over land again and I could see farms and roads and towns. There were tiny things moving on the roads below us, which had to be wagons and carriages.

  It was near sunset when we arrived. Gerald said the winds had not been favourable and it took longer than usual. Since Bradan was loaded first, he would be unloaded last. It didn't matter much since he would be loaded onto my airship as soon as he was taken off this one.

  While we were waiting, a man came up to us. Gerald introduced him. His name was Ethan and he was one of the aviators who would be piloting my airship. He addressed Gerald, "We rechristened it as 'Clover' this morning. It seemed more appropriate than the former name."

  I looked over at my airship. It was a huge silver sausage-shaped balloon with a gondola affixed below it. The name "Clover" was written in thick letters taller than me on the side of the balloon. In the middle were two huge fans extending out from the gondola. It had the usual fins at the rear. On a rope between them and the bottom section was my flag, blowing gently in the breeze. The setting sun reflected orange off the balloon and it was truly a sight worth seeing. I said, "She's wonderful! I love her! Her name is perfect! How soon until we are flying?"