Greatest Hits Mysteries Boxed Set (Books 1-4)

by Langtry, Leslie

  “No.” I shook my head. “I couldn’t sleep so I made this– ” I said pointing to the spear– “and caught these.”

  The crew was disappointed. They began filming anyway but I heard Ernie muttering that they would be here first thing tomorrow morning to catch me in the act of. . .of what? I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I mean, the bracelet was sort of like cheating, but I didn’t see anything wrong with that. Especially when I didn’t want to be here in the first place.

  When breakfast was over, my tribe thanked me. Isaac smothered the fire and I showed them all how to smush up the coconut and smear it on our skin as a sunscreen.

  “Hey!” Julie appeared beside us, clipboard in hand. “Are you ready for your challenge?” She grinned. “I’ll bet you had a rough night with no shelter. . .” Her voice faded off as she saw the very nice shelter we’d made with mats on the floor. “Well, you’re probably pretty hungry and thirsty. . .” Then she noticed the fish skeletons, coconut husks and remains of a fire.

  It was obvious we’d taken the wind out of her sails. She expected to find us on the brink of death and instead we had shelter, fire and food. And she looked pissed.

  “What? How? How did this happen?” she shrieked at us. No one spoke. I mean, wasn’t this the point? We were supposed to find ways to survive. . .right?

  Julie turned to the camera guys. “Tell me you got this on tape!” Maybe she figured she could salvage it if we’d done something dramatic, like made a pact with Satan for the food and shelter - something explainable like that.

  Jimmy blanched and shook his head. Bert and Ernie winced, fearing what would come next. I felt a little sorry for them. It was my fault. Somehow, I’d have to find a way to give them a big scoop. Otherwise, they were likely to work against me. And I certainly didn’t want them dogging me – especially when I took out Vic.

  “So, what the hell’s next? Do we get a goddamned challenge or what?” Sami barked.

  Julie winced. “Please don’t swear so much Sami. Or you’ll be edited out.”

  Sami winked at me and I smothered a giggle. I really liked her. Before I had kids, I had saltier language than a pirate with Turrets pirate. Once the boys turned five, however, they decided that I had to clean up my act. The institution of a “swear jar” was pretty ingenious. Within three months, they had enough to buy a car. Of course, five-year olds can’t drive, so that doesn’t make sense, but you know what I mean. Don’t you?

  “We do have a challenge for you this morning, and it is for reward. I can’t tell you anymore than that, so if you’ll all just follow me – SILENTLY – you’ll find out soon.”

  We all shrugged – which was weird, then began talking loudly as we followed her into the jungle. You can’t treat a bunch of adults like kids, and we resented her – so we acted like kids. Might as well have a little fun with it.

  The chatter seemed to annoy Julie, which in turn amused us. Nobody really had anything to say, so we pointed out every damn tree and bug as though we’d never seen anything like it in our lives.

  After about ten minutes, we entered a clearing that looked suspiciously like a resort volleyball court. At opposite ends of the court were two dark tanks filled with water. Connecting the tanks was some sort of balance beam - obstacle course. Dead center was a square platform. So this was the challenge?

  There was no time to question Julie, because our smarmy host, Alan, showed up with brilliantly white teeth and a no doubt, resort-enhanced tan.

  “Today’s challenge is for reward.” Our host looked meaningfully at both teams. We pretty much rolled our eyes.

  “One of you stands on the platform and you form a bridge to the tank.” He pointed along the balance-beam. “You hold on to each other however you can, without anyone falling off.”

  Huh. That seemed easy enough. Until I spotted the fulcrums. Apparently, the balance beams weren’t secure – they were, well, balanced on fulcrums all the way across. It looked like they could move in any direction too. How very Hogwarts. Damn.

  Alan motioned for Bert and Ernie to demonstrate. The men sighed and put down their cameras, then climbed the platform. And while they were as coordinated as blind epileptics with inner ear problems, I didn’t see how we were going to do any better. The beams swayed back and forth, coming apart where they were connected. We’d have to use our bodies to hold them together. Fantastic.

  “Once you get everyone across to make the bridge, the one on the end has to use their free hand to find the pearls in the water and pass them along the bridge to the guy on the platform, who will place the pearl in a bucket. When you have ten pearls, everyone has to work their way back to the platform for the win. At any time, should any of your teammates fall, the whole team has to go back to the platform and start over.”

  Wow. I was impressed. What a sadistic challenge. So, all we had to do was hold onto each other. I didn’t have great balance, so I immediately volunteered to be the pearl diver for the team. Everyone nodded. Whew. At least I wouldn’t have to keep two people balanced. I just had to stick my hand in that cloudy water and sift for pearls. How hard could that be?

  Once the teams figured out who would do what, Alan started talking, “Okay. Remember the rules. Want to know what you’re playing for?”

  Of course, we all nodded. What did he expect us to do?

  Alan walked over to a table covered with a tarp and with an obnoxious flair for the dramatic, lifted it. “You are playing for mani/pedi’s and a haircut at the resort’s salon!”

  “Are you shitting us?” Sami said what we were all thinking. “What the hell do we need our nails done and our hair styled for?”

  She had a point. It was a useless reward. And it wasn’t like we’d been here a month. It was only 36 hours ago that I had a good shower. Man, this show sucked.

  Alan looked like his leg was being humped by a porcupine. “It’s a good reward – and you’ll work hard for it,” he said through clenched teeth.

  With little interest, we all climbed onto the platform, waiting for the order to begin. Whatever.

  “When we get halfway through the challenge, there will be a twist. So think of getting across as quickly as possible.” Alan grinned, then shouted, “Go!”

  Our team huddled for a moment and Isaac came up with the idea that we go one at time, climbing across the bodies connected before us. It sounded reasonable. Hell, shooting Alan and Julie sounded reasonable at this point. Cricket took her position as the first person in line, standing half on the platform and half on the first beam. Silas took her hand and stood on the next beam. Isaac gingerly crept in front of the two and managed to add himself to Silas, firmly gripping his hand. The three of them were holding hands, and looked pretty steady. Sami went next. And even though she swore colorfully the whole way, she was very nimble. Must be from scrambling up telephone poles, bridges and stuff for her work.

  With a big grin, she grabbed Isaac’s hand and shouted, “Come on!” to Lex.

  I was a little concerned at this point. Lex was a fairly large guy and the beams were really swaying. Sheer luck was holding them and our team together. I looked over and saw that the other team was doing better.

  I flinched as Lex very slowly and very carefully moved his way down the course, clinging to each teammate. I started to get a little excited, thinking of his body against mine. I would have that chance very soon. Maybe Mom was right. Of course, I would never tell her that!

  There really was a certain chemistry between us – for which I was grateful. I mean, Isaac was cute too and if I’d been as attracted to him as I was to Lex, I’d have bigger problems on my hands. Why wasn’t I interested in Isaac? It’s probably that big bull’s-eye I saw superimposed over his heart. Knowing you have to kill someone and the fact that he’s probably evil is definitely a libido buzz kill.

  But why was I attracted to Lex? Had it really been that long since I’d been interested in a man? Maybe it was just because we were close in age and had the same sense of humor? I was a little
hesitant to read too much into it. Besides, on Survivor, people lie all the time to each other just to make alliances. How did I know he was sincere? I barely knew him!

  Panic struck, and not in the good way, when I realized I’d be next. I chose the end spot because it was securely on a platform and I wouldn’t be likely to let go of my teammates that way. I’d forgotten that I had to get there in the first place. Shit.

  “Come on, Missi! It’s not hard, you can do it,” Lex called out with a wink. I got a little choked up thinking about how the possible, future Mr. Missi Bombay was being so supportive!

  With a deep breath, I stepped from Cricket and the stability of the first platform, to Silas. As I kind of shimmied past him I could see that his mind was elsewhere. I wondered if he was busy concentrating on the joys of gangrene, or plotting to start another Civil War. Good luck getting everyone to wear wool and fight with bayonets.

  I almost fell as I clung to Isaac, but he saved me by looping his leg around my thigh, squishing my body to his. For a second I looked him in the eye. I almost let go out of shock, when I realized I’d never been so close to a Vic before.

  Sami broke me out of my thoughts with a sharp, “Get a move on, dumbass!”

  I climbed across her body onto Lex’s. For a moment, I let my hands linger on his body. Damn, he felt good. Finally, I made it across, standing firmly on the other platform. I was covered in sweat and shaking, but I’d made it. Yay me!

  “Now that everyone has made it,” Alan said a little too sharply. How long had it taken me? Of course, I’d have stayed longer with Lex if I could.

  I shook it off and Alan continued, “Here’s the twist. Inside these tanks are several fish. Most of them are harmless.”

  Most?

  CHAPTER TEN

  Announcer telling men in a police line-up: “Turn to the left.”(Suspects turn to the left.) “Turn to the right.” (Suspects turn to the right.) “Bird dance.”

  - The Vacant Lot

  “Also inside the tank are two piranhas. That will make it harder to find the pearls.” The smug bastard smiled.

  “Are you out of your fucking mind, you goddamned psycho?” Sami managed to articulate the words I was thinking – but she did so much more diplomatically. I looked at the tank and realized I couldn’t see anything in the water.

  “Of course I’m serious!” Alan’s face turned red. “It’s supposed to be a challenge!”

  Isaac spoke up. “I think we should refuse to go any further. I don’t want Missi getting hurt for some idiotic spa treatment.”

  Lex added, “She is not doing it. We’ll just bow out.”

  “You bet your ass, we will!” Sami exclaimed. “We won’t lose any members until we do the immunity challenge. This is just too fucking retarded.”

  I got a little choked up. They were fighting for me! We really were a team! Or they didn’t want the woman who caught and made breakfast to lose a hand. And how could I get a decent manicure anyway if a damned piranha chewed my fingers off? It just didn’t make sense. Although the idea of making my own prosthetic arm was intriguing. Hmmm. Maybe I could trick it out with an index finger that shoots lasers. That would be really cool.

  Julie started screaming, “Look! We have to keep the show competitive! Just do it!”

  Wow. She snaps easily. Good to know.

  Cricket was turning green thinking about it, and Silas looked a little too happy. No one from the other team spoke. Maybe they hoped we’d drop hands and they’d win the spa treatment via forfeit.

  Alan narrowed his eyes, “You will do it, or you will send two team members home – tonight!” By the way the veins in his forehead bulged, I guessed he was serious.

  “Look, guys,” I started, “it’s okay. Piranhas rarely attack humans. I’ll be fine. Let’s just get it done.” I looked across to my counterpart and saw that Moe, the unemployed 30-something who lived at home just shrugged. Apparently, when your mom washes your underwear and getting up to go to work just means you’re shooting for higher scores on your PlayStation, something like this doesn’t bother you.

  The team looked at me with either admiration or concern. It didn’t matter which. I’d been around piranha before. I figured if I moved slowly and didn’t threaten them, I’d be okay. Chances were the other fish had more to fear than I did.

  “I don’t know,” Isaac said slowly. I realized I was in danger of liking him. And that would be bad. Focus, Missi. Piranha first, deal with Vic later.

  I shook my head. It would be far worse to have to vote two people off and risk losing challenges. I needed to stay in the game until I could figure out whether or not I was to take Isaac out.

  “Let’s just get this over with. I can do it,” I said resolutely.

  “You heard the lady,” Alan said with a grin that made me want to beat the crap out of him. “The first team to have all of their pearls wins. Go!”

  I slowly dipped my hand in the dark water. Moving fast would seem threatening to the piranha. Although as nasty as this water was, chances were they couldn’t see anything either. Maybe I’d get lucky and they’d be extremely near-sighted. Can fish be near-sighted? I mean, who’s going to give them an eye-test? It’s not like they’d recognize a giant E, or for that matter be able to communicate it if they did...

  My hand brushed lightly against the scales of a fish, bringing me back to the here and now. I felt two pearls on the bottom. Very slowly, I pulled them up and tried to figure out how to give them to Lex. We weren’t supposed to let go of our hands and that meant they had to travel down the line some other way.

  I looked him up and down – maybe a little too intently. The other team hadn’t figured it out either. So, I let my hormones decide and popped the two pearls into my mouth and kissed Lex, rolling them off my tongue onto his.

  Electric current ripped through me and I realize it really, really had been a while since I kissed a man. At first Lex looked surprised, until he felt the two pearls. He looked at Sami and the rest, who were completely shocked. Briefly, he opened his mouth and showed the pearls to Sami. She grinned and leaned toward him, taking the pearls from his mouth to hers.

  I must admit that I was a little jealous. Then I realized I should be trolling for more pearls. So I slowly dipped my hand in again and pulled up two more. Happily, I popped them in my mouth and kissed Lex again. This was way too much fun. Maybe all our challenges could involve the connection of two body parts.

  A shout of disgust came from Silas, who didn’t look too pleased to have to kiss Isaac for the pearls, but he sucked it up like a good boy in blue.

  Moe put his pearl in his mouth and leaned over to pass it to his teammate, Brick Phoenix. Brick refused, citing it would hurt his future acting career to be seen frenching a man. I was a bit surprised to see Moe shrug and spit the pearl into the hand he was holding with the actor/wannabe. Brick leaned down to put the pearl into his mouth and I decided we were doing okay.

  I carefully slipped my hand into the water, this time finding three pearls. Was it wrong of me to put only two in my mouth to pass to Lex? I mean, you gotta take what you can get, when you can get it, right? While Lex was giving the pearls to Sami, I put the third one in my mouth.

  Did I imagine it? Or did Lex’s tongue lightly stroke mine? Woo hoo! Could we ditch the cameras later for a total make-out session? Suddenly, my idea of throwing the game to spend the rest of the time at the Blanco Tigre seemed like the best idea in the world!

  Unfortunately, the other team was down to two pearls left. We had three. I knew this because Alan gleefully announced it. Julie looked pissed that no one had lost a finger yet. She seemed especially upset that I wasn’t bitten. Oh well.

  I reached into the water again, scraping the bottom to try to find all three remaining pearls. Something sharp slashed at my fingers and it took all I had to keep my hand in there. I found two pearls and pulled out.

  “She’s bleeding!” Cricket squealed, pointing at me with her free hand. I’m sure she was thinking, if on
ly I had my camp first aid kit – I’d save the day!

  Huh? Oh yeah. I was bleeding. And the dirty water wouldn’t help. My fingers were all intact, but there was an ugly slash across the knuckles.

  “Don’t do it, Missi,” Lex said seriously.

  The others nodded. I was touched by their concern. However, I desperately wanted to kiss Lex again and I wanted us to win this challenge. So I slid my hand into the water once again. For a second, I allowed myself to check out Moe’s progress. He hesitated briefly. He must have realized there really were piranhas in there. His team seemed a tad less supportive. I gathered this mainly because they were yelling at him to hurry up.

  My fingers closed around the last pearl and I brought my hand out a little too quickly. This would account for a piranha attached to the fleshy part of my palm. Stupid fish. I put the pearl in my mouth and closed my eyes for the kiss – piranha firmly attached to my hand.

  Lex froze a little at the sight of the fish, but then took the pearl from my mouth and ran his tongue lightly over my lips. I sighed at watched as it was delivered to Cricket and she happily dropped the last pearl into the bucket.

  “Ottawa has all of their pearls and just needs to get everyone back on the main platform!” Alan threw his arms in the air. Julie smirked. Obviously, she got her wish.

  I had to go first and I still had that fish riding sidecar. Oh well, it would have to go with me. I climbed in front of Lex, my eyes on his as I slid across the front of him. I let go and held onto Sami, eventually making it back across. As my teammates crept back, one by one, I tried to dislodge the fish.

  Unfortunately, he wasn’t budging. The bastard. He just gasped his last breath, refusing to let go. The little shit died right there, embedded in my hand. I tried to separate his jaws, but if I pulled too much, my skin would tear and I’d likely need medical attention and might get booted from the show.

  Tempting as that thought was, I decided to let him stay. It didn’t really hurt, since their teeth are razor sharp, and he didn’t pull or tear the flesh. I concentrated instead on helping the rest of my Ottawa tribe get back.