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Where To From Here?

Page 17

by Ursula Paul


  “Excuse me,” Julian whispered hopefully. “I’ve left everything at home. Could I have some of your notepaper please?”

  Without a word, a hand over the shoulder and a bunch of paper fell in his lap.

  “Thanks,” whispered Julian as the lecture began.

  Taking notes in this manner was foreign to Julian, yet he managed quite ably. At the end of the lecture he tapped the shoulder of the red hair in front of him. A head swivelled around.

  “Yes?”

  “Just wanted to say thanks,” Julian spoke quietly. “Could I shout you lunch to show my gratitude?”

  “No thanks,” the terse reply.

  After that, Julian never forgot his recorder. It became his custom – to check its presence in his briefcase each day before he left home. He would often see the red-haired girl at lectures. Now and then she seemed to be involved in conversation with other female students. She intrigued him. She was obviously quite intelligent and, to Julian, different from the other girls.

  She did not appear at his lectures the next semester. It would be a shame if she pulled out, Julian thought. She seems a very intelligent girl. His question as to her University attendance was soon answered.

  Now and then he would call into the Uni. Caf… for lunch. This particular day as he looked for a spare table, there she was – the girl with the red hair. And – sitting at a table on her own.

  Julian looked around. Most tables were occupied.

  “I hope you don’t mind my joining you,” he asked softly. “All the tables seem to be taken.”

  “It’s okay.” As she replied he noticed her strong Irish accent.

  “How’s study going?” Julian asked, not knowing what else to say.

  “Plodding along,” she answered. Suddenly she smiled as she asked, “Not leaving your recorder at home these days?”

  “Never again,” laughed Julian.

  For the next few minutes they exchanged views on subjects, lecturers and hopes for their futures in Law.

  “Must run!” she suddenly declared. “A lecture coming up. Oh, and by the way, my name is Sinead. But most just call me Si.”

  “Glad to meet you Sinead… or Si,” he added with a smile. “I’m Julian. And now that we’re introduced, how about that lunch I owe you?”

  She laughed. “Okay, Julian. I’ll meet you here tomorrow.”

  They met as planned for lunch the next day.

  Chapter Six

  At first they met over the brief lunch break, once each week. By the third week they had managed to increase their quota to twice weekly. By then, Julian found himself telling Sinead about his family.

  “And what about yours?” he had asked casually.

  “None here,” she answered tersely. By the tone of her voice he knew not to pursue that subject.

  He looked forward to their short lunches. Each week the ice castle, that seemed to be enveloping her, gradually began to melt. But it was months later before she stepped free of inner restraints. By then Julian knew he was beginning to experience feelings he had never experienced before. By then he knew he wanted this relationship to move on – to be more than a couple of rushed lunch meetings a week. True to his nature, he made a decision.

  As they parted from their brief lunch the next week, he spoke calmly. “Si, we always seem to be rushing. How about taking time out from weekend study for a movie – or a trip to the beach – or something?”

  She hesitated. Then very softly she answered, “Yes, I’d like that.”

  Chapter Seven

  The Sunday afternoon movie proved only mediocre, but provided subject for discussion, rather than conversation.

  “And how would you defend a case like that in real life?” Julian asked as they drove from the parking station.

  “Check the facts – certainly more deeply than that movie portrayed!”

  “Good – counsellor,” he smiled back. Then changing the subject he suggested, “How about we drive out to Bondi – some good spots for meals out there.”

  “Sounds good,” she answered quietly.

  The sun was gently sinking as they began their walk along the beachfront. A gentle, cool breeze, whipping the waves to a slight froth, announced the beginning of autumn.

  They walked in silence for some time, each enveloped in their own thoughts. Julian, always so sure of himself in thinking and eventually resolving the problems of life and study, now experienced a new feeling of inadequacy in planning some of his way forward.

  Sinead also was enveloped in her thoughts and feelings – some similar to those of Julian, others the memories that had smothered her for many years.

  They were brought back to reality as they came upon a group of sea gulls, very engaged in a battle for a piece of a tasty morsel. Their walk continued, but now light conversation flowed. As the sun finally dipped behind them, they turned and slowly walked toward the restaurant.

  It had been a new experience for both. Although nothing was said, it was an experience both hoped would happen again. They parted, with a mutual hope for a repeat performance of this day.

  Chapter Eight

  With a major assignment for Sinead pending, it was three weeks before the next Sunday outing. As Julian called at the hostel, they decided to forgo a movie and return to Bondi. It was a crisp, winter afternoon, yet still and sunny. As they walked, Sinead requested Julian’s help in completing another assignment. For some time they engaged in discussion on the topic until Sinead decided, “Okay, Julian, that’s enough. You’ve explained that part to me – thanks so much – I’ll finish this assignment now. So, let’s forget work and enjoy the afternoon.”

  “A great idea,” Julian agreed.

  Time passed quickly. They were on the return part of the beachfront walk, when suddenly Sinead suggested, “Let’s paddle!”

  Surprised, Julian questioned his hearing. Sinead repeated, “Let’s paddle!”

  Now, sure of what he was hearing, Julian replied tentatively, “Okay.”

  Like two young school children, they soon bounded over the sand and were running along the beach, their feet catching the breaking waves.

  Wow! Julian thought. I haven’t done this in years!

  As they laughed and ran, the world stood still. As they laughed and ran, problems vanished.

  The sun had disappeared and twilight was descending as, cold and puffing, they padded back to the walkway. Instead of a formal dinner, they decided on enjoying a ‘take away’ while watching the moon rise over the ocean. It was a light-hearted meal.

  “It’s been a great day,” Sinead spoke softly.

  “Sure has. We must have more of this,” Julian agreed. He looked over toward her. To his surprise, he noticed tears welling. “Si, what’s wrong?”

  Sinead said nothing. In spite of her best effort to stem the flow of tears, they began to fall – at first a sprinkle, then growing in strength, but always gently, silently.

  His arm stole around her as he whispered, “Si, talk to me. Tell me what is hurting you so deeply.”

  She shook her head as tears continued to fall. Time for talking would come, Julian knew. But now she needed to let out this deep-seated hurting. Eventually, as the tears dried, she whispered, “Sorry.”

  “Tell me,” he whispered.

  “You don’t want to hear my story!” She meant what she said.

  “I certainly do!” He also meant what he said.

  Slowly, and sometimes broken by a sob, Sinead spoke.

  She had been reared by her grandparents. Her parents, whom she never remembered, had been killed in a car crash when she was only two years old. Her grandparents had reared not only her, but also her brother Liam, who was three years older than she. Her childhood had been happy. They lived in a little cottage on the banks of Galway Bay. Each morning very early, her grandfather would leave home to ride his bike the fifteen kilometres to the farm where he worked, then back home after dark. She and her brother, she declared, were reared with love and care. Her brother
left to work in Australia while still a teenager. For a couple of years he wrote regularly. Then correspondence suddenly stopped.

  She had achieved well at school and it was expected she would progress to Dublin University. But dramatic changes in her life required dramatic decisions. About this time her grandfather died from a massive heart attack. She decided to make plans for her future later – right then she was needed with her grandmother, who had been battling dementia for the last couple of years. Soon Sinead faced another massive decision.

  Due to loss of her mate or to progress of the illness, her grandmother’s perception of life suddenly faded completely. Following strong advice, and with the help of the medical profession and friends, her grandmother was admitted to a nursing home. By then she lived in a world of her own and very rarely communicated in any way on Sinead’s constant visits.

  Sinead had another problem. She had no job, no means of income. To stay in the little cottage that had been home to her for as long as she could remember, she needed an income for rent. With little thought, she made a dramatic decision. No one needed her here. But she had a brother somewhere in Australia – a brother who had not corresponded for many years. She would go to Australia.

  Julian could only guess at the trauma she experienced in leaving the only home, the only country she had known, for a new life in a new country while searching for a lost brother.

  She passed over, quickly and lightly, the trauma she must have experienced in finding a place and way of life in a strange country.

  She continued the story of her search for her brother. He had left the address – the only address she knew – without a forwarding contact.

  “I prayed and God looked after me,” she declared as she continued to relate how friends she made had helped, how officials had been kind and how, miraculously, she found her brother within a year of searching. But the finding was a tragic end to her search. It was his grave she found. Through a social worker who had befriended him, she heard of the spiral path of her brother’s fall to his sudden death. “And his parents have a lot to answer for!” she had added.

  “That is when my world did turn upside down,” Sinead whispered.

  She returned to the story. When she had pressured her for more information, the social worker realized that Sinead knew nothing of their existence and endeavoured to close the story. But Sinead was determined to hear the full story. She was finally given it.

  How her brother discovered that their parents still lived, no one could tell. But, on learning they were still alive, he set out to find them. And, eventually, he did find them. His dream of a wonderful reunion was soon dashed. They wanted nothing to do with him or with their family in Ireland. He was devastated. That was the beginning of the end for him. That was the beginning of his life with drugs. She hesitated. Julian squeezed her hand.

  Seconds later she continued, “I visit his grave now and then. Last year I had saved enough for a proper headstone. Bless him, he was a good brother.” A few tears fell gently. Then she continued, “With the help of friends, once again, I learned how to become an Australian, how to become an Australian student, how to live again!” After a few seconds she added, “I’m an Australian citizen now and, hopefully, will live here for years ahead – perhaps all my life. But there are still – and always will be – many happy memories of Ireland.”

  “And your grandmother?” he asked gently.

  “She died two years ago. She and Granddad are together again now. Even buried together. One day I’ll go back. Right now – well – on with the studies!” She smiled wanly.

  There was one part of her story, he knew, that hung in the air. Should he bring it up? Had she resolved it already?

  He was still questioning himself when Sinead spoke again. “And as for my parents – the parents that gave us life and then spurned us! Unlike my brother, I have no wish to find them, to see them. For a couple of years after my discovery I hated them with a vengeance. I wished them every type of misfortune. Now… well now, I don’t care. They were never really in my life. I have no memory of them at all. I grew up thinking they were dead. So they will always be dead to me!”

  Minutes passed. Then she whispered, “Thanks for listening. It’s helped me a lot.”

  “Sinead,” he whispered as he took her in his arms and kissed her for the first time, gently, lovingly. She responded.

  So much for us to talk about, he thought. But not tonight. Tonight she made the decision to pull down the barrier between us. That’s enough for her now. But soon – very soon I hope – we have a future to talk about.

  As they drove home, both knew that a new world was opening before them.

  Chapter Nine

  Nothing was said, but they both realized that their relationship and where it would lead would remain static for the immediate present. Approaching examinations signalled the end of their present study – for the present anyway – and the beginning of a new mode of living.

  Both knew their full attention was needed in study for the final exams. – Sinead for a degree in Law; Julian for a Law degree with honours. He had finally accepted a position in the Law firm regarded as the country’s elite.

  Meetings with Joe and Eddie often occurred without warning. The bond between them was one of real friendship and comradeship. They had been Julian’s main help and support when he had been in need. He and Eddie had helped Joe through the hardest part of his trauma. He and Joe had supported Eddie in his questioning times, and he would shortly join Eddie in Bourke to help solve the problem there. He knew the friendship they shared was a special one, and he was always grateful for it.

  After deep prayerful thought, he had decided to share his feelings with Sinead. If she shared his feelings, he would ask her to marry him. But if he, to her, was a friend with no romantic attachments, then he would accept and plan his future accordingly.

  So business-like, he thought! Yet he knew life without Sinead would be almost unbearable.

  Even so, he needed to know.

  Once again for Julian, exams posed no hurdle. For Sinead, no hurdles but a few stumbling blocks. Results within the next few weeks would be a sign-post for Sinead’s future; for Julian, a document for the file of his new employer, where he was already committed and where he would begin his life in Law within a few weeks.

  Julian’s plans of relaxing with family and friends – and more time with Sinead – while they waited on results, were temporarily put on hold. He knew Eddie’s phone call was a call for help. Eddie was obviously witnessing a serious problem within his parish.

  He needed Julian’s help. And Julian acted promptly. He knew there would be relaxing time with his family in the near future. He also knew, in the very near future he and Sinead would be deciding their long-range futures. But, right then, Eddie needed his help. He left immediately for Bourke.

  In some ways, all his years of the study of law were put to the test during the next few weeks. With Julian’s help, the seriousness of the situation was accepted by senior officials in the State police force and the offenders brought to justice. The success of the operation, however, although bringing life back to the town, was not without tragedy. Julian returned home, with Eddie’s promise to take a short break.

  Results duly arrived – Julian, first-class honours; Sinead passes in all subjects, credits in three. They celebrated with friends that evening, all revelling in the success of their final exams and in a door opening to a new future.

  For Julian and Sinead it was a happy night with friends as they all celebrated the results of many years study. But for Julian and Sinead, it was also an anti-climax. The next night they had previously planned for their own celebrations.

  “How about?” Julian asked, naming a first-class restaurant in the city.

  “If you like,” Sinead answered quietly.

  “Hm… not so enthusiastic,” Julian smiled. “So, Si, where to? You name it!”

  “It’s fine… really,” she stammered.

 
; “No, it’s not really,” he smiled again. “Where would you really like to go? Now, come on, be truthful.”

  She hesitated, then answered slowly. “Julian, wherever you choose is fine, really. I was just thinking of fish and chips on the beach.”

  “And that sounds great,” he laughed. “Fish and chips on the beach, here we come!”

  “And I won’t shame you into paddling with me tonight,” she laughed back.

  Along with many others, they walked, hand in hand, along the esplanade. The sun gradually disappeared. The moon rose slowly – just a small quarter moon. Soon the hemisphere was alive with myriads of winking stars. Waves splashed gently close by. They walked on happily, unaware of nature’s glory.

  Suddenly Julian stopped. He knew he could wait no longer. Taking both of Sinead’s hands, he turned her toward him. Quietly he whispered, “Si, I love you. I want to be with you always. Will you marry me?”

  Seconds passed before she whispered back, “Julian, for the last couple of weeks – since I told you my story – I have wondered. I love you – I don’t deny that. But… pity… love.”

  She stopped for a few seconds, then continued, “Well… sometimes the two can be mixed up.”

  Julian broke in abruptly. “Si, I don’t pity you. I admire you for your strength; for all you have done. My heart aches for all the pain you have suffered. Regardless of all that, I love you. I deeply love you. Will you marry me?”

 

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