Fire & Flesh

by Kerri Carr

  “I’m surprised with everything going on that you, too haven’t been drinking more. I always do when I’m really stressed about something to take the edge off. Although Cash has taken things a bit far by the looks of his eyes, I understand why. How has he been?” Mother asked.

  “Not so good,” I said, “but having me to take care of helps him hang in there… I haven’t wanted alcohol though, lately.”

  We ordered and ate and I stared off a lot the way I had been. With thoughts of emptiness and Andy at sea.Praying. It was so good to be with mother, and really just being with her relaxed and energized me. I wanted to talk to her about what was on my mind so bad but I just couldn’t find the words. Something was missing, it wasn’t time yet.

  We pulled up to the house and she offered to walk me up but I told her I’d be okay and how lovely the afternoon was and thanked her and hugged her. Before I went in to our place I happened to glance at my phone, which I realized had been off, when I saw 29 missed calls!

  My heart was skipping beats and it was Cash calling. Shit. What happened? I started panting, and felt I just couldn’t take it, couldn’t take any news. He wouldn’t call me like that unless it was big news or he really needed me badly. I walked up to see if he was home before calling him and didn’t see him, so I went to call him on his cell when I thought I heard his voice outside. I went out the living room doors to the terrace and nearly had a heart attack. Andy!

  Andy! I ran crying to Andy and Cash sitting on the terrace and they stood, I jumped to hug Andy and never let him go. I sobbed my eyes out and held him so tight. With my tear covered face buried in his chest I didn’t care where he had been I just didn’t want to ever let him go. I looked at Cash and he was wiping the tears running down his cheeks.

  “We were going to die, Andy,” I spoke out crying, looking into his eyes, “we were going to die without you.”

  He hugged me so tight and so gently saying, “I’m so sorry babe, I’m okay. I won’t leave you. I’m right here.” I held on to him tight and from the side looked at Cash and outstretched my arm for him to come and take my hand. He came near and I looked at both of them with crying tears.

  Still sobbing, I said, “I’m pregnant.”

  Both of their jaws dropped and I don’t remember the remarks of shock but with smiles and confirmations it quickly turned to sobbing laughter and we were all hugging. I cried through my tears how I’d known for a while, and couldn’t bear to think of it with him gone.

  “It must’ve been that morning, my birthday,” I said. We were the happiest three we could be. We didn’t know who’s it was, we didn’t know if it would be a boy or a girl, but we knew—all of us now, that we were going to have a baby, a family. Being submerged in the most beautiful and sweet love in the world, all my worries about us having a child melted away as all the other worries did and I knew we were going to be just fine.

  THE END

  Another bonus story is on the next page.

  Bonus Story 22 of 44

  The Rising Star

  Daphne started off onto the football field, hoisting the cooler over her shoulders. It was her sophomore year at Northeast State University, and she was assigned the football team. The team she specifically asked not to be on. Last year she was the athletic trainer for lacrosse, a sport she actually understood because she played it in high school.

  Football to her was just giant men crashing into each other over and over again until a referee had the courtesy to blow the whistle. It was like setting up stadium seats around an eleven-car pile-up on a highway. It was barbaric, and to her, seemed to lack finesse.

  The field was empty for now. She liked to be early to get her station set up. On the field, the athletic trainer’s job was to keep the team hydrated and be ready with quick first aid, and hopefully not have to patch them up back in the locker rooms.

  At least with Northeast State Badgers football, she would get a lot of practice. The team was dreadful. They were stomped on every season by every team in the conference. Her roommate, Emma, had football last year and she told Daphne horror stories about sprains, broken ankles, lacerations and concussions. They should have been called the Doormats rather than the Badgers. They did not plow into anyone, they got plowed into. None of the teams from Northeast State even had a playoff hope since the 1980s.

  “You lost?” came a deep voice from behind Daphne.

  Daphne turned around to see a tall blonde haired man in sweatpants and a white muscle t-shirt walking toward her. She inadvertently looked him up and down. He was handsome, with a five o’clock shadow lining his square jaw. She did not recognize him from the team roster. She already had it memorized so she could get the team files organized.

  “Are you lost?” Daphne asked, putting the water bottles on a tray.

  “I asked you first,” he said, smirking at her.

  “I’m the athletic trainer,” Daphne said, stiffening her shoulders, and putting the cooler down.

  “I see.”

  He looked her up and down and Daphne remembered she was wearing her uniform, a red polo and khaki shorts.

  “Your turn. Only players and staff should be on the field right now,” Daphne said.

  He smiled at her, walking closer.

  “Then it’s a good thing I check one of those boxes,” he said, flashing her a lopsided grin.

  Daphne looked into his face again, still not recognizing him.

  “I’m Luke.”

  “Hi, I’m Daphne. Are you a player or a coach?”

  “A player. I transferred over the weekend.”

  “You’re a little late. School starts in two weeks. You missed a bunch of practices. You’re going to be way behind.”

  Daphne shook her head at him. This is why she did not want football. None of the players seemed to take it seriously. Daphne could not fathom how you could have a school invest thousands of dollars in you, basically give you a free college education, and you show up late to what should be your job.

  “I think I’ll manage,” he said.

  Luke grabbed a football from a bin that Daphne had wheeled onto the field earlier.

  “Hey, I’m still organizing this stuff. Please put that down. Are you even starting?” Daphne asked.

  “Am I starting?” Luke said, shocked at her question.

  “Um, yes, are you deaf?”

  “Do you know—”

  Before he could finish his sentence, Coach Daniels jogged onto the field with a broad, toothy smile on his freckled, pale face.

  “Luke! Luke, how are you, son?” Coach Daniels asked, shaking Luke’s hand vigorously. Luke was about a foot taller than the head coach.

  “Good, sir. Thanks for having me,” Luke said, tossing the football back in the bin.

  Daphne watched the coach look at Luke like he was a winning lottery ticket, but Daphne could not place his face. Not that she would know him. She never watched football, college or otherwise.

  “Daphne, did you offer Luke something to drink?” Coach Daniels said, smoothing his red hair.

  “Why? He hasn’t done anything yet.” Daphne said, raising an eyebrow at the coach.

  She had only spent a few weeks with Coach Daniels, but they had already been bumping heads because to Daphne, he seemed to have favorites. Coach Thomas on the lacrosse team was fair and organized. She missed that environment already.

  “Daphne, do you know who this is?” Coach Daniels said, the tendons in his neck straining.

  “It’s cool, Coach. I’m Beauchamp Baker III, but everyone calls me Luke cause I’m the third.”

  Daphne still did not get the fuss.

  “Daphne, he played for Bradley State for three seasons. He took his team to the championship bowl every single time. He’s our new starting QB,” Coach Daniels said, puffing out his broad chest.

  Daphne looked at Luke again, and he had a smile playing on his lips. She was still not impressed. If he was so good, then there was no need for him to be with the Badgers. He should have just
stayed with his old team. There was something that Coach Daniels was being intentionally obtuse about.

  *****

  “Why so grumpy?” asked Emma, walking over to the table Daphne was sitting in the cafeteria.

  Emma was still in her athletic trainer uniform and her curly red hair was piled in a messy bun on top of her head.

  “Why so happy?” Daphne asked with a mischievous grin.

  Emma had soccer, the best team at the school as far as their record, and it had the best-looking men on campus on the team. It was like the school recruited athletic male models from fashion shows from around the world. Emma’s face flushed pink as she plopped down beside Daphne at the lunch table.

  “I swear, I would sprain any one of their ankles just to have them on my table,” Emma said, biting her lip.

  “That’s sort of against what we do,” Daphne said, picking at her salad.

  She felt a pang of jealously that Emma got a good sports program, but to be fair Emma was in Daphne’s position last year. And the assignment only lasted one season so she would just have to suck it up.

  “Hey, is it true that Luke Baker is here?” asked Emma, stealing some of Daphne’s yogurt.

  “Am I the only one who doesn’t know who he is?” Daphne said.

  Emma’s eyes widened with shock or horror or perhaps a mixture of both.

  “Have you literally been living under a rock? My dad loves him. He’s going to the NFL for sure, probably first or second round draft pick. His record is ridiculous. He never gets sacked, like ever and his arm is crazy accurate.”

  Daphne thought for a moment. She still did not understand why Luke was here with the Badgers if he was such a high prospect for the pros. It just did not add up.

  “I heard he’s hot,” Emma said, scraping the bottom of the yogurt cup.

  “Hey, I was eating that,” Daphne said as she watched Emma finish up her yogurt.

  “You ate all of my grapes. I just checked our fridge. So we’re even. And you didn’t answer me. What’s he look like?”

  “Tall, blonde and muscular.”

  “Thank you for describing over half of the guys on the football team What does Luke look like up close, and leave nothing out?” Emma leaned forward and her blue eyes twinkled with curiosity.

  Daphne leaned back on the hard chair, picturing his face. He was cute, but the way he smirked at her just screamed arrogance. Most of the athletes she worked with were somewhat cocky. They had to be, to psych themselves up to play. Sports was just as much physical as mental. Something about Luke made her feel like he was hiding something, but as much as she hated to admit it, he was gorgeous.

  “He’s—nice to look at,” Daphne said, popping a cucumber slice in her mouth.

  “Ugh, weak. Is that all you have?” Emma asked, shoving Daphne playfully.

  Daphne shrugged, tucking her long, strawberry-blonde hair behind her ears.

  “Fine. He looks like, if it was biologically possible, Zac Efron and Ryan Phillippe had a baby.”

  Emma squealed loudly, drawing attention from students at neighboring lunch tables in the cafeteria.

  “Easy, Emma. People are staring,” Daphne teased.

  “I knew it. My sister has this theory that we are programmed to find people more attractive because they are actors on television or in the movies. I call bullshit on that because I can think of tons of actors who would never be in my spank bank.”

  “Jesus, your sister and her conspiracy theories get worse every day.”

  Emma laughed and nodded.

  “Wait, what’s a spank bank?” Daphne asked.

  Emma blanched and smacked her own forehead.

  “What?” Daphne asked.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “Um, no?”

  “A spank bank is the mental catalogue you keep for lonely, rainy days.”

  “I don’t follow.”

  Emma shook her head and took a deep breath like she was preparing to explain something to a child.

  “Well, Daphne, a spank bank is filled with the people you think about when you need inspiration.”

  “Inspiration for what?”

  “Masturbating.”

  Daphne choked on a piece of fruit and coughed loudly. Emma laughed, patting Daphne on the back. More people were watching now and Daphne knew she was glowing scarlet right about now.

  “It’s okay, my dear. We’re adults. Lots of women masturbate. It’s not just the boys.”

  “I don’t!”

  “Well, you should. God, you’re so uptight. I hope Luke fucks you.”

  Daphne stared at Emma like she had three heads.

  “What? Don’t look at me like that. You and Dennis have been broken up for months now. God, who even holds on to their boyfriend from high school that long.”

  “I don’t want to talk about him,” Daphne said, crossing her arms.

  “I didn’t say you had to marry Luke or be his girlfriend. I’m just saying you need to move on. Dennis has. You should too. I mean, people change, and you guys were like four states apart. That would be hard on anyone.”

  Daphne took a deep breath, feeling that familiar lump in her throat. She knew it was over before Dennis even called her. They were barely talking with their busy school schedules, and they had not even had sex in six months. And that was even after he visited three months ago. The spark had just gone out, and neither of them had to courage to say anything in the four years they were together, until this summer.

  “Don’t make that face, Daphne.”

  “What face?”

  “The I’m-going-to-die-alone face.”

  “I just miss having someone to talk to.”

  “You have me!” Emma said, giving Daphne a goofy grin.

  “Yea, well I can’t make out with you,” Daphne jokingly said.

  “Well, you could, but I don’t think you would be into it.”

  Daphne rolled her eyes, laughing at Emma.

  “I say we create a spank bank for you. Nothing crazy just a couple of faces to get you going. I vote Luke. Your voice is getting all needy when you talk about him.”

  “It does not! And, no thanks, I don’t need a masturbation coach.”

  “Um, yes you do. You didn’t know what a spank bank was, and you’re weirded out by the thought of masturbating. You should do it. It helps you when you’re having sex with a real person. You need to know where your good spots are—”

  “Ew. Enough. I got it. I know what I like. I’m good,” Daphne responded.

  “Missionary with Dennis the accounting major at NYU is not okay. You need to be creative. Think of how big and muscular Luke is. Imagine all of the things a man that athletic can do to your body. Flipping you over, up against a wall. Oh, he is probably really good at eating the kitty cat. I can just look at a guy and tell. I’m getting horny just thinking about it.”

  “God, someone will hear you,” Daphne said, attempting to hush Emma.

  “So? I don’t care. People need to stop being weird about fucking. It’s fun, and if you are safe and consenting and doing it right, it is great. You need it, trust me.”

  Daphne pursed her lips. She did not think about sex that often. The only man she had ever been with was Dennis and he was always to the point. Sex, to Daphne, was not that big of a deal, but the way Emma had described it was like it was the greatest physical feeling on earth. Daphne shook her head, dismissing the thought. She did not want Luke in her head, even if it was just in her spank bank.

  *****

  Daphne stood at the edge of the field, tightening her raincoat. It was pouring rain and Coach Daniels took today to take his job too seriously. It was already an hour of drills with the largest men Daphne had ever seen in her life slamming into sleds. Daphne did not know why they called them sleds. They were more giant cushions wrapped around massive metal frames. The grass was being uprooted as man after man tried to push it further down the field. They were fighting exhaustion, rain, and physics, and Daphne had
to admit she was impressed. Even through the deluge, she could spot Luke. He had looked in her direction several times, but she was trying to ignore him.

  For the second hour, Luke was throwing the ball down field to the receivers. His arm was phenomenal. Even the worst receivers were getting the ball under his expert direction. When Luke had the ball during the practice play, he seemed completely in sync with the offensive line. The defense could not get a hold of him either. Even though it was obvious that Luke was getting tired, he had not been sacked once. The other players seemed to already respect him.

  Daphne half-expected him to be cocky and screaming at the obviously inexperienced offensive line, but he was level-headed and even compassionate. Coach Daniels barely had to make a sound or blow his whistle through the plays. Just in the same way Daphne had her job memorized, Luke had all of the plays memorized.

  When the defense was unable to get a hold of him, he was actually giving them tips on the best ways to manage a tackle and avoid a penalty. He actually knew not only how to play offense, but also defense. Daphne was starting to see what all of the hype was about.

  “Alright, boys! Bring it in,” Coach Daniels yelled, blowing his whistle.

  The players seemed to collapse where they stood. Daphne smirked and shook her head. They were clearly not used to real practices. As they piled over to the benches, she started handing out the water bottles rapid fire. She was used to moving quickly and with a lot of players even the rain did not throw off her rhythm. Luke was the last one to walk over to her. She felt a lump in her throat. They had been avoiding each other for several practices. He pulled off his helmet and Daphne ducked her head down to hand him the bottle. He grabbed it but when she looked up he was standing there still looking at her.

  “Yes?” Daphne said.

  “Just wanted to see if you would look,” Luke said, squirting the Gatorade in his mouth.

  Daphne’s brain felt scattered. She hated this feeling. Even the rain running down his biceps was making her feel like her brain cells were dying. She shook her head and walked away. He called behind her, but she was ignoring him. She just needed to focus on her job. She picked up the empty water bottles under the benches but when she looked up, he was standing across from her, putting a hoodie on.