Put It Out There

by D. R. Graham

  Sophie was all up in Lisa Alvarez’s face, telling her to leave the party or get her ass kicked. Steve stepped in between them and Sophie slapped him. Lisa shot me a self-satisfied smirk and then strutted past me to leave the party.

  Sophie snapped at Steve, “Tell her or I will.”

  Steve looked like he was going to be sick. I walked over to him. “What the hell is going on?” I asked in a hushed voice.

  Doug glared at us and growled, “Tell her.”

  I grabbed Steve’s hand, pulled him out onto the deck, and shut the sliding glass door behind us. “What was all that about?”

  He winced and hid his face with his hands.

  “Are you hurt?”

  “No.”

  “What’s going on, Steve?”

  “I fucked up.”

  “What do mean?”

  “You’re going to hate me.”

  “Why?”

  He swallowed hard and took a while to respond, “I was hanging out with Rhys last night. We were at his house playing pool and I had a few beers.” He stopped talking and looked at me with the strangest expression.

  “What happened?”

  “Some more people came over. It turned into a party. I’m so sorry, Deri.”

  “Why?”

  “I got really drunk.”

  “And?”

  He leaned his head back and looked up at the sky.

  “What did you do, Steve?”

  He blinked and squeezed his eyelids tightly. “I slept with Lisa Alvarez. I’m so sorry, Derian. I don’t even really remember what happened.”

  The vision of him doing it with a girl with long brown hair flashed through my mind. Vividly. It was unfortunate that I knew exactly what he’d done. “Well, you’ve made this part easy.” I took the earrings out and placed them into his palm. “We’re officially done. Sorry I wasn’t a better girlfriend.” I turned on my heel, not waiting for his reaction. Everyone stared at me as I stepped back into the house. “I’ll call you when I get home,” I said to Sophie. Then I walked right out the front door and down the sidewalk towards my granddad’s car.

  Mason was next to his car, unlocking the door. “You okay?”

  I shrugged, not exactly sure. Although I did feel on the brink of tears, I technically shouldn’t have been upset. Only a few minutes before it happened, I was in the bedroom with Trevor. I wanted things to be over with Steve. Then I found out he cheated on me, and I was hurt. It was hypocritical to be offended. And stupid.

  Mason studied my expression and appeared genuinely concerned. “Do you need a ride back to Britannia?”

  Surprised he knew I didn’t live in Squamish, I shook my head and tucked my hair behind my ears. “I’m fine, thanks. I have my granddad’s car here.”

  He gestured with his arm to indicate he would walk me to my car. “Steve’s an idiot,” he said as we headed down the sidewalk.

  I shrugged again, uncomfortable that people were going to blame Steve when it was just as much my fault. “Our relationship was pretty much over anyway.”

  “I can’t believe he threw away what he had with you for Lisa Alvarez. He’s going to regret that for the rest of his life.”

  I stopped once we reached my granddad’s car and leaned my butt on the driver’s door. “You enjoyed the company of Lisa Alvarez, too, if my memory serves me correctly.”

  He chuckled. “I would never cheat on a girlfriend—especially not a girlfriend like you. He’s an idiot.”

  I frowned, wondering what he meant by a girlfriend like you. It was sweet but hard to accept as a compliment since he didn’t know me or what kind of girlfriend I was. “You don’t have to say nice things just because I got humiliated in front of everyone.”

  “Nobody will think any less of you. Steve’s the one who made the biggest mistake of his life.”

  Embarrassed he overstated the truth, I stared down at my shoes. “Well, thank you for the inflated compliments, but I think the best way to salvage my self-esteem is to go home and pretend it never happened.”

  “The compliments weren’t inflated.”

  Our eyes met, and his expression was completely sincere, which made my face heat up. “Thank you,” I said, turning to hide my blush and unlock the door. “I should get home.”

  He held the door open for me. “Drive safe.”

  I nodded and then snuck one more glance at his shy smile. There was definitely no mystery to why he had so many admirers, but I didn’t need any more practice boyfriends. Trevor was home, and I was ready to go for it. “Thanks, Mason. Bye.”

  I drove home completely focused on the road, partly because everything that had happened was too overwhelming to think about, and partly because I didn’t want to crash on my first solo trip.

  Trevor was on his porch waiting for me when I drove up and parked. “Murphy called to tell me what happened. Are you okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah. I guess. I will be. How’s Kailyn?”

  “She’s still pretty upset, and I don’t know why, so I should go back inside.”

  “Do you think it would help if I talked to her?”

  “Maybe tomorrow.” He ran his hand through his hair, not at all as relaxed as he had been at the party. “Text me if you need anything.”

  “Okay.” I hesitated and pumped myself up to make a grand gesture. “You can come over after she falls asleep. If you want.”

  His eyes met mine, then his gaze darted away. “It will probably be pretty late. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Still feeling brave, or maybe it was desperate, I threw out another offer. “Do you want to go hiking in the morning?”

  He nodded slowly as if the decision required a ton of contemplation. “Sure. Everyone is going to the springs. Bring your bathing suit. But I want one of your homemade breakfasts first.”

  “You got it.”

  He winked and went into his house.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  I woke up at four-forty-five in the morning, before my alarm even rang, excited to go hiking with Trevor. I pulled my hair into a high ponytail and dressed in short shorts and a tank top over my bikini.

  The dining room started to smell delicious as the water gurgled through the coffee-maker and the muffins baked in the kitchen. Granddad joined me at seven-thirty to help clear tables and serve coffee and juice. When the door chimes rang at eight, I knew it was Trevor, and I felt a tingly sensation buzz through my body. I turned to watch him enter the dining room. He had on black shorts and a grey T-shirt with his red baseball hat on backwards. He smiled and said, “Morning, sunshine.”

  “Morning.” Wow. Just being around him did things to me that I never felt from Steve. Or anyone. “Help yourself.” I pointed to the buffet table.

  “Mmm. I can’t believe I survived five months without your breakfasts.”

  “They’re nothing fancy.”

  “Doesn’t have to be fancy to be good,” he said as he piled fruit, two boiled eggs, and French toast on his plate.

  After Trevor finished eating, he helped me wash dishes in the kitchen. Then we left out of the kitchen door. A man in khakis and a sweater was crouched on the side porch, examining the wood. He shook the handrail to test its sturdiness. “May I help you?” I asked.

  “Oh, good morning. You must be Derian.” He offered his hand to shake mine. “My name is Alan. I’ve been trying to talk your grandfather into selling me the Inn.” He reached over and shook Trevor’s hand. Trevor introduced himself, and the man pointed at the heart Trevor and I had carved in the porch post when we were very young. “The T. M. of T. M. + D. L. in this heart?”

  “That would be me,” Trevor said, sounding proud of that fact. We both smiled and exchanged a glance at the memory of carving the heart with Jim’s fishing knife when we were six and eight. Granddad was so mad, but Grandma wouldn’t let him replace the post because she thought it was adorable. Our punishment was to hand wash all the breakfast dishes at the Inn for an entire week of summer holidays. Needless to say,
I never vandalized again.

  “So, Derian, your grandfather says you’re concerned a developer will demolish the Inn and build a big resort, but my wife and I have actually been looking for quite some time to buy a heritage Inn we could raise our kids in. We will operate it essentially the same as you do now. We don’t want to see it demolished any more than you do. I promise it will be in good hands.”

  I glanced at Trevor, then back at Alan. “It’s really expensive to run an Inn like this. What makes you think you can do any better than my granddad?”

  “I don’t think we can do it better, but we’re young and motivated, and we’ve got three kids who are getting old enough to help out. It’s been a dream of ours for a while to do something like this. I don’t suppose there is anything I could say to convince your grandpa that this is a great opportunity for all of us.”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Well, think about it. We’re not in any hurry.”

  I nodded and said goodbye, then wrapped my fingers around Trevor’s to lead him off the porch. We crossed the parking lot and entered the forest behind his house. I chose one of the longest trails to the peak of the mountain because I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

  “He sounds like a good buyer,” Trevor said.

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “How are you feeling about all that?”

  “Well, I know it’s inevitable, but I don’t want to move away.”

  He nodded, as if he could relate. Then he changed the subject as we switch-backed through the trees. “How are you feeling after last night?”

  “Okay, considering.” I hopped over some fallen logs that blocked the trail. “How’s Kailyn?”

  “She’s still upset and won’t talk about it.” He took the lead. It had been so long since we’d hiked together, I forgot how fast he moved.

  I ran to catch up. “Is it all right if I ask you a question?”

  “Yup.”

  “If a guy likes a girl, what might be a reason why he wouldn’t ask her out?”

  He looked back over his shoulder and his eyebrows pulled together before he faced forward again. “He could be worried the girl doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe he’s afraid to get rejected.”

  “What if he knows for sure she feels the same way?”

  “Maybe she already has a boyfriend.”

  “What if she’s single?”

  “Maybe the timing isn’t right.”

  I scrambled over a boulder. “How do people know when the timing is right?”

  “It just feels right.” He stopped to wait for me.

  “What if it does feel right?”

  He shrugged and continued walking. “The timing has to be right for both people. Maybe there are things they both need to focus on and accomplish before they make a commitment to each other. Maybe they have some growing up they need to do.”

  That comment hit me hard. I was the one who had some growing up to do. The problem was, if he kept travelling and experiencing amazing things without me, I would never be able to lessen the gap between us. “What if they could be together and still accomplish all those things?”

  He slowed down a little as we edged along a narrow, steep part of the trail. “If they’re friends he may not want to ruin the friendship.”

  “Oh.” It hadn’t occurred to me that if a romantic relationship with him didn’t work out, our friendship would be lost too. That would suck. I sighed and hiked quietly for a while. “Did you meet lots of girls in Europe?”

  “Yup.”

  “Did you like any of them?”

  “Some of them were all right.”

  “Have you ever been in love?”

  “Once.” He turned his head to look back at me again. “Did you love Steve?”

  “No.” I took a deep breath and prepared myself to be honest. “I love someone else.”

  He nodded as if it was an interesting fact, but he didn’t say anything. He traversed along a fallen tree without looking at me.

  “Did you love Corrine Andrews?”

  “What?” He stopped abruptly, turned around on the trunk, and stared at me.

  “She insinuated you two had been, uh, intimate.”

  He shook his head. “She’s such a liar. We kissed once at a school dance when she was in grade eight and I was in grade nine.”

  “Who were you in love with?” I pressed.

  He took a bottle of water out of his backpack and handed it to me, then took out another one for himself. I watched as he twisted the lid off, drank, and tightened the lid back on. Instead of answering my question, he said, “Whoever this guy is you love, he’s not going to want to be a rebound after what Steve did.”

  I drank some water, then handed him my bottle to put it back in the pack. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re coming off a relationship with a boyfriend who cheated on you. If the guy really likes you, he’ll want to wait until you’ve recovered.”

  “Steve cheated because I wasn’t that into him, and I was dodging him like a coward for weeks. It’s as much my fault as it is his.”

  “Don’t you want your relationship with this other guy to last?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then maybe you should have a rebound relationship with someone else.” He started hiking again. I hurried to keep up with him.

  “That is the worst advice I’ve ever heard. I don’t want to have a relationship with someone else.”

  “Any guy in his right mind is going to stay away from you for a while.”

  “So, you’re saying I’m damaged goods because I dated a guy who couldn’t keep it in his pants.”

  He laughed. “You’re not damaged goods. It’s just that guys get screwed when they date a girl who was treated badly by her previous boyfriend.”

  “That’s bullshit!”

  “Don’t kill the messenger. I’m just telling you how it is.”

  “He didn’t treat me badly. And I don’t see why I should be punished because Steve slept with Lisa.”

  “Don’t worry about it. If the guy loves you he’ll wait for as long as it takes.” He reached his arm out and took my hand to help me step on the rocks to cross a stream. We got to a difficult part of the hike where we had to use anchored chains to maneuver up a crevice and along a narrow ridge. We had to cross a series of metal ladders that bridged the gaps between rock faces. When we got close to the top of the mountain, the terrain got easier again, so I continued our conversation.

  “How long would a guy normally wait before asking out a girl who is supposedly recovering from being scorned?”

  “Depends.”

  “Depends on what?”

  We reached the peak and he still hadn’t answered. I sat down on the rock and looked out at the view. He sat down beside me and pulled out two granola bars from his pack. He handed me one.

  “Depends on what?” I repeated.

  “Did you sleep with Steve?”

  “That’s kind of a personal question, don’t you think?”

  “Sorry. You don’t have to answer it.”

  “Why do you want to know?”

  He shook his head and stared out at the view. “It’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked. Sorry.”

  “I didn’t. That’s why he slept with Lisa. I’m a prude and a tease and still pathetically inexperienced. I was a horrible girlfriend.”

  It looked like maybe he smiled, but I couldn’t quite tell because he turned his head away from me. He held out a piece of granola for a chipmunk that scurried around us. It scrambled up the rock and extended its front paws up to take the granola out of Trevor’s hand. Then it ran off and disappeared back into the trees. “You weren’t a horrible girlfriend. You were there for him after his sister died. He was lucky to have you.”

  I nodded, reminded of how Trevor had done the same for me. “I tried to support Steve the way you supported me after my dad died. It was way harder than you made it look, and I don’t think I ever thanked you ba
ck then. So, thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” He turned his hat the right way around and pulled it low to shade his eyes from the sun.

  We used to hike to the same spot with our dads nearly every weekend when we were young. Then, as we got older, we explored the ridges on our own. I was never afraid of anything when we were together. As I stared at him, I was reminded of that comfort.

  “Memories of your dad don’t live in the Inn. They’ll live in your heart even if the Inn gets sold or torn down. You know that, right?”

  I inhaled and smiled because it felt good to have someone know me as well as Trevor did. “It’s not just the memories. I feel him there. He’s in the kitchen making a sandwich late at night when I get a glass of milk. He’s sitting in the library reading a book by the fire when I come home from school and it’s stormy outside. He’s in his room shining his boots. I can smell his aftershave. I can hear his laugh. I can feel him kiss my forehead before I fall asleep.”

  Trevor glanced sideways at me and smiled sympathetically. “He’ll be with you no matter where you go. He’s not hanging out at the Inn. He’s hanging out with you.”

  I hoped my expression clearly showed my other reason for wanting to stay in Britannia. “I still don’t want to leave.”

  “Well, you’re going to have to at some point. Both of us are.”

  It sounded kind of callous, but it was true.

  When I didn’t respond, he opened the pack and pulled out an apple. He bit off a chunk and gave it to the chipmunk. After it ran away, Trevor finished the apple and stood. “Ready to go to the springs?”

  I stood and reluctantly followed him back towards the forest. “So, is there no way I could convince the guy I love to ask me out right away?”

  He chuckled, as if he’d hoped we were done with the conversation but wasn’t surprised I hadn’t let it go. “You should probably focus on school and getting your scholarship.”

  “I can do that and have a boyfriend at the same time. I had a boyfriend this year, his sister died, and you abandoned me, but I still worked really hard to catch up on my assignments and got straight A’s.”

  He stopped abruptly and turned to face me, his expression etched with pain. “I didn’t abandon you. I would never abandon you.”