Ravenhill Plays: 1: Shopping and F***ing; Faust is Dead; Handbag; Some Explicit Polaroids (Contemporary Dramatists)

by Ravenhill, Mark

  Gary Reckon.

  Mark Because this is a very important day for me. I’m sorry, I’m making you listen.

  Gary Everyone wants you to listen.

  Mark Right. Well. Today you see is my first day of a new life. I’ve been away to get better, well to acknowledge my needs anyway, and now I’m starting again and I suppose I wanted to experiment with you in terms of an interaction that was sexual but not personal, or at least not needy, OK?

  A distant sound of coins clattering.

  Gary Downstairs. The arcade. Somebody’s just had a win. You gotta know which ones to play otherwise all you get is tokens. I’ve a lucky streak me. Good sound, int it? Chinkchinkchinkchinkchink.

  Mark I suppose what I’d like, what I’d really like is to lick your arse.

  Gary That all?

  Mark Yes. That’s all.

  Gary Right. We can settle up now.

  Mark How much do you want?

  Gary Hundred.

  Mark A hundred pounds? No, I’m sorry.

  Gary Alright. If it’s just licking, fifty.

  Mark Look, I can give you twenty.

  Gary Twenty. What d’you expect for twenty?

  Mark It’s all I’ve got.

  I’ve got to keep ten for the taxi.

  Gary You’re taking the piss, int ya?

  Mark Look, I’ll walk. Thirty. It’s all I’ve got.

  Gary I should kick you out, you know that? I shouldn’t be wasting my time with losers like you. Look at you. Druggie with thirty quid. I’m in demand me. I don’t have to be doing this.

  There’s a bloke, right, rich bloke, big house. Wants me to live with him.

  So tell me: why should I let you lick my arse?

  Mark Why don’t you think of him? You could lie there and think of him.

  Just a few minutes, OK? Thirty quid.

  Just get my tongue up, wiggle it about and you can think of him.

  This isn’t a personal thing. It’s a transaction, OK?

  Gary pulls down his trousers and underpants. Mark starts to lick Gary’s arse.

  Gary He’s a big bloke. Cruel like but really really he’s kind. Phones me on the lines and says: ‘I really like the sound of you. I want to look after you.’

  Clatter of coins.

  Listen to that. They’re all winning tonight.

  So I’ll probably move in. Yeah, probably do it tomorrow.

  Mark pulls away. There’s blood around his mouth.

  Mark There’s blood.

  Pause.

  You’re bleeding.

  Gary Didn’t think that happened any more.

  Thought I’d healed, OK? That’s not supposed to happen.

  I’m not infected, OK?

  Punter gave me a bottle somewhere. Rinse it out.

  Mark goes to take the money.

  Gary You can’t take that.

  Lick me arse you said. Licked me arse didn’t ya?

  Mark I’ll leave you ten.

  Gary Rinse your mouth out.

  We agreed thirty.

  Mark Twenty. I need ten for the taxi.

  Gary Thirty – look, I need the money – please – I owe him downstairs – can’t live on tokens – give me the thirty. You promised.

  Mark Have the thirty.

  Mark gives Gary the thirty pounds.

  Gary Stay. Rinse it out. You’ll feel better. It’s champagne.

  Gary exits. Mark sits.

  Scene Five

  Pub.

  Robbie hands Lulu a drink.

  Robbie After ten minutes I thought I’d got the wrong name. Checked the name. And then I thought: maybe it’s the right name but the wrong pub. Because there could be two pubs with the same name. But probably not on the same street. So I checked. And there wasn’t. The same name on this street. But then I thought there could be other streets with the same street name. So I looked it up, borrowed the book from this bloke and looked it – listen. Did you know? There’s blood.

  Lulu On me?

  Robbie On you. You’ve got blood on you face.

  Lulu I thought so. Get it off.

  Robbie Why’s that then?

  Lulu Please I want it off.

  Robbie Is that your blood?

  Lulu (pawing at her face) Where is it?

  Robbie (indicates forehead) Just – yeah – that’s it.

  Lulu Is it all gone? Everything?

  Robbie Yes. It’s all gone.

  Was that your blood?

  Lulu No. It must have splashed me.

  Robbie Who’s blood is it?

  Lulu Why does it have to be like this?

  Robbie I knew something was up.

  Lulu I mean, what kind of planet is this when you can’t even buy a bar of chocolate?

  Robbie I think that’s why I worried so much.

  Lulu And afterwards of course you feel so guilty. Like you could have done something.

  Robbie They attacked you?

  Lulu Not me. The Seven-Eleven.

  Walking past and I think: I’d like a bar of chocolate. So I go in but I can’t decide which one. There’s so much choice.

  Too much. Which I think they do deliberately. I’m only partly aware – and really why should I be any more aware? – that an argument is forming at the counter. A bloke.

  Dirty, pissy sort of –

  Robbie Wino?

  Lulu Probably. Wino sort of bloke is having a go at this girl, young –

  Robbie Student?

  Lulu Yes. Student girl behind the counter. Wino is raising his voice to student.

  There’s a couple of us in there. Me – chocolate. Somebody else – TV guides. (Because now of course they’ve made the choice on TV guides so fucking difficult as well.)

  And wino’s shouting: You’ve given me twenty. I asked for a packet of ten and you’ve given me twenty.

  And I didn’t see anything. Like the blade or anything. But I suppose he must have hit her artery. Because there was blood everywhere.

  Robbie Shit.

  Lulu And he’s stabbing away and me and TV guide we both just walked out of there and carried on walking.

  And I can’t help thinking: why did we do that?

  Robbie Look. It’s done now.

  Lulu I could have stayed.

  Am I clean?

  Robbie All gone.

  Lulu I could have intervened. Stopped him.

  It’s all off?

  Robbie Yes.

  Lulu It’s like it’s not really happening there – the same time, the same place as you. You’re here. And it’s there. And you just watch.

  I’m going back.

  Robbie What for?

  Lulu Who called an ambulance? She could be lying there.

  Robbie No. There must have been someone.

  Lulu Or I could give a description.

  Robbie Did you see his face?

  Lulu No. No, I didn’t.

  Robbie He’s a wino. How they going to find a wino out there?

  Lulu I don’t know.

  Robbie Look, they’ll have a video. There’s always like a security camera. They’ll have his face.

  Lulu And I’ve still got. You see I took.

  She produces the chocolate bar from her pocket.

  I took the bar of chocolate. She’s being attacked and I picked this up and just for a moment I thought: I can take this and there’s nobody to stop me. Why did I do that? What am I?

  Pause.

  Robbie They must be used to it. Work nights in a shop like that, what do they expect?

  You go home.

  Lulu I can’t.

  Robbie You’ve had a shock. You need to rest.

  Lulu We’ve got to do this.

  Robbie I know.

  Lulu We’ve got to do it tonight.

  Robbie You’re in no fit state. You’ve gotta sleep.

  Lulu I don’t want to sleep. I want to get on with this.

  Robbie I’ll do it.

  Lulu We’ve got to do it together.

  Ro
bbie Think I can’t manage? I can cope.

  Lulu Of course you can.

  Robbie I want to do it.

  Lulu Out there on your own?

  Robbie I’m educated. I’ve read the books. I’ve got the bits of paper. It’s only selling. I can sell. Go home. Go to bed.

  Lulu You’re right. I am tired.

  Robbie Then sleep.

  Lulu They’ll have me on the video. With the chocolate.

  Robbie They’ll be after him. Not you.

  Lulu Suppose.

  It’s all here.

  Lulu give Robbie a bum-bag.

  Robbie Right then.

  Lulu Look there’s just one rule, OK? That’s what they reckon. If you’re dealing. There’s just rule number one. Which is: He who sells shall not use.

  Robbie Yeah. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

  Lulu Right. So just don’t . . .

  Robbie Course not. Rule number one. I’m a big boy.

  Lulu (hands Robbie flyer) Show them this on the door.

  Robbie Still love you.

  Lulu Haven’t said that for a long time. Wish we could go back to before. Just you and me.

  Do you think I look great?

  Robbie In the right light. And a fair wind.

  Lulu And a couple of E?

  Robbie . . . I better go.

  Exit Robbie.

  Lulu looks at the chocolate bar for a beat. Then eats it very quickly.

  Scene Six

  Bedsit.

  Gary hands Mark the bottle of champagne.

  Gary Horrible int it? Little kid with his arse bleeding.

  Mark Sorry. I need to go.

  Gary Arse like a sore.

  Mark It’s not that.

  Gary Thought I’d healed.

  Mark Yes, yes. Sure.

  Gary This bloke, my mum’s bloke . . .

  Mark No. Don’t, please.

  Gary I tried to fight him off, but I think he gets off on that.

  Mark Please, if you . . .

  Gary Whatever, you lie back, you fight, he still . . .

  I started to bleed.

  Mark No.

  Gary He comes into my room after News at Ten . . . every night after News at Ten and it’s, son. Come here, son. I fucking hate that, ’cos I’m not his son.

  Mark Sure, sure. I understand.

  Gary But I thought . . . now . . . I . . . got . . . away.

  Mark FUCKING SHUT UP OK? KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT.

  Gary Sound like him.

  Mark Listen. I want you to understand because. I have this personality you see? Part of me that gets addicted. I have a tendency to define myself purely in terms of my relationship to others. I have no definition of myself you see. So I attach myself to others as a means of avoidance, of avoiding knowing the self. Which is actually potentially very destructive. For me – destructive for me. I don’t know if you’re following this but you see if I don’t stop myself I repeat the patterns. Get attached to people to these emotions then I’m back to where I started. Which is why, though it may seem uncaring, I’m going to have to go.

  You’re gonna be OK?

  I’m sorry it’s just –

  Gary cries.

  Mark Hey. Hey. Hey.

  He makes a decision. He takes Gary in his arms.

  Come on. No. Come on. Please. It’s OK.

  Everything will be OK.

  You don’t have to say anything.

  Gary I want a dad. I want to be watched. All the time, someone watching me. Do you understand?

  Mark I think so.

  Gary Does everyone feel like that?

  Mark Well . . . no.

  Gary What do you want?

  Mark I don’t know yet.

  Gary You must want something. Everybody’s got something.

  Mark I used to know what I felt. I traded. I made money. Tic Tac. And when I made money I was happy, when I lost money I was unhappy. Then things got complicated. But for so many years everything I’ve felt has been . . . chemically induced. I mean, everything you feel you wonder . . . maybe it’s just the . . .

  Gary The smack.

  Mark Yes. The smack, coffee, you know, or the fags.

  Gary The microwaves.

  Mark The cathode rays.

  Gary The madcow. Moooooo.

  Mark Right. I mean, are there any feelings left, you know?

  The coins clatter.

  I want to find out, want to know if there are any feelings left.

  Gary (offering two Pot Noodles) Beef or Nice and Spicy?

  Scene Seven

  Accident and Emergency waiting room.

  Robbie sits bruised and bleeding. Lulu is holding a bottle of TCP.

  Lulu I asked the Sister. She said I could. It’ll sting a bit.

  But with blood. It might get infected. Like gangrene.

  Lulu applies the TCP to Robbie’s face.

  Lulu Keep still. Don’t want to end up with like – one eye mmm?

  Look good actually.

  Robbie Yeah.

  Lulu Yes, suits you. Makes you look – well . . . tough.

  Robbie Good.

  Lulu I could go for you. Some people a bruise, a wound, doesn’t suit them.

  Robbie No.

  Lulu But you – it fits. It belongs.

  Lulu slips her hand into Robbie’s trousers and starts to play with his genitals.

  Lulu Is that good?

  Robbie Yeah.

  Lulu That’s it. Come on. That’s it.

  Tell me about them.

  Robbie Who?

  Lulu The men. Attackers.

  Robbie Them.

  Lulu The attackers. Muggers

  Robbie Well.

  Lulu Sort of describe what they did. Like a story.

  Robbie No.

  Lulu I want to know.

  Robbie It’s nothing.

  Lulu I don’t want to just imagine.

  Robbie I wasn’t like that.

  Lulu Come on then.

  Robbie Look.

  Lulu What was it like?

  Pause.

  Robbie There was only one.

  Lulu Didn’t you say gang?

  Robbie No.

  Just this one bloke.

  Lulu A knife?

  Robbie No.

  Lulu Oh.

  So. He pinned you down?

  Robbie No.

  Lulu Got the money.

  Robbie I didn’t – there wasn’t any money alright? I never took any money.

  Lulu You never / sold?

  Robbie No.

  Lulu So before you even got there this man. With his knife –

  Robbie / There wasn’t a knife.

  Lulu Attacks and gets the E.

  Robbie No. I got there. I was there with the E.

  Lulu So?

  Robbie So.

  Pause.

  Lulu You’ve lost it. (His erection.)

  Robbie Yeah.

  Lulu Gone limp on me.

  Robbie Yeah.

  Lulu Why’s that then?

  Pause.

  Robbie I was there. I was all ready. I was ready to deal.

  Lulu Right.

  Robbie There’s a few other dealers. Stood around the dance floor. I take up my position. I’m ready.

  And this bloke comes up to me. Really, really nice-looking.

  And he says: ‘You selling?’ Yeah, I say. Fifteen quid a go.

  And the way he looks at me I know he fancies me, you know?

  And he reaches in his pocket and – oh shit. So stupid.

  Lulu It was the knife yes?

  Robbie There wasn’t a knife.

  Lulu Gun?

  Robbie He. Look. He reaches in his pocket and says:

  ‘Shit I left my money in my other jeans. Oh shit, now how am I gonna have a good time, now how am I gonna enjoy myself?’

  Lulu Right. Yes.

  Go on.

  Robbie And he looked so . . . I felt sorry for him, alright? But then he says: ‘How about this? How about you
give me the E? Give me the E now then later, at the end, you can come back to mine and we can get the money from my jeans.’

  Lulu Right so he was luring you. Luring you back to his / place.

  Robbie No.

  Lulu Get you back to his so that he could pull the gun / or whatever.

  Robbie No.

  Lulu And get the Es off you.

  Robbie No, it didn’t happen. That’s not it.

  Lulu No?

  Robbie No.

  So I said yes. It’s a deal. And I gave him the E and he takes it and I watch him and he’s dancing and he’s sweating and smiling and he looks – well – beautiful and just really really happy.

  Lulu How many?

  Robbie What?

  Lulu You broke the first rule – yes? Yes?

  Robbie Yes.

  Lulu How many?

  Robbie I was out there on my own.

  Lulu How many?

  Robbie Three. Maybe four.

  Lulu Shit. I told you. Rule number one.

  Robbie I know.

  But then, a few minutes later. A bloke. Even better, yes, even better looking than the last bloke. And he says: ‘Look, you gave my mate some E and I was wondering, I get paid at the end of the week and if I give you my phone number will you give me a couple of E?’

  Lulu You didn’t?

  Robbie Yes.

  Lulu Fuck.

  Robbie And I felt good, I felt amazing, from just giving, you see?

  Lulu No, no I don’t.

  Robbie But imagine. Imagine you’re there, imagine how it feels.

  Lulu No.

  Robbie And then – it sort of rolled. It flew.

  Lulu You prick. Three hundred.

  Robbie Until there’s these guys, they’re asking and I’m giving and everyone’s dancing and smiling.

  Lulu Three hundred E. / Silly prick.

  Robbie Listen, listen to me. This is what I felt.

  Lulu I don’t want to know. / You gave away three hundred.

  Robbie It’s important.

  Lulu No. Stupid. Fucking. / Cunt.

  Robbie Just listen for a moment, OK?

  Listen, this is the important bit. If you’d felt . . . I felt. I was looking down on this planet. Spaceman over this earth. And I see this kid in Rwanda, crying, but he doesn’t know why. And this granny in Kiev, selling everything she’s ever owned. And this president in Bogota or . . . South America. And I see the suffering. And the wars. And the grab, grab, grab.

  And I think: Fuck Money. Fuck it. This selling. This buying. This system. Fuck the bitching world and let’s be . . . beautiful. Beautiful. And happy. You see?

  You see?

  But now you see, but then I’ve only got two left and this bloke comes up and says: ‘You the bloke giving out the E?’ I give him the two but he says ‘What two? Two. Two’s not going to do shit for me. You gotta have more.’ And he starts to hit, he starts to punch me.