Kane

by Douglas, Cheryl

  “We were, but it was the kind of friendship that could have grown into more, given the chance. You know what I mean?”

  “Yeah, unfortunately, I do.”

  I didn’t envy my brother’s position. I didn’t know how I’d handle it if Macy were still married to someone else, someone she shared a child with, who was desperate to put their broken little family back together.

  “You think this girl could be the one, Kane?”

  The question stunned me, because I couldn’t ever remember one of my brothers asking me that about a girl I’d dated. Of course, I wasn’t dating Macy. We were already married. And I wanted us to go on being married.

  “Yeah, I do.” I chuckled, rubbing a hand over my face. “And that scares the hell out of me. You know Macy. She’s not big on staying in one place for too long.”

  “Maybe it’d be worth the sacrifice, if she feels about you the way you do about her.”

  “Yeah, but that’s still the unknown variable, isn’t it? I don’t know how she feels.” Before he could tell me to get off my ass and find out, I asked, “You think it’s selfish of me to want her to make the sacrifice, you know, to stay here and build a life with me?”

  “It’s only selfish if it’s not what she wants.” He laughed. “You know Macy. She’s not gonna do anything she doesn’t want to do.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

  “Good luck tonight. Let me know how it goes.”

  “I will. Thanks for checking in.”

  ***

  As we were enjoying dinner, I searched for the right words, wondering if I should wait until we got back to my house to ask about her plans.

  “Penny for your thoughts,” she whispered, reaching for her water glass. Because of her meds, she couldn’t drink.

  I opted for a soft drink, wanting to remain clear-headed for what could prove to be one of the most important nights of my life. I leaned in, covering her left hand with mine. We were both still wearing the wedding rings we’d exchanged, and I thought of my friends on the force. Many didn’t wear wedding rings, but I couldn’t imagine wanting to take mine off. Not even on the job, where many considered it a dangerous liability.

  Before I could speak, the waiter came and cleared our dessert plates. He promised to return with the coffee pot for a refill, and I gave him a tight smile.

  When we were alone again, I said, “I know you hate being down and out, but I’m not going to lie, it’s been great having you here.”

  “I’ve enjoyed it too.” She removed her hand from mine when the waiter returned, and she eased back in her seat with a polite smile for the middle-aged gentleman.

  “Macy, I…” I couldn’t just blurt out that I’d fallen in love with her. Not in the middle of a crowded restaurant where I was certain her mother had spies watching our every move. The proprietors, a couple the Myers’ age, had introduced themselves when we walked in, claiming to have heard all about me. Whatever the hell that meant.

  “Yes?” Her lips curved into a smile. “What’s wrong? I’ve never known you to be shy.”

  “So here’s the thing…” I tossed my napkin on the table. “I don’t think I fully realized this until I was talking to my brother on the phone tonight, but when you came back into my life a few months ago, I was looking for someone like you.”

  Her full lips formed a small circle before she exhaled slowly. “Really?”

  “I didn’t know it at the time. I just knew when you left…” I cleared my throat, my eyes traveling to the couples on the small dance floor. “When you went back to him, it felt so wrong to let you go.” My eyes drifted back to hers, because I was determined to own every word I spoke to her from now on. “I wanted you here. With me.”

  “You did?” She swallowed repeatedly before she asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Your life was in Nashville. The two loves of your life were there: him and music.”

  “Brendan was never meant to be the love of my life, Kane,” she said, her words sounding hollow as she smoothed the white napkin in her lap. “Let’s be clear about that.”

  “Is that something you’re looking for?” I asked, ignoring the statement about her ex. I didn’t care about him. I cared about us and what we were building. “The kind of love that can last a lifetime?”

  She laughed lightly before glancing at a silver-haired couple swaying to the music. “You’re prepared to ask the tough questions tonight, aren’t you?”

  “It’s time, don’t you think?” I despised fear and the weakness it represented, yet every day since Macy had slipped that wedding band on my finger, I’d lived with the fear of losing her. No more. I had to know, once and for all, whether she could feel about me the way I felt about her, given enough time.

  “I suppose it is.” She licked her lips, her eyes never leaving the couple who’d just shared an intimate comment before he laughed, making her eyes sparkle with affection and amusement. “Do I want a love like that? Of course I do, Kane. Who doesn’t?”

  Finally we were getting somewhere.

  “Okay. Then do you think you could have that with me?” I raised my hand when she opened her mouth. “I’m not talking about some silly crush, or lust that simmers and dies after a few months or years. I’m talking about the real thing.” Hooking a thumb over my shoulder, I said quietly, “I’m talking about what they have. Do you think we could ever have that? Would you even be interested in trying?”

  “Staying here with you would mean traveling a different path,” she said, drawing a line down the condensation on her half-empty water glass. “Not the one I’d intended. The one I’ve been dreaming about since the first time I held a guitar.” Her eyes met mine, and the pain in them was palpable. “I dreamed of being a star. I want to touch people with my music, you know. To sit up on a big stage, surrounded by thousands of screaming fans, just them, me, my guitar, and my music.”

  “You have touched people with your music,” I said, knowing selling songs was small consolation. “You’re a gifted songwriter. Millions of people have bought songs you wrote. Who cares if you didn’t record them? Does that matter as long as people connected with them?”

  “If you’d asked me that question six months ago, I would have said hell yes, it matters. I want to record my own music. I want to be the headliner, the one selling out stadiums. But then I saw my life pass by in the blink of an eye when we were rolling over that embankment, and you know what I saw?”

  “What?”

  “Music.” She sighed. “That’s all I saw. Music. Of course my parents, brother, sister, and friends all flashed through my mind, but that was more about what my death would do to them, and it made me pray for a second chance. In that moment, I realized how one-dimensional my life had become.”

  “You’re not alone in that, Mace. I think everyone who’s found their passion can relate to that. I know I can. I love what I do. I love my family, but I need more.” I reached across the table, entwining our fingers. “I need you.”

  Her gaze lingered on my hand before she looked up and stole my breath. “There’s one more thing that made me want to live that day—you. I wanted to open my eyes so I could see you again.”

  I closed my eyes, letting her words warm the spot inside me that had been cold since I learned about her accident. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life. When Brody told me you’d been in an accident, that it was serious, I hated myself for being such a coward.”

  “You? A coward?” Her lips quirked. “Sorry, those two words will never be synonymous.”

  “I just wanted the chance to tell you how I felt,” I said, drawing circles on the back of her hand with the pad of my thumb. “The entire flight, I just kept praying I’d get the chance to tell you. You’ve been with me all this time, and I still haven’t found the courage to tell you.”

  “Tell me now.”

  “I love you, Macy.” I was shocked by how easily those words tripped off my tongue even though I’d never said them
to another woman.

  The waiter chose that moment to return, making me consider whether lousy timing was reason enough to withhold a tip. Biting back my frustration, I thanked him for the coffee while Macy’s phone rang.

  Her face paled as she checked the screen. “I’m sorry, Kane. I have to get this. Will you excuse me?”

  I was shocked that a phone call could be more important than the declaration I’d just made, the one that still went unanswered. Or maybe she saw the call as a way out? “Uh, sure. Do you need a hand?”

  “No, I’m okay.” She reached for the cane she’d propped by her chair.

  I watched her walk outside, wondering what the hell I would say if she came back in to tell me she could never love me the way I loved her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Macy

  “Why the hell are you calling me?” I couldn’t believe the man who’d tried to take my life, along with his own, a man I’d once thought I loved, was on the other end of the line, and the only thing I felt was fear and contempt. “I’m out for dinner with my husband. The cop. If he knew you were calling me—”

  “You didn’t tell him about the accident, did you?” he asked, sounding panicked.

  I was sitting on a bench outside the restaurant, so I knew Kane couldn’t overhear my conservation, but I still lowered my voice when I said, “It’s not fair of me to keep it from him. He deserves to know the truth.”

  “Then why haven’t you told him?”

  “Not to protect you, if that’s what you think.” A little voice in my head called me a liar, making me more confused than ever. Why would I feel the need to protect a man who’d tried to kill me?

  “Then why?”

  “I was worried about what Kane might do if I told him the truth.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “I don’t care what you believe. So I’ll ask again, why are you calling me?” I should just hang up, pretend this exchange had never happened, but I was torn between curiosity and bone-chilling fear. Was he in Tampa? Would he come after me again, to finish what he started?

  Staying with Kane, knowing he had a loaded gun in the house and would do anything to protect me, made me feel safe, but Kane couldn’t babysit me forever. Eventually he would have to return to his life, and that would leave me with the difficult task of having to piece mine back together.

  “I had to hear your voice,” he said softly. “I miss you, baby.”

  My stomach flipped, putting my lovely dinner at risk. “Well, I don’t miss you. I never want to see you again after what you did.” I swiped at the tear that slipped down my cheek while a young couple walking into the restaurant eyed me curiously.

  “I was out of my mind, Macy. I couldn’t face the fact I’d lost you. You weren’t just my girlfriend. You were everything to me. Without you, I’ll never make it in this business. And without that, what do I have left?”

  I knew Brendan came from a broken home. He hadn’t spoken to his father in years, and his mother had remarried and moved to Arizona to start a new life with her second husband. But being alone was no excuse for what he’d done. I was appalled that he thought I was so weak and gullible he could play the guilt card and expect me to forgive him.

  “Do you honestly expect me to feel sorry for you? You almost killed me!” I closed my eyes when a distinguished-looking silver-haired man getting into a black Cadillac raised an eyebrow at me.

  “I’m sorry about that. I’m so sorry about everything. But if you come back, maybe we can get past it. I’ve managed to reschedule the dates we had booked this month. I told them we were in a car accident on our way to a gig and you needed a little more time to recover. I can’t buy much more time—”

  “I’m not coming back.” It had taken the sound of Brendan’s voice to make my decision clear. I couldn’t go back to Nashville and try to resurrect a dream that was now tainted with both of our blood. “The life we had, I don’t want that anymore.”

  “What are you talking about?” he asked incredulously. “Music is your life. You love it as much as I do. You can’t live without it.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” I said, carefully testing the words. “I do enjoy making music, but it’s not my life. There’s more to me than that. There’s my family and friends. And Kane. I want to stay here and build a life with him.”

  “I should have known he was the reason,” he said, his voice dripping with contempt. “That bastard has taken everything from me. First you, now my music, my future. Well, he’s not going to get away with it. I can promise you that!”

  Minutes later, I was still staring at my phone when Kane stepped out of the restaurant, looking sexy in black jeans and a dark purple button-down shirt rolled up to the elbows.

  “Hey, I got worried.” Gesturing to the phone, he said, “You done with your call?”

  I nodded, numb as I tried to process Brendan’s warning. What did it mean? Did he plan to come after Kane? “Um yeah,” I said, forcing myself out of the daze. “I’m sorry I took so long.”

  “It’s okay.”

  He helped me to my feet and slipped his arm around my waist. I sank into him, grateful for his strength and the solid weight of his body anchoring me.

  “I took care of the bill,” he said, looking into my eyes. “So we can head home, if you’re ready?”

  “Yeah,” I whispered, turning into his arms. “Let’s go home.”

  ***

  By the time we stood outside my bedroom door, I could tell Kane knew something was wrong, but he was trying to be patient, to allow me to open up to him willingly instead of being pressured into it.

  “If this is about what I said earlier…”

  I pressed my fingertips against his warms lips as I leaned against the closed bedroom door at my back. “No, it’s not.” I should tell him I loved him too, that I wanted to try to build a life together, but that wouldn’t be fair until I’d confessed the truth about Brendan.

  “Then what is it?” He kissed my palm, then held my hand against his face. “Are you torn about going back to Nashville? Or maybe you’ve decided that’s where you belong and you’re afraid to tell me?”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head slowly. “That’s not where I belong, not anymore.”

  He sucked in a breath, and his voice was raspy, almost broken, when he asked, “You’re sure?”

  “I’m sure.” I rested my head against his shoulder.

  He carefully closed his arms around me, avoiding my injuries. “You know, we have to learn how to open up to each other if this is going to work, Mace. We can’t keep shutting each other out.”

  I felt so guilty that after the way he’d opened up to me, I couldn’t do the same. But I needed more time to process what had happened with Brendan and what my next move should be. “I just need a little more time. Can you give me that?” I knew I was asking a lot. He’d already been so patient and understanding.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, wrapping his calloused hands around my face. “And if you can promise me you’re not either, that’s enough for now.”

  “I promise.”

  ***

  Kane had left me a note the next morning to let me know he had some errands to run and would be back before noon. I woke feeling physically better than I had since before the accident, so I took advantage of the alone time to visit my sister.

  “What are you doing here?” Riley asked, looking stunned when she saw me standing in her open office door. Trying to look past me, she said, “Please tell me Kane is with you.”

  “No, I took a cab.” Still using the cane to support my weight, I gingerly made my way across the office as Riley gaped at me. “It’s not like I had to climb nine flights of stairs. The building does have an elevator, and the taxi driver dropped me at the curb. He even helped me out of the car. Sweet kid.”

  “You can’t go out by yourself yet,” Riley said, slashing her arm through the air, almost taking out her takeout cup. “It’s too soon. Why didn�
�t you call me if you needed to talk? I would have come to you.”

  “I want to feel normal again, sis,” I said softly, my eyes barely meeting hers. “I’m tired of feeling like a patient. I want my life back, the life he tried to take from me.”

  “Hold that thought,” Riley said, raising her finger. She crossed the room to close her door. “Does this melancholy mood have something to do with Brendan? Is that why you were so hell-bent on seeing me, why you couldn’t just call?”

  Trying to lie to Riley was an exercise in futility, so with a sigh, I said, “He called me last night when I was out for dinner with Kane.”

  “Did you tell Kane it was him?”

  “No.”

  Riley sat in the guest chair next to me and took my hand. “Honey, if there’s one thing Brody and I had to learn the hard way, it’s that no relationship can survive without honesty. Think about it. How would you feel if you thought Kane was keeping secrets from you, especially secrets pertaining to his ex?”

  Riley had a valid point. I wouldn’t like it, but my silence was designed to protect him, not Brendan. My eyes welled with tears when I looked at her. “I just need to figure out a way to make him understand. He told me he loved me last night, and I couldn’t say it back because I feel terrible for being dishonest with him. He deserves better than that.”

  “I agree.” Riley smiled. “But you do love him?”

  “I do.” I bit my lip. “But I’m not sure how he’s going to feel about me when he finds out the truth about the accident. Do you think he’ll assume I kept it from him because I’m still in love with Brendan and was trying to protect him?”

  “I don’t know,” Riley said, clearly torn between honesty and sparing my feelings. “In his position, I might feel that way.” Her eyes drifted to a framed photo on her desk of her wrapped in her fiancé’s arms. “If Brody were keeping a secret like that from me, I’d be pretty hurt.”

  “I don’t want to lose him,” I said, feeling desperate. “Kane is the best man I’ve ever met. The way he’s been there for me since the accident has been incredible.”