Fear and Aggression

by Dane Bagley

The door opened and a tired older man walked into the room. He had on jeans, a rugged button-up collared shirt, and an old baseball cap. He’d spent most of his life as a bread truck delivery driver, so 3:30 AM was nothing new, but 2:30 PM was now a time of exhaustion for this sixty-eight-year-old formerly retired man.

  “Hey, Markey, you mind turnin’ that down some?”

  “Hey, Gramps,” Mark mustered lazily as he barely turned the volume down.

  “What you been up to; last day of summer, ain’t it?”

  “Nothin’.”

  “D’you check email?”

  “No, not yet.”

  The older man disappeared for a while in the direction of his bedroom, while Mark continued to brain drain in front of the tube.

  Ryan Rickson, Mark’s maternal grandfather, had been his caretaker for the past four years. He had lost his wife to cancer about twenty years ago, and had lived alone for a long time. About five years ago he went into retirement with no clear objective, other than not working. It had been a painfully boring year—primarily occupying himself with television—but would become only painful when the accident happened. Mark’s parents and two older sisters were returning from a day trip in the evening. A car with an extremely intoxicated driver hit them squarely on the driver’s side and both cars went off of the embankment into a lake. It was in a very rural area, and there were apparently no witnesses to the accident. In addition the road was in terrible repair, so that the effects of the accident were not obvious to anyone casually driving down the road. The drunken man and the four family members were all killed; no one was found for three days. Mark’s father and one of his sisters likely died instantly on impact. His mother and other sister may have lived for a short while, but were not likely conscious, as there was no apparent attempt of escape.

  Mark had been with his older brother Steve at the time. Steve had been away for a while for his Space Force training, and had returned that summer for a short while. Mark looked up to Steve immensely, so Steve had planned an entire day together. Fishing and boating, and a little bit of basketball mixed in. They had been up watching movies, and were very concerned that the family had not shown up from the trip. At three AM Steve had called the police, and then everyone he could think of. For three days they had no answers, until a phone call detailing the accident came from the police.

  Steve had to arrange with the Space Force for an extended leave while he made preparations for Mark. Grandpa Rickson quickly volunteered to be Mark’s caretaker, and within the week had come out of retirement to increase his means, as he knew his retirement would not be sufficient to raise a growing boy.

  Mark’s memory of the time was about as bitter-sweet as possible. He had spent what seemed to the best day of his life with his older brother, and then the state of confusion for several days, followed by moving away and in with his grandpa. Although he loved his grandpa, he felt a terrible loneliness, and longing to be with his sisters and parents.

  Grandpa Rickson also felt the terrible pangs of losing his only child. But after the acute phase of grief passed, he felt happier than he had in years with Mark in his home, and being back at work. He had felt a great concern of inadequacy, but he was a man with a sense of duty. Still, there was a lot of adjusting for two people thrown together amidst dreadful grief. Grandpa Rickson, unlike Mark’s father, was not a man of many words, nor was he affectionate like Mark’s mother. He was not fun-loving like Mark’s sisters, and indeed did not have much of a concept of life outside of working and television. He did like baseball, and he had always wanted a boy to throw the ball around with. So for a little while he would take Mark out in the apartment parking lot and throw a ball. This was past him now, as his body was not up to it, and he used the excuse that he was afraid they may break something in the parking lot.

  Although Mark didn’t think on his circumstances much, being the last day of summer, he was reminded of the limited experience he was having; no trips, no siblings around, very few activities, and his sense of emptiness and loneliness was evident in the melancholy state he was in.

  “Hey, Markey,” Grandpa shouted in an unusually enthusiastic manner from his room. “Come ‘ere, look’t this.”

  Mark, feeling the fatigue of inactivity, and being zoned out with music and daydreaming, almost answered back, “Come here and tell me,” but since Grandpa sounded unusually excited, he decided to drag his tired body into Grandpa’s room.

  “What’s up, Gramps?”

  “Steve’s got his mission and all.”

  “Where to?” Mark interrupted.

  “Dunno, but he’s callin’ us...I think this afternoon, lookee ‘ere.”

  “What? Oh, cool! Yeah, he’s gonna call any minute. Wow, they let Captains do anything.” Adrenaline began to seep into his veins, and he could feel a touch of lightheadedness. He sat on the bed and just smiled while Grandpa, feeling excited himself, continued to go through email.

  “I’ll answer and talk for just a couple of minutes, then’ll let ya finish up his fifteen minutes. All right, Markey?” No answer followed, as both of them pricked their ears in anticipation of the phone ringing.

  After a few minutes of silent anticipation the phone rang, and Mark got up instinctively—like a track runner to the sound of a gun—and answered the phone. “Hello? Hey, Steve!” As he saw his Grandpa’s irritated look, he remembered the deal. “Gramps wants to say hi for a minute,” and he handed him the phone.

  “Hi, Steve, good ta ‘ere from ya. You doin’ alright up ther’?”

  “I'm doing great, Grandpa. How are you and Mark getting along?”

  “Just fine. Just fine. So what’s yer mission gonna be, eh?”

  “We’re going into an unanalyzed region. I’ve got a great crew. I'm real excited.”

  “We’re shore proud’ve ya, Steve. You'll do real well now. ‘Ere’s Markey, so goodbye now.” Ryan would have loved to talk to Steve for a little while longer, but he knew that Mark was dying for the phone, and fifteen minutes is nothing on a phone call to a loved one that hasn’t been seen by his family for a while.

  “Hey, Steve, man, you’re a Captain. What’s it like?”

  “It’s great, I’m pretty excited. How are you doing?”

  “Alright, I start back at school tomorrow. So that bites.”

  “I hear you. Did you have a good summer?”

  “No, I didn’t do anything. So, what’s your crew like? Do you have any babes on board?”

  Chuckling, Steve replied, “We’ve got one woman on board. She’s in charge of medical and research.”

  “So she’s your alien dissector; cool. But is she a babe? The chick that’s the alien dissector in the Space Patrol is pretty hot!”

  Steve grinned. “Oh, Mark, you make me laugh. Last time I talked with you, you didn’t even know what girls were.”

  “I can see you’re ducking the question,” Mark stated, feeling grown-up.

  “Yeah, she’s a babe. I think I’ve got a great crew—probably the best pilot, and engine specialist, and computer specialist around. This girl is supposed to be top-notch in research, too.”

  “Awesome. You’ve got one of those new ships, don’t you? Everyone here says they’re designed to really study aliens.”

  “We’ve got to find some aliens first. This mission we're being sent to is an area that’s completely unknown. We’ll be really starting from scratch. But who knows, if there is something out there, I’ve got the crew to find it. It’s pretty exciting just to be a part of this. I’ve seen some amazing things out here. But after all we’ve seen, and all the places we’ve been, so far, there’s nothing to indicate other life out here. Some guys really think we’ll find something soon. I just don’t know. It’s so quiet out here, you know? I'll tell you one thing though; if there is intelligent life out there and we don’t find them, if they ever go looking for us, they won’t have any trouble. All the things we’re
looking for them with, electromagnetic signals, or just signs of being around and doing things, well, we’ve left our mark,” Steve said contemplating.

  “Whoa, that’s a scary thought.”

  “I don’t mean it that way. I’m just saying that if some other intelligent beings were out patrolling the universe, you would think that there would be some evidence. It seems that either there is no one else running around out here, or else they are keeping themselves well-hidden.”

  “Man, that’s a scary thought, too.” Mark uttered in all seriousness. To him and many other people, the idea of interacting with other worlds did not seem too farfetched. In Mark’s mind, it was when, not if. Visions of space battles often raged in his head. For a moment, things seemed so clear, and a dichotomy of excitement and vulnerability emerged from his limbic neurons. “I can’t wait until I’m out there, too. I just hope that you don’t destroy all the aliens before I have a crack at them.”

  “I'll see what I can do,” Steve said, chuckling again. “So you think that you want to do this too, huh?”

  “Oh yeah, of course.”

  “You got to get those grades, man.”

  “Oh, I forgot about that,” Mark said, mostly sarcastically.

  “Don’t forget about that.”

  “I know, I know.”

  “Are you doing alright? I mean, it’s got to be hard, missing Mom, and Dad, and the girls,” said Steve softly.

  Mark was quiet for a moment. “It’s hard,” he said quietly.

  “I miss them, too. I'm here for you, you know,” Steve remarked sincerely.

  Mark was getting a bit teary-eyed, but forced a little laugh, and then said in a slightly shaky voice, “You’re on the other end of the universe!”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I know; I do. You’re a great big brother. You’re going to do awesome as a Captain!”

  “Thanks, Mark. My time’s about up. I love you, and I’ll talk with you again soon.”

  “I love you, too, Steve. Bye.”

  “Bye, Mark.”

  The connection discontinued and both parties hung up. Mark felt full, but within moments that feeling transformed into a feeling of a larger void than he had even felt before. The one thing that could have picked him up was the chance to talk with Steve. But he hadn’t even had an opportunity to anticipate it. It had just happened, and as wonderful as it was, it was now over with not even the hope of something else to anticipate. All he had now was an evening at home with Grandpa, likely watching television, and then the sick feeling of starting school the next day. It wasn’t that school was so awful, it was just that getting some momentum after being stationary for so long felt overwhelming. Mark stood by the phone for a few seconds, taking the conversation in, and savoring every bit of it. Then he started to feel overcome, and tears once again entered his eyes. He quickly wiped the overflow, and then headed into the living room to join his grandpa watching the TV.

  Chapter 11