Healed Hearts

by Helen Wilder

  “I’m too heavy.” She complains.

  “No, you’re not.” She relaxes against me, both of us cradling our baby protectively with our hands.

  “I feel her in here you know. She would have gotten a kick out of today. I remember on my birthday each year until I was about twelve she would tell me the story of my birth. I loved listening to her tell it. The first time she laid eyes on me. How she fell asleep with me on her chest for three hours straight. The day she brought me home.”

  “You were loved.” I kiss her temple.

  “I was loved.”

  “And this little one will have so much love as well.” I run my palm across the top of her stomach.

  “You know, I never got this big with Hope. How am I going to push this baby out?”

  I noticed a change in her a few weeks ago, she appeared calmer and smiled more and the reason why just hit me. God, I’m so stupid. She never reached this stage of her pregnancy with Hope, she’s been silently worrying about making it to this stage with our baby and I’ve been ignorant. I feel like shit that she’s been suffering alone. Why hasn’t she said anything to me? I want to argue about her keeping things to herself however it’s been an emotionally draining day so I let it go for now but tell myself that we will talk about this tomorrow. Instead I try to lighten the mood a little.

  “No idea. I think they have these places called hospitals where you go and they help you or something.”

  “Thanks for the advice.” She rolls her eyes at me.

  “Anytime.” I kiss her slow and long when I feel my child kick against my abs where her stomach is resting, as if to say I’m here too. This is my family and all I need to be happy is right here in this room. I vow I will protect them with everything I have.

  I check the time on my watch for the third time. I’m waiting at the prison for Eve to show up and of course she’s running late. That hasn’t changed. We’re seeing her father this morning to get him to sign the final paperwork that will remove Eve from any and all companies he was ever associated with. I still can’t believe the asshole had secretly added her as a director to them and tried to make her take responsibility for the failing businesses, but I’m not surprised. He’s scum.

  I pace the empty hallway surrounded by concrete and steel. There’s not even a small hint of sunlight which can be seen from inside here. I feel a little claustrophobic. Or perhaps it’s a reaction to this being the first time I’m going to be in a room with Russo since the fucking bastard shot me. If Tori knew I was here and about to come face to face with him she’d kill me, bring me back to life then kill me again. Unfortunately this is my job and I need to do this. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right? Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

  Hearing a door open I turn to see Eve entering. I greet her with a kiss to the cheek when she reaches me. Her hair is shorter and she’s dressed down in a pair of jeans with a pink blouse.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi. You’re looking well.” She shuffles nervously on her feet, twisting her fingers.

  “Thanks, so are you.”

  “How have you been?” Making small talk with my ex-wife while in a prison was not on the top of my agenda today but here we are.

  “Really great. We’re having a baby. Victoria is due in a couple months.”

  “Congratulations.” I receive a genuine smile from her. “How long before we can go in?” She indicates the closed heavy doors.

  “Your father is talking to his lawyer so as soon as they’re done they’ll call us in.”

  We take a seat on the wooden bench along the wall and wait. An awkward silence falls between us so I ask the first question that pops into my head.

  “So, where are you living these days?”

  “I’m in New York. My love of shopping paid off,” she laughs and herself, “I’m working as an assistant buyer for one of the large department stores.”

  “That’s great. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well.”

  “I’m happy. I’m also kind of seeing someone. I think you may know him. His name is Liam Harrison.” I get mad just hearing that name.

  “My wife’s ex?” I feel my face frown as I say the words. Is this some sort of joke?

  “The same one. Is that weird? It’s weird isn’t it?”

  Before I can reply a guard comes out calling my name. We stand and follow him to one of the private visitor’s room and all conversation stops.

  “Here we go. Just let me do all the talking.”

  Victoria

  Snow has been falling heavily, covering everything for the past two days. Winter is well and truly here. It’s freezing cold outside so I have the fireplace going, a cinnamon scented candle burning and Christmas carols playing. The first of December means the Christmas tree and decorations go up. Jordan set up the outside lights earlier today and I’m finishing decorating our tree. The house is full of holiday spirit. The only thing missing are cookies baking in the oven. I’m excited for the holidays this year. There is so much to look forward to with the birth of our baby and the future we envisage. I don’t want to jinx myself but everything is perfect. I feel as if I’m living in a dream. As I place the last ball on the tree I can’t wait to do this again next year with our little one who will be almost a year old and place the baby’s first Christmas ornament on the tree for them. Next year though we’re getting a bigger tree. Jordan forced me to be reasonable about the size of it this time around but next year all bets are off.

  My stomach is huge, I cannot possible get any bigger in these last weeks. I’m getting around in leggings and Jordan’s large sweaters because nothing else fits me. Only a month to go and our little bundle will be here at home with us. These months have really passed quickly, as much as I have enjoyed carrying and feeling the baby I’ve reached the point where I can’t wait to not be pregnant anymore. I have trouble moving around easily, my legs have been cramping and I find myself using the bathroom every freaking hour.

  We finished decorating the nursery in shades of gray and yellow. The only thing it needs now is our little one to make its appearance. The anxiety of labor has set in as it gets closer. It may not be my first time going through it but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared. It’s called labor for a reason. It’s amazing, random women who see me out and about decide to tell me their birthing stories just because I’m pregnant and everybody has their own theory of whether it’s a boy or a girl based on my face or the shape of my stomach.

  I am officially on maternity leave for the next six months. Jordan and I argued about me going back to work when my leave is up with him telling me he can afford to support us. It’s not even about the money. I love teaching and don’t see myself giving it up however he prefers me to be home with the baby. He said it doesn’t have to be forever, but a couple of years at least until they are old enough to attend daycare. I’m no fool, his plan is to knock me up again by then and have me stay home even longer. Let’s just take it one kid at a time. In all honesty I have no idea how will I feel being away from the baby for hours on end. I may hate it but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

  “Jordan!”

  “Yeah, baby.” He steps into the room, coming in from his home office.

  “Can you help put the star on, I can’t reach.”

  Picking it up off the coffee table, I admire his ass as he stretches, placing our gold shiny star on the top of the tree.

  “It looks great.” Admiring the finished Christmas tree from across the living room Jordan’s phone which I had been using to play Christmas carols off of while hanging ornaments chimes with an incoming message. I glance down and see the name on the screen. Eve. I’m frozen in shock at seeing it. Don’t jump to conclusions. It could be someone else with the same name. After admiring his own handy work he picks up his phone to read over the message.

  “Who’s that?” He avoids eye contact as he replies. He knows I saw.

  “Eve.” He sighs loudly after replying.

  “Eve? A
s in your ex-wife Eve?” Steam is coming out of my ears.

  “Yes.” He looks at me briefly before pocketing his phone, guiltily.

  “Why are you talking to her? Why is she texting you?” Irrational jealousy runs through my veins at the idea that they have been in contact. I cross my arms over my chest waiting for his reply.

  “She needed to talk to someone about a legal issue.”

  “They don’t have law firms wherever she is?”

  “They do, but I know the history and she trusts me, she feels comfortable with me.”

  “How wonderful for her.” His hand runs across his mouth as I suspect he’s trying to come up with what to say next. His green eyes focus on me unblinking. I am majorly pissed off. How could he think I would be fine with this?

  “Why are you making such a big deal over my having a conversation with her? You know our history, what we went through to get here, you know there is no reason whatsoever for you to be jealous. She had a legal problem and asked for my advice and help. End of story.” He puts it so simply but I can’t help but feel there’s more to it. Why would he keep it a secret from me?

  “Was a conversation over the phone all it was or did you actually see her?” He runs his hands through his hair while looking down at his feet briefly. “You saw her?” I can’t believe he kept this from me. “When?” I demand stamping my foot. Heat flushes throughout my body. I’m burning with anger. If I wasn’t pregnant, I would jump over this coffee table and strangle him.

  “It was only once a couple months back but we were never alone together.” My throat clogs up with tears. I have the sensation of my heart being squeezed in my chest.

  “Why did you feel the need to hide it from me?”

  “I don’t know, Victoria, because it wasn’t important, because of this right here, I didn’t want to upset you, because you’re pregnant, so stop acting crazy.”

  “So now I’m crazy? You went behind my back. Maybe it’s important to me. Maybe I want to know if and when my husband is speaking to women he’s been INSIDE OF BEFORE!” I end up yelling as my anger increases.

  “I’m not going to argue with you, Victoria. My job is to help people when it comes to the law. That is what I was doing and will keep doing, even if it is my ex-wife needing that help.” I feel like I’ve been slapped. As if my thoughts and emotions have no consideration.

  “In that case, you won’t mind if I call Liam and catch up with him then, since we’re speaking to exes and all that.” I know I’m just baiting him into an even bigger argument but I’m hurt that he would speak to her and not even mention anything to me. That’s what pains me the most, the fact that he hid it, as if there was something to hide to begin with.

  “Do you regret divorcing her? Was there more to it than talking?” I have no idea what made me ask that, I know it’s stupid, blame the hormones. His gob smacked expression tells me exactly what he thinks of my question.

  “Are you fucking serious? You’re standing there with my ring on your finger and my child growing inside you. You tell me if I regret it. You’re blowing this out of proportion.” His jaw is so tense, I can almost hear his teeth grinding.

  “That’s not an answer.” He turns away from me, his shoulder are tense and up around his ears.

  “I’m going to the office. If I stay here we’re both going to say things we don’t mean.” I don’t get a chance to reply. He bolts out the door, slamming it behind him.

  I stand rooted to the spot, staring at the door he walked out of. I’m too angry to cry. I can’t believe how quickly this evening went south. As the minutes pass and I realize he really did leave I move across to wait at the window seat. Watching the snow fall as the hours pass by, the baby begins doing somersaults inside me, sensing my unease. The last time we argued like this it was me who walked out and he got hurt when he followed me. No! Nothing bad is going to happen, we both just need some time to cool down and he’ll be back.

  “It’s okay. Daddy will be home soon.” I take a few deep breathes in and out to calm my racing heart.

  I’ve been angry at him before but this is a different kind of mad. How he thought taking on his ex-wife as a client was a good idea I don’t get. Perhaps if he had just said to me, hey, Eve called me and needs my help I may have understood. What else has he kept from me? Did I overreact? No, I don’t think I did. I can see his point of view, yes it’s his job to help people who need it when it comes to legal matters and I know that he can’t tell me certain things but he should have had enough respect for me and our marriage and the courtesy to not keep me in the dark. I feel like a fool. What if I didn’t happen to see that message? Would he have hidden it forever that they had been in touch?

  It’s close to midnight when I move from my spot at the window. I’ve checked my phone but there’s been no word from him. I’ve twice attempted to send him a message asking where he is but ended up deleting it. My back is hurting as I move across to the sofa where I fall asleep waiting for him to return in front of the dying fire.

  Jordan

  I’m stopped at the traffic lights with the wipers clearing the falling snow off the windshield. I pick up my phone and re-read Eve’s message that started the fucking fight with my wife tonight.

  Thank you again for all your help. Just wanted to let you know everything was finalized today with the payments and paperwork. Good luck with the baby.

  I don’t send a reply and toss the phone onto the passenger seat.

  Tori was humming along to the music while she was decorating. We had gone out earlier in the day to get our tree and more decorations and tinsel and lights and whatever else she could think of. Our living room was beginning to look like the North Pole but I wasn’t going to stop her going overboard. She was happy with a huge smile and then the shit hit the fucking fan. Maybe I should have let Tori read the message but the way she automatically jumped to conclusions had me annoyed. She was ready to accuse me of going behind her back and cheating. Did I regret it? I’m still fuming that she asked me that. I slam my hand against the steering wheel. How could she doubt me? I have never given her any reason to. I get where her insecurities come from when it comes to Eve but it’s always been her in my heart and she knows that. Perhaps I should have referred Eve to somebody else and saved myself this hassle but fuck it, my wife should trust me when it comes to my career.

  I was heading towards the office to hide away and work for a couple of hours but changed my mind knowing I won’t be able to concentrate so I turned the car around and headed to April’s instead. Pulling into their driveway I notice they also have their Christmas lights up, the colors glowing and shining and reflecting off the fallen snow. I walk up to the door, ringing the bell beside the large wreath hanging off it. I can imagine the kid’s excitement with the holiday not far away now. After a few moments my brother-in-law opens up.

  “Hey man, what’s up?”

  “Hi.”

  “Everything okay?” It’s not unusual for me to just drop by for a quick visit but I usually have Tori with me and it’s not this late.

  “Victoria and I had a stupid fight and I left.” I may as well tell him the truth and that I need a place to hide out for a couple hours.

  “I see, well come on in. April’s already in bed, the baby didn’t sleep well last night and she was exhausted.”

  “I can go if it’s not a good time.” They have enough on their hands without a pouting grown male.

  “Don’t be ridiculous, stay, you can hang out with me and the girls before they go to bed. Do you want something to drink?” He pulls me by the shoulder into the house before closing the door.

  “No, I’m good, I need to drive home in a couple hours.” I follow him to the TV room where the girls are lounging on the sofa watching a cartoon.

  “Look who’s here.” Their father says to them. As I fall back on the sofa they both rush over, one on each side of me. I wrap my arms around them.

  “Uncle Jordan, can you play a board game with us?”r />
  “Uncle Jordan, when’s the baby getting here?” They both start with their questions.

  “Sure we can play for a little while and I don’t know exactly when the baby will be born but it will be very soon. Are you excited about having a cousin?”

  “I guess so.” I get shrugs from them both.

  “I hope it’s a girl, one boy is enough and I hope it looks like Aunt Tori, she’s very pretty.” Izzy announces.

  “Is that so? She is pretty but am I that ugly to look at?” I can’t help but laugh at their reasoning.

  “I don’t know, you’re a boy and a grown up. Mommy calls you jerk-face sometimes.” I love these kids, they always make me forget my troubles when I’m around them and are also brutally honest.

  After an hour and a few games of Uno where both Thomas and I kept losing somehow the girls give me goodnight hugs and kisses then head off to bed.

  “I won’t be long.” Thomas tells me handing me the remote for the TV. “Want to talk about it?” He asks after he’s returned from tucking the girls in. I’m still mindlessly flipping through channels not watching anything. I take in a deep breath, letting it out in a sigh.

  “It started over a message Eve sent me which Tori saw.” It’s almost comical the way his head does a double take at my words.

  “Did I hear you correctly? Eve? The woman you were once married to?” I simply nod “What did she want?” I briefly explain about why I was helping Eve out and why I kept it from my wife. “You’re either very brave or very stupid.”

  “Yeah, I got that.” I rub my fingers across my eyes, suddenly feeling very tired.

  “She was mad huh?”

  “Yep, but there was absolutely nothing for her to be angry about. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Maybe not, however to her though the fact that you hid it from her means there may have been a reason to do so. I can somewhat understand what Victoria was thinking. Listen, before I met your sister she was in love with another guy. A little while after we were married and moving into this house, I found letters he had written to her. I was upset that she still had them. Why would she keep them for all these years? I was jealous and it made me question if I was second best, which was stupid of me but I can understand Victoria’s thoughts. She knows you love her and wouldn’t hurt her like that, you just need to go home and reassure her. Also being pregnant her hormones are going crazy right now, she just needs to know she comes first.” He makes a lot of sense, my sister is lucky to have such a great guy.