Life Without You

by S. P. West

  I hold the offending article at arm’s length, giving it a once over. The dress itself is stunning– it’s emerald green with a pearlescent sheen. The material is as soft as silk; it’s cut in the style of a 1950’s wiggle dress. Violet is right, the black Louboutin pumps that Alex sent me will look amazing with it.

  “I know he’s a twat but he’s twat with taste. The boy’s done good.” She gets off of the horror chair and stalks into the kitchenette. “Don’t you dare tell him I said that next time you’re having internet sex!” She calls out.

  “For the last time, we don’t have internet sex!”

  “Uh-huh. Anyway do you want a tea?”

  “Please.”

  “Oh and check the box,” Violet yells, “there was a note in there with the dress.”

  “I’m surprised that you didn’t read it.” I shout back at her.

  “Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I don’t want to see your dirty little missives to each other. I’m still fucking traumatized from seeing Alex’s junk.” She shudders as she places my tea next to the opened box.

  “For the love of god, Vi. I do not send him ‘dirty missives’.” I hate using air quotes but there are times, like right now, when they have their uses.

  “So you didn’t say you wanted to and I quote ‘sit on his face while you sucked his cock.’” I can feel myself turning red.

  Really red.

  Really, really, really red.

  “I hate you.” I hiss stomping over to the box while Violet, who is no longer my best friend as of this moment, laughs at me hysterically. “Anyway, I was drunk when I sent that. Drunk and lonely.”

  “Don’t forget horny.”

  “Alright, and fucking horny! There are you happy now?” I growl, giving her the middle finger, snatching the embossed cream envelope from the box and tearing it open.

  “Just remember, before you drop your knickers for him, that there is a reason he’s your ex.”

  “Like I just said, it’s a little bit of fun that’s all. It’s not like I’m going marry him… again.”

  “I don’t think Alex sees it like that Sum, I think he’s trying to woo you.”

  “Woo me? Have you been watching Pride and Prejudice again?”

  “Of course,” she snorts, “and not that one with Kiera Knightley. Colin Firth all the way.”

  I nod my head in agreement. “As much as I can’t stand the knob head, I don’t think it’s fair to use him Summer.”

  “I...”

  “Don’t give him false hope.”

  “I’m not.”

  “He wants you back. You’re blind to it, I’m not.” Violet gets up and heads to the door, “maybe what he says is true, that he’s learnt his lesson. You two could have a long and happy life together. Just don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

  “Okay.” My voice comes out as a whisper.

  “I’ll support you whatever you decide, hun, but make him prove beyond any fucking doubt that you’re it for him. Right, I’m off to see a man about a cat… toodles.” With that she bounds out the door while I settle down into the armchair that taste forgot to read Alex’s note.

  I have no idea why I’m surprised that it’s handwritten in his distinctive scrawl. I’m even more surprised by its contents.

  Strange.

  Alex is in the States; I know he is because I spoke to Marylyn last night. She said that he was taking her somewhere. So what the hell is he up to? I guess that there’s only one way to find out!

  At 6.50pm I’m dutifully heading towards my mystery rendezvous in my brand new dress and shoes. I’ve made sure that my mobile is charged and that Vi knows where I am; she’s to call the police if she doesn’t hear from me by 8 o’clock. One can never be too careful, as my mother often tells me.

  Despite the time, the seafront is still packed full tourists; Hen and Stag parties, groups of young people out for a good time. As it’s the summer, it’s still pretty light out and still warm.

  The dress that Alex sent looks and feels beautiful on. However, I’ve been seriously cursing him for the shoes. Oh, they are amazing. They look sexy as hell. Trying to walk in them… that’s a whole different story.

  I’ve also been questioning my decision to come down here as instructed. Alex is still in the U.S, what if the person he’s sent in proxy is a serial killer? Not that we have that many serial killers in Britain. Or worse than that, someone with a clown fetish, or a someone who hasn’t seen the Labyrinth…

  The thought of it makes me shudder despite the heat.

  The front of Brighton pier is awash with people milling about. The familiar smell of fish and chips permeates the air, making me feel hungry. It’s only as I walk past a group of teenage Goths that I realize that I have no idea about who or what I’m looking for.

  This is possibly the stupidest idea that I’ve ever had.

  I’m considering giving up and heading home when I someone taps my shoulder. “Summer Sullivan?”

  I turn to find myself looking at possibly one of the most gorgeous men I have ever laid eyes on. Tall, dark and handsome with chiseled, well, everything… and dressed up as Rainbow Dash, tail and all.

  “Yes,” I squeak to the six-foot tall Brony.

  “Oh, I’m so glad it’s you,” He smiles, “I was told to look out for a gorgeous blonde in a green dress. Do you know that there have been quite a few blondes in green dresses tonight that I’ve approached? I think I’m on the verge of getting arrested for being a pervert. Me! That would make my husband laugh,” he sighs. “Marcus,” he says holding his hand out.

  “Summer,” I reply.

  “I’d just like to say that I’m not normally dressed like this. I’m heading to a fancy dress party in a bit. The theme was My Little Pony.” He rolls his eyes before giving me another bright smile. “Anyway,” he says taking my arm in his walking me through the pier entrance, “my mission, that I chose to accept, was to escort a beautiful blonde woman in a green dress called Summer Sullivan to the end of the pier and that, my lady, is where we are headed.”

  “Do you know what you are walking me to?” I give him a hopeful smile, “oh, say like my impending doom?”

  He shrugs his shoulders, “no idea my darling. I’ll stick around though and make sure you’re okay. I’m sure I’ll blend right in.” His smile is wry and I can’t help laughing.

  It takes us about ten minutes to walk from the entrance of the pier to the rides at the end; the crowds are so dense that it takes us a while to negotiate our way through.

  Marcus and I seem to have taken an instant shine to one another, chatting together like old friends as we wind our way along. He’s fantastic company; not only gorgeous but incredibly sweet, sharp-tongued and hilarious. It also turns out that he and his husband are massive fans of our shop. By the time we have reached the carousel we have arranged to meet up for a night out together.

  “Alas, my lady,” he says bringing us to a halt, “I must bid you farewell. I will see you soon.” Marcus kisses the back of my hand then leans in to whisper into my ear, “I shall be standing by the ticket booth in case you need me. I’ll try to be as discreet as possible,” which makes me snort.

  “Goodbye Marcus, thank you for the company.”

  “It was my pleasure,” he says before disappearing into a gaggle of woman with penis shaped deely boppers on their heads.

  I suddenly feel very, very alone.

  “Excuse me!” I turn around to face a sweet young girl of about seven years old clutching a red rose, “is your name Summer?”

  “Yes,” I smile.

  “This is for you!” She says, shoving the rose in my hand and running off.

  Strange.

  I’m examining the rather beautiful rose when I feel another light tap on my shoulder. I look up into the face of one of the women from a hen party that I’d walked past earlier.

  “These are for you,” she says holding out a bouquet of flowers to me before disappearing so quickly that I don’t get a chance to ask her about them
. It’s a beautiful arrangement made up of purple hyacinths, white tulips and daffodils.

  What on earth is going on?

  I spin around several times, scanning the crowd in an effort to see where all these flowers are coming from. On my third turn I hear someone shout my name from the direction of the carousel.

  “Ms. Sullivan!” The voice belongs to an older man standing next to one of the carousel horses. He holds out a hand to me as I approach, helping me on to the old fairground ride. “You take a seat here my lovely and I’ll look after those flowers for you,” he says taking the flowers out of my arms, walking off with a wink. With the grace of a newborn giraffe, I haul myself up onto the beautifully painted wooden horse trying not to flash my knickers.

  Despite the fact that there is a long queue waiting to go on the ride, it appears that I’m the only person on it. What is even stranger is the fact that everyone in the queue is smiling at me.

  All righty then.

  The ride soon starts moving and I’m soon laughing with joy as I’m lifted up and down as we go round; I haven’t been on something like this in years. As the carousel whirls around, shrieks of delight, from some of the more adventurous attractions, fill the warm evening air. The differently colored lights from the other fairground rides gives the whole thing a magical feel. I smile as I close my eyes, letting the loud music wash over me as the wind caresses my face. I can’t remember the last time I felt so happy, so free.

  It’s as the ride comes to a halt, having reluctantly opened my eyes once more, that I see the back of a blond-haired man wearing a dark suit, leaning against the barrier as he looks out to sea. He’s strangely familiar for some reason.

  It can’t be…

  I twist around trying to get a better look, but the man has disappeared. I must be seeing things. The older guy who took my flowers from me appears and helps me off the carousel horse with a smile. “Hang on a sec; I’ll just get those flowers for you.”

  I can’t help thinking that the whole evening so far has been totally and wonderfully strange. A few moments later, the man is back with the bouquet which is now minus one red rose.

  “Here you are sweetheart,” he says handing them over.

  “Oh.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “There was a rose…”

  The man gives me a broad smile, lifting up his hand to point at something over my shoulder. I turn to look in the direction of where he’s pointing and let out a loud gasp in surprise. Standing in front of me, holding the rose, is Alex giving me a bashful grin.

  “Hello Sum.”

  “Alex? Is it really you?”

  He nods his head, taking a few steps towards me; stopping a few feet away.

  “It really is.” His deep brown eyes smolder as they meet mine and just like that, I’m lost. The sights, the sounds… everything fades into the background until there is only Alex and I. Nothing else exists

  “What are you doing here?” I’d be blind not to notice how devastatingly handsome he is, dressed his tailored black suit. The mere fact that he is here, that he looks like sex on a stick, and that he did all this for me makes my heart pound uncontrollably.

  “I missed you.” Alex says simply as he takes another step towards me.

  “You missed me? You arrange all this because you missed me?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “You flew all the way over here when you could have just picked up the phone?”

  “A phone call wouldn’t have been as romantic.”

  “Or as expensive. How on earth can you afford all this?”

  Alex throws his head back in laughter. “I’m not exactly destitute Sum, and I figured that you needed to see that I’m serious.”

  “How?”

  “If you must know, I had a few shares in a Wells and Bromley that I cashed in before they fired me.”

  He’s staring at me again; there is an edge about him though. Something wild, almost feral, like he would be quite happy to tear my clothes off and fuck me right here.

  My panties are suddenly extremely wet. “I am Sum, I’m deadly serious.”

  In the distance I hear a woman sigh. I’m reminded that we are standing on the end of Brighton Pier on one of the busiest nights of week while surrounded by a large group of people. Who, judging by the looks on the majority of their faces, think that this is possibly the most romantic thing that they've ever seen.

  Alex closes the gap between us and takes my hand in his, leaning in to whisper into my ear, “just one date. That’s all I ask. Let me prove to you that you are the one for me. I promise that nothing will tear us apart ever again.”

  Despite myself, and the nagging feeling at the back of my mind urging caution, my knees go weak at his proximity. He smells as delicious as he looks and I can feel my resolve weakening. One date couldn’t hurt could it?

  “Okay,” I whisper back.

  “Really?”

  “Wouldn’t want to waste a good dress now would we?” I tease.

  Alex steps back with the broadest grin that I have ever seen on his face before he turns to face the now quite sizeable crowd.

  “SHE SAID YES!” He yells to lots of applause and cheers as he slips his arm around me leading me back towards the entrance.

  “Great. Now they probably think we’re engaged,” I huff with annoyance. Alex laughs again, clutching me tighter. “So you do all of this to tell me that you miss me and to ask me on a date?”

  “Yup.” He moves his arms from my waist, taking my hand in his so that we are walking along hand in hand. I bite my lip trying to suppress the beaming smile that threatens to erupt.

  “Bit over the top don’t you think?”

  “Possibly.”

  “What if I’d said no.”

  “I was hoping you wouldn’t,” he shrugs, “I’d hoped that you be so awed by my gesture that you couldn’t say no, I would have understood if you had.”

  “The flowers are beautiful by the way.”

  “I’m happy you like them. My mom helped me choose them.”

  “Marylyn’s here? In Brighton.”

  He grins again, “she flew over with me, she’s not in Brighton though. Mom decided to visit some old friend in, where was it?” He looks puzzled for a moment, “Salisbury.” He pronounces it as sail-es-berry, confusing the hell out of me.

  “Where?”

  “Salisbury,” he says it again with the odd pronunciation, “it has a Cathedral.”

  It suddenly clicks as to where he means, “oh you mean Salisbury,” saying it sauls-bree.

  Alex shakes his head, “you British speak funny.”

  “I think you’ll find that it’s you who speaks funny,” I laugh.

  “As I was saying,” he says pointedly, “Mom helped me choose them. According to her, each flower has a meaning. She thought you’d appreciate the gesture.”

  “I really do.” I smile up at him as we walk. “So go on then what do they mean.”

  “She also said not to tell you straight away.”

  “Can’t you at least tell me one?” I plead as we step out onto the promenade.

  Alex pretends to think for a moment as we stroll in the direction of the North Lanes, “Nope.” He stops us for a moment cupping my cheek with his large hand, placing a soft kiss on the other. “Where’s the fun in that?” He strides off, leaving me stood with a dazed expression on my face in the middle of the street.

  “Wanker.” I call out after him.

  “Hurry or we’ll be late for our date,” he calls over his shoulder.

  “You know that this is a one off, right? This doesn’t mean we are getting back together…” I’m out of breath as I finally catch up with him.

  “Then I’d better make it the most awesome date ever.”

  “Yes. Yes, you should.” I smile, taking his hand in mine as we set off once more. It’s already been pretty spectacular but I’m not going to tell him that.

  For once, I’m not worrying about the past or the hurt or
the pain. I’m just Summer, he’s just Alex and we are going on a date.

  ALEX

  “SO WHAT HAPPENED TO your wedding rings?” I ask, holding my left hand in front of her face, wiggling my fingers.

  “Pawned them.” Summer sighs, staring into the almost empty glass of Jack and Coke.

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah, got a good price for them.” She shrugs.

  “You never thought that we might get back together?” I chuckle as I run my finger around the edge of my glass. We’re sat outside a pub somewhere in the city center; I couldn’t tell you where it is. I followed my beautiful wife here after she insisted we head out for a drink after our meal. The place is busy, every single table both inside and out is taken up by people having a good time. Beyond the barriers that surround the pub seating, people wander aimlessly down the quaint street as they enjoy the warm summer evening.

  “After what you did?” She swats my left arm, “you have to be kidding?”

  “I kind of hoped we might,” I say giving her sly a grin.

  “You stuck your dick into the office slut,” Summer says screwing her face up in disgust.

  “Burn,” I place my hand over my heart pretending that I’m wounded. “True though.”

  “I hope you got tested for STD’s.” The grin on her face is positively wicked.

  “Summer.” I growl in warning.

  “What?”

  “I’m not saying this to defend her. Before you say anything” -- I cut in quickly as Summer snorts in derision-- “you can’t lay the blame solely on Rachel.” I take her hand in mine and give it a squeeze. “I’m also not saying that you shouldn’t be angry with her, but it was me that broke your heart by being a dick, baby, and it’ll be me that fixes it.” I lean forward, kissing her lightly on her nose. “Rachel is in the past. Way in the past.”

  “Hummmpphh,” she huffs.

  “And yes, I did get an STD check.”

  “Did your penis turn crusty?”

  I have to suppress the laugh that threatens to come out, “don’t let the past spoil what we have right now. We’re having a great time together, right?” I tuck a stray bit of hair behind her ear. She won’t meet my gaze, instead staring off into the distance in a little world of her own. “I know that it’s going to take a long time for you to begin to even consider trusting me again, I hope one day that you will.” It’s my turn to look away as I feel the emotion burning up inside me, “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy. If that means free-swimming with a bunch of hungry sharks, then I’ll will.” The edge of Summer’s mouth begins to lift into a smile, “I’ll regret hurting you for the rest of my life, I just wish I could… I could show you how sorry I am. I want to try to make up to you. If you’ll let me?”