The Future Memoir of Ann Jones

by Alex Bailey

  “I remember that day very well. By the way, did you see the new portrait I had framed?” She moved slightly to her left, so Ann could get a full view of the portrait. She hadn’t noticed the portrait hanging on the opposite wall until Leila mentioned it.

  Ann was stunned to see Lil’s portrait. The same creepy gaze as the portrait at the knitting club meetings. She gulped in a wad of air, but quickly stifled her reaction when Ben and Leila gave her questioning looks.

  “Oh sorry,” Ann covered her mouth with her hand. “I... uh hiccupped.”

  They returned to viewing the portrait of Lil Dorsey and her husband; both in Native American garb. Lil had long braids hanging down the front of a deerskin dress and Leila’s dad had on a buckskin shirt. Neither smiled.

  “Very nice, Leila,” Ben said. “I’m sure your parents would be proud to be hanging in your coffee shop. I know Lil would have, it was her favorite place to be.”

  “Well, good to see you two. But I gotta get back to the grind.”

  Ben chuckled, “Good one.”

  “What?” Ann was dazed. “Good what?” She couldn’t take her eyes off the portrait. She felt like Lil was watching her from beyond the grave, making sure she didn’t break any of the knitting club’s rules.

  “I’ll let you explain,” Leila said, and turned toward the kitchen.

  “She said she had to get back to the grind, and this is a coffee shop.” Ben raised his eyebrows and looked anticipatory toward Ann.

  “Oh!” Ann said, her face rivaling the color of a pomegranate. Her focus was on the painting. On Lil. And her stare.

  Ben rolled his eyes. “Some days, Ann, I just don’t know how you get along in life without me.”

  She ignored his comment and leaned in to whisper as if someone could overhear, “What happened to her dad?” Ann had a feeling she already knew the answer…some story about an accidental death or something. It was becoming clearer to her the knitting club was formed for the sole purpose of women who’d lost their husbands to commiserate with one another.

  “Ah, sad story about Bill. From what I’ve heard, the guy was a real pacifist. He was from the Sioux tribe. Same as Lil.” Ben nodded toward the portrait.

  Ann followed his gaze and listened intently.

  “Apparently, he got drafted and it shook him up pretty badly. He tried to get out of going to war based on the fact that he was opposed to killing, but the army didn’t buy it. I’ve heard it took a toll on him. And on Lil. Made her crazy to see him so torn. The day before he was to ship out, Lil came home to find Bill slumped over in his arm chair. They never did figure out exactly what happened to him. But Lil said he willed himself to die so he wouldn’t have to kill.”

  Ann’s mind was running wild. She didn’t want to accuse Lil of anything, but she certainly thought it. Her heart raced. She had thought for a while that some of the members might have had a hand in their husband’s deaths, maybe even all of the stories she’d heard in the knitting club. How did these women all find each other?

  Ben reached over and touched her hand. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  Ann snapped back to reality. How could she explain to Ben she suspected the women in her knitting club may have all killed their husbands? He’d think she’d gone mad, especially since one of the members was his own sister. She certainly couldn’t tell him she thought Lil might have as well. It was better to keep these thoughts to herself and change the subject.

  “Oh. I... I have some news I think you’ll really like,” she stammered.

  Ben took another bite of his pastry and gulped down some coffee. “What is it?”

  “The other day, when I went to the grocery store, I didn’t take a bag for just a single item.” She puffed out her chest, proud of herself as she told Ben what she thought he wanted to hear.

  “Huh?”

  “I went to the store and only bought one thing and told the clerk to keep the bag!” Ann shot out. Her heart still racing, and this was her attempt to calm it. Wasn’t working too well.

  “Wow, that was quite a feat you accomplished, wasn’t it?” he teased.

  “I thought you’d be proud of me!” She said a little too loudly, but mostly because she was still dwelling on the deaths of so many husbands and Lil’s icy stare.

  “Hey, come on.” He nodded and set her hand on top of his. “I was only teasing you. Yes, you’re right. That is definitely a step in the right direction.”

  “Well, I have another step to propose,” Ann blurted out without realizing how she sounded. The word propose was not exactly what she wanted to be throwing around. She didn’t want to give Ben the wrong idea.

  He raised an eyebrow, took a deep breath, and gave her his full attention, “Okay, let’s have it.”

  “I’d like your help in making my new bakery a green bakery.”

  He sighed deeply and said, “Is that all?”

  His sigh told her he’d been worried about hearing the word propose as much as she’d worried about saying it. She crossed her arms over her chest. “What do you mean is that all? That’s a lot! I don’t know the first thing about being green.”

  “Oh, yes you do. You know not to take a plastic bag from the grocer,” he looked pleased with himself.

  “Look, I need help with this, and if you don’t want to help, then—”

  He reached across the table and gently grabbed both of her hands and said, “Of course I’m going to help you. Just calm down, why are you so agitated today?”

  She glanced over at Lil’s portrait, and said, “I don’t know.”

  He moved his chair next to her, swung his arm around her shoulder, and kissed her. She was glad he blocked her view of the portrait.

  “I want you to know I’m here for you, Ann. Whatever you need, I’m here. You want a green bakery? Then a green bakery you shall have. I’m excited that you want this. Don’t know where it’s coming from, but I’m thrilled. And yes, I’ll be there to advise, to swing a hammer, anything you need.”

  Ben’s talk calmed her down enough to enjoy a sip of coffee. “You don’t know where it’s coming from, don’t you?” she asked with a sly grin.

  He looked pleased and pointed to himself with a questioning look.

  She nodded.

  He kissed her again, this time on the forehead. “Thanks. It means a lot that I can influence you in such a positive way.”

  “Oh, you have no idea.”

  “You wanna tell me about it?” he teased.

  “Not really. No. That’s all. Just need help with the green bakery.”

  He looked serious for a moment and said, “You know, when you said you had something to propose, I got a little jumpy.”

  She studied his eyes, trying to read them. She could tell something was on his mind. “Why? What were you thinking I was going to propose?”

  “That word itself. Can we just use a different word?”

  “Propose? That bothers you? Why?” She teased, “You afraid of a little itsy-bitsy word, Ben?”

  “Ann, I’m serious. I have something I need to say to you,” he looked down at the table, then scooted his chair away to face her.

  His expression worried her; she couldn’t imagine what was coming next.

  “I love you, Ann,” he said softly, looking expectantly at her, as if he hoped she too had fallen for him.

  “You do?” Shock! Like a lightning bolt running through her spine. She hadn’t expected Ben’s profession of love in the Green Bean. The word propose brought this on?

  He smiled and nodded.

  “You know what? I love you too.” And she meant it. At that moment, she realized her feelings for Ben had grown deeper every day they were together. She was truly in love with him. Her heart soared. She never thought she’d find another love. And definitely not so quickly after Tom died. She leaned in to kiss him softly.

  He played with her hair, streaming strands through his fingers. “But I have something else to say.” He dropped his eyes to h
is lap. “I hope this won’t change things between us. I hope you’ll understand.”

  Her head was spinning. It was all so much to take in at once, she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear anymore. She wanted to leave it on a positive note. Love. Love is all you need.

  But he continued, “When my wife died, something inside me died forever. Do you remember the first day you started work?” His eyes darted up to meet hers.

  She nodded.

  “I made a comment to Helga that I would never get married again. I wasn’t being flippant. I was serious. I’ll never marry again.” He took his glance downward, waiting for a response.

  She thought about what he was saying. He loved her but would never marry her. She knew she loved him too. But could she live a life of never marrying the man she loved? Not that she had any desire to remarry at that moment. But never again? She wasn’t sure.

  He tried to explain, “I know this is a lot to take in. I’m not saying I don’t want to take the next step. I’m just saying I can never take…the final step.”

  She was confused. Her feelings were all mixed up. She went from being elated one minute to bewildered about his statement the next. “I understand.”

  “Do you?” he asked.

  “I think I understand what you’re saying, I’m just not sure how I feel about it right now. I need some time.”

  “I understand,” he said.

  “Do you?” she asked, with a smile. “Anyway, I propose we finish eating now.”

  Chapter 24

  Ann arrived early to her weekly soiree with her knitting sisters. Freda greeted her in the usual manner by patting Honey on the head.

  “Gloria’s downstairs.” Freda pulled a few water bottles from the fridge. “But don’t let her eat up all the cookies before everyone else gets here.”

  “Great, thanks. But first, can I just bring up something?” Ann asked.

  “Shoot.” Freda stacked water bottles in her arms.

  “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but those water bottles are a huge waste of money and resources.” Ann couldn’t believe how much she’d changed in such a short time period. Even her friend Alex, who was the eco-friendliest person she knew, hadn’t had this much impact on her.

  “Is that what your new man-friend is telling you?” Freda grinned.

  Ann blushed, for she knew Freda could see right through her. “Well, yes, actually. But he’s right. Plus, it would be a lot less expensive for you to use, say, a nice pitcher and some glasses, if you have something suitable.”

  “As a matter of fact, I sure do. Got a real nice pitcher and a dozen matching glasses as a wedding present. Never used ‘em. The pitcher is a big red pineapple with a yellow happy face, and the glasses are little red pineapples. That’ll do us just fine.” Freda rolled the bottles off her arm back into the refrigerator.

  Ann was pleased she’d made a small step in her eco-conscious state of awareness. She made a mental note to mention it to Ben. After setting the bag for Ralph on the living room coffee table, she carried the platters of goodies down the steps and placed them on the prepared table.

  “Ann, you’re here early.” Gloria sat on the sofa with a wide smile.

  Ann was glad they were alone; she had come early on purpose to talk to Gloria. She sat on the sofa next to her friend.

  “Something bothering you, love?” Gloria asked.

  “Actually, yes.” Ann knew they wouldn’t have long, so there was no use beating around the bush.

  “Do tell. Have you dreamed up another reason why you shouldn’t be opening your own bakery?”

  “No, nothing like that. Although, this working and baking and trying to get the bakery going is just about killing me. But I love all of it. It’s Ben.”

  “Benjamin? Nothing serious I hope.” Gloria’s look of concern was one of the reasons Ann cared about her so much in such a short period of time.

  “I don’t know,” Ann glanced at her hands, then back up at Gloria. “He said he loved me.”

  Gloria’s eyes widened and she shook her head in confusion. “And that’s a problem?”

  “Not that. No, not exactly. Oh…I don’t know,” Ann kicked off her ballet flats and drew her knees to her chest.

  “Sorry?” Gloria looked even more confused.

  “Ben said he’ll never marry again,” Ann spewed out.

  Gloria sat up straight.

  “But he hinted he’d like us to move forward in our relationship. Doesn’t that sound odd to you?” Ann studied Gloria’s face for a response.

  Gloria stared straight ahead, expressionless. “No, not really. I mean, what that poor man has been through with his wife dying and everything. I can only imagine he would have a difficult go of it.”

  “That’s why I wanted to talk to you. You said you could never marry again.” Ann stared at her knees.

  “That’s right, Ann. I can never remarry. But that has nothing to do with your Benjamin. They are completely different. He’s been terribly hurt, and I—”

  “You what? You were hurt too. You loved Charles. I could tell you loved him very deeply when you talked about him in this very room. But you also seem to be in love with Daniel. So, can you explain to me how you can be in love with someone and not want to be with them forever?” Ann watched Gloria intently.

  Gloria sat still. Not a muscle moved. She didn’t even blink. She simply stated, “Ann, I never said I didn’t want to be with Daniel. I said I can’t give him what he wants. I do love him. I want to be with him every moment of every day for the rest of my life. But he wants to marry me. He wants to have children.” Gloria shot a look in Ann’s direction. “I know this is difficult for you to understand. But I think it will become clear one day. Our situations are completely different.”

  “Oh yeah? How are they so different? Ben loves me and won’t marry me. Not that we’re anywhere near that stage at this time. You love Daniel and won’t marry him. So, how’s that different?”

  Gloria got up and moved to the cookie table. She hesitated, as if trying to find an acceptable excuse. “You already have grown children. You aren’t pushing Ben to marry you to have children.”

  “Come on, Gloria, you’re not a prude! You can have children without marrying Daniel if you want to.”

  “I don’t want to. And I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Gloria said through gritted teeth.

  Ann was more confused than before she’d brought up the subject. What was going on with Gloria?

  Bubbles and Michelle bounded down the stairs. Jasmine and Mindy followed behind.

  Jasmine said, “I’m going to be making a trip to Mexico with him soon.”

  Mindy didn’t have time to respond because Bubbles squealed an announcement, “And then he gave me this ring!” Bubbles stuck out her hand and showed the women who were gathered around. They gawked at the large midnight-blue gem.

  Gloria demanded, almost attacking her, “What does this mean, Bubbles!”

  Ann shot Gloria a look of disbelief for the way she was treating Bubbles, but Gloria ignored it.

  “Oh nothin’ really,” Bubbles said in a sing-song tone. “It just means I’m his girl now.”

  “What’s the matter?” Ele said, as she walked into the conversation.

  “Bubbles got a ring!” Jasmine announced.

  Sensing the high tension, Superstition and Diablo ran into a corner and curled up together.

  Amanda ran down the stairs when she heard Jasmine’s announcement and gasped.

  Dona and Freda soon followed. Freda demanded, “Bubbles, what does this mean!”

  What strange reactions these women had to seemingly good news. And what was up with Freda and Gloria asking the exact same question?

  Bubbles hesitated, then said, “Nothin’. I promise. It’s just that now, me and Pete are goin’ steady. That’s all. Nothin’ more.”

  Ann felt as though she needed to defend Bubbles, and said, “Well, congratulations! That’s exactly what you wanted an
d you’ve gotten it. So good for you.” She glared at Freda who returned it with a death-stare.

  “Ladies! Let’s get started,” Freda commanded.

  After everyone gathered various items, including cookies, the dreadful painting of Lil Dorsey, the women chanted in unison. Then Freda announced, “Okay, Ms. McPherson, since you seem to be so chipper today, let’s have your story.”

  Bubbles’ face withdrew. Where once was a broad smile, now only distress remained. “Well,” she said, “if you insist.”

  “You know I do,” Freda hissed.

  Ann pulled out her knitting project, happy with her progress.

  Bubbles’ bleached-blond hair fell down over a white ruffled low-cut blouse that rode up her belly, revealing rolls of skin. In spite of her tight beige skirt and pink gladiator boots, she still looked every bit of her sixty-four years.

  Tiny sat beside his owner’s chair, and Bubbles leaned a hand over to scratch her Dalmatian’s head. Bubbles’ tone changed instantly, “Bobby and I met in the grocery store that my daddy managed in a small town in Alabama. I worked there as a cashier.

  “Bobby was younger than me, by six months. He used to come in to the store after his shift at the warehouse and flirt with me. Daddy didn’t like him much, called him a bum.

  “One day I was on the register and Bobby came in with a group of his buddies to buy cigarettes. Said he wanted to show me off to his friends. When Daddy saw them, he shooed them out of the store. Bobby got hot. He had a temper. But he was no match for my daddy, ‘cause he had a bigger temper, and he had about a foot on Bobby. My daddy was a big man.

  “Well, there was words. And they weren’t too kind either. Daddy told him not to come back to his store ever again. The next day, my daddy’s store burned down and he accused Bobby. Got the police involved and everything. Bobby said he didn’t do it. I believed him too. And there was no evidence to convict him or his friends of anything. The police had to drop it.

  “The next day, Bobby asked me to run off with him. And I did. I was nineteen and didn’t see any reason not to. We ran off to North Carolina and got married. We spent all the money we had and then a miracle happened and I found a job in another grocery store in a small town. We were living the life. Then Bobby fell on some hard times, ‘cause he never could find a job that suited his skills. But we were fine with my salary and we even saved enough to buy a house. With a basement. That was the biggest mistake I ever made. I will never, not ever, as long as I live, have another house with a basement.