My Mother in Law's Lover

by S M Mala

  I sit there for a few moments seeing she’s more uptight with me than usual, if that is at all possible.

  ‘Do you love Hal?’ I ask trying to catch her off guard.

  ‘It has got nothing to do with you.’

  ‘That’s a ‘yes’ then?’ I smirk. ‘Do you sleep with other men?’

  ‘What!’ she says and her vein is throbbing in her neck which is a bad sign.

  ‘Just asking,’ I say sheepishly.

  ‘What has he said?’ she snaps.

  ‘Nothing but,’ I look at her. ‘If you’re so modern then you’d be screwing around as well as him and calling it ‘open’.’

  ‘A bit like your legs,’ Joan hisses.

  ‘Is anyone joining you madam?’ the waiter asks and I notice the table is set for three.

  ‘Yes,’ she replies looking at me, smirking. I wonder which of her fun friends it will be and where are they going to put their oxygen canister?

  ‘Can we have some wine?’ I ask her gently, knowing as she’s paying I have to pretend to be nice.

  ‘Have what you bloody well like, pity they don’t do rat poison!’ Joan snaps. This is turning out to be an enjoyable lunch after all.

  ‘You order,’ I say, as she grabs the wine list. She has a face like a dead cod, pity she’s not nearly extinct. Wonder if fish is on the menu? Then I see her smile. I look up and turn.

  Bloody hell!

  Hal is walking towards us.

  ‘Surprise!’ he says smiling and kisses Joan lovingly then sits down to look at me before patting my head. ‘You don’t look pleased to see me.’

  ‘Good move, she might keep her trap shut for at least a second before her usual bile comes flooding out,’ smirks Joan. I see her put her hand on Hal’s.

  I think I might be in deep shit.

  ‘How’ve you been Belle?’ he asks as a waiter passes him a menu and he smiles.

  ‘I didn’t know you were going to join us?’ I gulp.

  ‘Are you having an enjoyable time?’ he asks brightly before summoning a waiter to get him a drink then turns to me. ‘You look well.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I say looking at Joan who’s glaring at me.

  ‘I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you about the job,’ he says glancing over at Joan then at me.

  ‘I didn’t think I’d got it,’ I say sipping the remnants of my drink before chewing on an ice cube.

  ‘Based on the hours you could work I thought it was best to get a housekeeper who could facilitate,’ he seriously says.

  ‘And how old is she? 25?’ I say seeing Joan’s face turn to stone.

  ‘Not quite,’ he laughs and looks at Joan. ‘And you look stunning as always.’

  Oh let me throw up there and then. He certainly knows flattery gets him everywhere when it comes to Joanie.

  ‘Why am I here?’ I ask looking at the pair of them.

  ‘I thought it would be a nice idea,’ he smiled brightly before I glance at Joan who is looking at him. I swear there’s a look of pure love. ‘Are you okay Belle?’

  Oh take me, swallow me up and spit me out in my kitchen so I can play with won tons! The waiter comes for the order and I pick a chicken salad.

  ‘Belle’s watching her weight. She has to keep her eye on it as, we know, she fluctuates like a balloon don’t you think Hal?’ She laughs and Hal flashes me a smile as I turn my nose up at him.

  And I thought he was a good bloke! My judgement, when it comes to men, is a little screwed up.

  ‘How long are you in town for?’ I ask sipping my drink and look at Joan who is once again besotted by the bloody man.

  ‘A week or so,’ he kindly replies and I see they are looking at each other as if … oh goodness… as if they have been shagging.

  ‘I see,’ I say.

  I sit back, deflated at being ignored. I decide best to keep quiet and not to annoy Joan. I glance at Hal who smiles at me.

  ‘Why are you staring at Hal?’ Joan snipes.

  ‘I’m not staring,’ I say. He makes me go all funny on the insides. ‘Why did you want me here? You’re not interested in anything I have to say.’

  ‘You can say that again,’ Hal laughs and that comment is plain rude. I glare at him and he suddenly looks guilty.

  ‘I should go,’ I say standing up. ‘I’m intruding.’ I look at Joan who’s smiling.

  ‘No,’ he says firmly. ‘Sit down. Please.’

  ‘What’s going on?’ I say slowly returning to my seat as the wine comes and we wait for the waiter to go.

  ‘I wanted to clear the air,’ he says looking at the pair of us.

  ‘About what?’ Joan asks smiling brightly.

  ‘Oh shit,’ I say trying to get up again but Hal pins me down by the shoulders. ‘Get off!’

  ‘You need to know what I’ve been up to,’ he says and Joan looks confused as I try to struggle out of his grip. ‘Or who I’ve been up to, which includes your daughter in law.’

  I sit there, as my mouth drops open and it looks as if Joan is mirroring my actions as she turns to look at me. Hal releases my shoulders.

  ‘With her?’ Joan eventually says and I can see tears in her eyes. I feel so bad at her reaction.

  ‘It’s not what you think,’ I say looking at Hal who has no expression on his face.

  ‘I need to be honest,’ he says trying to place his hand over mine again but I pull it away with such force a knife goes flying down to the floor.

  ‘You ungrateful little slut,’ Joan hisses at me.

  ‘It’s not her fault,’ Hal says.

  ‘She told me this morning she hadn’t slept with you,’ Joan says now angrily looking at Hal. ‘The pair of you lied to me.’

  ‘I never lied to you,’ Hal calmly said. ‘I told you I enjoyed her company.’

  ‘But not her?’ she says pointing at me with disgust and I can see Hal look around the room. ‘What on earth have you two been up to?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I mumble. ‘Tell her it’s all a misunderstanding, Hal.’ I look at him as he sighs at me.

  ‘Go on Hal, tell us what’s going on between you and this … thing,’ Joan says, her hand shaking as she sips her drink

  ‘Well,’ he hesitates and looks at me half smiling. ‘I screwed her in Devon and a few times in London,’ he smiled.

  My face stiffens.

  ‘What!’ screams Joan and I see a few heads turn as Hal puts his hand on top of her arm.

  ‘Calm down. This is why I wanted to tell you in a public place,’ he says gently as if he has done this before. ‘I thought you’d have figured it out Joan. It’s not like you to let something slip right under your nose.’

  I can’t believe he is landing me in this shit.

  ‘Go away, you little two faced bitch!’ I notice Joan is going to lunge for me as Hal tries to push her back. I sprint out of the restaurant for dear life.

  What the hell has he done?

  I call my mum to check on Beth only to find my daughter is going to stay the night with her because, as she put it to my mother, ‘Mummy is so boring!’

  I walk to the tube.

  Oh shit, I am seriously scared Joan’s going to come and kill me at any opportune moment. I carefully cross roads just in case she’s in a waiting car or an ice cream van to execute an exact revenge killing for her son.

  After going to the supermarket, I walk back home.

  My head is reeling and I don’t know what to think.

  I am actually petrified of Joan.

  It’s half past two in the afternoon and I’m hungry, so I munch on a packet of crisps. I turn the corner and go to my little safe house remembering I must change the locks… or even move.

  When I open the gate, Hal is sitting on the step.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ I snap, standing at the top of the path wondering whether to throw the entire contents of my carrier bags at his head. ‘Come to land me in more shit?’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ He stands up and I look at his smiling face. I’m rooted to the spot
as I finish my crisps (food comes first) then I open the door and he follows me in.

  ‘Why did you do it? We haven’t seen each other for weeks! She needn’t have known and all would have been well,’ I scream at him. ‘Do you like being mean to vulnerable women?’

  ‘Who are you talking about?’ he says hovering around the kitchen table.

  ‘Me!’

  ‘Come on, you’re not vulnerable. A little naïve, perhaps.’

  ‘No I’m not and what do you want?’ I unpack my bags and sit down tempted to open the second packet of crisps from my 12 pack supply. ‘You managed to cause enough trouble to last me a lifetime. And where’s Joan?’

  ‘We had lunch and then-.’

  ‘You mean she stayed and ate with you even after you told her what you did? I don’t believe it. It’s okay for you to screw about? That’s ridiculous!’

  Feel the injustice here.

  ‘I wanted to be honest with her,’ he calmly says.

  ‘Why? You could have at least called to give me some warning.’

  ‘You wouldn’t have turned up.’

  ‘She was asking all sorts of questions when she turned up this morning,’ I say. ‘She must have twigged.’

  ‘Maybe?’ he says shrugging his shoulders and looking around.

  I study the man standing in my kitchen looking totally out of place. A bit like a politician visiting council tenants to show they give two hoots, when you know they probably disinfect themselves as soon as they get home.

  ‘How did you explain sleeping with her wretched daughter in law?’ I ask now pacing the kitchen.

  ‘I said I felt sorry for you,’ he blatantly replies and I have to admit I can’t say anything for a moment. Then I look at my knives and I have a simple idea on how to fix it but realise prison life wouldn’t suit me (you know, me not wanting to go down on girls etc. )

  ‘You did what!’ Yes, the voice has returned.

  ‘Oh come on Belle, you were all sad and gooey eyed.’

  ‘Gooey eyed? Me?’

  ‘And I’m very sympathetic to people who are in need of comfort and-.’

  ‘Cut the crap! You needed some variation.’

  ‘Yes,’ he smiled. ‘That too!’ He’s too smooth for words this one. I can see he’s clicking something over.

  ‘Where’s Joan now?’

  ‘I told her I had to go to a meeting. Shall we go to bed now?’

  ‘Pardon?’

  I can see he’s very serious whereas I find it incredibly disturbing.

  ‘Upstairs? Downstairs if you like? It’s the first time I’ve been to your home.’

  ‘And the last, so get out! I’ll be dead in a matter of hours so make the most of seeing me alive because the next time I’ll be in a coffin.’

  ‘You really are over reacting,’ he laughs and steps closer. ‘And you’re not being a nice hostess.’

  ‘What is wrong with you?’

  ‘I love sex with you. Seems such a shame to waste a good afternoon,’ he’s smiling and coming closer.

  ‘I haven’t seen you in weeks even months,’ I say feeling quite jittery. ‘And when I do, you get me into trouble. You really have no idea what you’ve done?’

  ‘I’ve some idea.’

  ‘Now look,’ I say walking around the table for protection. ‘I think you better go and let’s call this a done deal, okay?’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Of course I’m sure.’ I pull my most threatening face at him as he raises his eyebrow and nods.

  ‘Okay, I’ll go. I’ve missed you.’

  ‘You don’t even know me! We’ve only shagged a few times.’

  ‘I’d like to get to know you better.’

  ‘Bye Hal!’

  I watch him walk away and then he suddenly turns around, walks back and grabs my head, kissing me so hard my head spins and my tummy lurches as his tongue searches my mouth. He’s pushing his hips hard against mine and I feel the table against the back of my legs.

  ‘Salt and vinegar?’ he says coming up for air.

  ‘Yes,’ I gulp.

  ‘My favourite,’ he says before kissing me again.

  Now what do I do?

  I’ll be dead in a matter of days!

  Fuck it!

  I pull him closer and stick my hands up his top, feeling his skin and wanting him to get closer. This is so unexpected and what am I doing? I’m being an easy old tart but when you’re going to die, you might as well take it as it comes.

  He pushes my top up, yanks down my bra and quickly gets to grips with one of my breast, clamping his mouth and sucking the dear life out of it. I feel the pull in my crotch that aches for him and he pushes me up onto the table.

  I hope there’s no flour on the table top.

  ‘What the-,’ I gasp as I feel his mouth claps my nipples and pulls on them then he quickly moves up and kisses my neck.

  ‘Belle,’ he gently, says as he unfastens my trousers and I grapple with his flies. I quickly turn around to see if there’s anything on the table and he pushes me back, until I’m flat on it, pulling off my trousers.

  ‘At last,’ he says and with that, he yanks off my knickers and I move my hand to see if he’s throbbing as much as me. I notice he is fiddling with something in his pocket. I see he has pulled out a condom from his wallet.

  I can feel his lips kissing all the way down to my stomach and his mouth nestles in my triangle of fluffiness and… oh my …he definitely didn’t eat his lunch because I think I must be his main course. Shit… bloody hell… god I love this man!

  He’s on the way back up.

  I feel his tongue glide all the way up to my mouth and his fingers gently massage where his lips have been. My legs spread wider as I feel taut in my groin and a fire builds up in my womb until I … he’s looking as he kisses me and I’m really on the verge of …

  ‘Hal,’ I groan.’I…’ I can’t hold back and I take a roller coaster ride on my orgasm right on the kitchen table.

  In the back of my mind I know I have to disinfect the table top afterwards.

  He wastes no time and plunges straight in. I can hear some squelching but that’s me gushing from lust as he builds up into a fast pace. My hands squeeze his buttocks as I pull him in deeper. I open my eyes and he looks at me. I have to kiss him but I’m not too keen on tasting myself on his lips as it doesn’t go well with salt and vinegar crisps.

  I dig my fingernails into his arse, as his mouth covers mine then he groans through his orgasm, grinding his hips deeply into me.

  ‘Christ,’ he says when he releases my mouth. ‘I can’t breathe.’ He flops on top of me as I wrap my arms around his shoulders and kiss his face. This was miles better than lunch.

  On the table, now feeling slightly odd and reminiscing over the scene in ‘The Postman always rings Twice’ with Jack Nicholson and Jessica Lang, I wonder what he’s going to do.

  He props himself up on his elbows and looks at me, then withdraws quickly bolting straight off the table, pulling off the condom and throwing it into the bin. I quickly grab my clothes and we rush to get dressed then stand there, looking at each other before laughing.

  ‘Did you miss me then?’ he smiles walking to the kitchen sink and washing his face and hands.

  ‘I’ve not had much time to think,’ I reply looking at my dishevelled appearance and hoping none of the neighbours were peeking through the window.

  ‘You drink this?’ he asks, taking a half opened bottle of wine from the side and swigging from it before choking.

  ‘It’s cheap,’ I reply taking the bottle and knocking back a mouthful to clear my taste buds. I don’t know what he’s complaining about? ‘So what happens now?’

  ‘What do you mean?’ he smiles smoothing down the fly of his trousers and looking at me.

  ‘You know, your pouring of honesty over lunch to Joan?’ I’m prepared to give him my Hong Kong Phooey karate chop if he annoys me anymore.

  I look at him and he smiles and shakes his hea
d before saying,

  ‘I don’t know. Ask your mother in law.’

  Twelve

  I couldn’t sleep. I tried and tried but that face comes flashing into my head. I couldn’t close my eyes for fear.

  Joan.

  Mother in law.

  A woman in full fury.

  She left me a message on my mobile last night.

  ‘Belle, you’re not going to get away with this. How could you do this to me! And you said you loved Josh, like you loved my son. You should have known to keep away from Hal. You disgust me! I will get you back, I truly will!

  Now imagine someone screaming hysterically down the phone.

  I mean, what sort of woman am I to sleep with the man who lands me in this big shit with the mother in law?

  A bloody lucky one!

  In the end of the day Joan is Beth’s grandmother and I don’t want to cause problems. I’ve had my little revenge and now it’s over.

  My behaviour has been appalling and when I think about the person who really is at fault it’s not Joan or Hal.

  It’s Josh.

  You see ever since he managed to worm his way in between my legs, my life has been nothing but problems so it’s his fault. Bloody sod!

  I am, sort of, innocent.

  In the meantime, I have to make amends with Joan before this gets out of hand and I’ll squarely blame … Hal. Yes, he seduced me and I am a little vulnerable at the moment.

  Right I’ve got my story straight so I better go and see her before my mother returns home with Beth this afternoon

  I’m checking to see what to wear. I should go casual, so I can run after she tries to beat the living daylights out of me.

  It’s noon and I take a taxi to her home. I’ll be very calm and ask her for my forgiveness knowing full well she won’t but I have to try.

  Yes, I’m cool and level headed. I’ve reached her place. I know, I’m wallowing in fear, in fact, I think every pore on my body is oozing it. They know me at her apartment block so they don’t ring ahead. I’ve taken the stairs so I can compose myself and think. I get to her door and Maggie opens it.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Maggie says shaking her head in dismay.

  ‘Where is she?’ I ask, trying to look innocent.

  ‘Are you sure you want to come in?’ she asks, narrowing her eyes at my expression.