Visible Lives

by Stanley Bennett Clay

  DJ: That’ll be one hard habit to break. But they used real-life father and son pairs. In your case, it was three generations. How did that happen?

  Raheim: They approached me through my agent. I was more than happy to do it.

  DJ: Were you afraid that really putting it out there like that would have a negative impact on your career?

  Raheim: I wouldn’t want to be associated with or do business with anybody who felt that standing with my family in truth was a bad move.

  DJ: Tell it!

  [Laughter]

  Raheim: It was something I had to do. There are too many families that are torn apart because of homophobia, and too much silence surrounding it. It’s a crisis we can’t afford to continue to overlook. Our hearts broke hearing about that little boy who killed himself after being bullied. What was his name, Baby?

  Mitchell: Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover.

  Raheim: His classmates were using “gay” as a weapon, to taunt him; now where did they learn that from? People aren’t born prejudiced; they soak it up and then wring it out on others. I’m lucky that I have a father and son who respect and love me for all that I am. I hope the campaign encourages more of us to do the same. Well, I know it has; we’ve gotten lots of positive e-mail and feedback on the streets about it.

  DJ: Did your father or son have any reservations about doing the promotion?

  Raheim: Not at all. In fact, we all became members of the organization. It’s one of the few groups out there that gives us a voice, so folks should definitely check them out and support them.

  DJ: Have you been treated like a spokesperson for the bisexual community? Just saying that out loud made me realize how absurd it is.

  [Laughter]

  Raheim: I have. On one level, I don’t mind it. Bisexuals aren’t a very visible group so I understand why people zero in on me and want to ask questions. But, like with any other so-called fill-in-the-blank community, just because you’ve spoken to one of us doesn’t mean you’ve spoken to all of us. This woman once asked me if I knew her brother in Des Moines who is bi. I had to keep myself from crackin’ up.

  DJ: Now, I would’ve cracked up on that. We’re gonna take another break. Stay tuned ’cause there’s more to come with Raheim and Mitchell.

  DJ: Welcome back to Da Spot. I’m DJ Korrupt and we’re still rappin’ with Raheim Rivers and Mitchell Crawford. Let’s talk about your careers. Raheim, you’ve got one impressive credit list as an actor.

  Raheim: Thanks.

  DJ: I mean, you’ve been a guest on so many television shows—and I ain’t talkin’ ’bout the usual slots reserved for us like Gangbanger #1 and Menacing Thug #2.

  [Laughter]

  DJ: Desperate Housewives, The Wire, Without a Trace, NCIS, Half & Half, CSI: NY, Everybody Loves Raymond, Cold Case, The DL Chronicles. And you are the king of the Law & Order franchise. I counted fifteen appearances, split among the original, Criminal Intent, and SVU.

  Raheim: Dick Wolf has been jood to me.

  DJ: I caught you on both The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency and Meet The Browns last night. Talk about two totally different universes!

  [Laughter]

  DJ: And The Ex Factor is in its second season, right?

  Raheim: Right. On the FX Network. Monday nights at ten, EST.

  DJ: Being an out and proud family man, has it been a challenge portraying a womanizer?

  Raheim: Well, I played straight for more than half my life, so I had a lot of experience to draw from.

  [Laughs]

  Raheim: But seriously, it’s called acting for a reason.

  DJ: I understand your character wasn’t written for a Black actor. Is that true?

  Raheim: It is. One of the executive producers of the series knows my agent and thought of me. But I just knew it was a waste of time when I got to the audition; there were nothing but blond surfer boy types. So I was shocked when I was asked back for the second round—and even more shocked when I got the call the next day that I had the part.

  DJ: The beauty of nontraditional casting.

  Raheim: I suppose. I give them credit for seeing that someone white didn’t have to play the role—and that they didn’t have to “black it up” for me.

  DJ: “Black it up?”

  Raheim: Matt has the same name, same family background, same occupation, and the same character history he did when I first read for the part. And they haven’t come to me with suggestions to make him more “ethnic.”

  DJ: You’ve actually been told by other producers or directors to “black it up”?

  Raheim: Yup.

  DJ: Damn. I guess I already know the answer to my next question: Have you experienced more racism or homophobia in your career?

  Raheim: I’d say I’ve experienced more racism. White actors don’t have to worry about whether they will fit the profile because they are the profile—over ninety percent of the roles out there are still written for them. And why wouldn’t they be, since over ninety percent of those roles are written by whites. We are still pegged into boxes, drawn as stereotypes or caricatures. There are very few multi-dimensional roles written for us. So wherever you can fit in, you have to get in.

  DJ: Have you ever been asked, when playing a gay role, to “gay it up”?

  Raheim: Ha, no. I doubt most actors hear that, since most gay characters are off the rails, just flaming out.

  DJ: There’s nothing wrong with gay characters who are; after all, those men exist.

  Raheim: They do but they usually aren’t there to add any depth to the story, only to keep the audience in stitches. And the audience isn’t laughing with them—they’re laughing at them. Instead of just telling the joke, they are the joke. That kind of gay man is not as threatening as one who looks, talks, dresses and acts like a so-called straight man.

  DJ: Along those same lines, I would think that, being bisexual, you’re probably less threatening to some in the biz.

  Raheim: How?

  DJ: You know, you’re not gay all the way, you’re in the middle, so they see you as half-straight.

  [Laughter]

  Raheim: I don’t think they give it that much thought, DJ. We’re talking about Follywood. If it’s an issue at all, I’m sure it’s that I’m not straight all the way.

  DJ: Do you know or know of any closeted actors?

  Raheim: Of course!

  DJ: Do they speak to you about whether they should come out?

  Raheim: A few do. Most are just terrified of being found out.

  DJ: Can you give us a hint about one our audience would be pleased to know is family?

  Raheim: Nah, can’t do that.

  DJ: C’mon, just one hint. I’m willing to bet it was at least one brutha in Stomp The Yard.

  [Laughter]

  Mitchell: Well, at least one.

  DJ: Can’t blame me for trying. What did you think about the whole Terrell Carter episode?

  Raheim: Episode, that’s a jood way of describing it. The man earns his bread and butter doing churchified plays; what did folks expect him to say when those compromising pics hit the Web?

  DJ: “Yeah, it’s me; so what?”

  Raheim: Not everybody is ready for that, not everybody is up for that. There’s a reason why the down-low exists. Men—and women—know that being open has consequences, and some don’t want to deal with it.

  DJ: You’re dealing with it like a pro, from where I sit.

  Raheim: Thanks. But I gotta admit that, if I hadn’t met my Baby or fallen in love with somebody like him, I probably wouldn’t be sittin’ in this chair right now.

  DJ: Is it hard being one of the only out Black performers?

  Raheim: Not really. Because I’m not gay or straight, most folks just don’t know how to approach it so they leave it alone. They don’t believe bisexuality exists.

  DJ: Do you think that’s why, even with your profile and credentials, you are all but ignored by the gay press? I’ve seen more coverage on Mitchell in gay media than you.
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  Raheim: You’d have to ask them.

  DJ: I mean, you are a man, a Black man, who is unapologetic about his love for another man, and you are a working actor, a notable actor. You should be on the cover of The Advocate and Out. Mitchell, any thoughts on that?

  Mitchell: I think he’d have a better chance of being on the covers of gay magazines if he were a straight man playing gay or bisexual. We see how well it worked for Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and Sean Penn. They love to award heteros merit badges for having the “courage” to play gay. Even if you’re an SGL celebrity, you’re not guaranteed that kind of a spotlight. It took Out a whole year to put Wanda Sykes on the cover—and, naturally, she’s on it with, among others, a straight woman, Cyndi Lauper.

  DJ: I just love the way Wanda came out: at a rally, standing up for her rights. That’s what I’m talkin’ about! Raheim, did you know she was in the life?

  Raheim: I heard rumors. I didn’t meet her until after she came out publicly.

  DJ: That was this year?

  Raheim: Yeah. At a cocktail party thrown by Dustin Lance Black and Gus Van Zant.

  DJ: Oh, I wanted to get to that next: how did it feel to go to the Oscars?

  Raheim: That was one of the longest nights of my life—but also one of the sweetest.

  DJ: Sweetest? Even though you didn’t win?

  Raheim: That’s part of the reason why it was so sweet.

  DJ: What do you mean?

  Raheim: The Oscar carries a lot more weight in the industry than all the other awards. If I had won, folks would have projected onto me their expectations, what they would want my winning to signify.

  DJ: You mean, “The first openly bisexual supporting actor winner.”

  Raheim: Yeah. Doesn’t it sound crazy? And, everyone would have been watching to see if I could live up to the hype of being an “Oscar Winner.” I wouldn’t want to be under that kind of glare. But, since many felt it was a make-up nomination for being passed over for Rebound and even Vegas was giving me 20 to 1 odds, I knew I wouldn’t win. So I didn’t have to sweat it out in my seat. We could just go to the ceremony and have a jood time.

  DJ: Did you have a jood time, Mitchell?

  Raheim: No question. I got to meet Halle Berry, Julia Roberts, Samuel L. Jackson, and Morgan Freeman, and we hung out at the Governors Ball with Will & Jada.

  DJ: I gotta say it was jood to see you two on the red carpet, a Black male couple. But most of the newscasts showed you from the chests up!

  [Laughter]

  Mitchell: You know why that was. We were holding hands. What made it so silly is that, just a month before, we were shown at the Screen Actors Guild Awards holding hands. Guess the Academy didn’t want to broadcast that to a billion people.

  DJ: What was that moment like when they got to your category?

  Raheim: All I could think was, “Let’s hurry up and get this over with.”

  DJ: Did you practice the smile the losers wear after the winner’s name is called?

  [Laughter]

  Raheim: Nah. It wasn’t that deep, DJ. I was just grateful to be invited to the party. You know when they say, “It’s an honor just to be nominated?” Now I know what they mean by that, that it isn’t just talk.

  DJ: OK, one more Oscar question: where were you when you learned about the nomination?

  Raheim: In bed with my Baby.

  DJ: Really?

  Raheim: We’d just gotten Destiny off to school and was settling in for a little more shut-eye when Errol came bouncing up the stairs screaming, “Dad, you got nominated!” We couldn’t believe it. Then my phone started blowing up. The nod for Weight of the World was so unexpected that the Academy used a still from Rebound. [Chuckles]

  DJ: But it was deserved, brutha. That was a powerful eight and a half minutes. You pulled a Judi Dench.

  [Laughter]

  DJ: How did it feel winning the Emmy and the SAG?

  Raheim: Those meant so much to me; Dodging Me was my comeback role.

  Mitchell: Remember, it was your rebirth.

  Raheim: Right. I had put myself through a lot and come through a lot to get to that place, and poured everything I had in that performance.

  DJ: You did, man. It’s a cliché, but you hit a home run with that one.

  Raheim: Thanks. After we couldn’t find a distributor, I thought it would never see the light of day. I was crushed. But then HBO rescued it and they really promoted it well, hosting special screenings in Chelsea, WeHo, and the Castro the night it debuted.

  Mitchell: The Homo Tour.

  [Laughter]

  Raheim: I was thrilled when I learned about both nominations. It feels jood when your peers recognize what you’ve done. Just being acknowledged like that would’ve been enough. But winning and having my Baby with me? That was more than I could’ve ever hoped for.

  DJ: And were those real tears you shed at both ceremonies?

  Raheim: They were. I wasn’t pullin’ a Glenn Beck.

  [Laughter]

  DJ: Do you have a favorite actor?

  Raheim: Mmm, not really.

  DJ: What about a favorite movie?

  Raheim: Don’t laugh—First Blood.

  DJ: The Rambo flick?

  Raheim: Yeah.

  DJ: Why?

  Raheim: Rambo was like a hero to me, growing up.

  DJ: Really? Why?

  Raheim: ’Cause he took no prisoners. Nothing could stop him, not even the National Guard. I guess I admired his drive and determination. And he didn’t let anybody push him around.

  Mitchell: He loves action flicks.

  DJ: Do you?

  Mitchell: Well, I like my action movies with a little more…depth. Aliens, The Fugitive, Breakdown, Air Force One, Thelma & Louise.

  DJ: Are those your favorite films?

  Mitchell: No. Lady Sings the Blues and Imitation of Life.

  DJ: Wow—talk about different tastes. There must be a fight over the remote when y’all are trying to decide what movie to watch!

  [Laughter]

  Mitchell: Not at all. We appreciate each other’s choices. It makes us appreciate each other more. It brings us closer to knowing the man we love better. You have to love him for who he is, not who you want him to be.

  DJ: Is there a movie you both love?

  Raheim and Mitchell: Jackie’s Back!

  [Laughter]

  DJ: I don’t think I know a single Black gay or bi man who doesn’t love that movie.

  Raheim: How could you not? Jenifer is da joint.

  DJ: Do you have a favorite actor, Mitchell?

  Mitchell: My huzman, of course!

  [Laughter]

  DJ: Huzman—I love it! We’re gonna take another break. When we return, we’ll put the spotlight on Mitchell and his writing life.

  DJ: Welcome back to Da Spot. This is your boi, DJ Korrupt, and I’m here with my favorite couple in the world, Raheim Rivers and Mitchell Crawford. So, Mitchell, tell us how it feels to be a New York Times best-selling author?

  Mitchell: I never had dreams of hitting the List, never even dreamed of writing a book. I’m not caught up in what it allegedly represents—that I have arrived, that my work has value because it has been validated by this entity. It would still have value if I published it myself and it sold only one hundred copies. For me, a first-time novelist, the honor is that people appreciate and embrace what I’ve done.

  DJ: Where did the idea for You, Me and He come from—besides the song?

  [Laughter]

  Mitchell: I interviewed E. Lynn Harris in the summer of ’03 and he encouraged me to try my hand at fiction. I began kicking around a few ideas—including telling our story.

  DJ: You should still do that story. Given how long y’all been together and how much y’all have been through, that’d be h-a-w-t!

  [Laughter]

  Mitchell: I decided that if I do tell that story, it wouldn’t be in fictional form. Then a female friend of mine confided in me about
her recent breakup with a guy who turned out to be gay. Her thing was: “How could I not tell? I have you for a friend.” It got me thinking about how this DL nonsense has fueled the fears of too many hetero sistas, turning them into detectives, while demonizing Black SGL men. I had to write about it.

  DJ: Many people point the finger at Oprah for having you-know-who on her show. Do you agree?

  Mitchell: You can’t blame J.L. for telling his story. The problem is that his story was held up as the down-low man’s story and, because we are so invisible, all Black SGL men were tainted by it. I love Oprah but she allowed herself to be punked. “You mean there are men who are gay that pass as straight by getting married and they have sex with men on the side?” Puh-leeze. That’s. Not. News. Like Raheim said, men and women have been creepin’ since the beginning of time. And to tie that in with skyrocketing HIV rates in Black America as if there was a direct correlation was irresponsible. There is no proof down-low men are the culprits. There’s…well, Daddy won’t curse again, Destiny.

  [Laughter]

  Mitchell: So I will spell it out: there’s a whole lot of f-u-c-k-i-n’ goin’ on, and down-low men ain’t the only ones doin’ it.

  DJ: Preach, Mitchell, preach!

  Mitchell: But, what a convenient scapegoat they make—for the CDC, which saw those numbers rising over two decades and didn’t sound the alarm; for the media, which loves to portray Black men as sexual predators; and for the self-appointed Black leaders and self-annointed Jesus pimps, who found another excuse to fag bash. We’d be having a very different conversation right now regarding AIDS and homosexuality in Black America if that show and that racist New York Times Magazine story hadn’t defined the issue and shaped the dialogue. So I hope You, Me and He has steered the convo in a more sensible direction.

  DJ: Since you brought her up: I love Oprah, too, but it’s interesting how she handles gay issues differently when the faces are Black and white. Jonathan Plummer is nothing but a cad and a snake, but she lets Ted Haggard get away with saying he’s “a heterosexual with issues.”

  Mitchell: Indeed. Her tone and body language was much different for each man. Ted, like Jim McGreevey, was leading a down-low life, yet she was very respectful. But she didn’t try to hide the contempt she had for Jonathan. Maybe it was because she and Terry are close friends.