Lessons of the Heart

by Jodie Larson

  He gets off the desk and braces himself against the armrests of the chair. “Karen? She’s nothing to me. A nobody. She doesn’t light my soul on fire with a glance or make me want to plow over every person in a crowded hallway just to be near her. That right is reserved solely for one beautiful, amazing, incredibly sexy woman. And that is my girl, my ray of sunshine, my beacon in the bleakness of the night.” He leans closer until our lips are barely touching. “You, Britta Fosse, are the woman for me. There’s no one else that could ever turn my head away from you. No one.”

  My heart beats faster. Can he see it through my sweater? How every beat imprints his name onto my soul when he says things like that to me?

  I don’t know how he does it, taking me from a raging green-eyed monster to a lovesick fool in less than a blink of the eye. I swallow hard and quickly close the distance between our lips, needing to have my fix of him before I have to go without for who knows how long.

  It’s brief, mainly because the door is still wide open, but still feels like an eternity has passed. Every time our lips touch, I lose myself in him; lose myself in the knowledge that he wants it just as bad as I do. And I’ll take whatever I can get with him because I need him like I need my next breath.

  He cups my cheek and backs away, his eyes still shining with emotions I’m afraid to acknowledge. Lust is definitely there, but there’s something else, something more that my mind is subconsciously avoiding. Maybe I’m reading too much into my own emotions. But what we have is more than an infatuation, more than a lustful coupling. There’s something there, something real, and it scares me slightly to put a name to it because deep down I want it more than anything. I want to be his, to be claimed by him, and never have to worry about being without him again.

  “You better go eat your lunch,” I say hoarsely and clear my throat from whatever was lodged in it.

  “I’d rather eat it in here with you. Can I heat yours up for you?”

  I smile and nod. “I’d like that. Thanks.”

  He trails his fingertips down my cheek before taking our lunches to the kitchen area. When he’s finally out the door, I let out a sigh and sink back into my chair in the most unladylike fashion. My lips still tingle as his residual taste lingers on them. If I close my eyes, I can still smell his subtle cologne wafting in the air. How can I be this turned on without him even here next to me?

  My phone vibrates across the desk.

  CAN WE TALK?

  Oh great. Now he’s resorting to text messages because I won’t give him the time of day? I roll my eyes and straighten in my chair.

  NOT YET. I’M STILL REALLY PISSED OFF AT YOU. I NEED SPACE AND TIME.

  I UNDERSTAND. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN EVER FORGIVE ME?

  HONESTLY, I DON’T KNOW.

  I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I’M REALLY, TRULY SORRY. IT WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN.

  The hairs on my neck stand on end as I read his last message over and over. He said that the last time he tried putting the moves on me and yet here we are again. Only this time it was worse. Before, it was just a wandering hand. This time, it was a full on assault on my lips and body. Well, maybe assault is too harsh of a word but really there’s no other way to describe it. It wasn’t welcome and I certainly didn’t invite him to do it.

  James sets my plate down in front of me and looks at me with concerned eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” He sees the message on my phone before I have the chance to close the screen. I can actually hear the grinding of his teeth as he reads it. His anger radiates off him in waves, hitting me with a force that I can feel.

  “He’s got some nerve to be contacting you.”

  “I can handle him,” I say, trying to diffuse the situation. “He’s not worth our time. Just ignore him. I know I am.”

  His long finger points to my phone. “That’s not ignoring him. Saying that you need time is encouraging him, making him believe there’s a chance you will actually forgive him this time.”

  I keep my head down as I turn toward him. “He’s still my friend and he wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind when all this happened. He was high and drunk so I know he wouldn’t normally do something like that.”

  “And what about the last time? What happened then?”

  I look away. I don’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes as he sits next to me. “That was my fault for getting too drunk to ward off his advances.”

  “From what you told me before, he’s the one who got you drunk and tried to take advantage of you.”

  I pick up my fork and push my food around the plate. “I’m not encouraging him, but I can’t cut him completely out of my life. We’ve known each other since we were little.”

  “I’m not saying to cut him out of your life.” He stabs angrily at his food. “No, screw that, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I know it’s irrational and childish but he’s trying to hurt you and it’s my job to protect you the best way I know how.”

  “Are you sure you’re not just jealous?”

  The loud clank of his fork hitting the plate jostles me slightly and I slowly bring my eyes to his.

  “This has nothing to do with jealousy. There is nothing about him that is threatening to me, or us, in any way. But his relentless pursuit of you and the carelessness that he exhibits while trying to get to you is dangerous. This is about protecting you because one of these days he’s going to try something and there may be no one around to help. As much as I want to, I can’t always be with you and there will be times where Liam won’t be there either. Just please take my advice and start to sever the line between you two. Do it gradually if you can’t cut it now. But he needs to know that his actions are not okay and that what he did is irreparable to your friendship.”

  I choke back a tear that threatens to fall. Chase has been my friend for so long that it’s going to be hard to not be that way anymore. And as much as it hurts, I know James is right. The damage that Chase has already done cannot be undone and situations will continue to arise if I keep putting myself in them. Actions speak louder than words and so far my words have fallen on deaf ears where Chase is concerned.

  “Okay,” I say sullenly.

  His face softens. Sympathy edges his eyes as he reaches for my hand. “I’m so sorry sweetheart, but it’s for the best. And I think you know it too otherwise you wouldn’t be feeling this way.”

  I nod. He’s right. He’s always right. This just hurts more than I thought it would.

  James turns and shuts the door partially to give us privacy. In an instant, I’m engulfed in his arms as he presses my head against his chest. The steady beat of his heart fills my ears as a tear finally breaks loose.

  “This is my way of keeping you safe. I’m sorry it hurts, though. I don’t like to see you in pain.”

  I wrap my arms around him, clinging to his muscular back for support.

  “I know it’s for the best. It’s just hard to hear.” I press my lips against the pulse along his neck and sigh. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

  He pulls me back and smooths the hair away from my face. “I will always take care of you. You are the most important thing to me. I will never let anything happen to you.”

  He seals his words with a kiss. Now we just need to figure out how to make it work.

  THE GYM IS A CACOPHONY of screams and bouncing balls, whistles, and loud cheers. The beginnings of a headache form at the bridge of my nose but I do my best to ignore it. I’m not here for the game. I’m here for someone else.

  “Look, there’s Justice over there,” Penny says.

  She’s sitting with a couple other kids from school, but I don’t know them very well. Our usual crowd is already here. Sort of. Drake, Lyle, and Chase all play on the basketball team and Dez and Cami are cheerleaders so that leaves just the three of us to fend for ourselves.

  Penny looks at the guys on the court and sneers when she sees Travis passing the ball to Lyle.

  “Why did I ever let you talk me into com
ing here tonight? I don’t want to do anything near that loser.”

  I shake her shoulder and smile. “Because you’re not going to let him dictate your life. Show him what he’s missing by rubbing it in his face that you’re not heartbroken over his inability to keep his dick in his pants.”

  “That’s right. Besides, it’s the three amigas tonight so let’s have some fun,” Justice says. She leans across me and places her hand on top of Penny’s knee.

  “Thanks, girls. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Be a loser.”

  “Sit in a corner sucking your thumb.”

  “Be a loser.”

  Penny laughs and smacks my arm. “You already said that one.”

  I laugh. “Well, it’s the truth.”

  Lyle passes to Drake, who charges down the court after dodging several guys from Cottage Grove to sink the shot. Everyone on our side leaps to their feet, screaming at the top of their lungs. Since we were a little late, it’s already halfway through the first period and our team is up 24-18.

  “They’re looking good tonight,” Justice yells.

  I roll my eyes when Chase tries to make eye contact with me from the bench. I’m half tempted to give him the finger but restrain myself, remembering that I’m at a school function and shouldn’t act like that. Instead, I look around the packed gym, trying to find the one person I’m actually here to see.

  And then I see him sitting next to her. Ms. Hathaway. My skin crawls as I watch her lean close to him and laugh while placing her hand on his forearm. They’re several rows away but close enough to feel as if it’s happening right in front of me.

  “Hey,” Penny says, waving her hand in front of my face. I snap out of it and turn to her. “What are you staring at? The game is down there.” She leans over and tries to see where my line of sight was aimed at. Her eyes squint and then widen slightly. “Holy shit. Is that Mr. Dumont and the man-eater herself?”

  My stomach rolls and I nod my head. “Looks like it. She is such a troll.”

  Penny’s eyes flicker between mine and the two of them. I need to look away and not draw attention to the fact that Ms. Hathaway’s presence near James is bothering me. I need to stop staring, but I can’t. I watch as she rubs her hand up and down his arm while scooting closer to him. She doesn’t notice his attempts to move away because she’s so focused on staring at his face.

  Mine.

  Penny continues to stare at me even after I shift my gaze back to the game.

  “What?” I ask when I can’t take it any longer.

  She narrows her eyes at me with a slight frown on her face. “What’s going on? You’re acting weird.”

  “I’m not acting weird.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “I am not.”

  “Why are you so interested in Mr. Dumont and Ms. Hathaway?”

  I scoff and focus back on the game. “Who said I was interested?”

  “Then why do you keep looking over there?” she asks.

  “Maybe I feel sorry for him. I’d hate to see another faculty member be her victim. Do you remember what happened to Mr. Sundberg? He never recovered from it.”

  That got her attention, only because she had the largest crush on him our freshman year. And then Ms. Hathaway happened and ran him out of the school.

  “She better not do that to Mr. Dumont. He’s a great teacher and I really don’t want him to leave because of her,” I say as I fight the urge to look over again.

  She sighs and pats my knee. “Yeah, you’re right. Plus if she runs out all the hot eye candy teachers what are we going to daydream about during their classes?”

  I laugh and bump her shoulder. “Exactly.”

  We follow the roar of the crowd as Lyle sinks another basket. And because we’re still bitter, we boo when Chase and Travis follow with their own lay-ups. They may be part of the team, but asshats shouldn’t be rewarded for anything they do.

  The halftime buzzer sounds and we get up to stretch our bodies.

  “Man, my ass hurts from sitting here. Can’t they make these bleachers padded?” Justice says, arching her back.

  I rub my ass and laugh. “My butt is so numb that I don’t think I’d even feel if anyone pinched it right now.”

  I should have kept that thought to myself.

  “Ow!”

  Penny laughs. “That sounded like a challenge to me.”

  She grabs another handful of my ass, causing me to yelp loudly. Several heads turn in our direction, curious about what’s going on with us. I twirl and try to get away from her.

  “Knock it off, bitch!” I laugh.

  I twirl again but this time I lose my footing. I don’t fall far because I land against someone’s chest before my ass meets the ground.

  “Good evening, ladies. Any problems over here?” he says with a hint of amusement in his voice. Chills run up and down my spine and my nipples pebble in my bra, simply from the sound of his voice. Please don’t let it be noticeable.

  “Hello, Mr. Dumont. Enjoying the game so far?” Penny asks.

  I turn around and come face to face with James.

  “Actually I am. It’s a close game, for sure. I just hope they can maintain the lead.”

  “James,” I hear Ms. Hathaway purr behind him. “I’m heading up to get something to drink. Are you coming?” Her hand trails along his arm and I can feel the anger start to snake through my body. How dare she touch him like that? James looks my way and removes her arm quickly.

  “I’m okay for now. Thanks anyway, Karen.”

  She sticks her bottom lip out slightly and sashays her way up the stairs, making sure everyone is staring at her jean covered ass. I breathe again when she disappears over the top of the bleachers. Unfortunately, the damage is done and I can’t erase this feeling going through my head.

  James tries to lighten the situation by engaging in conversation with Penny and Justice, only I can barely hear it. I know I shouldn’t let her get to me, but that woman irritates me to no end.

  “I’ll be right back,” I say quickly and dart up the stairs, needing to get away and gather my thoughts for half a second.

  “Britt, where you going?” I hear Penny call out behind me.

  “Outside. I’ll be right back.”

  I walk down the second-floor corridor quickly until I come to a dark staircase next to a large picture window. I slow my feet and stop to look outside before placing my forehead against the cool glass. It’s snowing again and the cars are just starting to get a fresh blanket on top of them. This was a bad idea. I should have known better than to come tonight, knowing that she would be here with him and that she would put every move on him that she has.

  I groan and slide down the glass, making it squeak and squeal as I drop to my knees before falling on my ass. It’s irrational and unprovoked but I told him that I get jealous too and it’s not flattering when it happens.

  “Britta?” his soft voice says behind me.

  “Yeah?” I whisper, still clutching my knees to my chest with my back to him. He approaches me quietly, squatting down to my right and bracing himself against the wall.

  “Sweetheart, please don’t do this. You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”

  I nod and feel my chest constrict. My breathing turns shallow and my heart feels like it’s slowing in rhythm. “I know it’s nothing, but I can’t sit there and watch her put her hands all over you as she has been. She has no right to do it.”

  James reaches over and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. I turn my head and press my ear against my knee, looking at the beautiful face that I dream of every second of the day.

  “You’re right. She doesn’t. And if you’ve noticed I’ve been trying to cut-off her actions the whole time.”

  “I noticed. It still hurts.”

  He sits next to me on the floor and pulls me to his side, kissing the crown of my head. “I know. Believe me, I know.”

  I sniff and snuggle into him. “How do y
ou know?”

  He wraps his other arm around me. “Because I feel the same way every time I see one of the boys at school look at you in the same manner.”

  I tilt my head up to meet his eyes and give a weak smile. “This is pathetic. I’m pathetic. We’re better than this. We lo…mean so much to each other that we can’t let this petty crap get in the way. Just ignore me and my stupidity.”

  I hope he didn’t catch my almost slip-up.

  His eyes flash in the muted light as he brings me to my knees next to him. Warm hands cradle my face, pulling it closer to his.

  “You were going to say something else.”

  Shit. I should have known that he wouldn’t let it go.

  “I…I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  I look down at his shoulder and bite my lip. “It’s too soon.”

  He maneuvers his head until our eyes catch again. “Too soon for what? To admit how we actually feel?”

  I lick my dry lips and his gaze follows the path, making his pupils dilate. “Yes,” I whisper.

  Our lips connect softly with a firm press before molding into each other’s movements, allowing the moment to take us over. My hands wind into his hair, keeping him anchored to me as his hands move to my hips to bring me onto his lap.

  “Would it help if I said I feel the same way?” he says.

  Our foreheads press together as I frame his face with my hands.

  “Do you? I mean, this is crazy, isn’t it? We haven’t even been on a real date yet.”

  “I know and I hate that I can’t do that with you. I want to take you out on an actual date, out of school and away from staged meetings. I want to buy you dinner and take you to the movies where we’ll pay a ridiculous amount of money to just sit there and make out in the back row.” I giggle and he quickly presses his lips against mine. “Then after we’ll go back to my house and snuggle against each other on the couch while I read you one of my favorite books in front of the fireplace. And when we’ve had enough of the books and we can’t keep our hands off each other anymore, I want to take you to my bed. I want to lay you down and make love to you all night long. I want to worship your body, again and again. All of it, I want to do it with you because…I love you.”