Lessons of the Heart

by Jodie Larson

  A tiny gasp escapes me and a tear threatens to fall down my cheek. He said it. He gave voice to what’s in my head again as if we’re completely in tune with each other.

  “Wha-what?” I stutter. He laughs and kisses my nose.

  “You heard me. I’m in love with you, Britta Fosse, and I can’t hold it back any longer. I need to tell you exactly how I feel because keeping it bottled up is driving me crazy.”

  He loves me. He’s in love with me. My heart feels like it’s about to beat right out of my chest.

  “James,” I whisper and brush my lips across his. “I love you too.”

  His smile brings pure joy to my soul as our lips reconnect and mimic what we’d like to do to each other. Teeth nip, tongues devour, and mouths move to a sensual rhythm that makes every muscle south of my navel constrict with need. He makes me feel beautiful and desirable with little to no effort just by kissing me.

  “Take me home,” I say between gasping breaths. He leans back and the fire in his eyes says he wants to do the same.

  “What about the others? They’ll notice we’re gone together.”

  “I don’t care. I need you to take me home, to your home.”

  His hands run through my hair and I lean into the contact. But then I’m lifted off the ground and we’re standing against the wall.

  “Did you drive here yourself?” he asks. His lips trail down the beating pulse of my neck, causing another round of desire to flood between my legs.

  “No,” I say while running my hands up his chiseled chest. He groans slightly when I run my nail over his nipple, causing it to harden beneath my hands.

  “Fuck. You’re making this hard.”

  “That’s the idea.” My lips brush his ear as I whisper.

  James pulls his head back and grimaces slightly, looking around to make sure that we’re still alone. “We need to go back and finish the game because we can’t gather suspicion. Not from your friends and certainly not from Karen.” A shiver runs through my body at the mention of her name and he kisses my forehead to ease my mind. “You walk back first and join Penny and Justice. Get a ride home with them and I’ll come get you after that.”

  Brain function finally restores itself as I contemplate this plan. “Shit, this won’t work. It’s Tuesday. I can’t stay over tonight and there’s too much at risk for us to show up tomorrow morning looking like we had wild, hot, earth-shattering sex all night.”

  He smirks and presses me into the wall again, this time using only his hips. I groan in response and feel my knees start to get weak.

  “You’re making me irrational. I want to say screw what everyone else thinks because all I care about, all I’m concerned with is you.” His lips cover mine again. “But you’re right. Tonight is not the night for this.”

  “When?”

  “Friday? Are you busy this weekend?”

  I shake my head and smile. “I am now.”

  “Pack a bag because I’m not letting you out of my sight until Sunday.”

  “Three days to get through before I have the best weekend of my life. It seems so far away now that there’s something to look forward to.”

  He backs away, leaving my body feeling cold. “Best of your life so far,” he says with a smirk.

  “Smart ass.”

  James quickly crashes his lips onto mine, scorching them one last time before backing up into the darkened hallway. I look at him confused and bite back the laugh that’s bubbling up from my throat.

  “The gym is the other way,” I call out.

  He nods and smiles. “I need to walk around for a bit otherwise I’m going to draw some unnecessary attention due to a slight wardrobe issue I’m currently having.”

  My cheeks heat and flame with a mixture of longing and embarrassment since that wardrobe malfunction was pressed against my hips just a moment ago. “Good idea. I’ll see you back inside and I won’t get jealous anymore. Promise.”

  “Good.” He stops and looks at me while running a hand through his hair.

  “I love you,” I whisper.

  James brings his hand up to his chest and places the palm over his heart. “I love you too.”

  He disappears down the darkened hallway, muttering soft curse words with a hint of amusement behind them. My fingers caress my swollen lips as I take a few calming breaths before I head back into the lion’s den. Only this time with the knowledge that nothing is going to come between us anymore.

  I CAN’T FOCUS. MY MIND is a complete pile of mush and has been since last night. I should be writing my paper that’s due in AP English, only I’ve been staring at it for the last hour with not one word written.

  A knock on my door scares me and I gasp loudly as my mom enters the room.

  “Sorry sweetie, did I startle you?”

  “A little. I guess I got lost in my thoughts.”

  She sits on the edge of my bed, and I turn in my chair to face the older version of me. We’re practically twins. The only differences are the few wrinkles and laugh lines that give her away as my mom and not my older sister. Same long brown hair, same dazzling hazel eyes and bowed lips. Even our noses are the same, which is a good thing because there’s no way that I want my dad’s nose. I like my cute little button one.

  “Anything I can help you with?” she asks.

  “No, nothing like that. Just, you know, flaking out for a second.”

  She tilts her head as if she doesn’t entirely believe me. But I smile brightly back at her, hoping to ease her mind. I don’t need her thinking this is about a guy, even though it kind of is.

  “Well, I wanted to be the first to let you know that these came for you today.”

  She hands me three large white envelopes, each with the seal of the different universities I’ve applied to. My eyes grow wide as I stare and flip them in my hands. Harvard, Yale, and Stanford all stare at me, each of them holding the promise of a future, at least academically.

  “Well, go ahead and open them.” She can barely contain the excitement in her voice.

  “Shouldn’t we wait for Dad?”

  She deflates slightly. “I suppose we should.”

  “When is he getting home?”

  “He called a little while ago and said he would be home around seven.” She looks down at her watch and smiles. “Which is in about twenty minutes.”

  Instantly I think of James and how I want to share this moment with him because this could affect him as well. I know we really haven’t discussed the future, other than agreeing that we both will be in it. But this is something big and I want to share this with him, just like I want to share everything about my life with him.

  Mom looks at me funny as I keep twisting the envelopes around in my hand. “Sweetie, is there something the matter? Aren’t you excited about this?”

  I flick my eyes to hers and chew my lip. “I am. I just-”

  “What is it? You know you can tell me anything, right?”

  “It’s nothing. I'm just acting silly.” I need a distraction. “Should we wait for Dad downstairs? Maybe Liam will even be home by then.”

  I stand from my chair and hug my mom. I want to talk to her about James but I know I can’t without getting him or me in trouble. I don’t think she would understand.

  “That’s a wonderful idea. I’ve got a fresh batch of chocolate chip bars cooling on the rack for you. We’ll eat some while we celebrate which college you’re getting into.”

  I shake my head as we walk downstairs. “You know there’s still two other colleges I have to hear back from.”

  We round the corner and I sink into one of the plush seats around the island while my mom goes into full Betty Crocker mode. She cuts each square until they’re all uniform and perfectly placed on the three-tier serving dish.

  “Don’t you worry about those other colleges. You’ll get your acceptance letters from them as well and then all you have to do is pick which one is best for you.” She offers me a bar and I eagerly take it. “Tell me, have y
ou decided which one you want most?”

  “Well, you know I love Boston, so Harvard’s my number one choice.” She smiles and shakes her head with amusement. “Then Yale because it’s close by but I also kind of want UC- Berkeley because it’s California and the thought of never having to see snow again is kind of appealing right now.”

  We laugh as we look out the window. The newly fallen snow glistens on the ground as the moon rises higher in the sky. “You would miss the change of seasons, though. Trust me, I did.”

  Huh? “What do you mean? I thought you lived here your whole life?”

  She shakes her head and runs soapy water in the sink to wash the now empty pan. “Technically I did, but my freshman year of college was spent at UCLA.”

  “Wow. I didn’t know that. I assumed you spent your entire college career at UConn.”

  Mom smiles and places the clean dish on the drying rack. “No. I started out at UCLA for the same reasons you want to go to Berkeley. But then I came home for winter break and had a life changing experience which made me move back here that next fall.”

  “Life changing? Like how?”

  She wipes her hands on a clean towel and sits next to me. “Let’s just say a close call changed my mind.”

  I narrow my eyes. “Not enough. I want the story.”

  “Did I ever tell you how your dad and I met?” I shake my head. “I was out doing some last minute shopping, trying to get as many things as I possibly could for my sisters and brother two days before Christmas. We were expected at your great-grandparent’s house the next day so I was a little crazy and distracted. My arms were juggling about seven or so bags as I walked from shop to shop downtown. A gust of wind came by, throwing me slightly off-balance as I crossed the street, which set off a chain reaction of events. My hat flew into traffic so I bent down to pick it up, which caused me to drop a few bags out of my arms. Then when I had everything situated, I got my foot stuck in a pothole, leaving me stranded in the middle of the street.

  “I was so busy trying to dislodge my boot that I didn’t even see the truck that was heading my way. When I finally heard the noise, I looked up at the headlights of the vehicle and froze. I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around me and pulled me to the side, leaving my boot still stuck in the middle of the street, just before the truck reached where I was standing.

  “We fell onto the sidewalk in a heap with my bags scattered everywhere and me sprawled on top of my savior. That’s when I looked down and saw the most handsome man I had ever seen in my life. My whole world stopped when he brushed away the hair from my face and looked at me with such concern in his eyes that I wanted to cry.”

  She looks wistfully down at her wedding rings and I follow her gaze to the sparkling diamonds that adorn her finger. “The moment he asked my name I knew that was it. I needed to leave California and be here with him because he was the one.”

  “You knew that all because he said your name?”

  She shakes her head and turns to face me. “Well partly. The other part was when I found out he was attending UConn, I knew I had to transfer so I could be with him. I’ve loved your dad since the first moment we met and I wouldn’t change one decision I made to get us to where we are now.”

  Interesting. “So you’re saying that you changed your life because of a guy?”

  “No, my life changed because of love.”

  This is sounding a bit too familiar to me. “How did you know? I mean, you had just met. You couldn’t possibly know you were in love just from that.”

  “You’re right. But transferring schools helped our relationship grow even more and later in my sophomore year we got engaged. It wasn’t easy because he was a graduate student and a professor’s assistant in some of my classes. We had to keep our relationship a secret at times, but it was worth it in the end.”

  I lean back in my chair and hold my hands up. “Whoa. Back up the train here. Dad was a professor’s assistant in some of your classes?”

  She nods. “Yes, and back then it was forbidden to date any member of the faculty while attending their class, even if it was an assistant because they were still looked upon as a figure of authority. But I needed those classes to complete my degree so we had to pretend not to know each other. It was hard for those first few months after transferring yet we worked around it somehow. In fact, I think it made us stronger because we knew if we could survive this, we could survive anything.”

  This is a fascinating turn of events. How did I not know this about my parents? “So you had to hide your relationship from everyone because he was essentially a teacher?”

  She nods and smiles. “Yes. It wasn’t easy, but we did. And I would do it again if it meant I could have the life I currently have with him and both you and Liam. Things happen for a reason Britta, things you can’t explain. And you can’t help who you fall in love with. All you need to do is follow your heart because it will never lead you down the wrong path.”

  I swallow hard and twist my fingers in my lap.

  “Mom?”

  “Yes, sweetie?”

  “What happens if I find myself in a similar situation one day?”

  She blinks several times. “Similar how?”

  “In love with someone but have to hide it for a period of time.”

  She tilts her head to the side to get a better read on me. “What are you saying?”

  I take a deep breath and open my mouth only nothing comes out because the cheerful voice of my dad rings out from the garage door, announcing his presence.

  My mom leaves her chair and rushes over to greet him with a kiss that makes me turn my head away and blush. Apparently our impromptu trip down memory lane has spurred some feelings in her that I’d rather not think about.

  “Well that’s one way to be greeted after a long day at work,” he says, cupping her cheek and pressing his lips to her forehead.

  “Britta and I were just talking about colleges.”

  “And let me guess, you told her about how we met?”

  She nods and smiles. “I can’t believe we never told her before.”

  They walk into the kitchen with their arms wrapped around their waists. My dad kisses me on top of my head, just like he did when I was a little girl. “Hi, sweetheart.”

  I swivel in my chair and hug him tight. “Hi, Dad.”

  He glances down to the envelopes in front of me and smiles. “I see we’ve got mail?”

  I nod. “We were waiting for you to get home before I opened them.”

  Dad shrugs his trench coat off and hangs it in the closet. “Well let’s open them.”

  My hands hover over them, still longing to share this moment with James. I look at my parents, who are leaning against the granite countertop with their arms wrapped around each other, and marvel at the love they so obviously share still to this day. I never knew that they had to endure hardships like the one I’m facing with James. My mom said it made them stronger. I hope she’s right about that because, for the first time in my life, I want what they have.

  I pick each of them up, gently sliding my finger under the flaps. I pull each letter out individually and line them up so I can read them all at once.

  “Well? What do they say?” Mom asks.

  My eyes grow wide as I look between each letter. I swallow hard and choke back the tears threatening to fall when I look into my parents faces. “I got in. To all of them. Full academic scholarships for all four years.”

  A tear falls down my cheek and I brush it away, finally letting the emotions of the situation take hold. Mom rushes around and hugs me tightly, repeatedly saying how proud she is of me. Dad joins her on my other side and we laugh as each of us holds a letter in our hands.

  “Um, I need to go,” I say abruptly. I stand up and wipe my eyes.

  “Where do you need to go?” my mom asks. “It’s getting kind of late.”

  “I need to go see someone.”

  “Can’t it wait until tomorrow?
It’s a school night and you should get some rest,” Dad says.

  I thread my arms into my jacket and pull on my cream colored beret. “No, I need to see him now.”

  Both of my parents look at each other before turning back to me as I pull on my gloves and grab my keys.

  “Him?”

  I kiss them both on the cheek and smile. “Him.” I gather up the letters and give them a small wave. “I won’t be out long.”

  Mom leans her head on my dad’s shoulder as they watch me run out the garage door. I practically sprint to my car and barely miss Liam as he pulls into the driveway next to me. With an apologetic wave, I back out while sending a quick text to James and ask him to meet me at Brier Park. He responds instantly, of course, and I drive the few blocks to wait for him.

  Giant, fluffy white flakes fall from the sky as I trudge through the snow to our favorite secluded spot. The moon casts a soft glow on the trees and surrounding area. Several stars appear like glitter in the sky, each twinkling in the cold night. My breath billows in front of me, curling into the air before disappearing. Only I don’t feel the cold, just the warmth. And the source of that warmth is walking toward me right now.

  I clutch the letters to my chest and my eyes water at the sight of him. He’s just so perfect. Those long legs clad in worn jeans make my heart skip a beat, while his wool pea coat and gray beanie hat make me want to jump him this very instant. But it’s his face that does me in. That gorgeous face, so masculine and strong with those piercing green eyes focused solely on me, that’s what makes my fingers twitch and my knees weak. And it’s his heart, his need to protect and help those around him that make me fall in love with him more and more every day.

  My guy.

  “Britta? What’s wrong?” he asks as he cups my face.

  I shake my head and let out a small laugh. “Nothing’s wrong. Look,” I say, showing him the papers in my hand. He backs away slightly and flips between each letter with wide eyes. When he’s done reading the last one, he gives me the largest smile I’ve ever seen.