Lessons of the Heart

by Jodie Larson

  “It’ll burn out quickly now that I’ve spread it around,” he says, lifting me from the ground and putting me back into the position we started in. “Now where were we?” he asks.

  I grab his face and kiss him with the passion that’s slowly building to a boil inside me. White hot heat is pouring out of my every pore, need and lust combining with our underlying love has my body on fire.

  He walks us to the bed and gently lays me down. I crawl into the center as he leans over me, following my movements until he’s centered directly above my outstretched body. I run my hands up his naked chest and flick my tongue against his.

  “You’re wearing too many clothes,” I say.

  James quickly sheds his shirt, slacks, and socks until he’s completely and utterly naked. And nothing has ever looked more glorious in all of humanity than this man completely bared to me. I move to untie the string at my hip which holds my dress together, but his hands cover mine and he shakes his head teasingly.

  “Let me. I want to unwrap you as if you’re my own special present.”

  The heat emanating from my skin travels south, igniting every nerve and leaving me aching and panting for him to press his body against mine. James takes his time though, slowly letting the tie unravel and fall apart. The fabric is then slowly lifted up piece by piece as a round of goose bumps appears on the newly exposed flesh.

  He sucks in a sharp breath of air when he finds my surprise. “Sweet mercy you’re not wearing any underwear.”

  I give him my best slow seductive smile as the material falls completely away from my body, arching my back off the bed as he tosses it carelessly to the floor.

  “Surprise,” I say, pulling him back down to me. Our lips crash together, feverishly devouring each other. We roll over one another, moving from one side of the bed to the other. The sheets and comforter get tossed to the floor with our discarded clothes, leaving nothing to get in the way.

  “I need you, James. Now,” I pant out and blindly reach over to the drawer holding his stash of condoms.

  He pulls away from me long enough so I can twist my body to the side to open the drawer with ease. But then all logic and thought are removed from my brain as his tongue makes contact with the sensitive flesh between my legs.

  “Oh fuck,” I cry out, abandoning my quest. Instead, my hands fly to grip his hair, pulling him closer to me as he sucks on my clit with expert precision.

  “God, baby, you taste so sweet. I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed a taste of my dessert.”

  Another slow swipe of his tongue and I can feel the muscles slowly begin to tense in preparation of what’s to come. It starts off slow, quiet, then gains intensity as it pulls in energy from all muscles not currently being used in the center of my body. Like creating a tower out of blocks, each one having an exact place as it climbs higher and higher into the sky.

  “More. It’s so good.”

  James inserts a finger into my tight opening and begins to rhythmically stroke my front wall, causing my toes to curl and my fingers to grip the sheets beneath me. The carefully constructed building blocks shake and then tumble to the ground, creating a wake of dust and debris as I cry out his name over and over again into the room.

  I can barely hear the opening of the drawer through the ringing in my ears. My eyes slowly come into focus as I watch him slip on the condom and brace his body so it’s hovering above me.

  “You look so beautiful when you come. I need to see it again,” he says while guiding himself into my now wet entrance. He slides in with ease, stretching me inch by glorious inch. Our eyes lock when he’s fully inside me.

  “I love feeling the moment where we become one. There is no greater sensation than this. None.”

  My hands cup his cheeks again and I pull his mouth to mine with a need to taste him. He stokes the fire deep within me until what’s left of the life I knew before is ashes.

  “You feel too good to be true,” I whisper, barely able to keep my emotions in check.

  James slowly starts rocking into me with a leisurely tempo, not rushed or looking for an end. It’s as if he’s savoring the moment, appreciating it for everything it is, everything it could be and will be. He’s making love to me as if I am the only thing that matters to him in the entire world.

  Our kisses become less frantic and more in tune with our movements. Slow and sweet, unhurried and reverent. Time stops and stills while we bring our bodies together to match the feeling in our hearts.

  “I love you,” he whispers against my lips. I wrap my legs around his waist tighter, urging him forward, deeper, needing to chase the release that’s looming on the edge of my sanity.

  “Faster,” I beg while digging my heels into his ass.

  He increases his tempo. “I’m not going to last much longer if you keep that up. Are you almost there?” he asks. A thin sheen of sweat appears on his brow and he traps my hands next to my head with his.

  “Yes. So close.”

  James expertly rolls his hips and hits my clit in just the right spot. I explode instantly, pulling him deeper in me as I contract and pulse around him. My eyes want to roll into the back of my head from the intensity. His expression keeps my eyes locked on him as I watch him jerk several times before succumbing to the orgasm while calling out my name. I can feel each pulse as he empties inside me, prolonging my own release. We cling to each other until he falls on top of me, sweaty and breathless.

  I run my fingers through his hair as he rests his head on my shoulder. Nothing has felt better than this. Our bodies are a sweaty mess. The sweet smell of sex lingers in the air and James is naked and spent on top of me.

  The perfect date.

  “Best first date ever,” I breathe.

  He picks his head up and kisses my collarbone, my neck, my jaw, and then finally my lips.

  “Best last first date ever,” he corrects. We kiss again as he pulls out of me, rolling to the side to remove the condom.

  I bend over the bed while he cleans up and tuck the sheets back into place while leaving the comforter still in a heap at the end. James pulls me into his side and covers us with the sheet. Sleep threatens to come fast as we both yawn and press into each other.

  “I love you,” I sigh, brushing my fingertips against his chest. He grabs my hand and lightly kisses my palm.

  “I love you too.”

  We drift off to sleep, our bodies sated and spent, not worrying about the outside world until we’re thrust back into reality tomorrow.

  “HUNGRY?” JAMES ASKS ME AS he takes out several pans from the cupboard.

  I honestly don’t know what I am. I could be hungry if I allowed myself to think of anything other than how much I’m going to miss this free time with him. Instead of giving a verbal cue, I just shrug my shoulders and pray he’s looking at me since I can’t stop staring at the marble countertop.

  “Britta, look at me,” he pleads.

  My eyes slowly meet his and the same sadness that clouds my thoughts shows in his eyes. He leaves the pan on the stove and rounds the counter to pull me into his arms. James settles in between my knees. I rest my head on his shoulder and cling to his back.

  “I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here with you. Please don’t make me go back.”

  Tears threaten to fall from my eyes as I burrow my head further into him. This weekend has been the best I’ve ever had. And I know what will happen the minute I step outside this house. We will go back to secret glances and stolen moments. Things that appease the mind but are never enough for the heart. It’s not sufficient anymore to know that he loves me, that he can’t stop thinking about me. It’s not even close to satisfying just being in the same room as him anymore. He’s my match, my soulmate. And I’ve never been more confident of anything in my life except for this. We belong together. I know it and he knows it.

  His hand lightly cups the back of my head and softly strokes my hair as the first tear rolls down my face. He rubs his other hand soothingly up and dow
n my back while pressing his cheek into the crown of my head.

  “Sweetheart, this isn’t the end. We’re not over. We will never be over.” He brushes away another tear with his thumb. “This is a minor bump in the road. We won’t let this get us down. You are the most important thing to me and it breaks me to see you upset. Please, please don’t cry. We’ll still see each other,” he says, lightly brushing his lips against mine.

  “It’s not the same. It’s not enough anymore. Don’t you see? We can’t go back to how it used to be. I can’t go back to sneaking around and pretending that I don’t have feelings for you. Do you know how jealous I get when I watch others who get to talk to you openly? How crazy I feel when I look at the man-eater put her hands on you like it’s her right? Part of me wants to run away or transfer schools, but I know it would only raise more suspicion. The other part of me wants to take the GED test now so I can leave school and be done with it. I have my acceptance letters and have already given my intent to Harvard.”

  He shakes his head and sighs. “You can’t do that. I won’t let you throw away your future.”

  “I’m not throwing away my future,” I cry as more tears stream down my face. “I’m saving my future, can’t you see that? Say you’ll come with me to Boston. I know we’ve never talked about what’s going to happen after I graduate but please, I need you with me when I go to Harvard. You can transfer your graduate work and attend there with me or even BU if necessary.”

  I feel completely out of control, like I’m grasping at straws and allowing my desperation to show. I don’t want to upset James with my insecurities and ramblings, but this has been pent up for far too long. We’ve been avoiding the subject by brushing it to the side. We need to discuss this, sooner rather than later.

  “Please,” I beg.

  James gives a sad smile and it breaks my heart slightly. “You’re working yourself up for no reason. Come here.”

  We walk into the living room and he pulls me into his lap on the couch. I cry into his shoulder as he rocks me back and forth.

  “Even though what you said is true about what we will have to go back to, you know and I know that it’s all just an act. We’re going to stick with the plan because it will work out.”

  “And Boston?” I whimper. My lip quivers as I look up into his face. Pushing wet strands away from my cheeks, he cups my face and presses our lips together.

  “I will follow you wherever you may go. The beauty of my graduate work is I can do it anywhere. But you are just starting out and need to follow the path you’ve worked so hard to go down. You don’t need me to lead the way. You know your future and how to achieve it. I’m just along for the ride.”

  I shake my head. “You’re not just along for the ride. You’re my navigator, my companion, my GPS. All my roads lead to you.”

  The tears have stopped but I still feel unsettled. I trace his cheek with my index finger and feel his morning stubble beneath before sliding it over his lips. He parts them slightly, kissing the pad of my finger.

  “If you need daily reassurances, I will give them to you. But don’t ever doubt that we can’t do this. Remember, this is our bump in the road. We’re stronger than this. Trust in me. Trust in us. We will come out on the other side stronger than ever. It’s only a few more months and then we’re free to have weekends like this all the time.”

  “Promise,” I whisper against his mouth.

  I can feel his smile without seeing it. “Promise.”

  He moves so I’m beneath him, keeping part of his weight on me as he lies on top. I stare into his eyes and whatever sadness that was clouding them before is now gone. Now they burn with a purpose and intensity I can feel throughout my entire body, bringing it to life.

  “Britta Rosalind Fosse, I love you, even when you’re paranoid and frantic. Let’s just enjoy the next few hours before Liam shows up to bring you back.”

  I giggle at the use of my full name. It never ceases to amaze me at how well he knows me.

  “What’s your middle name?” I ask. I need this little bit of information to store in the James Dumont section of my brain.

  He smirks and ducks his head while he laughs. “You’ll think it’s silly.”

  “No, I won’t. Tell me.”

  Warm lips meet mine with a smile. “Xavier.”

  “Hmm, James Xavier Dumont. I like it. It definitely suits you.” I reach up and wrap my hand around the back of his neck, pulling him back down for a passionate kiss. Emotions run high as our hands travel across each other’s body and before we know it, there’s a knock on the door.

  Shit. He’s early.

  James kisses me one last time before sitting upright between my legs. “Don’t move. Just in case it’s not Liam.”

  I nod my head and watch him retreat to his front door. Utilizing this time to think about what’s been said, I cross my legs and reason with my subconscious that James is right. Everything will be okay. It’s not like we’re breaking up. We’re still going to see each other every day. And he’s right about this just being a bump in the road. We’re stronger than everyone else.

  A noise draws my attention to the entry as Liam rounds the corner, his face slightly ashen and an apology written in his eyes.

  “Britt, I’m so sorry,” he starts, but the female voice behind him has my eyes widening with fear. Penny rounds the corner with her arms crossed and looking more upset than I’ve ever seen her.

  I spring from the couch and hit my foot on the coffee table in the process. Hobbling over to where my pissed-off best friend is, I begin to open my mouth to explain the situation but she holds her arms up to stop me.

  “Don’t even,” she says with a frown. Hurt and disappointment are written all over her face and it breaks my heart to see it.

  “Pen, please. Let me explain.”

  She shakes her head and looks over at James as he enters the room with his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. He heads straight for me as I balance on one foot while holding my now throbbing one off the ground.

  “Penny, please have a seat and we’ll explain everything. That is if you want to hear it,” James says. He wraps an arm around my waist and helps me back to the living room.

  Penny doesn’t say anything as she walks over to one of the chairs adjacent to the couch. James pulls me down next to him but turns me sideways so he can get a look at my foot. I wince slightly as he hits a rather sensitive spot, but he kisses the pain away. Penny’s expression hasn’t changed as I watch her with careful eyes. Liam is hovering behind her and I don’t know if he’s in the doghouse with me or not.

  Penny clears her throat and looks at me expectantly. “So tell me, how long has this been going on?”

  I chew on my bottom lip, not liking the tone that she’s taking with me. “Well, officially, we’ve been together since Boston I guess?” James nods when I look at him, confirming my statement for her.

  “And unofficially? How long have you two been sneaking around behind my back?”

  James grips my hand and steadies me. Using his strength, I look at Penny and start pouring out the truth.

  “I met James the Friday before he started taking over Mr. Ward’s class. I ran into him in the teacher’s lounge and there was a misunderstanding between us. I thought he was a student because he was looking for the office and he thought I was a teacher because I was in the lounge. It wasn’t until his class on Monday that we figured out who each other was. From there it was chance run-ins and brief discussions in the halls or in the lounge during his lunch break.”

  She doesn’t say anything or give anything away by her expression. She just sits there stoically, pondering what I said or thinking of her next question. “So Boston? Was that planned?”

  I shake my head and squeeze his hand harder. “Not for me.”

  Penny turns her attention to James and he nods. “It was planned for me. I already had a ticket for the concert but figured out which hotel you were staying at when she made the reservation fo
r her room and decided to stay there as well. I just wanted to make sure nothing happened to her when I found out she wanted a separate room from yours and Travis’s.”

  She blanches at his name and looks down briefly. “Okay, I can kind of understand that. So let me guess. Saturday morning when you said you had plans, it was with him?” Penny asks, looking back at me.

  I nod. “He stayed in the room across the hall. We had breakfast in the restaurant downstairs and then we toured around Boston for a while. It was innocent, for the most part.”

  James leans forward and looks down briefly before meeting her gaze. “Penny, I just want you to know that we didn’t intend for us to happen. It really was a series of events that kept putting us together. And when we started talking more frequently, we discovered that we had a lot in common. Then the growing attraction between us became too much so we stopped fighting it and let it happen.”

  Penny looks between the two of us. I can see when the light bulb goes off and everything begins to make sense. “The basketball game, when you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him and the man-eater. You two were seeing each other, weren’t you?”

  I nod. “Yes.”

  She twists her lips to the side in contemplation. “Well, your reaction to them makes sense now. I would have felt the same way if I had seen her anywhere near someone I was seeing.” She pauses and leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Are you happy?”

  I lift my legs off of his lap and lean forward, matching her stance. “Extremely.”

  “And he’s good to you?”

  “The best.”

  She looks at James and smiles. “You love her, don’t you?”

  It’s not really a question. Not that his loving me would ever be a question. I know it and I’m sure she can see it on his face.

  “With all my heart,” he replies, grabbing my hand again.