Silent Love

by Casey Clipper

  He went to take a step towards her, but hesitated. How did he approach her without frightening her? A delicate sniffle shot straight to his heart. In all of his life, he'd never wanted to scoop up a woman and hold her tight to comfort her like he did at that very second. Screw it. Stepping up next to her, he knelt down and lightly touched her shoulder. She startled with the cutest squeal he'd ever heard.

  "Sorry," he said softly.

  A red nose and puffy eyes didn't deter from her looks. He brushed her hair off her face to see her beautiful features more clearly. High cheekbones, a cute nose, full lips. She was striking.

  Gently he wiped her tears.

  "Don't cry," he said softly.

  "I'm sorry," she said.

  He shook his head. "No reason to be."

  "I don't date, Sean," she said quietly. "I just...can't."

  "Is it because of me?" he asked.

  Her shocked expression answered that question. "No. Why...why would you think it's because of you?"

  "My age compared to yours," he said. "How old are you?"

  "Twenty-eight," she answered meekly.

  Nearly eleven years difference. Considering he was getting closer to qualifying for Medicare and she was considered to be hitting her prime, there could potentially be a problem seeing eye to eye on certain issues.

  "How old are you?" she asked.

  "I'll be thirty-nine in four months," he answered.

  Her quick scan of him made him feel higher than a kite. "You don't look it."

  "Thanks." He grinned. "Why can't you date me, Beth?"

  "I'm deaf," she blurted.

  "I know," he said.

  She blinked. "You do?"

  He nodded. "So tell me, why won't you go out with me?"

  "I...I..." She looked away from him. Her eyes, again, filling with tears. "It's too difficult." She refocused on him. "I've tried it twice since I lost my hearing, and it doesn't work. You'll become frustrated when I can't hear you, or you could be like many men and talk about me behind my back, while I'm standing in front of you."

  Holding up his hand, which seemed to be a gesture he was doing often to her, he stopped her from going further with an absurd accusation. "First, there's no way in hell I'd ever disrespect you by purposely talking about you behind your back. Second, you can't push everyone away because you think someone might become frustrated with you. That's on them, not you. That's their problem. Not yours." He sat up on his haunches and took her face into his hands. "Give me a chance to prove to you that I'm not every other man you've come across."

  Those blue eyes of hers scanned his, clearly debating his plea. Yes, he was begging a woman he didn't know to go out with him. Why? Hell if he knew, but for some reason he couldn't allow her to walk away.

  "Okay." Her voice cracked.

  "Okay?"

  She nodded.

  "Tonight?" he asked.

  "I thought you had to go out with your cousin tonight?" she reminded him.

  "I'll cancel. She'll be pissed but I'll deal with it," he said.

  "I don't want to upset your cousin."

  He smiled broadly. "I can handle her." He leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. "Can I have your number? I can text you the time, and you can text me your address to pick you up."

  She nodded then quickly scribbled down her number. When she handed it to him, he palmed it, stood then caressed her soft cheek. "I'll see you later."

  A tear escaped and dropped down her cheek. He swiped it away then turned and went back to work. For the first time in years, he felt something in his world begin to shift.

  5

  Beth watched the most handsome man who'd ever approached her walk away. What just happened? Did she really accept a date? How had that occurred? How was she going to get through this evening?

  Sagging back in her chair, she ran a hand through her hair. She needed to stop over thinking. Most of her life decisions she rattled around in her brain overanalyzing. Sean was right. She needed to believe he was a good guy and not one of those assholes who'd asked her out time and again, only to attempt to use her, then ridicule and mock her because she didn't put out. She knew what happened behind her back. Lewd gestures. Derogatory comments. All because she was attractive and couldn’t hear. Whatever gave them the impression she slept around she didn’t know. Her last boyfriend was four years ago, and she’d been engaged to him at the time. Before that, she’d only had two other lovers, one who claimed her virginity. She supposed it was because she came across as a snob, but it was hard for her to communicate with people. Yes, she’d somewhat mastered lip reading, but at times still struggled. Sign language was a slow process for her¸ assumably because she was still in denial and fought her hearing loss. She took classes but couldn’t grasp the language. Not only that, how many people truly knew how to sign? Certainly no one close to her.

  Her phone buzzed with a text.

  7pm your place. Dress casual. Need your addy.

  That had to be Sean, but she needed to make sure. Not only that, how about a little fun?

  She responded: who is this?

  It took a few moments before his return text. R u serious?

  She giggled. Yes.

  Sean.

  Ummm…maybe he didn’t have a sense of humor.

  I c u r gonna keep me on my toes. I like.

  She beamed. Maybe for the first time in years, her life was looking up.

  ***

  Beth had finished getting ready forty-five minutes ago and now anxiety crept in. She’d rushed home from work, jumped in the shower, threw on a fresh coat of makeup then changed into jeans and a nice blouse all in an effort to be on time. She never realized how low maintenance she’d become. Another trait vastly different from four years ago.

  As she sat on her sofa and stared at the evening news, watching the words scroll across the screen, she couldn’t concentrate enough to comprehend any of it. Her loneliness smacked her in the face. Normally she trudged through life, trying to get from one moment to the next without getting hurt, offending someone, or losing her mind. For four years she did what was necessary to survive on her own without leaning on those around her. She’d thought that was what she needed. Now she realized, probably because of the good doctor, she wanted more.

  Coming home to an empty house each night was depressing. She didn’t even own a pet. Though her parents begged her to get a guard dog. How would she know it was barking its head off and disturbing the neighbors?

  Maybe she was reading too much into Sean, but he was the first man in years who was comfortable enough with himself to talk to her, despite that fact she couldn’t hear a word. He looked her in the eyes, not her size-D chest. When he’d touched her, it was the caress of a gentle soul, not that of a man looking to bang his next “love ‘em and leave ‘em.”

  Interrupting her wandering mind, the lights flickered in the house, and the pop-up on the television said someone was at the front door. Glancing a clock, he was fifteen minutes early. Excited, she jumped off the sofa and rushed to the door. She looked out the peephole then smiled. Throwing open the door, Sean stood on her step with a dozen red roses in hand. He beamed. She thought he needed wear a smile constantly.

  “For you,” he said, handing her the flowers.

  “Thank you,” she said shyly. “Come in.” She stood to the side and motioned him inside her tiny home. If she ever got married, she’d never be able to keep the quaint house, but for the time being it worked for her. Only two small bedrooms and one full bath upstairs, along with a tiny kitchen that held an eat-at island and connecting living room, didn’t leave much in the way for entertaining. But she kept it homey with light décor and sparse furniture so not much room was taken up.

  Sean stepped into her home, and she closed the door behind him. She went straight to the kitchen to pull down a crystal vase that was given to her by her grandmother when she had graduated college. Making quick work of placing the roses in water, she situated the vase in the center
of the coffee table. The entire time she felt Sean's gaze follow her every movement. When finished, she turned to face him and found a small smile playing at his sexy mouth.

  “You’re beautiful,” he said.

  Feeling her skin flush, she glanced down at the floor.

  Suddenly he was before her, his hand under her chin, lifting her to look him in the eyes.

  "Please, don't look away from me. I want you to know what I'm saying to you," he said, his eyes soft and searching hers, which filled with tears. "You are beautiful." Slowly he leaned down and gave her a small kiss on the lips. Not chaste, but not long and passionate. Just enough for her to feel how surprisingly soft his lips were, that his breath smelled like mint, and his warm exhale from his nose tickled her skin. Instinctually she wanted to recoil, but forcefully stopped the action. How would she ever change her loneliness if she pulled back when a man kissed her? She wouldn't. There was a time in her life when she breezily kept the company of men, lovers, or friends. She despised that she purposely distanced herself from the opposite sex. Time to give life a try again.

  He pulled away and brushed his soft thumb over her moist lips. Beth easily became lost in him. Drawn towards him, she took an unintentional step closer. Something she couldn't identify pulled at her.

  "Are you hungry?" he asked.

  She bit her bottom lip and nodded.

  "Let's feed you."

  She laughed and gladly followed him out the door when he took her hand into his.

  ***

  With Beth's dainty hand wrapped around his elbow, Sean escorted her to the chain restaurant. He didn't want to pressure her with too much pomp and circumstance yet, so he determined the choice would be a good start.

  They were taken to a corner table and sat down across from each other in the booth. Beth opened her menu before ordering a drink and didn't notice the waitress approach. Immediately this concerned Sean. If she wasn't paying attention to her surroundings and she couldn't hear, she left herself vulnerable to harm. It would seem to him that someone who couldn't hear would be more aware of their environment.

  Sean reached across the table and gently tugged on the menu. Her eyes swung up, and he jerked his head in the direction of the waitress.

  "What can I get you to drink?" the young girl asked politely.

  "Ummm," she looked to him.

  "I'll take whatever bottled beer you have on special tonight," he answered.

  Beth turned back to the girl. "I'll take a margarita on the rocks."

  Unexpectedly she turned to him as if asking for approval. Nodding his encouragement, he considered how odd that was for a woman who was extremely independent, as far as he could tell.

  When the waitress left, he couldn't help himself, he had to ask, "Do you live alone?"

  She tilted her head to the side, confused by the question. Absolutely adorable. She furrowed her brow. "Yes, why do you ask?"

  "Curious," he answered factually. Clearly self-sufficient, yet she sought approval. Why?

  They perused the menu for a few minutes, and when the waitress returned with their drinks, they both ordered steaks for dinner. Sean was impressed Beth decided on a healthy meal. How many women had he gone out with who ate like rabbits?

  After the waitress left, Sean and Beth settled in. For the first time in years, Sean felt his palms and pits sweat. What. The. Hell. Closing his eyes, he calmed himself. When he opened them, he caught Beth scanning the room until her gaze swung back to him. Those full lips curved upward in a small smile. Man, he wanted a real taste of her. Those small pecks were nothing more than horrible teases.

  "How long have you worked at the hospital?" she asked, her voice quiet.

  "Ummm…" How long had it been since he started at the hospital? "A little over five years now."

  She nodded. "Do you like it?"

  "I do, though there are times when it's exhausting." He leaned back a bit, feeling more comfortable and less anxious. Funny he could take down a group of terrorists without blinking an eye, but come face to face with this gorgeous woman, and he lost his common sense. "My cousin is pushing me to open my own clinic so I don't have to work the awful hours, but I'm not sure I want to take on that task at my age."

  "Thirty-nine isn't old," she argued.

  "Said the beautiful woman eleven years younger," he joked.

  Beth smiled bashfully and looked away. "It really wouldn't be that hard for you. Depending on where you decided to open an office, you could do quite well."

  Caught up in her soft, angelic tone and her profile, he considered she should model. Well, except for the fact she barely registered five feet tall. But her striking look he could see on magazine stands everywhere.

  While he stared, her face turned a lovely pink, which he noticed happened often. The poor thing wouldn't be able to hide any embarrassment. "How long have you worked at the hospital?" he asked, when she turned back to him.

  "Eight years," she answered. "I started right after I graduated from business school. I worked as an administrative assistant for the president."

  What was she doing working in the insurance department? Wasn't that a demotion? He wanted to ask, but wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. Change the subject. "Do you have any siblings?"

  She shook her head. "No. I'm an only child." She smiled indulgently, her eyes lighting up, causing the blue to look as if it glowed. "I'm a daddy's girl. He worries about me. If I don't check in at least every other day, he'll hunt me down, scream and yell. It only took one time for that to happen for the lesson to be learned."

  Sean chuckled with her. "My brother and I are mamma's boys. She's the best. We felt terrible leaving her when we went into the navy together, but she handled it well. She's a tough woman."

  Beth grinned. "I like that in a mom."

  "Absolutely," he agreed. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Pulling it out, he checked the caller ID. Courtney. Shit, she was going to be pissed. He’d canceled on her again tonight. Afraid of her wrath, he’d done it by email instead of calling. It was a dick move, but he knew her too well to know the guilt trip that would be laid on him. Well, maybe if he explained what his plans were she’d understand. He should give her the benefit of the doubt. Courtney did have her moments of compassion...recently.

  “You can take that if you need to,” Beth said softly.

  They were in the middle of a date, but she didn’t pitch a fit over his phone call like the countless women he’d gone out with tended to do. She probably considered it was the hospital, yet she was all right with that.

  “It’s just my cousin. I’ll call her back later,” he said.

  “Are you close to your cousin?” she asked.

  “Very. She’s more like a sister to me. We grew up together and took on the big brother roles while my uncle was away in the Marines. We were raised to watch over her. Of course that changed when we went into the Navy. But when we returned, we picked up like we’d never left. Ryan and I are the godfathers to her two kids. I love those two,” he said. He could hear the joy in his own tone as he spoke of Courtney and her two babes.

  While he spoke, he watched her keep a close on his mouth. He liked that...a lot.

  “I’m not very close to my cousins,” she said, her voice hushed. Was that a result of her hearing loss?

  “That’s too bad,” Sean said.

  Shrugging, she said, “They all live in different places throughout the US, and my parents didn't like to travel, so I never really got to know them.”

  “We lived within biking distance of each other,” he said.

  “Are your mothers sisters?” she asked.

  He shook his head. “No, our fathers are brothers. They're just as close as Ryan and I are.” Which was why he and his brother were bonded the way they were. Their dads instilled it into them since the day Ryan was born. In fact, they re-enforced that at every opportunity. Sean and Ryan did everything together while growing up. Football, puberty, baseball, dating, weight lifting. At a young ag
e, they'd decided to share a bedroom even though it wasn't necessary. They worked at the same supermarket together while in high school. He wanted money for his mustang, and Ryan wanted money for whatever he felt like blowing it on. As they grew, their bond grew stronger, like they shared one mind. They woke at the same time in the mornings. They became tired at the same time at night. They finished each other's sentences and even knew what the other was thinking without having to speak a word. When Sean needed to join the military, the only way he could afford his medical doctorate, it was a no-brainer that Ryan would follow. Sean would have done the same if the roles were reversed. They were two halves of a whole that couldn't be separated.

  She glanced away, a small downturn of her mouth. “I wish I had a brother. You know, someone who I could go to when I need to talk. A brother who’d wrap me up when I got picked on in school, then beat up the jerk. A guy who I could call to fix the toilet or change the oil in my car.” She snorted and turned back to him. “Kind of wrong, huh?”

  “Not at all,” he said. Ryan would totally fit that bill. Hold up. Where did that come from? “You wouldn’t want a sister?” Courtney would totally fill that role. WTF, Sean? Knock off the nonsense thoughts. It’s only one date.

  Beth toyed with the wrapped silverware. “I don’t get along with women too well.”

  That didn’t surprise him. Look at her. A raven-haired beauty with a voluptuous hourglass figure. Women could be wicked jealous.

  They were interrupted by the waitress serving their salads. They continued light conversation throughout dinner, but Sean didn’t really learn too much about Beth. She refused to divulge any mundane, detailed information about herself. They did discuss minute topics like favorite tv shows and favorite movies, though he felt himself sadden at the fact she hadn’t been to a movie theater in over four years. She admitted she waited for DVD’s to come out and rent the movies with subtitles.

  “It’s difficult for me to read lips on someone when they’re not right in front of me. I’m still learning,” she said.