Anywhere But Here

by Remmy Duchene

“Then what do you mean, Chad? All this going around is making my head hurt even more.”

  He felt it the moment Chad left him. The doctor’s larger than life presence was gone, and the air shifted in the room. John squeezed his eyes closed tighter and massaged his temples.

  The bed sank in slightly at one side, the sound of something light hitting the sheets beside him was followed by Chad’s weight over him and Chad’s mouth on his. Without opening his eyes, John lowered his hands to his side, spread his lips to allow Chad’s tongue, and moaned. The kiss was better than the others. It was soft at first, then wilder as their breathing became harder and faster. John gripped the sheets instead of touching Chad, for if Chad wished to stop he wouldn’t complain out loud.

  “They say sex helps with a migraine,” Chad whispered. “Here’s your chance to say no and I will give you a pill.”

  “The choice is between your body or a pill.” John shook his head. “There is no competition.”

  “Is that right?”

  John opened his eyes and smiled up at Chad. “Whose name will you scream for me, Chad?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Will I be John or Dilip in your bed?”

  “You can be whatever you want to be,” Chad replied, brushing his lips softly to John’s forehead.

  “I prefer to be John for you,” John said, sighing at the heat that gentle action caused.

  Chad pushed to his knees and began slowly removing John’s clothes. John felt open and vulnerable to Chad’s eyes, the tips of his fingers and his mouth. Still, he remained still, allowing Chad to look at his body. A slow heat rose through John from the tips of his toes, then coursed through his veins. He trembled.

  “Chad…”

  “Yes, John?”

  A smile tugged at John’s lips—he felt it stretched his whole face. Leaning up, he licked at Chad’s chin before grazing it with his teeth.

  Chad growled in the back of his throat before bowing his head to take John’s lips again. John couldn’t be happier. Each time he kissed Chad, it was better. How was that even possible? Did he feel this good in Anu’s arms? Did Anu’s body awaken in him such beautiful emotions that all he wanted to do was cry?

  That wasn’t possible, for no matter how long of a coma John was in, he knew he could never forget how Chad’s touch made him feel or the fire that Chad’s tongue ignited within him. He moaned and arched his body up to Chad’s lips, enjoying the way they felt on his neck, throat, chest and abs. He sighed and reached for Chad’s shoulders just as Chad found one of his nipples.

  “Chad,” John gasped. “I am so…”

  “Tender?” Chad asked, before flicking the bud with the tip of his tongue.

  “Yes. It feels so good. Please do not stop.”

  But it only got better for Chad sucked on him, leaving him molten against the sheet, panting for air and dragging his nails down Chad’s back. Chad showed the next nipple the same attention then continued his descent. John pushed to his elbow as best he could to watch the top of Chad’s head until Chad was face to face with his dick. John held his breath and whimpered, anticipating what was to come and craving it.

  “Do you know what’s coming, John?” Chad asked, caressing the hairs on John’s thighs.

  John nodded.

  “Speak.”

  “Yes.”

  “What?” Chad trailed a finger to the inside of John’s thighs.

  “You are going to suck me.”

  “And do you want me to?”

  “Oh yes.”

  John trembled. There was something so sexy about being talked to like that during sex. Did he enjoy that before? Was this the slut the coma brought? If that was the case he had the rest of his life to be ashamed. Right now, he simply wanted Chad’s mouth, his hot, wet tongue to swirl around the head of his cock. Taking a breath, he took a chance.

  “I want your tongue,” John whispered so quietly, he wasn’t sure he’d said anything at all.

  “Really? Where?”

  “On the head.”

  Chad licked his lips then opened them. His beautiful, pink tongue lashed at the head of John’s dick, licking at the pre-cum then dragging saliva along the shaft.

  “Yes,” he hissed, holding the back of Chad’s neck and pumping his hips up. To his pleasure, Chad allowed him to control how deep into his throat John went. Sliding all the way into Chad’s mouth sent fire storming through John’s veins. “So good,” he whispered. “Please…”

  Chad stopped momentarily to suck his right index finger wet. John was once more lost in the hot, wet heat of Chad’s mouth even as he found John’s hole with a finger. At first John tensed. Did he like being fucked or would he prefer to be the one giving?

  The finger slid into him, and John’s eyes crossed.

  I definitely love being fucked.

  “Deeper,” John whispered. “Please, go deeper.”

  He rode Chad’s finger and each time he pulled his cock from Chad’s throat, the finger dug deeper and deeper into him. The glorious swirl of desire curled his insides, making his legs shake and his fingers curl in on themselves as if they had their own minds.

  “Chad,” John asked. “I think…” He tried yanking his hips back for he knew he was close.

  But Chad clung to him, forcing him to keep his dick lodged in the hot, tightness of his throat.

  “Chad, you have to le—”

  The words died in his throat as the pressure in him reached the point of no return. Before he could say anything else, his back arched off the bed, every muscle in his body stiffening, and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. The suction on his cock and the finger shoved deep in his ass threatened to drive him mad with pleasure. For what felt like a breathless eternity, he trembled through his climax. Though he felt pulse after pulse of cum leaving his body, having Chad suck him dry seemed like the best way to go.

  “Chad!” he cried. “Let me fall…”

  Chad released him and crawled up his body. They kissed, the salty, tangy taste of his cum filling John’s mouth. He couldn’t pull away—he didn’t want it to end. Their kiss lasted, calming John’s racing heart and lulling him into the most blissful afterward there could be. Moaning, he snuggled into Chad’s chest.

  “I want more,” John said.

  “I know.” Chad kissed his forehead. “But rest now. Hopefully that will take care of your headache. When you wake, we try again, deal?”

  John yawned but smiled. “Deal.”

  Chapter Nine

  For a bit after John started breathing evenly, Chad remained where he was, holding John close to his chest. In another life he could learn to love this man, to be his strength and his weakness. In that world, they could walk down any street, holding hands and not have to be afraid. In that world, everything was good—not perfect—but good.

  They exist in a world where they were in a foreign country where two men holding hands in public could turn deadly. To make matters worse, John had a family and a lover, someone who was probably worried sick but just didn’t know where to turn. The truth was, Chad didn’t wish to stop with just a blowjob. He’d wanted to see how it felt to slam deep into John’s body, to feel that tight hole close around his dick. Chad wanted to hear John scream his name for everyone to know how well Chad was giving it to him. He wanted to hold John’s hand and walk across the world, claiming this man as his.

  John wasn’t his, and that killed a part of Chad. That sobering thought ripped a hole in him he never thought possible.

  Still, he kissed John’s head, caressed his arms gently and basked in the stolen moments he had with someone else’s man—someone else’s Dilip.

  “I can’t be selfish, Dilip,” Chad whispered. “Not when it comes to you. I’d like nothing else but to keep you for myself. To hold onto you until the sun burns out—but I know that can’t be possible. You see, one day I will have to let you go, and when that day comes, please know it will break my heart. And I know in that moment you will see it as me as runnin
g away, as me being a coward. But though my heart is strong, and it powers this body of mine, it really is weak when it comes to you. You can’t hate me for letting you go. You can’t hate me for not staking my claim. The truth about this whole situation is, you were never mine to keep.”

  He waited to see if John would wake or shift but nothing. Chad took that moment to stroke John’s skin, to bask in the imperfections and memorize the perfection. Each time John inhaled his body trembled as Chad’s fingertips trailed the flesh.

  There was never another man who came so alive in Chad’s arms. There probably would never be again. It wasn’t lost in Chad’s mind that John could be his happily ever after, but he couldn’t hang his hat on some teenage fantasies. John had his own shit to sort out, and Chad adding to that was not helpful. As a doctor, Chad knew that like he knew the nose on his face. Yet as a lover, he couldn’t comprehend any of it.

  It wasn’t hard to want John in all the ways that mattered. From his cool dark skin, to the curl of his hair, to that fresh innocence that filled his brown gaze when Chad had started being a little handsy earlier. All of it endeared John to Chad in a way that frightened him. He already knew so many intimate things about the man snoozing in his arms—he knew John’s body was perfect, aside from scarring from his attack. Chad knew John’s cheeks creased into dimples when he grinned so wide, it threatened to swallow his handsome face. He knew the way John’s body quivered as his orgasm built from the very curled tips of his toes before it gushed from his cock. Yes, Chad knew plenty of wonderfully beautiful things about John that he would carry with him for the rest of his days.

  Chad sighed, dropped a kiss against the side of John’s face then his head before closing his eyes. He’d been trying for a while to get some rest, but the possibilities were fresh inside his head. He was John’s doctor, and he’d crossed a line that shouldn’t have been crossed. But he wasn’t sorry—not in the least. Feeling John hot and wild against him was worth everything.

  While John slept, Chad climbed from the bed and made his way into the living room. Being unable to fall asleep left him irritated and pent up. Well, the fact he’d come so close to taking John and hadn’t left him pent up, but things only got worse with the lack of actual sleep. He paced the living room one way then the next. He understood the time difference between him and his sister, but he needed her.

  Where the devil is that phone?

  He found his phone on the center table and scrolled down to find his sister’s numbers. For a breath, he merely stopped at the first one, his hands shaking. Eliza would never judge him based on a decision he made, especially when it came to love and sex, but the fear in him was strong. He tried calling her apartment, but there was no answer so he tried her cell. She picked up immediately but was whispering.

  “Why are you whispering?” he asked.

  “In a library,” she said. “If I talk any louder I get yelled at. What’s up? How are you?”

  “Good. We found John’s brother.”

  “What? How?”

  “Well, technically, he found us.” Chad went through the whole story with her. Eliza was stunned by the end of it. Chad could tell by the way she dragged out the word “wow” then sighed. “I know, right?” Chad said. “What are the chances? Apparently, his name is Dilip Chandra, but he keeps asking me to call him John.”

  “Why?”

  “He doesn’t feel like he knows the name. At least with John it’s only been used for good things. Dilip, he isn’t sure about.”

  “I can understand that. And John is a name you gave him—so, is he gay?”

  Chad chuckled.

  “Well, if he is gay you never know how things could work out in your favor. I mean love doesn’t care if you’re his doctor or not—or is it just lust?”

  “Eliza Priya Holstrom!”

  “What?” She laughed. “I’m trying to get you laid. One would think you’d be a little more grateful at my efforts. Then again, you could argue I do it for selfish reasons.”

  “Selfish reasons?”

  “Well, yeah. I would like some nieces and nephews before I die.”

  Chad groaned.

  “I’m just putting the thought in your head. You can’t be too picky, old man.”

  “You’re a dick, you know that?”

  Eliza giggled. “I’ve been called worse. Seriously though, do you think the father has something to do with this? I mean you did say you suspect shock therapy.”

  “I would stake my reputation on it,” Chad replied. “And why in the hell would he put his family through that? Even if he didn’t care he had to have known it would hurt the brother. Why come home and tell your family John’s dead? What are you trying to hide?”

  Eliza sighed. “And you think it’s because John—er—Dilip is gay?”

  “Most likely. Nimal said they went to school in France. John is actually Dilip Chandra, lawyer. So it couldn’t be that he disappointed his father in the education or making something positive out of his life department.”

  “No, please no!” John’s voice shouted from the bedroom.

  “What was that?” Eliza asked.

  “It was John.”

  “Please!” John shouted.

  “Shit, Lizzie, I gotta go!” Chad shouted.

  “Go? But—”

  “No!” John yelled.

  There was no time to explain. He didn’t even hang up. Chad dropped the phone and rushed into the bedroom. He was ready for a fight, but John was alone and thrashing about on the bed. He quickly climbed into the bed and pulled John into his arms. It wasn’t easy, for the man kept trying to get away from him.

  “It’s okay, John,” Chad murmured, brushing his lips against the back of John’s neck. “I’m here. You’re safe.”

  “Please no…”

  The sadness in John’s voice then broke Chad’s heart. It couldn’t just be a nightmare. There had to be more. Though he was tempted to wake John up, he didn’t. If John could get something out of what was happening inside his head in that moment, Chad would leave him.

  “I’m here,” Chad whispered again, this time kissing the back of John’s neck. “There’s no need to be—”

  “Chad.” John’s voice was soft then, almost as if he was speaking to a lover. “Baby…”

  Lifting his head, Chad looked over to see John was still asleep. Now, he had a smile on his lips even as he murmured Chad’s name. Chad caressed John’s bare shoulder, dragging a finger down John’s arm until he reached John’s thumb. He then snaked the hand across to John’s cock. To his surprise, it was hard and dripping pre-cum.

  With a smile, Chad stroked it. John moaned.

  “Please, Chad,” John said sweetly. “Please make me come.”

  ****

  John drifted off to sleep once more. This time the nightmare came slowly from the back of his mind then slammed into him like a train. He gasped and jerked awake, reaching for Chad, who immediately came to him.

  “Chad,” John trembled, snuggling into Chad’s large chest. “I remember something.”

  “That’s a good thing.”

  John sat up and curled his legs beneath him. He wasn’t sure how much he should tell Chad, but how could he not? Chad has been nothing but supportive, and kind, and even when John merely wanted to jump his bones, and John could tell Chad wanted the same, Chad had controlled himself. He licked his lips and tilted his head. “I remember Anu. I remember the way I felt when I was in his arms…”

  Chad bowed his head, and John could tell his heart was breaking to hear that.

  “He—um—he was never as generous as you. What I felt with him was—anyway, I was in bed with him when my father arrived,” John said. “I still cannot see his face, but I know his voice. I know that sensation of being a child in your father’s wrath. Someone grabbed me, and my father went for Anu. I do not know what happened next, but I heard this loud bang—like a car backfiring…”

  “A gunshot?”

  John shook his head. He couldn�
��t remember seeing a weapon. But it could have been a gunshot. “I do not remember.” He turned to look into Chad’s eyes. He needed some reassurance that he didn’t have the blood of such an evil person flowing through his veins. If what he had heard was a gunshot, Anu was dead. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to find John—it was that he couldn’t.

  “I’m sorry, John.” Chad pulled him close. “No, we shouldn’t jump to conclusions yet. We should speak to Nimal and see if he knows where Anu lives. Maybe we can pick up a clue.”

  “You would do that for me?” John eased back to see his face.

  “I knew going into this, John, that you weren’t mine to keep,” Chad said, his voice cracking. “I knew there was a chance you belonged to someone else. But my body—just know that when we find Anu, if you wish to go back to him I won’t stand in your way.”

  “Why would you give me up so easily? How could you?”

  “It would all depends on where you would be happiest, John. In his arms or mine.”

  John climbed from the bed then and locked himself in the bathroom. Sure, they’d known each other for a bit over a month, and Chad has proven himself to be the perfect gentleman. But could he really believe Chad would walk away that easily if he asked? And would John be able to handle that?

  He felt something for Chad—John lifted the toilet seat and positioned himself to take a leak—something that confused him and at first scared him. He couldn’t have fallen for a man so out of his league. How was that possible?

  But it wasn’t hard. Chad was handsome, educated, kind—played the guitar. After he came out of his coma, John would lie awake, pretending to be asleep as Chad played some beautiful melodies for him. The moment he opened his eyes, Chad stopped and each time that happened, John wanted to cry.

  No, it wasn’t hard to love a man who played his lover’s body as well as he did that guitar.

  After flushing, John washed his hands and dried it in a towel. He tapped his face as he peered into his eyes in the mirror. “There is some good to be had here, Dilip Chandra.”

  Even then the name didn’t fit.

  With a sigh, he exited the bathroom to find the bedroom empty. John wandered out to find Chad standing on the balcony, shirtless and magnificent in the early moonlight. The lights around Negombo scattered across the landscape like fireflies, blinking through the dark.