Anywhere But Here

by Remmy Duchene

  Taking a chance, he wrapped his arms around Chad from behind. “I am sorry.”

  “What for?”

  “For getting you into this. For giving my body to you when I know there was a chance I could hurt you.”

  “Never apologize for giving yourself to me, John,” Chad said. “Because I’m not gentleman enough to regret taking it.”

  “Where does this leave us?”

  Chad’s body rose and fell with a deep inhalation and a long exhalation. He covered John’s hand that rested against his abs with one of his but didn’t speak.

  “I may not remember much or know much, but I do know that I want to stay here, with you,” John admitted.

  “Why?”

  “What do you mean why?”

  “Is it because I saved your life, John? Because that requires no loyalties or commitments.”

  John released him and stepped to the side. “Look at me.”

  Chad didn’t move.

  “Look at me!” John slapped him hard against the shoulder.

  When Chad snapped to, John leaned in. “I am not staying because of some misguided feeling of guilt. I am staying because your kiss sets my body on fire, because a touch from you makes everything right. Because … because something wonderful is happening between us, and I yearn for that.”

  “Can we cross that bridge when we get to it?”

  “You do not want me like that—you…” John hung his head. He wished he could say that realization didn’t hurt, but it was worse than his broken arm. “Wow. I did not mean to sound so needy just now.”

  “That’s not it.”

  “Then what?”

  “I do not wish to fall deeper for you then have you leave in the end.” Chad lifted a hand to silence John. “I’m trying to control this situation, and it gets harder with each moment I spend with you. I know you say you wish to be here now. But I will not hold you to that until everything is straightened out. I want it so that when you choose to come to me, to give yourself to me completely, it will be without reservation.”

  “Very well.” John licked his lips. “I will take that deal with one stipulation. That for the time being, I can give my body to you. I know in the end I will not leave your side even if you think I should. I know what I feel.” He stood before Chad and slowly hunched downward, dragging his palms down Chad’s body. “I know what I want.”

  He began undoing Chad’s belt.

  “Tell me to stop.” John looked up into Chad’s eyes, daring him to decline. Even as he loosened the button and dragged the zipper of the jeans down, he kept his gaze locked with Chad’s. It wasn’t hard to find the hard bulge through Chad’s boxers, and he dragged his teeth along the clothed outline.

  Chad hissed.

  John repeated his action to watch the way Chad’s eyes rolled back and his lips parted. It was a beautiful sight, watching this muscled god tremble beneath John’s hands and mouth.

  “Do you know what you’re doing?” Chad asked.

  “Shhh. I would like to seduce you now.”

  “You would?”

  “Yes.” John found the head of his dick and sucked through the boxer’s material. “I think I am going to enjoy having control.”

  “Well, then.” Chad stretched his arms out along the railing. He smirked down at John. “By all means. Have your way.”

  Chapter Ten

  Chad bowed his head to watch as John removed Chad’s hard cock from his pants. He couldn’t believe that he was already so aroused by the simple things John had done. That had never happened before with another guy. His previous lover had to work for Chad’s cock to even spring to life, yet here he was, standing on a balcony with the most beautiful man of them all, already rock solid before John even opened his mouth. Between their first kiss and the very moment he stood on the hotel’s balcony, anticipating John’s mouth on him, Chad knew John had changed. It could also mean John was finally coming into himself again, remembering what it felt like to be Dilip. That caused some sadness in him, for though he knew Dilip had to come back, the thought John had to die was a little more than Chad could bear.

  To quell the wave of melancholy that surged through him for a brief second, he reached down to drag his fingers through John’s hair. It’d become long, leaving him with a dangerously wild look that turned Chad on way more than a little bit.

  Then John looked up at him with a look that must be one that the lions give their prey before devouring it. It was an expression that told Chad he was about to be owned, and he loved it immensely. John took a breath. His shoulders rose and fell, and then he pulled Chad’s dick into his mouth. All Chad could do was allow his eyes to cross and grip the railing behind him to stay on his feet. Having John’s mouth on him was unbelievable. It was hot, sloppy, merciless, all the things Chad craved in a blowjob. He loved the feeling of warm saliva running down his balls and turning cold between his legs. But he hadn’t dared demand that from previous lovers. That fear was always in bed with them—the fear of being an amorous outcast.

  With the sounds of the street behind him, Chad gave himself over to John, allowing this man to take control of his body. From the passing of John’s tongue over the tender head of his dick, to the soft slurping sounds to the groans John made, all of it had Chad melting into bliss. He wanted so much to hold the back of John’s head, but this wasn’t about him. This was about John, taking control. Chad didn’t know why, but that was important to John.

  Tossing his head back, he sighed, gritting his teeth and trying his best to hold back the orgasm that started building out of fire at the tips of his toes. But after John took his balls in one hand and skillfully played them around, his breathing went into overdrive.

  “John…”

  But the little devil pulled back, leaving Chad panting, and arching, trying to get John’s beautiful lips back around his cock. “Oh, that’s not okay,” Chad whimpered.

  “Do you want to come?” John asked, sucking against his index finger. He used the other hand to trail down Chad’s quivering abs. “Tell me. Where do you want to leave your mark on me?”

  Chad sighed, ground his teeth, and shook his head as their eyes met. “John, this—”

  “Think you are the only one who likes it a little freaky, Chad?” He pumped the finger in and out of his mouth. “I know you want release. And I would love to give it to you, so tell me what I need to hear.”

  “Okay,” Chad whispered. He licked his lips. “I don’t…”

  “Turn around, Chad.”

  “What?”

  “Face my city.”

  Chad spun to press his chest to the railing. He wasn’t sure what John was up to, so he held his breath. When John palmed both his ass-cheeks, Chad tilted his head. Then he felt it. John spread his cheeks and licked him slowly from end to end. Chad tossed his head back and chewed on his lips trying to stifle a cry of euphoria. Each pass of John’s tongue over his hole had him shaking, and there was no way to control it. It seems his disobedience to John’s demand would be his amazing undoing, and he wanted more.

  “Stick your tongue in—oh shit yes!” Chad drove his hips back. He couldn’t get John’s tongue deep enough no matter how hard he tried.

  “There’s something new I have learned about you, Chad,” John said, softly, leaving a kiss at the mouth of Chad’s hole.

  “What—what’s that?”

  “You like getting fucked. Am I right?”

  “Well…”

  John slipped a finger into him then.

  Chad went silent as the finger left him only to be thrust in once more, harder. His toes curled, and a shout he never thought could leave a man’s body erupted from his soul. Bowing his head forward, he squeezed his eyes close, and arched his back so John could go deeper. It’d been so long—so very long since he’d been taken, and to have it be by John was a lot sexier than he could have imagined.

  John brought him to the very edge again then pulled the finger back. He turned to see John standing with his back aga
inst the wall and the same finger he’d used to break Chad’s world apart between his lips.

  “Yes.” Chad managed. “I love getting fucked. It has been a while for me.”

  John smiled. “And?”

  “I want you to make me come—all over your wonderful chest.”

  “Was that so hard?”

  Chad looked down at his cock that bobbed up and down at the idea of seeing white cum all over John’s dark skin. “As a matter of fact—it’s so hard it’s pulsing.”

  John laughed. “Okay, baby. Let me kiss it better.”

  Without complaining, Chad braced himself. John slipped to his knees again. This time, John folded his arms at his back and used only his mouth. Chad held onto the railing once more and watched John’s mouth go on and off his dick. Each time he was engulfed in the heat of John’s mouth, the head of his cock tickled the back of John’s throat. Unable to stop himself, he closed his eyes and allowed John to pulled him inch by glorious inch toward that undoing he so desperately craved.

  “John, I’m coming. You’re making me…”

  John kept sucking on him while playing with his balls with one hand and caressing his thigh with the other. When he was sure he would explode if John kept going, John pulled away.

  It was as if his body was in tune with John’s mouth, for although John was no longer sucking on him, Chad’s cock didn’t seem to realize that. It twitched and spurted sticky jizz all over John’s chest. Seeing that, heightened the sensations going through Chad’s body, and all he could do was hang on for dear life.

  “John!” Chad shouted. “Fuck!”

  He became dazed with his pleasure, but he could still feel John leaving him. Even though he wanted to reach out for John, Chad was too weak. John’s absence wasn’t for long, for soon he was back and turning Chad around. There was the rustling of plastic, and Chad knew what was happening. He spread his legs a little wider.

  “You told me you wanted to get fucked,” John said against Chad’s ear before biting it. “Did you mean that?”

  “Yes.”

  “Very well then.” John lathered some lube against Chad’s hole. He pushed the head in, making Chad catch his breath. “Your wish—” He pushed a little deeper. “Is my command.”

  Chad banged his fist against the railing. He had no words for how good it felt having John slide slowly into him, filling him perfectly.

  “You are so—tight.”

  “Do you like that?” Chad asked.

  “So—very—much!”

  They both held onto the railing as John fucked him. He started out slowly at first, but then just before Chad wanted to complain, John’s hips picked up speed. He drilled Chad from behind so good, Chad had his mouth opened to scream but all he managed was a hoarse growl. His neck fell forward. He couldn’t control it as drool slipped out one side of his mouth.

  John’s name became a mantra that spewed from his lips. Reaching back, he dug his nails into John’s thighs even as John kissed at his shoulders and neck. Chad whimpered, he moaned, he arched his back to take his lover deeper and deeper. When he looked down, his hard dick was pushing through the rails, precum dripping from the head over the side. A small voice in the back of his head worried about being caught, but it was quickly silenced by John’s cock hitting that very special spot repeatedly.

  “Come for me, Chad,” John said, close to his ears.

  “Keep fucking me!” Chad pleaded.

  When his body broke down under John’s skillful hips, Chad was delirious. He watched helplessly as his cum spurted from the head of his cock and danced in the hot breeze. He wasn’t sure where the drops would land, but having John still so deep inside him, didn’t give him much brain power to care. He reached up and back to wrap his fingers around the back of John’s head. He curled his neck to the side and back to get John’s mouth on his. They kissed until Chad felt the condom expand inside him.

  John wrenched his lips away. “Chad!” he shouted.

  His name echoed off the hotel’s walls then ricocheted off the air around them. Hearing John call out his name in the throes of passion did something remarkably magical to him. Chad sighed and eased his ass off John’s dick. As they kissed again, Chad peeled the condom from his lover and backed John into the hotel. He stopped long enough to close the door, then led John right into the bathroom.

  Chapter Eleven

  It was amazing how making love to a man he had true feelings for made John feel. It was as if he was the sexiest creature to ever walk the earth. At Chad’s side he walked a little taller; he remembered things a little bit more vividly; he spoke more politely and smiled more. Nimal commented on it, wondering out loud what had gotten into Dilip.

  John merely smiled wider, keeping his secrets—the fact that Chad allowed John control in their bed play. He’d stood against that railing and let John have his way, not once grabbing the back of John’s head like Anu used to. And even as Chad gave up his ass, John couldn’t help feeling honored. He could tell Chad hadn’t lied about not allowing anyone to top him for a while, for Chad was tight—very, very tight.

  “I know I was not your first,” John had said after they got out of the shower and stumbled onto the bed. “But it felt like I was, and I will always treasure that.”

  Chad had kissed him.

  John remembered more and more with each day to pass in Sri Lanka, but there was still darkness around what happened to Anu and what happened after his father and uncle broke into Anu’s place.

  After about a week, Chad brought up going to Anu’s place. Nimal wasn’t sure that was wise since apparently their father had taken it upon himself to drive by the place at least twice a day. John wondered why that was—if Dilip was dead and Anu no longer in lust with him, why would anyone still be lurking around?

  Something happened that night, something that was playing on his father’s conscience.

  With Chad gone out for a run, John sat on the edge of the bed they’d been sharing for a week and lifted the sheets to his nose. It had Chad’s scent already ingrained in the freshly washed sheets. John inhaled deeply, trying to memorize the strength in his scent.

  “I was never in love with Anu,” John mused softly to himself. “What I felt for him was not quite love. It came close.”

  He peeled his shirt over his head and dropped it on the bed before ruffling his hair with a hand. “Sex with him never blew my mind. It never made me feel unashamed of who I was.”

  With Chad, there was no shame, no guilt—it was all pure pleasure.

  A knock sounded at the door, and John whirled to look in the direction of the front door. Chad wouldn’t knock—Chad had a key. Inhaling deeply, he drew his shirt back on and inched his way to peek through the hole. When he saw Nimal’s face on the other side, he hesitated. What if this man waited for Chad to leave before bringing their father over? Sure, it’d been weeks since they’d been there, but the fear was still very real to John. He shook his head and allowed Nimal in.

  “I brought you these,” Nimal said, handing over the small basket he carried.

  “What—rambutans!” John cheered, closing the door. “I love these!”

  “You remember?” Nimal asked.

  John led his brother into the small kitchenette. He took one of the fruits, popped the head off then sucked the center out. After eating the nectar from around the pit, he spat the hard bit into the garbage can.

  “Look, Nimal…” He paused, debating how much he should tell him. “You said you were okay with my homosexuality…”

  “I was—I am. Much more now that I know what it feels like not having you here.”

  “Chad and I are sleeping together,” John said. “No, he did not force himself on me. I wanted it to happen. He is very protective of me, and … I remember playing on the beach with you, lying in the sun as you and Father cut me a fresh coconut. I remember the anger he had in his eyes when I came out and the way you stepped in front of me when you thought he would hit me. I remember being in bed with Anu
the night Father and Chandu burst into his condo. They dragged us out of each other’s arms and as I screamed and tried getting to Anu I was beaten. I think—I am not certain—but I think they killed Anu. That is why Father keeps driving by his place.”

  “Dilip.”

  John winced and turned his face away hoping that reaching for another rambutan would cover his discomfort for his own name.

  “Have you spoken to Chad about what you remember?”

  “Yes.”

  “All of what you remember?” Nimal pressed.

  “Yes. All of what I remember.” The irritation was evident in his voice, for John made no attempt at hiding it. He’d given Chad his body, so why then would he hide his thoughts from this same man?

  “And what did he have to say?”

  “As a doctor or as a lover?”

  Nimal smiled, his brown eyes shimmering mischievously for a moment. “As a lover…”

  “He wants to take me home—back to his home. He wants to protect me from every bad thing that will ever happen to me. But as a lover he is also left with the dread that it is impossible to shield me from everything.”

  “Makes sense. And as a doctor?”

  “He thinks going to Anu’s place may be beneficial to all my memories coming back.”

  “Now he is conflicted because he has fallen in love with you.”

  John arched a brow and stared at his brother. “What? No, he has not.”

  “Is that what he is telling you when he takes you in his arms at night?” Nimal questioned bravely. “Is that what he tells you as he takes your body? Straight or gay, love looks the same on every man. He can hide many things from those around him. But not the love he feels for his lover. I see the way he looks at you. I hope I would find a woman to look at me that way. As if I am the sun, the moon, and the stars all rolled into one amazing ball of bliss. His eyes change color. They heat and fill with pride whenever you laugh or say something particularly clever. He touches you every chance he gets, even when in public, from the small of your back even to your shoulder. He reaches for your pinky finger in the elevator when it is crowded. I bet that’s his way of claiming you, of reminding you he is there and you are not alone and you are his. Trust me, Dilip, he loves you. And yes, I’ve noticed it all.”