Wildest Dreams

by Rosanne Bittner

  "Hello, son," Lettie spoke up.

  He nodded. "Mother."

  Mother! At last he had called her mother. Lettie struggled against a need to run to him, embrace him, but he was a stranger, a grown man, so tall and strong and handsome! She could hardly believe this was her son. A little part of her was stunned at how much he looked like the man who had given him life. It brought back the memory of that night of horror, but she reminded herself that Nathan was innocent of that awful night. He was life, a grown-up human being who need never know the truth of his beginnings. She glanced at Katie, warning her with her eyes she must never tell. Katie only smiled through tears. She seemed to understand how she felt.

  She looked back at Nathan, whose blond hair was tied into a tail at the back of his neck. He wore cotton pants and a calico shirt with knee-high winter moccasins and a doeskin vest. How strange to feel so nervous around her own son. "I... I'm so glad you came. Ever since you left eight years ago, we've been so worried, Nathan, wondering if you were all right. We were even going to try to find you this summer."

  Nathan glanced at his siblings. He could not help sensing Tyler's animosity since he had arrived, understood it to some extent. Robbie and Katie had been good to him, but he knew Tyler would rather he left, and he would, if he thought he could stand living on the reservation the rest of his life. He looked back at his mother. "I was in Canada for five years after the Battle of the Greasy Grass."

  "Greasy Grass?"

  "The Little Big Horn," Luke explained. He walked past them to the fireplace to roll himself a cigarette from tobacco and papers he kept there.

  "You were there?" Lettie asked, her eyes wide with wonder.

  Lettie saw it then—a quick flash in Nathan's eyes—the Indian spirit drilled into him that brought forth a certain pride, a hatred for soldiers like George Custer.

  "I was there," he answered, holding his chin proudly. "It is no use trying to explain to any white man why it happened. No white man wants to hear the Indian side of it."

  "But you are white," Tyler reminded him.

  Nathan met his brother's eyes, put a fist to his chest. "Not in here."

  "Then what the hell are you doing here?" Tyler asked.

  Lettie cast him a quick look of chastisement. "He's here because he's our son and your brother!" she snapped. "If he feels more like a Sioux, who can blame him? He was raised by them!" She looked back at Nathan. "I don't care why you're here, Nathan, or how Indian you are, or even if you have no feelings for me as a mother. It doesn't change how I feel about you. I will always love you just the same as I loved the little four-year-old boy who was stolen away from me all those years ago. Whatever the reason, I'm glad you're here, glad to be able to see you again and know you're all right." She quickly wiped at tears with her fingers. "How is it you speak English now?"

  "For three years I have lived on the reservation. Missionaries were there. I learned more quickly than the others because as I took the lessons, many of the words came back to me from when I was small." He glanced at Luke, who nodded to him reassuringly, then he looked around at the others, back to his mother. "I know that my brother Tyler thinks I have come here because my white father is an important man and rich in white man's money, but I do not care about these things. I only care about my family."

  "Family! Do you have children?"

  "A daughter and a son. They are called Sweet Grass and Runner, but the missionaries made us give them white names. The girl is four summers. She is called Julie, after the white woman who teaches them; our son is two summers. He is named Luke, because it was the only white man's name I could think of."

  Tyler's anger only increased at the news. He had always thought he would name his own first son after Luke. Now Nathan had stolen that honor from him.

  Lettie looked at Luke, more tears wanting to come. "Do you hear that, Luke? We have two more grandchildren! Four grandchildren!" She looked back at Nathan. "Oh, Nathan, I'm so glad for you. Why aren't they with you? Where is your wife?"

  He looked around the room, feeling out of place in the fancy home. "My wife is called Little Bird. The missionaries gave her the name of Leena. She and my children are still at the reservation at the Cheyenne River in the Dakotas. The government would not let them leave with me. Only I could leave because I am white. I need special written permission to bring them out of there, from a white man who will agree to take charge of them." His eyes began to glitter with anger. "None of you can know how bad life is on the reservation. My people are starving. They do not have enough clothes and blankets. The meat they bring us is rotten. Many drink themselves to death or shoot themselves because they cannot bear having to stay on one little piece of land taking handouts from the white man and eating rotten food. The men are forced to plow the ground like women, and the children are taken away to a special school in the East where many of them die of white man's disease or of broken hearts. The white teachers there cut their hair and make them wear white man's clothes, and they beat them for speaking in the Sioux tongue. I am sorry for my people, but the missionaries helped me understand that as one man there is little I can do. They told me that because of my white mother and father, there is a way for me to take my family out of there and have a better life, and I realized they were right. I remembered you and Luke told me that if I ever wanted to come back here, I would be welcome."

  Luke stood smoking quietly by the fireplace. He watched Lettie's eyes light up with joy, and he knew what this meant to her.

  "Oh, yes, Nathan! I can't think of anything more wonderful than having you and your wife and our grandchildren right here at the Double L!"

  Nathan looked over at Tyler. "I am not here to take any of my father's wealth. I only want my family to be safe, to have enough to eat, to be warm in winter. I do not want to worry about the government taking my children from me." He moved his gaze back to Lettie. "I only want a place to live. I will work. I will not just sit here. I will help my father. I am good with horses, but I know nothing about what to do with cattle. I can learn."

  "Of course you can learn!" Lettie broke into tears, turning away for a moment to get control of herself. Luke walked over to put an arm around her.

  "There is one more thing," Nathan told them.

  Lettie wiped at her eyes, and Luke held her close to his side. "What is that?" he asked.

  "There is one more person I would like to bring here. She is Sioux. Her name is Morning Sun, but her white name is Ramona. She is my sister, youngest daughter of Half Nose, who died not long after I left here the first time. That is why I left sooner than I had promised. My father's brother came in the night to tell me Half Nose was very ill. I went to be with him."

  A wave of emotions swept through Luke. Half Nose. He had hated the man for so many years. Now he was expected to turn around and take in the man's daughter. What an ironic twist of fate. "How old is she?" he asked.

  "She will be sixteen summers when the snow is off the ground and the sun is hot again."

  Katie smiled at the odd way Nathan had of expressing himself.

  "Well, a lot of people aren't going to like the fact that I have Indians living here on the Double L," Luke answered, "but I've gone against the majority more than once since I came here, so I guess they'll just have to learn to live with this, too."

  Lettie looked at him, realizing it was not easy for him to give shelter to Indians. They had stolen his son away. Now he would have to put up with crude remarks from others for allowing Indians to live at his ranch, but maybe most would understand, realizing what it meant to her to have her son back. "Thank you, Luke." She looked at Nathan. "When will you bring them?"

  "In the summer. I will need a written letter from Luke to show to the reservation agent. As soon as the letter is ready, I will go back. The agent promised my children would not be taken away while I am gone, but I do not trust him. I am afraid for them."

  "Then Luke will go into Billings and send a wire to the reservation, demanding that nothing be don
e until you get back. Luke is an important man, Nathan. If he tells them to keep the children there, they will do it."

  Nathan met Luke's gaze. "I am grateful."

  "You will at least stay with us for Christmas, won't you, Nathan?" Lettie asked. "It's only two days away. Are you... are you Christian?"

  He folded his arms. "As I learned the white man's religion from the missionaries, I came to see that it is not so different from the Sioux. We all believe in a Great Being who watches us from above and listens to our prayers. Yes, I am Christian, but I am also Sioux, and there are many Indian beliefs that will never leave me."

  Luke walked back to the fireplace. He took a deep drag on his cigarette, then threw it into the hearth and faced the rest of his children. "I don't know exactly how all of you feel about this, but it's my decision," he told them. "I'm letting Nathan bring his family and his step-sister here to live." He looked at Tyler. "All of you know how important this is to your mother. When I met and fell in love with her, I also loved and accepted Nathan as my own because he was her son, and I knew how much she loved him." He directed his gaze at Tyler. "For more reasons than you know, I vowed never to let Lettie's son feel any less loved or accepted than any of our own children. I will not cheat any son of mine out of what is rightfully his, but I will be fair about who has earned the right to this ranch and take into consideration whether or not each child even wants a part of this ranch. Tyler, we all know who has earned that right more than any other. You ought to trust me enough to know I would never take anything from you that you honestly deserve, nor could any other child change the way I feel about you or how proud I am of you or the special relationship we've always had."

  He looked at Robbie. "That doesn't mean Tyler is any more special than you, Robbie, or Katie or Pearl, and Nathan isn't any more special just because he's the long-lost son. You're all my children, all loved the same."

  "Pa, none of us expects... I mean, I hope you don't think we're greedy or sitting around waiting for an inheritance," Katie spoke up.

  Luke sighed. "I know that. I'm just saying that this family has always been close, and I don't want Nathan's arrival to bring on any unwarranted hard feelings or worries that somehow he's going to take anyone's place. Tyler, you're in charge of the Double L now when I'm gone, and that won't change. I want you to help Nathan learn the ropes. With having to travel more, I won't have time for it. You heard Nathan's reasons for wanting to be here, and it has nothing to do with money. His children are Lettie's and my grandchildren, your niece and nephew. I will not let them go hungry or be taken away to some damn school back East where they get a beating just for being themselves, nor will I allow them to be abused or treated rudely while living here. Is that understood?"

  "Of course it is, Pa," Katie answered.

  Luke watched Tyler. He knew his son was good-hearted and understood the importance of family, but he could also see that he still felt somehow pushed out of place. "Above ail else, we're all Fontaines. We're family, and we'll support each other and help each other and defend each other." He looked over at Nathan. "The same goes for you, Nathan, once you come back here. I understand that you feel more like a Sioux, that you consider them your family. But the fact remains that we are your family. I don't want you treating your brothers and sisters or your mother as though they are some kind of hated enemy."

  Nathan nodded, glancing at Tyler again. "I am a Fontaine." He looked at Luke then. "But I will always have a place in my heart for the people who raised me. It was wrong for them to steal me away. I know this. But Half Nose was good to me. I thought of him as my father for many years, and I wept when he died." He looked at Lettie. "My Indian mother is also dead, from white man's disease. There is only Ramona."

  "You'll stay until Christmas then?" she asked.

  He nodded. "I will stay."

  Lettie approached him hesitantly, her mind reeling with memories and the shock of realizing how fast the years had gone by after all. "All those lost years," she said quietly, studying her son lovingly.

  Nathan could not help feeling affection for her. He had never forgotten how she had looked at him when he was there eight years ago. Such love he had never seen in anyone's eyes, except perhaps in Leena's; but that was a different kind of love, one of desire for her husband. The look in his mother's eyes was one of anguish and terrible longing.

  Tyler rose. "I have some saddles to wax and bridles to repair." He walked toward Nathan. "Come on out to the barn," he said rather sullenly. "You want to learn the ropes. Might as well start now." He walked out, and Nathan glanced at Luke.

  "He'll get used to it," Luke told him.

  Nathan turned and walked out to pull on his wolfskin coat and a beaver hat, then hurried out the door, and Lettie broke into tears. "He's come home, Luke. Nathan is home." Luke walked over and put his arms around her. "With Elsie and Peter living in our old log house, we'll have to build Nathan a cabin for his family," she told Luke through tears.

  "I already thought about that," Luke answered. "I'll have the men get started on it right away."

  Outside Nathan ran to catch up with Tyler, who said nothing until they got inside the barn. He turned to face Nathan then, a glint of warning in his deep blue eyes. "I'm doing this for Pa, because I love him more than anything on this earth. Don't you ever hurt him or my mother, you understand? You hurt them enough when you left last time. You'd better appreciate what good people they are, and you'd better remember that I am Luke Fontaine's firstborn —by blood! Nobody else could ever be as close to my pa as I am.

  Nathan shook his head, smiling sadly. "I do not expect to take your place in Luke's heart, Tyler. I have not come here to take anything that is yours. I do not even care if you hate me. I only want a place for my family to live and be safe and have full bellies."

  Tyler scowled. "We'll see about that after you're here awhile." He opened a can of hard wax and handed it to Nathan, then pointed to a saddle that hung over a sawhorse. He slapped a rag into his hand. "Here. Put some of that stuff on the rag and rub it over the saddle. Wait a few minutes, then wipe the saddle off with a dry towel."

  Nathan shrugged and got to work. "We use bear grease."

  "What?" Tyler took down a bridle and looked at him with a frown.

  "Bear grease. It works about the same. Did you think the Indian does not understand about taking care of leather?"

  Tyler blinked. "I never thought about it."

  Nathan grinned. "We do not use such big saddles, though. Ours are small and light. A horse can run faster and longer if it does not carry so much weight."

  "Yeah, well, from now on you'll be using a regular western saddle, so get used to it. You're supposed to start thinking like a white man."

  "Maybe the white man can learn something from the Indian. Did you ever think of that?"

  "No. There isn't anything I want or need to learn from any Indian. All I know is they caused a lot of people a lot of trouble and heartache here in Montana. I'm glad they're on reservations where they belong."

  Nathan rubbed vigorously at the saddle. "And you do not think the white man has caused the same heartache for the Indian? Whose land was this before the white man came along?"

  Tyler studied a tear in the bridle, hating this intruding brother for making sense. "The Indians', I suppose."

  "Right. And for every white man or woman killed by the Sioux, the Sioux lost ten times that from being killed by soldiers, women raped, little babies murdered, families torn apart. Sometimes hundreds would die at one time from white man's diseases. You do not have to tell me about troubles for the white man, Tyler. You have no idea what the Indian has suffered. Everything has been taken from us. Everything. Even our pride."

  "You're ready enough to be white yourself when it's convenient for you," Tyler said grudgingly.

  "I do not come here as white. I come here as an Indian on the inside, a man who happens to have white parents who can help his family."

  "You aren't supposed to think of your
self as one of them anymore. If you're going to come here to live, then you're a Fontaine now."

  Nathan kept working. "What is it you fear, Tyler? Your father's love for you will never change. He is a good and fair man, and I can tell that you love him as much as any son can love a father. My presence will not change any of that."

  "I also love the Double L," Tyler answered. "My brother and two sisters don't want anything to do with running this ranch, so it's up to me. Nobody is going to take that from me."

  Nathan shook his head. "I do not want to take that from you, but you do not believe that right now. Someday you will understand."

  Tyler did not answer. He tried cutting the bridle strap off so he could replace it, but the knife he had picked up from a bench to use was too dull. He sliced vigorously, angrily, then realized Nathan was standing beside him. He handed out a pocket knife.

  "Here. I have kept it sharpened. It works well." He opened it. "Luke gave it to me the last time I was here, as a gift. Now I give it to you."

  Tyler frowned as he sliced easily through the strap. He closed the knife and handed it back, feeling a hot jealousy that Luke had given Nathan the knife. "I don't want it," he said quietly. "Pa gave it to you. You keep it."

  CHAPTER 32

  August 1884

  "Mom, they're here!" Robbie ran back outside without explaining himself further, but Lettie knew what he meant. She wished Luke was here for this moment, but he was in Helena. She would have to handle this herself. She hurried out to the entrance hall, stopped to look at herself in a mirror, wondering why in the world she worried about how she might look to an Indian woman who knew little about the way white women dressed and probably didn't care one whit for jewelry and fancy hairdos. She wore her own hair wrapped into a roll around her head today, and was dressed in a simple blue summer dress with no petticoats because of the heat.