All Things Considered

by Debbie Macomber

  “It’s just his way, Lanni. I stopped letting him manipulate me years ago.”

  “I won’t play his games, Judd. He wants you and me back together. He thinks you’ll stay on the ranch if Jenny and I are here. But we both know differently, don’t we?”

  The barb struck its intended mark, nicking his heart. “I signed the divorce papers. I thought that was all you required.”

  “It is.”

  The pain in her eyes brought Judd up short, and, expelling a broken sigh, he turned toward his bedroom. Regret expanded his chest, tightening his muscles until his heart and lungs ached. “Lanni.” He moved toward her and paused. “I…”

  “Don’t.” She raised both her hands and shook her head. “Don’t say anything. It’s better if we leave things as they are.” She turned and quickly entered her room. The sound of the door closing echoed through the hallway like thunder, although she had shut it softly.

  Rubbing his hand over his eyes, Judd turned back into his own room, drained both emotionally and physically.

  * * *

  —

  Judd had already left the house by the time Lanni and Jenny were up and dressed. Stuart sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and staring absently into space with the morning newspaper propped in front of him.

  “Morning.” Lanni hoped to start the day on a cheerful note.

  “Morning,” came his gruff reply until he caught sight of Jenny, then he brightened and smiled. “Hello, Princess.”

  The little girl held out her arms and hugged his middle with an abundance of enthusiasm. “Hi, Grandpa. Is today the day I get to see the pony?”

  “Soon,” Stuart answered, looking displeased.

  “What’s this about a pony?” Lanni’s eyes flew from one to the other.

  “Oops,” Jenny said and covered her mouth. “I wasn’t suppose to tell, was I? It’s a surprise, Mommy.”

  “You weren’t supposed to tell me what?”

  “That Grandpa’s buying me a horsey.”

  “A horse?” Lanni exploded. “Stuart, this isn’t true, is it? I told you before we only plan on being here a couple of weeks. I meant that. A horse for that amount of time would be extravagant.”

  He ignored her, downing the last of his coffee.

  “Stuart?” Lanni demanded a second time. “What’s this business about a horse?”

  Jenny climbed onto the chair, clenching Betsy to her chest and looking uncomfortable. “Don’t be mad, Mommy. I wasn’t supposed to say anything, like when Aunt Jade and I go have ice cream.” Realizing that she’d done it again, the little girl looked thoroughly miserable.

  “It’s all right, honey, don’t worry about it.” Lanni decided it would be best to drop the subject for now and discuss it when Jenny was out of hearing distance.

  Stuart leaned over and whispered something in the little girl’s ear and Jenny instantly dissolved into happy giggles. Lanni hadn’t a notion of what schemes the two were devising, but knew, given time, she’d find out.

  When the breakfast dishes had been cleared from the table, Stuart announced that he was taking Jenny for a walk. He didn’t ask Lanni to go with them. She wanted to suggest joining them, but Judd’s father looked so excited at the prospect of going outside with his granddaughter that Lanni didn’t want to risk destroying his mood.

  “Where was Judd off to so early this morning?” she asked instead, doing her utmost to disguise her uneasiness.

  The old man’s eyes narrowed as the fun and laughter drained away. “He didn’t say.”

  “Surely he must have given you some indication of when he’d be back.”

  “You should know him better than that.” He opened his mouth as if to add more, but at her fiery glare, he changed his mind. Lanni had no doubt her look and their midnight conversation were responsible for his change of heart. “Knowing Judd, he’ll be back when he’s good and ready to come back and not before. He always was like that, you know. Going away for days without a word of explanation.”

  A glance out the kitchen window confirmed that the pickup was gone. He was probably on the range, checking fences and whatever else he did while away from the house for hours on end. Lanni hadn’t a clue.

  From her view out the same rectangular window, she kept close tabs on Stuart with Jenny. He took the little girl into the barn and returned with a feed bag. Together the two fed the chickens, much to Jenny’s delight.

  From there they walked to the edge of the fence and Stuart pointed to the rolling hills in the distance. Intently, Jenny stood at his side and nodded, as serious as the day was beautiful. After washing a couple of dishes, Lanni glanced outside a second time. Jenny was bending over a wildflower while Stuart smiled down on her. Bright rays of morning sun splashed the earth.

  The little girl mentioned something to her grandfather and Judd’s father threw back his head and laughed loudly. The sound of his mirth took Lanni by surprise. She’d never heard or seen Stuart be happy about anything. With the one exception of Jenny.

  When the two ambled toward the Petermans’ small home, Lanni removed her apron and followed them. She didn’t want Jenny out of her sight for long.

  The screen door slammed after her as she went down the sun-dried wooden steps. They creaked with age. Everywhere Lanni looked there were repairs to be made and work to be done. She imagined that with the ranch demanding so much attention, Jim Peterman had little time or energy to spare on the house. It could be, too, that Stuart didn’t want anything fixed, but she couldn’t imagine the reason why. He was a strange man and she understood him less than she did her own husband.

  The door to the Petermans’ house was left open and Lanni walked inside, amazed at how updated the home was in comparison to the main house. The kitchen was bright and cheerful, the room furnished with a dinette set and modern appliances. The white countertops gleamed.

  Stuart’s voice could be heard at the front of the house and Lanni went to join them.

  “This will be your bedroom,” Lanni heard Stuart tell Jenny as she turned the corner from the kitchen that led to the hallway.

  “Your mommy and daddy will sleep in the bedroom next door,” Stuart went on to explain.

  Lanni was appalled. It appears Stuart planned to move the three of them into this small house.

  “Judd’s and my room?” Lanni said, stepping into the room. “How interesting.”

  Eight

  Stuart’s head came up so fast that Lanni thought he might have dislocated his neck. It was apparent that she’d heard something he didn’t want her to know about.

  The dark eyes met hers unsteadily. The crease lines in his face became all the more pronounced as his gaze skidded past hers.

  “I’ve already explained that Jenny and I will be leaving next week.” Lanni wanted it understood from the beginning that she wanted no part of his crazy schemes.

  Stuart went pale. “But…you belong here with Judd.”

  Jenny’s eyes revealed her confusion, and Lanni desperately wanted to shake some sense into the man. He couldn’t possibly believe that she’d give up her life in Seattle, abandon her parents, her home, and her career, because of his half-baked belief that she and Jenny would bind Judd to the Circle M.

  “He’ll only stay if you do.”

  Lanni chose to ignore Stuart’s plea. She took Jenny by the hand and led her out of the house. Stuart followed in her wake, mumbling under his breath along the way.

  “I had them deliver a new stove just for you,” he said, loud enough for her to hear.

  “I already told you what I think. Can’t you understand that it isn’t going to work?” she asked sternly, throwing the words over her shoulder.

  “But I want to talk to you about it,” Stuart pressed on, undeterred.

  His eyes revealed the same stubbornness that Judd so often displayed, and L
anni wanted to scream at them both for their foolish pride. “There’s nothing to discuss.”

  Outside the small house, they were greeted with bright sunlight. A soft breeze carried the scent of apple blossoms from a nearby row of trees. In other circumstances Lanni would have paused and pointed out to Jenny the source of the sweet fragrance; but her thoughts were heavy and she barely noted the beauty surrounding her as she led Jenny back into the main house. She was so irritated, she discovered her hands were trembling.

  She finished the breakfast dishes and Jenny, standing at her side, dutifully helped dry them. With each dish, Lanni struggled to subdue her frustration. The Petermans were supposed to arrive anytime, and she welcomed the thought of another woman at the ranch.

  Lanni was filled with questions and the only one who could answer them was Betty Peterman. As much as Lanni was looking forward to meeting Betty, she didn’t welcome the confrontation Stuart was bound to have with Judd over their return.

  The clash came sooner than even Lanni expected. Judd came back to the house midmorning, bringing the Petermans with him. Jim and Betty walked into the kitchen, where Lanni and Jenny were arranging wildflowers, using a jar as a makeshift vase.

  “Hello,” Betty Peterman said, smiling shyly at the pair. Her eyes were round and kind, and Lanni knew immediately that she would like this woman who knew Judd so well. Her troubled gaze flew from Betty Peterman to Judd in an attempt to warn him that Stuart was sitting in the other room.

  “What’s wrong?” Judd knew Lanni too well not to have noticed her distress. Something had happened this morning when he’d been away. That much was obvious. Lanni looked both angry and frustrated. Heaven knew Stuart was capable of driving man or woman to either emotion, and Judd felt guilty for leaving her to deal with his cantankerous father.

  “What are they doing here?” Stuart demanded from the doorway leading to the kitchen. A scowl darkened his face, twisting his mouth downward.

  “I hired them back,” Judd informed his father.

  “You can’t do that.”

  “I’m paying their wages.”

  “I’m not dead yet. The Circle M still belongs to me and what I say goes!”

  Jim shuffled his feet. Betty looked equally uncomfortable. Judd saw this and was all the more angry with his father for causing their old friends this additional embarrassment.

  “If they go, I go,” Judd told him calmly.

  Stuart glowered at his son, but closed his mouth, swallowing any argument.

  Jim Peterman removed his hat and rotated the large brim between his callused hands; his eyes studied the floor between his feet. “I can see we’re not wanted here. The missus and me will move on.”

  “And I say you stay.” Judd pointed to the wiry cowhand and emphatically shook his head. Slowly, methodically, he turned his attention back to his father. “This ranch is falling apart around you. The herd is depleted. Fences are down in every section. The house is a disaster. What possible explanation could you have for not wanting the Petermans here?”

  Stuart’s brooding eyes clashed with Lanni’s. Puzzled, Judd followed the exchange.

  “Lanni,” he asked, still perplexed, “do you know something I don’t?”

  “Your father thinks you and I and Jenny will decide to live here permanently. He wanted the Petermans’ house for us.”

  Stuart’s pale face tightened as he moved into the kitchen. “The three of you belong here.”

  “You can’t be serious?” Judd was incredulous.

  “I’m afraid he is,” Lanni said, coming forward so that she stood at Judd’s side.

  “The Petermans have lived in that house nearly as long as you’ve owned the Circle M,” Judd countered sharply. “And they’ll live there again.”

  For an instant it looked as if Stuart was going to argue. Stubborn insistence leapt from his eyes, challenging Judd.

  Judd crossed his arms over his chest and the edges of his mouth curved up. The movement in no way resembled a smile. Wordlessly, he accepted his father’s challenge and tossed in one of his own. “Either the Petermans come back as employees of the Circle M or I take Lanni and Jenny home to Seattle.”

  Stuart looked shocked, as if this were the last argument in the world that he’d expected Judd to use against him.

  “Well?” Judd pressed, staring at his father.

  “Fine. They can stay,” Stuart mumbled, turning. His walk was more of a shuffling of his feet; clearly it had cost him a great deal to concede the issue.

  “So this is Jenny.” Betty Peterman pulled out a kitchen chair and sat beside the four-year-old.

  “Hi,” Jenny returned, busy placing long-stemmed daisies into a jar. She gave the newcomer a bright smile, her chubby fingers bending a brittle stem. Lanni was grateful that Jenny couldn’t understand all that was happening and was pleased that Betty was trying to smooth the rippling tension that filled the room.

  “She resembles Lydia,” Betty murmured under her breath, handing Jenny another yellow daisy to add to the vase. “It’s in the eyes and the shape of her face. I suppose Stuart noticed it as well?” Betty glanced at Judd, seeking an answer. The resemblance offered a token explanation of Stuart’s odd behavior.

  “I’m sure he has noticed,” Lanni answered for him, recalling all the pictures of Jenny she’d mailed Stuart over the years. He’d never given her any indication that he’d received the photographs.

  “He loved Lydia, you know.” Betty inclined her head toward the living room, where Stuart sat, watching a television game show with all the seriousness of a network war correspondent. “For a time after she died, Jim and I thought Stuart would never recover. He sat and stared at the walls for days.”

  Judd rubbed a weary hand over his face. “Sometimes I wonder if he’s capable of loving anyone anymore.” Judd had seen precious little evidence of his father’s love. He thought he understood Stuart, but every day of this visit his father proved him wrong. They didn’t know each other at all.

  Jim helped himself to a cup of coffee from the stove, adding sugar to it before taking the first sip. “From what you said, I don’t have time to stand around the kitchen.”

  “I’ll go with you,” Judd offered. “There’s a problem with…” His voice trailed away as he went out the kitchen door with Jim. The back screen door slammed after them.

  Lanni watched them leave. The two men stood in front of the pickup talking, and from the looks of it, the subject was a heavy one. Jim nodded abruptly, apparently agreeing with what Judd was saying.

  “I’ve got a thousand things to do as well,” Betty added, tacking a stray hair into the neatly coiled bun that graced the back of her head.

  “Can Jenny and I help?” Lanni volunteered. She hoped to become friends with this motherly woman.

  “No need.” She gently patted Lanni’s hand and glanced into the living room, where Stuart was still sitting. “I suspect he’ll keep you hopping while I finish unpacking. Be patient with him. He isn’t as bad as he seems.”

  For her part, Lanni didn’t want to be left alone with Stuart. “Are you sure?”

  “Positive.” She lightly shook her head. “He isn’t normally this cantankerous. He loves Judd almost as much as he did Lydia. The problem is he has trouble showing it, just like he did with Lydia.”

  That had to be the understatement of the year. Before Lanni could question the housekeeper further, Betty was out the door.

  At noon, Lanni cooked lunch and served it to Stuart on a television tray. He didn’t comment when she delivered the meal and said nothing when she carried it back, untouched, to the kitchen. One look at his harsh features told her that Stuart was furious with both her and Judd.

  Thankfully, the afternoon was peaceful. Jenny took her nap in Judd’s old room at the top of the stairs. While his granddaughter slept, Stuart appeared at loose ends and dri
fted outside. In order to kill time, Lanni cleaned out the kitchen drawers and washed cupboards. On the top shelf, she found a pre–World War II cookbook that must have belonged to Lydia. Flipping through the yellowed pages, Lanni discovered a storehouse of treasures. After a short debate, she decided to bake a cake listed as Stuart’s favorite. A quick check of the shelf assured her that all the ingredients were available.

  Humming as she worked, she whipped the eggs and butter together with a wire whisk. Dumping the measured flour into the frothy mix sent up a swirling cloud of the fine powder. Coughing, she tried to clear the front of her face by waving her hand.

  “What are you making?” Judd asked, opening the back door that led to the kitchen. He paused, hands on his hips, surveying the tempting sight she made. An oversized apron that must have belonged to Betty was wrapped around her middle. The ties looped around her trim waist twice and were knotted in the front. Flour was smeared across her cheek and an antique cookbook was propped against the sugar canister on the countertop.

  “Hi.” She offered him a ready smile. “I’m baking a cake as a peace offering to Stuart. He hasn’t spoken a word all afternoon.”

  Judd recalled how much she used to enjoy baking for him. In the first weeks after their marriage it was a miracle he hadn’t gained twenty pounds. Every night she’d whipped up some special concoction for him to sample. Most of them proved to be scrumptious. Others proved less successful. It got to be that he’d rush home every night to see what confection she had planned next. Lanni had enjoyed his praise. Long ago, she claimed, her mother had told her that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. Judd didn’t bother to inform her otherwise. She’d owned his heart from their first fateful meeting.

  He’d loved her then beyond anything he’d ever known, and, he realized, studying her now, he loved her still.

  “Smells delicious.” Without thought, he wrapped his arms around Lanni’s waist and kissed the side of her neck. It was the most natural thing in the world to do. This was Lanni, his woman, his wife—no matter what those divorce papers said. She and she alone had filled the emptiness of his soul. Her love had helped him find peace within himself and had lessened the ache of bitterness and cynicism that had dictated his actions since he’d left the Circle M at age eighteen.