Soul Searching

by Chrissie Loveday

  ‘It isn’t very nice,’ she said, ungratefully.

  ‘I’ll buy you a shandy next time then. Don’t think much of this lot playing, do you?’

  ‘Not a lot. You could certainly liven them up.’

  ‘You reckon?’

  ‘Well yes, I do.’

  ‘Okay. Hang onto your hats everyone.’ He picked up his trumpet case and opened it. He took out the trumpet and winked at Ruth. ‘Watch out for me.’

  ‘You can’t just go and start playing with them,’ she whispered as he was leaving the table. She watched as he went up to the conductor and spoke to him. Then he nodded and Jimmy went among the players and soon she could actually hear him playing. She smiled and sat listening, not minding that she was on her own. A few people started dancing and she sat tapping her feet in time to the music. Was it her imagination or did Jimmy seem to improve the sounds she was hearing? She became aware of someone standing beside her and realised he was speaking to her.

  ‘You wanna dance?’ he asked her.

  ‘Oh, sorry. No. I’m listening to the music.’

  ‘Is there someone with you?’ he said, pointing at the beer on the table.

  ‘Yes, my brother. He’s playing with the band at the moment.’

  ‘Can I sit down?’

  ‘If you want to.’

  ‘I’d like to. You look lonely sitting there by yourself. My name’s Rick by the way.’

  ‘Ruth.’

  ‘Hello Ruth. Nice to meet you.’ She smiled uncertainly. ‘Do you live around here?’

  ‘Not really, no.’

  ‘So, where do you hail from?’

  ‘I’m sorry. I want to listen to the music.’

  ‘I do beg your pardon,’ he snapped sarcastically. ‘I won’t trouble you any more. I was only trying to be sympathetic.’ He got up and walked away. She watched him go and felt somewhat concerned. She gave a small shrug and settled back to listen. After a couple more numbers, Jimmy gave up and came back to the table.

  ‘Well done. I don’t know how you can just pick up on whatever they’re playing. I could hear you, though.’

  ‘Thanks. Did it sound all right?’

  ‘Of course it did.’

  ‘Who was the bloke sitting next to you? I saw him come over.’

  ‘I don’t know. His name was Rick. He kept talking to me and I wanted to listen so he left.’

  ‘Just shows you can attract people doesn’t it? Twenty-four is no age so you must stop thinking you’re on the shelf.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know. I’m only good enough to have someone’s leftover furniture and house. Can’t even have a decent place of my own. Never mind. At least I have somewhere to stay and a decent job. Speaking of which, you never did tell me where you’re getting your money from.’

  ‘I do a bit of buying and selling. It’s keeping me and giving me summat to spend. Now, are you ready for another drink?’

  ‘I don’t want another of them cocktail things.’

  ‘Okay, I’ll get something else.’ He went off to the bar where he started talking to a man who came over to him. They seemed to talk for a while and then, with a broad grin on his face, Jimmy shook hands with him. He came back to his sister.

  ‘That was good. I’ve been offered a job playing with the band. I start tomorrow. Well, aren’t you going to congratulate me?’

  ‘Well, yes, I suppose so.’

  ‘Sound a bit enthusiastic about it.’

  ‘Yes, I mean, well done.’

  ‘Just what I’d hoped for. I’ve got three nights a week and I’ll get good money for it. Damn, I should have asked for a refund for our entrance fees for tonight.’

  ‘Oh Jimmy, you really are a case.’

  The evening wore on and Ruth did actually forget her problems. They caught the last bus home and arrived back in Wallbrook when their parents were both in bed.

  ‘Thanks for insisting I went with you, Jimmy. I enjoyed myself much more than I thought I would. And well done on your success.’

  ‘I knew they’d let me join them, so it’s no big surprise. I’m going to bed now. I feel whacked.’

  ‘See you tomorrow. Night, night.’

  ‘Night, love. And stop worrying.’

  ‘Easier said than done.’

  Surprisingly for her, Ruth slept very well. She even woke slightly late, when her mother brought her some tea.

  ‘Did you have a nice evening?’ she asked.

  ‘It was good, actually. I must have fallen asleep quickly. What time is it now?’

  ‘Nearly nine o’clock.’

  ‘Goodness. Sorry, I should have been up by now.’

  ‘You needed a rest so I left you asleep. Good news about Jimmy’s job isn’t it?’

  ‘Oh, he’s told you, has he?’

  ‘Couldn’t keep it to himself. I’m pleased for him. There’s a letter for you.’ Mabel produced it from her overall pocket. ‘I’ll leave you to read it.’

  Ruth felt her heart sinking as she looked at the envelope. It was from Paul. She put it down on the eiderdown and drank her tea. She then picked it up and tore it open. It was fairly short.

  Dear Ruth,

  I hope you are well. I’m sorry I left you last weekend but I was so disappointed at your reaction. I’ve had time to think about it and I suppose I can understand where you’re coming from. Can we meet this weekend to talk it all over? I’ll give you a call at the phone box at ten o’clock Saturday morning.

  With love from,

  Paul.

  There it was. He wanted to talk. She had no idea what to say but if he was prepared to think it over, the least she could do was to listen. She got up quickly and went to tell her mother what was happening.

  ‘I need to get along to the phone box to get his call.’

  Chapter Seventeen

  He wanted to come and see her. Ruth felt a mixture of pleasure and pain at the thought of what Paul wanted to say. She’d rushed along to the phone box and answered his call. He was coming over after lunch and they would spend the afternoon talking, apparently.

  ‘Is it all right if we put the electric fire on in the front room, Mum?’ she asked.

  ‘Well, I suppose so. You can’t go in there without heating, now can you? Don’t know why you can’t stay in the back room.’

  ‘Paul wants to talk about our future. I think he’ll need to do it in private.’

  ‘Well, your Dad and Jimmy are going to the football and I suppose I could go out somewhere.’

  ‘Don’t be daft. I’ll pay you something extra towards the cost of the electric.’

  ‘No need for that. Is he stopping for his tea?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe.’

  ‘We’d better make summat to feed him on then. It’ll have to be summat that doesn’t cost much or use up too many coupons.’

  ‘I’ll do some rock buns or something shall I?’

  Ruth spent the rest of the morning making some buns. They’d run out of dried fruit so she put a spoonful of jam in the middle. They looked pretty good, she thought. When it came to two o’clock, she began to feel nervous. What was he going to say? Was he going to call it all off? She fingered his grandma’s ring thoughtfully. She’d hate to have to hand it back to him. Or perhaps he’d come round to seeing her point of view.

  ‘I’m going along to wait for the bus,’ she announced.

  ‘Okay, love. Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll be all right.’

  She smiled feebly and put her coat on. It was reasonably short walk to the bus stop and she stood there waiting. She shivered in the rather icy blast that seemed to fill the street. The trees were bare and everywhere had that late January depressed feeling. At last the red bus turned the corner and came to a halt. She could see Paul as he rose to get off the bus. She waited as he climbed down and then stepped forward. She was slightly hesitant about greeting him but he gave her a peck on the cheek. She felt this was promising and smiled at hi
m.

  ‘How are you?’ she asked.

  ‘Not too bad.’

  ‘That’s good.’

  ‘And you?’

  ‘I’m all right too.’

  They began to walk back to her house and both of them felt somewhat restrained. They soon reached Mill Lane and turned into it. Conversation was almost non-existent, which Ruth found rather difficult. They reached her road and went into the house.

  ‘Hello, Paul,’ Mabel said as they went inside. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Fine thanks, Mrs Davies. And you?’

  ‘I’m okay. Good to see you.’ Ruth felt as if she could scream. All this asking everyone how they were and replying politely was enough to drive anyone batty. ‘Would you like a cuppa?’ she asked him.

  ‘Thanks. That would be lovely.’

  ‘Well, you two go and sit in the front room and I’ll bring it into you. I’ve put the fire on for you.’

  ‘Thanks, Mum. Come on then, let’s go.’

  ‘This is a bit posh isn’t it? I thought you only used this room at Christmas.’

  ‘I thought you’d prefer to be private. We don’t really want Mum listening to whatever you’ve got to say.’

  ‘I expect you’ll repeat the entire conversation to her later,’ he teased. ‘But I appreciate your thinking. Thanks.’

  ‘Don’t mention it.’

  Soon they were chatting in their normal way and Ruth began to relax. She hadn’t realised how much he’d affected her and just how bad she’d been feeling. They sipped the tea Mabel had brought in and she waited for him to speak about what she considered to be the main topic.

  ‘So, what did you want to say to me?’ she asked eventually. ‘Wondered if you wanted to call the whole thing off.’

  ‘What?’ he exclaimed. ‘Do you?’

  ‘Course not. It’s just that… well, I don’t want to live in your mum’s house.’

  ‘You made that clear last week. I gather you went out for a drink after you left?’

  ‘Oh yes. I met up with Nigel. He’s a bloke from work. How do you know?’

  ‘One of our neighbours saw you. Said you looked very comfortable together.’

  ‘He’s just a friend from work. We did go out together when you were away but it never meant anything. Well, not to me, of course.’

  ‘But it did to him?’

  ‘Not really. He knew there wasn’t anything in it. Anyway, what’s this got to do with us?’

  ‘Sorry. I just wondered. Any road, the problem of where we might live. I think you want to live here don’t you?’

  ‘I want to be within reach of my work. It’s fairly easy to get there from here. There are some flats available here, too, but I’m not particularly bothered.’

  ‘All right. But if I get a job in the Potteries, I’ll have a long journey every day. Have you thought about that?’

  ‘Well, yes. But have you even looked for a job yet?’

  ‘Not really. But I plan to. You know my situation.’

  ‘Of course I do. But that surely then answers the problem? Like I said before, it’s going to be down to me to pay for wherever we live and food and so on. If I’ve got to pay at least double my travel costs, well, it’s hardly worth me working.’ She really felt as if they were back to square one. ‘So where do you think you might get work? And when will you apply?’

  ‘Don’t push me into anything. Please, Ruth. I was thinking I might get something in the pottery industry. I am a qualified electrician after all. But I can’t look yet. I am getting better but it’s still early days.’

  ‘Okay then. So what are you thinking, about us?’

  ‘Me mum wants to move out fairly soon. Once she goes, I’ll lose the house. Do you think your parents would let me live here? With all of you?’

  ‘Goodness. I don’t know. We don’t exactly have a spare room. I mean the odd night like after the party but not permanently.’

  ‘What if we were to get married sooner rather than later?’

  Ruth felt her heart stop for a moment. Get married soon? Heavens.

  ‘But what would you do all day? I mean to say, you could hardly stay at home with my mum could you?’

  ‘Perhaps I could get some work around here. I mean to say, I could do wiring jobs for someone. Or maybe the people who run this estate might have something for me?’

  ‘Oh, Paul, I simply don’t know. Let me think about it for a bit. Let’s not say anything to my parents just yet. Maybe we could go to the rent office and see if they know anything about people who work on the buildings. Perhaps we might even see if there’s any flats going.’

  ‘You don’t sound as if you’d mind getting wed.’

  ‘I don’t. In fact it sounds wonderful. If you knew how miserable I’ve been this last week.’

  ‘Me too. It was when I got back home last Saturday that my mum asked when we were getting married and said she wanted to move out.’

  ‘What about her furniture and everything?’

  ‘I expect she’ll want to sell it. Someone will want it I’m sure. So when can we go to the rent office?’

  Ruth looked at her watch. ‘I think they close about now. We could go and try them if you want to.’

  Without further ado, they grabbed their coats and almost ran round to the next road where the rent office was situated. Ruth knocked on the door and pushed it open.

  ‘Oh good. You’re not closed yet.’

  ‘I was about to close,’ said the woman. ‘What can I do for you?’

  ‘Well, two things actually. First of all, do you have any flats that are vacant?’

  ‘Surprisingly, yes. I’ve just had someone give notice of a flat along this road. Number 80A. It’s an upstairs flat with a shared use of garden. Are you interested?’

  ‘Possibly.’ Ruth turned to look at Paul. He looked pleased but she knew he was cautious.

  ‘The other thing is, well, do you have any call for an electrician? Paul’s fully qualified and can do most things.’

  ‘I really have no idea. I don’t deal with any of the workers. You’d have to send in your details to the works manager.’

  ‘Do you have his address?’

  ‘You could send it here and it’ll get passed on. Are you interested in the flat or not? If not, there is actually a list of people who might want it.’

  ‘What do you think, Paul?’

  ‘It sounds okay. When can we have a look at it?’

  ‘They’re moving out in a couple of weeks so after that. I can put your name on it. You live here somewhere, don’t you?’ she asked Ruth.

  ‘Yes, in Viscount Road. Just round the corner in fact. I live with my parents.’

  ‘I thought I’d seen you before. Give me your details and I’ll make a note.’ Ruth gave her the information and she wrote it out in her book. ‘Right then. If that’s it, I’ll close up.’

  ‘Yes, thank you.’ They left the building and walked along the road. ‘Let’s walk past it and see what it’s like.’

  ‘We don’t even know how much a week it will be.’

  ‘I’m sure it won’t be a lot. I know Mum doesn’t pay that much. How exciting, isn’t it?’

  ‘I expect so.’ Paul didn’t look in the least bit excited, she thought.

  Number 80A didn’t look very exciting, she had to admit. But then, they were only looking at the door and windows.

  ‘It’s probably got good views out of the windows. I bet we could see quite a long way.’

  ‘If it’s what you want and we think we can afford it,’ Paul said doubtfully.

  ‘I can’t wait to see it properly. Oh, Paul, it’s the answer to our problems. We can get married as soon as we can arrange it and have somewhere to live. I’m so happy.’

  ‘Good. I’m glad. We’d better tell your mum when we get home again. What do you think she’ll say?’

  ‘She’ll be pleased, of course. Dad and Jimmy will be home soon, then we can t
ell all of them.’ She reached for Paul’s hand and, holding it tightly, they went back to her home. She wanted to tell her mum right away but, suddenly feeling a little shy, she waited.

  ‘Do you want some help with tea?’ Ruth asked.

  ‘I’ve made some sandwiches and there’s the cakes you made this morning. Your dad’ll be back in about quarter of an hour. I suppose Jimmy will be in a dash to get out to his so-called job.’

  ‘What’s that?’ asked Paul.

  ‘Some band or other he’s playing in. He says it’s work but I think it’s just his idea.’

  ‘Do you want to go and listen?’

  ‘Not really. I was there last night with him. We could go to the pictures if you’d like to. Only old stuff on at our local cinema.’

  ‘Don’t mind. But don’t we have things to talk about?’ Paul was nearly bursting with his desire to talk through their plans.

  ‘What’s this? What things do you want to talk about?’ asked Mabel.

  ‘Oh, it’s no use. We think we might be in line for a flat in South Way.’

  ‘What? How come?’

  ‘We went to the rent office place and asked. Paul’s mum is anxious to move out of her place and that’ll leave Paul with nowhere to live. He’s also going to try to get a job with the company who run the estate. As an electrician, of course.’

  ‘Oh, love, that’s terrific. We’ll almost be neighbours. How lovely.’

  ‘I know that’ll leave you short on rent if I’m not paying you any more.’

  ‘Aye but I’ll not have to feed you, will I?’

  ‘If we get this flat, it means we can get married all that much sooner.’

  ‘Blimey. We’d best get planning. I suppose you’ll want a white dress and a reception and everything. It’s all going to cost.’

  ‘We don’t want a big do. And it won’t be a big white dress sort of occasion. Don’t forget, it won’t be the first time I’ve been married.’ She stopped and looked at Paul. ‘Sorry love, but you do know about my past.’

  ‘Of course I do. Whatever you want is fine by me.’

  ‘Well I think it should be a reasonable sort of do. It was a very quiet one last time and now the war is over, it would be good to have a proper celebrate. You’ve waited a long time for this, so let’s make it worth remembering.’