Soul Searching

by Chrissie Loveday

  ‘Oh dear,’ Ruth said. ‘I really don’t think I want a big fuss. How do you feel, Paul?’

  ‘Count me out of this. I just want to marry you as soon as possible. I don’t care how it happens or who is there.’

  The conversation went on and on until finally Ruth’s dad and brother came home. Mabel couldn’t wait to tell them and soon they were all happily joining in with the chat.

  ‘I’ve gotta go soon,’ announced Jimmy after a while. ‘Aren’t we having anything to eat?’

  ‘Sorry love. Of course there’s summat. Nowt special but then I didn’t know all this was coming up, did I?’

  ‘Who won by the way?’

  ‘We did of course. I’ll go and change and grab summat to eat when I come down.’ Jimmy dashed upstairs and Mabel went into the kitchen.

  ‘Put the cloth on the table will you, love? And some plates. Seems a bit feeble to only have tea to drink.’

  Everyone said it was fine and they all sat down and drank tea and ate the potted meat sandwiches. The jam buns were all voted a success and the mood was a happy one.

  ‘Nice to see you smiling again, Sis,’ Jimmy remarked. ‘You’ve been like a wet weekend this week. And you can rely on me to get meat and ham for the reception. As long as it’s not tomorrow, any road.’

  ‘Don’t be daft. But thanks anyway. There’s a lot to discuss and lots of plans to be made.’

  ‘Keep me informed with as much notice as possible. Have you decided where it’s all going to happen?’

  ‘Not yet. Don’t rush me. I’m not even sure I want a big wedding. Like I said, it won’t be the first wedding I’ve gone through. Excuse me. I need a few minutes.’ She rushed out of the room and ran upstairs. Jimmy collected his trumpet and said goodbye to those who were left.

  ‘Do you think she’s all right?’ asked Paul anxiously.

  ‘She’ll be fine. Why don’t you take her out? Go to the pictures or to the pub. It’ll be good to take her away from all of this.’

  ‘All right. Assuming she’ll want to come with me.’

  ‘Course she will. We’ve become fond of you, love. You had a bad time but you’ve come out of it now. I’m sure you’re going to be very happy together.’ Mabel was feeling quite emotional by now as the realisation was hitting her. This was the first time she was going to be a proper mother of the bride. She didn’t count the last time as it was a rush job anyway. Her daughter Veronica had long gone and she had never contacted her parents since she left. If it wasn’t for the twins, she’d never have enjoyed a large family. Once Ruth had left home, it would be a lonely place. Thank goodness she was only planning to move to the next road, otherwise it would be an even greater loss. ‘What will you do with your mother’s stuff? I mean, she won’t want to take it with her, will she?’

  ‘One or two bits she’s planning to take. But my aunt has a nice house. She was widowed during the First World War and has been on her own ever since. She’s a lonely widow, bit like my mum actually. I don’t think anyone realises the cost to the people who were left.’

  ‘Nay lad. You’re right there. I was lucky, I suppose. Didn’t feel all that lucky at the time. This last war, I was in a reserved occupation, thank heavens,’ said Dan.

  ‘Must have been a great relief to you both.’ He sat feeling slightly uncomfortable without Ruth. He didn’t quite know what to say to these people. ‘Do you think Ruth’s all right?’ he asked finally.

  ‘I’ll go and see,’ offered Mabel. ‘Or perhaps you ought to go and see?’

  ‘What, upstairs? Me?’

  ‘Go on, lad. You’d best get some practice in.’ Paul blinked, wondering exactly what her father meant.

  ‘Right. Which room is hers?’

  ‘Back bedroom. Turn left at the top of the stairs.’

  Slightly hesitantly, he went to the hall and slowly went upstairs.

  ‘Ruth?’ he called. ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘Yes, I’m fine again now.’ He knocked at her door. ‘Come in.’ He stepped inside this forbidden place and looked around.

  ‘Gosh, it’s really nice.’ He paused for a moment as he took in everything. ‘I’m not surprised you didn’t want my mum’s stuff.’

  ‘This is nothing all that special. I do like to keep it tidy. Not like when Veronica was sharing a room. She chucked her stuff all over my bed and left it there for me to put away. She was a nightmare.’

  ‘You don’t know where she is now?’

  ‘No. Good riddance to her. I expect she’s either married or living with someone. Sorry, that’s awful of me isn’t it?’

  ‘Not really. She always was a difficult person. Come here.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I said come here.’ He held out his arms to her and she came forward. He took her in his arms and pulled her close. Then he kissed her very tenderly. She felt slightly limp and leaned on him, kissing him back with equal tenderness. ‘When I realised you’d gone last weekend, I felt so lonely. I couldn’t even think and once I’d got over my… well, my anger at your rejection of everything, I thought more clearly. Seeing this room and the rest of your house, I now understand.’

  ‘Oh, Paul, that’s very sweet of you. I mean our place isn’t all that special but it’s quite nice and, well, your mum’s stuff is rather old and a bit worn. It’s the inside bathroom that made all the difference. But you visited it when you stayed over after the party.’

  ‘I could do with visiting it actually. Maybe I drank too much tea!’

  ‘At the top of the stairs. Go on then. Then shall we go to the flicks?’

  Chapter Eighteen

  The following two weeks passed very swiftly. Paul had written an application to the managers of the estate and had received a letter back inviting him to go for an interview. On the Saturday, they got more details of the flat and arranged to go and look at it immediately. They collected the key and walked along to it. Ruth grinned at her fiancé as she put the key in the lock and opened the door. They went inside and both of them gasped. The place was very dirty and the walls had scribbles on them from the children who had lived there before.

  ‘Goodness, what a mess,’ she exclaimed. ‘It’ll take days of scrubbing to get this place cleaned up, and then it’ll need decorating.’

  ‘I suppose I could come over and do some of it. It’s a bit much to leave it like this though.’

  ‘I agree. Maybe they’ll do something about it. Let’s look round anyway and see what accommodation there is.’

  There was a reasonable kitchen, not large but it had everything Ruth considered necessary. The sitting room had room for a table and there were two bedrooms, one of them rather small. Best of all, there was the inside bathroom she held so important. There was also a shared air raid shelter on the ground floor which presumably could now be used to store things like bicycles and other items.

  ‘It’s not bad, is it?’ Paul suggested. ‘If it was cleaned up and painted, I think we could be very comfortable her. What do you think?’

  ‘I agree. Come on then. Let’s go round to the rent office and see the woman. Let’s see if she can organise for it to be cleaned, at least.’

  *

  ‘What did you think then?’ said the rent officer.

  ‘It’ll be fine for us but it’s very dirty. And the walls are scribbled on all over. Is there any chance it could be cleaned?’

  ‘Oh dear. We always ask the people who are leaving to clean through before they go. We can provide some distemper for you but I don’t think there’s anyone who can clean it. Does this put you off it then?’

  ‘Well, not really. I suppose we shall have to do it ourselves. Perhaps we can have it rent free for the first week?’ Ruth asked cheekily.

  ‘I suppose we could do that for you. All right then. Your first rent will be payable on Monday next.’

  ‘You mean we can have the keys now?’

  ‘Go on with you. Just don’t tell everyone. It’s only be
cause it needs cleaning.’

  ‘Thanks ever so much. We appreciate it, don’t we Paul?’

  ‘Well yes. Of course we do. You said you’d let us have some distemper?’

  ‘Bring a bucket round and I’ll get some for you.’

  ‘Er, right. Can I bring it on Monday?’

  ‘Course you can. Now, I just need you to sign a rental agreement and I’ll organise a rent book for you.’

  It didn’t take long before they were leaving, clutching the keys and rent book. Both of them were grinning like idiots as they went back to the Davies household.

  ‘I told you it wouldn’t cost too much didn’t I? It made a difference with me working at the ROF place. I doubt we’d have got it otherwise.’ Ruth was on cloud nine.

  ‘Now all I need is a job from them and we’ll be all set up.’

  ‘Shall I borrow some stuff from Mum and we can go and make a start?’

  ‘If you like. But we’ll have to get our own stuff won’t we? We obviously need a bucket and scrubbing brush and whatever we need to put in the water to get the place clean. I reckon some disinfectant would be a good start too.’

  ‘Let’s see what Mum can provide. Oh, it’s so exciting. I can’t wait to get started. I’d better borrow a sweeping brush and shovel, too.’

  ‘Do we get a dustbin?’

  ‘I’m not sure. I’ll ask Mum if we’re provided with one. I think we might be. I didn’t notice, did you?’

  ‘Course I didn’t.’

  They reached Ruth’s home and went inside. Quickly they told Mabel about their new home and the circumstances. She smiled and told them they could borrow whatever they needed.

  ‘Can I come round with you to have a look?’ she asked.

  ‘It’s very dirty. Wouldn’t you rather wait to see it when it’s all clean?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t mind. I’m looking forward to seeing it, any road. Come on. Your dad won’t be home for ages yet. Stoke is playing away. And I can help you carry all the stuff you’re borrowing.’

  ‘Okay then. Let’s get what we need.’

  Soon they were all walking down a little alleyway to the next road. They carried mop and bucket, brush and shovel and several cloths to wash the floors. Mabel gave a sigh when she saw the state of the place.

  ‘Oh dear me. This is going to take ages to get clean enough for you. And the state of the walls. The folks who left it like this want shooting.’

  ‘It shouldn’t take too long,’ Paul encouraged them. ‘It’s not such a huge place after all.’

  ‘Okay. We’d better start by sweeping and shovelling. We should have brought a box or something to put the rubbish in.’

  ‘I’ll go and look to see if there’s a dustbin belonging to this flat,’ Paul offered. ‘If there is, I can maybe bring it upstairs.’ A few minutes later he came struggling up the stairs with a large dustbin. They soon got to work and it was filled very rapidly. Two of them carried it down again between them and Mabel filled a bucket with water and began to mop the concrete floors. It wasn’t easy with cold water and nothing to ease the grime off.

  ‘I’m not making much of a job of it but it’s the best I can do.’

  ‘We’ll have to get some lino or something,’ Ruth suggested. ‘It’ll be cheaper than carpets.’

  ‘There’s always Mum’s carpets. I know they’re oldish but at least it might be warmer.’

  ‘How on earth would we get them here? You can hardly bring them on the bus.’

  ‘I think you may need to come over to our place and have a look at what you might want. There are some things that would be useful for us for a while. Until I’m earning money, we can’t afford to buy new stuff.’

  ‘Paul’s right, love. It may not be what you want but if it’s going to be chucked out, you may as well benefit. We could perhaps hire a van and get it all brought over.’ Mabel was making sense, Ruth thought.

  ‘Okay. As long as your mum won’t mind. It’ll be a bit tricky picking out some things and rejecting others.’

  ‘We don’t have room for everything. Perhaps you could come when she’s gone to see my auntie. I know she’s going over tomorrow.’

  ‘Oh, but I wanted to come in here and carry on cleaning this place.’

  ‘I think it’s important to see what you want or don’t want.’ The ever practical Mabel was quite right. ‘You should go over there tomorrow when Mrs Jenkins is out.’

  ‘I suppose so. All right. When shall I come?’

  ‘In the morning. We can then have a good look round and maybe go and find something for dinner somewhere.’

  ‘I’m going back home now – it’s getting dark. Have you organised getting the electric turned on?’ said Mabel.

  ‘I s’pose it will be switched on next week when we start paying rent. I think we should abandon work for now, don’t you, Paul? It’s definitely getting dark. We’d better take everything back home again, hadn’t we Mum?’

  The party of cleaners had soon collected everything together and set off back to the house. Ruth was full of plans and Mabel and Paul listened as she went on and on. Her flat was going to be the pride of Wallbrook and she going to host parties for her friends. The two who were listening said nothing to spoil her plans, though they both knew it would be a long time before she could afford to do half the things she was talking about.

  The following day, she caught the bus at ten o’clock and walked round to Paul’s house. She hoped she had timed it right not to have to meet Mrs Jenkins. She found the lady somewhat scary and really didn’t want to have to let her know what she thought of her furniture. She knocked at the door and Paul came to open it.

  ‘Hello. Has your mum gone out?’ she asked almost as soon as she saw him.

  ‘No worries. She went earlier. Come on in.’ He reached for her and kissed her.

  ‘Oh, Paul. I can’t wait for us to be married, can you?’ He said no more but drew her to him and kissed her again. She responded to him and soon they were both breathless and wanting more. He drew her inside the house and into the back room.

  ‘Ruth, my darling Ruth. You’re right. I can’t wait for us to be married either.’ He kissed her again and then stopped. ‘We know we’re getting married soon. Why do we have to wait any longer? We’re here on our own for practically the whole day. What do you say?’

  ‘I’m not sure. I want to, of course. But is it right? I mean, suppose your mum comes back early?’

  ‘She’s not likely to. Not this morning, at least. Come here, my darling.’ He drew her close to him and began kissing her again. His hands wandered over her body, especially over her breasts and she gasped with pleasure in a way she had never felt with Charlie. When he had touched her she felt sick, but now it was the most wonderful feeling ever. Breathlessly she pulled him towards her again and kissed him, letting her tongue play with his. She was just about thinking she might actually give in to him when there was a loud knocking at the door.

  ‘Damnation,’ he cursed. ‘Who on earth is that?’

  ‘You’d better go and look. I’ll tidy myself up again in case it’s anyone who wants to come in.’

  He opened the door and saw it was the same neighbour who had tried to cause trouble previously.

  ‘Hello Mrs Marlow. What can I do for you?’

  ‘I saw your friend come in a few minutes ago and wondered if everything’s all right.’

  ‘Of course it is. Why do you ask?’

  ‘I saw your mother go out earlier.’

  ‘So?’

  ‘Well, it isn’t decent for you to be in the house on your own. We have to think of the morals of the street, don’t we?’ Paul felt himself beginning to boil.

  ‘Thank you, Mrs Marlow. But you can rest in peace. We shall be married soon so if we want to do anything you might disapprove of, surely that’s up to us?’

  ‘Yes, well, we all know what she’s like, don’t we? I told you I saw her with another bloke recently. They lo
oked very friendly.’

  ‘Mrs Marlow, please will you leave now before you say something that will really get me angry.’ The woman gave loud sniff and turned away.

  ‘Don’t think I won’t say anything to your mother. I’m sure she wouldn’t be pleased to think of what you two are doing in her house.’ She turned and scuttled off down the street.

  ‘Damned cheek.’

  ‘Well, you must admit, we were thinking of… well, I suppose jumping the gun would be the right words to use.’

  ‘You’re quite right. The mood is somewhat lost now, isn’t it?’

  ‘Let’s get on with looking at furniture and stuff.’

  They spent the next hour or so looking at pieces of furniture, carpets and so on. Paul said his mother wanted a few items but, apart from those, everything could be theirs. Ruth felt she had to swallow her pride and accept things they couldn’t afford to get any other way.

  ‘The carpets will have to be cleaned. But there’s plenty of wear left in them. I’m not sure how we can do that but I expect Mum will know.’

  ‘I’m glad you’re seeing things more clearly. We can pile stuff in the bedrooms and clean the carpet in the lounge and then when it’s dry, bring stuff out of the bedroom. What about the three-piece suite?’ Ruth pulled her face.

  ‘I suppose we do need something to sit on. It’ll do for a while.’

  ‘Thanks a lot, love. I’m so pleased you’re being reasonable about it. Once Mum’s moved out, I’ll organise a van of some sort. I’m getting quite excited about having our own place. Aren’t you?’

  ‘Course I am. I was thinking I could go round after work and make a start on painting the walls.’

  ‘But it’ll be dark. You can’t paint in the dark. I’ll come over during the day and see what I can do.’

  ‘That doesn’t seem fair, though.’

  ‘Nonsense. It’ll keep me busy and I shall feel I’m doing summat towards our home.’

  ‘So we just have to organise the wedding next then. I really don’t want a big do, do you?’

  ‘I’m not bothered. I just want it to happen sooner rather than later. We’ve waited long enough already, haven’t we?’