Defect

by Danielle James

  He raised his hand and waved back at me and my stomach flopped.

  Calm the hell down, Solana. You don’t even know him.

  I pulled out of the driveway and slowed to a stop because I don’t know how to behave myself. I’ve never been good at doing what I’m supposed to do. Like he knew I wanted to talk to him, he walked over to my car. He was even bigger close-up. I thought he would pick up my little Volkswagen bug and flick it with his long fingers.

  I tried to keep my eyes on his but his perfect abs fought for my attention. I leaned over to the passenger side and offered him a big smile. I finally fixed my stare to his and noticed he had the most amazing eyes. They were fiery and copper. I stared at the golden flecks dancing around his irises and felt an immense wave of sadness hit my chest.

  He was hurting.

  “Hi,” I said in my usual chipper voice. “Are you moving in or are you a mover?”

  “I’m moving in. You live right there?” He gestured to my house and I nodded.

  “Nice to meet you, neighbor.” I stuck my hand out the window and he shook it. His big hand was warm and rough. My hand almost disappeared in his palm.

  “I’m Ezra. What’s your name?” His troubled eyes traced over the features on my face and the corners of his full lips curved up slightly.

  God, he was a beautiful man.

  “Solana,” I told him.

  “You’re gorgeous, Solana. You look like a chocolate Barbie. I’m not trying to be a creep or anything but…” he shook his head and chuckled. “I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you.” He was so blunt. It hit me like a breath of fresh air. My stomach fluttered like millions of butterfly wings and I couldn’t stop smiling. “Are you always this charming, Ezra?” I laughed.

  “Nah. I’m not charming at all. It’s true though. You’re beautiful.”

  “Thank you, sir.” I wanted to tell him that he was beautiful too but I didn’t know how men took to being called beautiful. It was the only way I knew to describe him though. He was beautiful. Even though he harbored incredible pain inside him. To be able to shine even through something that thick was amazing.

  “Have a nice day, Solana.”

  “You too, Ezra. Hey, if you’re into yoga or wanna learn, I own the yoga studio up the street. First session is free,” I told him with a smile.

  “Okay. I might take you up on that. Thanks,” he waved at me again and my stomach flopped. Why did the universe put someone that fine across the street from me?

  Why?

  I pulled off and turned my music up to an obnoxious level even though my destination was five minutes away. Sometimes you needed heavy bass to align your chakras.

  I made it to the studio right before people from my class started to show up. I lit some incense and put on soft music while I laid out Reiki information. The entire time, my mind kept floating back to Ezra. What could have happened to him to cause so much pain? I hated small talk but I knew the next time I saw him, I couldn’t just dive into his past trauma like I wanted to.

  I managed to instruct my hour-long yoga class without any hiccups even though I had a certain golden-skin neighbor on my mind. I kept picturing his chiseled jawline and amazing eyes. His lips looked like they didn’t smile often but somehow they managed to stay full and look soft.

  I wondered exactly how soft they were…

  “Looks like Sun Goddess is doing well,” Amaris’ voice put a smile on my face. I was sitting quietly in the middle of the floor in the lotus position, meditating after class was over. Mainly because I couldn’t stop thinking about Ezra. Every time I ran into him in my mind, I tried to release him but something about him stuck to me like a magnet.

  “Hey, girl,” I beamed. I stood up and hugged her tight. “What brings you here?” I walked over to the tea station and started making her a cup. I set the kettle on the electric burner and waited for it to heat up.

  “I just got done grabbing some clothes for Malachi from the store and I drove past. I saw you sitting here like a statue and decided to come bother you since you always barge in my office.”

  “I was meditating. I met this guy today and he’s stuck in my brain. I’m trying to get him out.” I sighed, rubbing my palms on my thighs. I turned up the heat on the kettle of water and pulled the hair tie from my bun. Waves of ebony fell down my shoulders and swept across my back.

  Amaris eyed me silently for a few seconds then smirked. “A guy? Where did you meet this guy?”

  “Across the street from my house. He’s going to be my new neighbor.”

  Amaris gasped a little and covered her mouth with her hand. I couldn’t fight off the smile burning its way onto my face. It started in the corners of my mouth and spread outward until my cheeks were on fire.

  “In that old ass house that’s been vacant since you moved in?” She asked.

  “Yup. That one.”

  “Wow. So I’m guessing he’s fine as hell since you can’t stop thinking about him. There’s nothing wrong with a little eye candy.”

  “That’s how I felt too but now I’m sitting in the middle of the floor meditating because I keep seeing his eyes in my head. He had the saddest eyes, Amaris. They were so beautiful though. I felt such a pull. It was right in my solar plexus and you know that chakra doesn’t lie.” I shook my head and my hair swished across my back.

  “You have been single for five months, Solana. I guess sniffing around a new guy isn’t horrible.”

  “I’m not sniffing around him. I scoffed as I took the whistling kettle off the heat.

  “Oh, you’re sniffing. He has sad eyes and you felt a pull. You’ve locked onto his scent now.”

  “Whatever. I’m not looking for a man so it doesn’t matter if he’s fine and looks like a fucking model carved out of amber and honey.”

  “Damn, is he that fine?” Amaris pursed her lips together and walked over to the tea center where I was steeping a blend of lavender and chamomile that I made myself and sold in the studio. It was so relaxing that it could put you right to sleep.

  “He is.” I poured hot water into my favorite mug so I could have some tea myself. “He’s also super blunt. He flat-out told me I was beautiful. The words tumbled out of his mouth.”

  Amaris shrugged her shoulders and took the piping hot mug of tea from my hands. “You’re gorgeous, Solana. You always turn heads.”

  “I guess you’re right but he was so forward. I liked it,” I confessed. A shiver rippled through my body from my scalp to my toes.

  “But you’re not sniffing around him? Okay, girl.”

  “I’m not! I’ve only seen him one time. I can’t sniff around someone I’ve only seen once.”

  “Give it time,” she laughed. “This tea is amazing, Solana. You know I’m a coffee girl but…you have a hit on your hands with this one. Is this one of the blends you sell?”

  “Yup. I’m getting ready to plant chamomile and lavender in the back yard so I can harvest it myself instead of buying it. I want to be able to control the soil and make sure there are no pesticides in it.”

  “You’re on your way to being a force to be reckoned with. Mark my words. You’re building your own empire and I’m so proud to call you my sister.” She checked her phone and sighed. “I gotta get home after I finish this tea but maybe I’ll stop by your house tomorrow and check out this fine ass neighbor of yours. Wait…is he married?” She quizzed, lifting a skeptical eyebrow. My eyes went wide and I gave her a genuinely clueless shrug. I didn’t remember seeing a ring but then again, I wasn’t really looking at his hands when he had his shirt off. It was hard to concentrate on anything besides those eyes and those abs.

  “So you don’t even know if the man you’ve been fantasizing about all day long is married? You have got to do better.” She drank more tea and laughed.

  “Well, since I’m not planning to date him or be anything beyond a friendly neighbor I don’t think it matters.”

  “Who are you fooling, Solana? You forget that I know you. Not only
do I know you, I know how you operate. You’ve been single for five months and you’ve had one of the best glow ups I’ve ever seen after Vince. Now this piece of sex moves in across the street from you and you can’t stop grinning. You’re going to feel him out and now that I’ve mentioned it you’re going to see if he’s married and then you’re going to start drawing him in with your beautiful energy.”

  Damn, Amaris knew me better than I knew myself. I still folded my arms and shook my head at her. Just because she was right didn’t mean she had to know she was right. “So, you gotta get going right?” I smiled at her and batted my lashes. She slid her full lips to the side and grunted at me.

  Looking at her reminded me of how gorgeous us Monroe girls were. Amaris and I both had the same coffee colored skin and high cheekbones. We had almond-shaped chestnut brown eyes and lips so full they used to call us the soup-cooler twins when we were little. I never took it as an insult though. I loved my full lips. People paid for lips like ours. The biggest difference between me and my older sister was our body shape. Amaris had dangerous curves while I had slender tight curves.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow. Are you coming by the school to drop off some clothes for Malachi?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be there in the morning. I can’t stay though, I have three classes here and they’re all in the morning.”

  “That’s great, Solana. Business is booming.”

  “Thank you. I’m trying.” We hugged and I kissed her cheek before watching her head to her car. Once she pulled off safely, I started cleaning up my studio. I really could have used some help in there. I had to clean up, count the money, sage the entire space and make sure everything was set up for the next day. If I had someone to help me, it would have cut that time in half. I ended up staying there for an extra two hours before I finally went home. Dead tired was an understatement.

  When I pulled into my driveway, my gaze automatically shifted to the rearview mirror. I stared at the soft yellow lights coming from the windows in the house across the street. What if Ezra was married? I shouldn’t have been looking at him the way I was without knowing more about him. I knew what I felt though and I felt he was a beautifully sad soul that I wanted to know more about.

  I wanted to know everything about him. I guess that meant it was time for me to sniff around.

  Damn Amaris for always being right.

  …

  EZRA

  “I’m getting ready to go to work. I’m doing overtime tonight and the rest of this week but this weekend, we’re going to clean out Everett’s room at the old house. I have to have everything out of there by the end of the month, Ezra. You were supposed to clean the room out for me.”

  I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes with my fist. It was still dark outside. It couldn’t have been after five o’clock in the morning. Why the hell did she have to walk into my room fussing? It took a moment for me to realize I was in my new room and not the room I’d grown up in.

  The walls were plain and bare with only white paint covering them. The windows were tiny boxes that didn’t let in much light and the floor creaked everywhere I moved. If I felt like a prisoner at the old house then I definitely felt like one in this new place.

  The only glimmer of sunshine in the entire moving experience had been her. She was chocolate dipped in sunshine and gold. She put Sierra to shame.

  Solana.

  Her name sounded like music.

  She stopped and spoke to me before she drove away in her tiny yellow Volkswagen. She spoke to me like I was a normal person. Like she didn’t see the defect in my brain. Maybe she didn’t see the stains of my brokenness.

  I blinked a few times letting my eyes adjust to the darkness of my new room before sitting all the way up. “I’m not cleaning out Ev’s room alone,” I told my mother. I was too sleepy to function right then. I only fell asleep last night because my eyes wouldn’t stay open anymore wondering what Solana was doing inside the four walls of her house.

  “Well, it needs to get done.” She sighed heavily and shook her head at me. “Stay in the house while I’m at work.”

  “Yeah. Okay,” I muttered before lying back down. She should have known I wasn’t going to listen to her. Anything that had to do with keeping me caged up didn’t go over well. I said what I had to say so she’d leave me the fuck alone, then I went back to sleep.

  I didn’t open my eyes again until the sun rose in the sky. I was busy tossing and turning anyway. Everett was heavy on my mind. I looked over at my closet and saw a hint of his lime green Nike bag poking out of one of the boxes.

  I pushed to my feet and walked over to the closet. I tugged at the bag until it slid out. Specks of crimson dotted the nylon fabric. Something so tiny cracked my chest in half and the hot and angry tears started again.

  Some days I was okay but most days I wasn’t. Most days I felt alone and guilty for being alive. “It should have been me,” I said quietly. My fingers curled around the black strap and I let out a choked sob. I only cried over Everett when I was all alone.

  Mom never understood. She lived in her own world of grief and she never let me inside. I was locked out and alone. Sometimes I wondered if taking my life would be better than the hell I lived in. I wondered if it would be easier to give into the blackness urging me to join it.

  To join Everett.

  My thoughts were shattered when I heard a door slam. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was outside and not a door in my house. I walked over to the biggest window in my bedroom and looked outside to see Solana tossing a bright yellow and white duffle bag across her slender body. In one hand she had a travel mug and between her teeth, she had a stack of papers.

  A laugh flew out of my mouth before I even realized what was happening. I jogged down the steps and opened the front door in time to watch her try to balance everything and open her car door. I headed across the street even though I hadn’t put on a shirt or shoes. I was wearing what I went to sleep in. A pair of black basketball shorts and a pair of socks.

  “You need some help?” I asked, taking the travel mug from her hand.

  “Thank you,” she muttered around the papers she had shoved between her teeth. She used her free hand to unlock her yellow car. Once she had the door open, she pulled the stack of papers from her mouth and set them on the passenger seat.

  I kept staring at her because she was like a rush of air streaked with honey. Everything about her was sweet and happy. I found myself wishing she’d rub off on me. Nothing about me was remotely happy.

  “Good morning, Ezra,” she smiled once she had her things in the car.

  “Morning,” I nodded. I felt my eyebrows lowering on my forehead. My permanent scowl was making its way back on my face.

  “So, you always walk around without a shirt?”

  “Not all the time,” I chuckled and looked down at my shirtless torso. “I just woke up and heard you out here struggling.”

  “Damn, do I make that much noise coming out of the house? I guess I never paid it any attention because I’m always in my own world.”

  “Yeah. Kinda.” My eyes were unapologetic as they slid down her amazing body. She was wearing a pair of gray leggings and a white tank top with a stylized sun on it. The light colors made her cocoa skin pop. It was hypnotizing. I subconsciously stepped closer to her to see if she smelled like cocoa butter because she looked like she did.

  “Thanks for helping me out. I can be all over the place sometimes.”

  “No problem.” I took a step back before my stupid brain told me to do something I couldn’t recover from. I’d already made a fool of myself yesterday telling her how beautiful she was. I didn’t want a repeat.

  “Don’t forget you can come by my yoga studio whenever you want. I have classes all morning until eleven but after that, I’m not doing anything.” Her smile was blinding.

  “Okay. I mean I don’t know shit about yoga but…”

  “Then that means you have even more reason to come.” She
got in her car and her shiny black ponytail bounced across her shoulders like jet-black water. I wanted to run my fingers through it. The impulse was so heavy that I had to tuck my fingers against my palm to stop myself.

  “Eleven o’clock?” I asked, rubbing the back of my neck.

  “Yes. I’ll make you some tea and we’ll go over some basic moves. My studio is called Sun Goddess. It’s a ten-minute walk up the street.” I stared into her brandy colored eyes and nodded like she had me under some kind of spell. I watched her back out of the driveway and waved at her before jogging back to my yard.

  She was hands-down the nicest person I’d met so far in Radcliff. Everyone else seemed to know I was defective and they avoided eye contact. For whatever reason though, Solana didn’t mind the fact that I wasn’t like everyone else. She was either really good at ignoring it or she was oblivious.

  It didn’t matter to me. I’d jump at any chance to be treated normally especially by someone as beautiful and kind as her. That’s why I waited around until eleven so I could go to her yoga studio even though I couldn’t have cared less about yoga.

  If she was into it, I was into it too.

  I didn’t want to seem too eager though. So at eleven, I got in the shower and got dressed. What the hell was I supposed to wear to do yoga?

  A leotard and a dashiki?

  I didn’t have either one of those things. I put on a pair of gray sweat pants and a t-shirt. It would have to do.

  Since Mom would never let me drive a car ever again, I was forced to walk up the street to the yoga studio. It sat on a street with dozens of small old town shops and businesses. Cars lined the street on both sides. I scanned the rows of shops until I saw the one I knew for a fact belonged to Solana. It was sunny and yellow like her personality. I walked up to the shop and looked inside. I don’t know why I didn’t walk in. I saw her yellow car parked in the space out front. I knew she was inside.