Moth

by Jennifer Foor

  “No.” She’s wiping her tears as she speaks. “I started to develop feelings for you when you made me dinner. I should have been more cautious, but it had been forever since someone touched me that way.”

  “You could have walked away.”

  “You’re right. I should have, but the people who want you dead started threatening me worse. I knew if we weren’t together they’d off you themselves. When you discovered my brake lines were cut I was sure they wanted us both to be in the vehicle when it crashed. No loose ends. That’s why your idea to run away seemed smart. I knew it would give me time to decide what I had to do, and how much of the truth I wanted you to know.”

  “Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. I’d rather not know the first female I’ve cared about in years was purposely planning on offing me. Thanks a fucking lot for that bit of information. Next time maybe you could start with that, so I don’t waste my time and energy trying to make you mine.” When the words escape my lips I realize what I’ve just admitted. She’s shocked. I can tell from the way her huge eyes flash before me.

  “I wasn’t faking.”

  “How am I supposed to believe you? A few minutes ago you had a gun pointed to my fucking head.”

  “I thought I could do it. I thought I could pull that trigger myself, but everything we’ve shared kept flashing in my mind. I don’t want to hurt you, Moth. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I took an oath to serve my country and it meant something to me. I don’t know what to do anymore. Either way I’m dead. My life is over. I thought I could infiltrate my way to the truth, but it’s gotten me an early funeral instead.”

  We sit there for a couple minutes saying nothing. What is there to talk about? The woman I’ve been sharing a bed with almost offed me. Whether she wanted to or not isn’t the problem. I don’t know how to trust her, and I don’t see that changing. Sure, I have the answers I need, and she’s probably the link we’ll require to take this operation down, but it can’t be anything more than a business decision. I stand and offer my hand to help her do the same. As soon as she takes it I’m shoving her up against the wall, my face close to hers as fury takes control over me. “You think you could fucking play me? You think you’re above the law? You should be scared for your life, because it’s taking everything in me not to fucking take you out myself. I never should have let a little whore like you into my bed, but pussy is pussy. You offered so I took that shit and I don’t regret it either, but your cherry leaves a bad taste in my mouth so now I have no other choice but to do whatever it takes to end this charade.”

  She kicks me between the legs and breaks free of my hold, hightailing it out the front door in nothing but her thong. I know she won’t get far, so I manage to slip on a pair of pants and jacket before going after her. She’s left her gun in the cabin. I take it and a flashlight with me since it’s still dark out. I listen for the sound of leaves crashing against her feet. It’s drizzling, making it difficult to distinguish from nature and human. I make my way toward the road where the truck is parked in a hidden location inside the gates. I spot a glimpse of her foot before it ducks behind a large oak tree. She’s not getting away from me this time. I have her in my sights. “You need to come out and face me, Nina.”

  “Screw you, Moth. I’d rather freeze to death than listen to your orders. Just call this what it is – the end. Let me go my way and you go yours. You’ll never see me again.”

  I shake my head. “I’m afraid that’s not going to happen. You have two choices. You can come out and head back to the cabin with me, or I can force you. If I were you I’d take the first option, because I will use force with the second.”

  She darts out behind the tree and begins running down a steep embankment. I vividly remember being told to steer clear of it when I was younger. There’s a stream at the bottom, but it’s mangled with sticker bushes and other plant-like obstacles that could inflict a very painful tumble.

  “Wait! Stop!” I try to warn her before seeing her disappear.

  I’m only seconds behind, but it’s a enough time to see that she’s rolled about forty yards down the steep hill. She’s holding onto her leg and rocking back and forth in excruciating pain, or at least she seems to be. If I don’t approach this with caution it could cost me my life.

  I maneuver down the embankment until I reach her. After shining the light around I see her predicament is real. Blood is oozing out of a pretty deep gash in her upper thigh. Thorns are wrapped around her ankles, which inadvertently stopped her from reaching the bottom and landing in the stream. I don’t know what to address first, so I stick the gun in the back of my pants while keeping the flashlight shined on her. She’s crying, and I don’t know if it’s because she’s scared for her life or the pain. Normally I carry a knife, but because of the clothing situation I have nothing to work with. I begin the tedious task of removing the briars one at a time, cutting my hands on the wet thorns as I go.

  “Just leave me here. I’ll die of hypothermia by the time morning comes.”

  “Shut the fuck up. You’re not dying on my watch. I won’t have your blood on my hands.”

  She’s screaming when I get closer to her wound. I’m worried I won’t have the right medical supplies to care for it back at the cabin, but I need to get her there first. By the time I manage to free her ankles she’s too weak to fight me. Her wound looks superficial, but it’s bleeding pretty bad and it’s a long gash, so I know it can’t feel great. Aside from the cut, she’s shivering like crazy, soaking wet, and completely overemotional. No training out there can prepare either of us for what we’re experiencing. We’ve been betrayed. We’ve trusted the wrong person, and I don’t know about her, but I’ve become emotionally involved to a point I’m certain I’ll live to regret.

  Carrying her back to the cabin isn’t a struggle. I’m two times her size with enough body heat and muscle to manage easily. She sobs against my exposed chest, every once in a while pleading for me to forgive her. At any given time she could reach around to retrieve her weapon from the back of my trousers, but she doesn’t. Instead she clings to my neck like her life depends on it.

  I don’t sit her down in the living room. The first thing that needs to be done is to get that wound cleaned and her body temperature back up. I manage to carry her to the upstairs bathroom where I turn on the piping hot water and stick her under the spray. Her teeth continue to chatter and she’s got her arms wrapped around the front of her chest for extra warmth. I stand with her, rubbing her sides and holding her close. It’s not my intention to appear forgiving. I’m not doing this so we can make up and pretend we’re going to be anything more than enemies. Right now my only concern is making sure she’s warm and patched up. We can hash out the rest afterwards.

  It’s only a few minutes before her body begins to relax. I look into those eyes that continue to draw me and speak softly in order to keep the peace. “I’m going to duck down and make sure the wound is clean. If you try to kick me again I’ll take you down faster than you can blink. Can you be nice?”

  She nods.

  I squat down and take a look at her wound. It’s still bleeding, but not gushing. There are no pieces of debris that I can see. I run a rag over the area and she sucks in a deep breath like it hurts. I’m careful when I repeat it the second time, making sure I’m not using pressure. When I’m confident it’s the cleanest it can get, I stand and shut off the water before helping her into a towel and hobble into the bedroom.

  She’s sitting on the bed wrapped up, her hair soaking wet, which reminds me of the way she was earlier when we were fucking like wild animals. My dick reacts at the thought and I shake it off. It’s important to stay focused and not let what we’ve done mess with my head.

  I hurry back into the bathroom and find Band-Aids, peroxide and even some antiseptic. When I kneel in front of her she seems calm. I open the peroxide bottle and look at her to make sure she’s ready. “This is going to sting.”

  She manages a worried look. “I’m as rea
dy as I’ll ever be.”

  I pour it over the large gash watching as it bubbles immediately. She’s cringing, but managing to keep still while I dab the area dry. Before applying a bunch of Band-Aids, I rub antiseptic over the wound and blow on it to help relieve the burn.

  By this time she’s relaxed. She remains on the mattress when I get out of my wet clothes and finally sit beside her and put my hands on my knees. “We’re in a pretty fucked up predicament, Nina. Until I can figure out what I’m going to do I need you to promise no more bullshit ideas. You don’t kill me and I won’t kill you.”

  I turn to peer into those tantalizing eyes and see nothing but emptiness. “I don’t think I’m capable of hurting you. I’ve had plenty of opportunities before tonight. If I wanted you dead I would have done it when I had the chance.”

  “I don’t know whether to be grateful or pity you for being a coward.”

  “This isn’t about being scared. I’ve used my service weapon before.”

  “On an innocent victim?”

  She shakes her head. “No. He wasn’t innocent.”

  “There’s a difference. You were taught right from wrong. You can’t pull the trigger because you know I’m one of the good guys. Whether you like it or not I’m invested in this case.”

  “I didn’t kill Jamie.”

  “You could have reached out to me.”

  “If I did it would breach my cover.”

  “Well that obviously went to shit.”

  “He was a nice guy; your brother. You have the same smile.”

  I stand. “Don’t go there with me.”

  “Moth, wait.” I don’t listen and keep walking. “Agent Douglas.”

  I freeze in place. She’s done her homework. “Please don’t go. I wasn’t faking. I know you don’t believe me, but I’ve developed feelings for you I can’t shake. I don’t expect you to return them, but I want you to know I’m not capable of hurting you. For the first time in forever you reminded me what it was like to feel something again. Whatever happens next I want you to know that.”

  I close the door when I exit and stand on the other side fighting with my heart. I’m not a fool. What we shared was mutual. We were both on the same page, whether we were lying to each other or not. Something made her refrain from pulling the trigger, and if she’s telling the truth I’m going to have to figure out what I have to do to save her life.

  Chapter 19

  I can hear Nina crying in the bedroom from downstairs. I’ve decided to keep my distance on account of her fucking with my head. I’m not the kind of man to talk about emotions like a little bitch would do. I keep my feelings bottled up for a reason, so the fact that I can’t control them is screwing with my ability to rationalize. I can’t think straight. I’m fucked up beyond recognition and I know until I figure out why neither of us are safe.

  I’m not real sure what time my body gives in and I fall asleep, but I wake to the sound of Nina sniffling and she’s too close for comfort. Sitting on the floor in front of the sofa where I lay she’s staring at me. My eyes stay focused on Nina as her fingers come up and brush the side of my cheek. “I don’t want to fight with you, Moth. I can’t sleep,” she whispers.

  “Not my problem,” I mumble before flipping over to face in the opposite direction.

  I hear her leave and begin walking back up the stairs. As much as I try, I’m unable to fall back asleep after realizing she got so close without me noticing. I sit up and run over my options. I can barricade the door, tie her up, or hold her at gunpoint to ensure she stays put. None of those seem like a good idea, so while I’m developing other solutions I truck up the steps in her direction.

  She’s put a T-shirt on and is curled within the covers on one side of the mattress. Her innocent appearance makes me vulnerable. I slip into the bed beside her without saying anything. All I want to do is rest, and maybe this way I’ll be able to know if she’s coming for me when the bed moves.

  I’m uncomfortable and it’s difficult to allow myself to fall back asleep. I turn in her direction so I can watch to ensure she’s sleeping. The room is dark, but my eyes have adjusted enough to make out objects. When they do I see she’s looking right at me. She slides closer until we’re right up against one another. My gut is telling me to make a beeline for the bedroom door and get the hell out of there, while something else beckons me to stay.

  Her lips are so close. I can almost perfectly recall the way they feel when I press mine up against them. This woman should be my enemy. I need to hate her because she’s screwed me over and considered ending my life, but I can’t. I have to remain close to her, because like it or not I still want this, even when I know it’s the wrong decision. That’s probably why I want it.

  My hand comes down to restrain her wrist. She’s unable to overpower me, which enables me to kiss her without concern of being slapped. I’m not gentle. My anger is pouring into this voluntary reaction. I pull away like I’ve changed my mind. Perhaps for a second I have. My mind focuses on that night I watched her in her bed. I have to know the truth. “That night, you were watching me, weren’t you? You wanted me to react, because you knew it’s how you’d lure me in?”

  “The cameras you and your team took out of my apartment were mine. It wasn’t difficult to hack into your feed. I facilitated and arranged to seduce you while you were online, yes. I did.”

  My hand is around her throat. I’m furious and overwhelmed with animosity regarding the circumstances where she took my vulnerability and used it as a weapon. What right did she have to lure me in so that she’d be able to end my life? This is bullshit. I’m enraged to the point of not knowing what I’m prepared to do to rectify the situation. It’s a good thing little Nina has the training needed to get out of dangerous situations. She uses her legs and flips her body over mine, which in turn releases my hold. She’s trying to pin me down so she can talk, grunting and whipping her hands around so I’m unable to catch them. “Stop it. Just listen to me!” She’s pleading.

  “I hate you. You screwed me to kill me. You’re a cold-hearted bitch.”

  She slaps me across the face. The sting is enough for me to feel shocked. “You screwed me too. You pretended to be someone else, you arrogant bastard. Did you honestly believe any woman would want someone who gloats the way you did? Where did you learn how to act around a woman, douchebag school?”

  We’re wrestling around like wild animals, up until we aren’t any longer. One second I’m attempting to overpower her and the next we’re right back to embracing. Our kiss is violent, and as she pulls away I feel another slap across my cheek. In some ways I know I deserve this, but I’m too bullheaded to admit it to Nina. I offer my opinion. “This whole situation is fucked up! I need to hate you, so I can wrap my head around what to do with you.”

  She shoves me away again. Fresh tears fill her eyes but she’s not exactly crying. She’s enraged, and her teeth grit together as she growls at me. “I hate you more. You ruined everything. Because of you I’ll never see my brother again.” She realizes what she’s said and her glossed over eyes widen with knowledge of what it represents. “Shit, Moth, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That was insensitive. I. I can’t even begin to apologize.”

  “Who killed Jamie?” I sit up next to her and look down at my hands. “We can sit here and argue until we’re blue in the face, but it’s not going to get us anywhere. I need answers. I can’t make any promises, but I’ll do what I can to get you out of danger.”

  She’s sobbing. I want to lash out at her and tell her she’s made her bed, but I know it’s wrong. We’re both in this position because of people we cared about.

  “I’m not sure who did it, but I think we both know who made the order.”

  “Where do you stand with the FBI? Do they have any idea you’re involved in this?”

  She wipes away her tears and looks right at me. “Not that I know of. I took a leave of absence for a family emergency and never reported or returned to work. I’m sure someon
e is looking for me, at least to take my badge and service weapon, not that I’ve been reachable. I left everything behind due to the importance of becoming Windy.”

  “Do you know what happened to Windy Lewis?”

  She fiddles with her hands and nods. “I was assigned in the missing person’s division when I was working. Windy was my first case. I promised myself I wouldn’t ever let my emotions keep me from my job, but when I found that girl and she told me her story I felt obligated to do something to protect her.”

  “We went to her house. We spoke with her mother, and were able to find pictures she’d hidden under the carpet in her room. They abused her, didn’t they?”

  She nods again. “Yeah, for her whole life. When she got older it was worse. They stopped using their hands and went with other objects. I think her father sexually abused her, but she never admitted it to me.”

  “So you located her? She’s alive?”

  “Yes. She’s alive and she’s happy. She met someone while she was at college and kept it a secret from her family. They met online. That’s how I was able to track her down in Katy, Texas. She has a little girl, and didn’t want her parents knowing she was pregnant. Once I saw that child I knew I couldn’t proceed with the investigation. I hid the file and deleted all of our information so when I used her name it wouldn’t put up red flags in the system. I broke the rules, but it was all to protect that child from the same upbringing her mother was a victim of.”

  “Shit. I don’t blame you. That’s crazy. I would have done the same damn thing.”

  “What happens now? Do you handcuff me and turn me in? Do you call your director and tell him what’s going on? I know I’m not going to be able to go back to my life.”

  I run my hands through my buzzed hair. “I don’t fucking know the protocol for this. I don’t even know if there is any.”

  “So what now? What do you want to do?”

  I shrug. “Where do I even begin? This case is a nightmare. My brother is dead because of my involvement. Now there’s a hit out on me. Your life is in danger, and I’m still no closer to nailing Alizar.”