My Favorite Senior Moments

by Karen O'Connor

  But now that Chuck was retired, all the days were a jumble except weekends. He kept track of Saturdays and Sundays because of golf and church. What was he to do to keep track of the rest of the time? He couldn’t bear the thought of being an old geezer who was falling by the side of the road.

  One afternoon Chuck poured out his woes to his seven-year-old grandson, Lance, as they were going home from the boy’s baseball practice. Maybe Lance will sympathize with me. Grace surely doesn’t because she can’t stand the idea of being married to an old man.

  Lance wrinkled his brow for a moment after listening to Chuck’s lament. Then he brightened. “Grandpa, I have a great idea. Look at your vitamin case on the kitchen table. There’s a little section for each day’s pills, right?”

  Chuck nodded.

  “Well, all you have to do is look at the name of the day when you take your vitamins. I’ll get you started. Today is Tuesday. When we get back to your house, we’ll open the compartment for tomorrow. Wake up in the morning and look at your open vitamin case. You’ll see it’s Wednesday. You’ll never be mixed up again, I promise.”

  “But what if I forget to take my pills or to open the next little section?”

  “Well, Grandpa, that’s my best idea. You’re on your own if that doesn’t work. Mom says we all have to take responsibility for our own actions. Know what I mean?”

  Chuck nodded. He sure did.

  Today’s Thoughts

  You, LORD, keep my lamp burning.

  PSALM 18:28

  Lord, Lance has a point. I need to keep on keeping on till you call me home. Please sharpen my mind and set my will with yours in all things.

  22

  Bad Hair Day

  Martha’s bad hair day wasn’t due to wind or rain. It started with shampooing. “I love the little containers of shampoo and conditioner you get when you stay overnight in a hotel,” said Martha. “They don’t contain the additives and fragrances like the name brands I usually buy, and I love how they work on my hair. When my daughter and I go out of town, we always gather up the free samples and take them home.”

  During one visit, while getting ready to step into the shower, Martha pulled off her glasses, got her towel ready, and placed her cell phone by the tub. She had everything within easy reach. “Then I remembered I needed more conditioner. I grabbed a couple of bottles from the counter and stepped into the shower. I shampooed and rinsed and then reached for the conditioner. A thought hit me: Did I get the right bottle? I tried to read the label, but without my glasses all I could see was what appeared to be a long word. ‘It must be conditioner,’ I decided.”

  For fear of running out of hot water, Martha quickly shook out a handful from the bottle and rubbed it through her hair. In a matter of seconds her head felt sticky and gooey. She rinsed it immediately, but the more water she used, the worse it got. The water turned lukewarm and then cold.

  “What did I put in my hair?” she shouted. Panicking, she grabbed the bottle of shampoo from the shower, finished that one and used another one before she finally had a clean head of hair—and in cold water! She stepped out of the shower and pulled a towel around her to get warm.

  She reached for her glasses to see what she’d used. Moisturizing lotion! No wonder it was sticky and gooey. But her hair did feel silky and soft. Not all bad after all.

  Today’s Thoughts

  The Spirit helps us in our weakness.

  ROMANS 8:26

  Lord, you don’t keep me from making big or little mistakes, but you do assure me that you’re with me and will guide me through the situation. Thank you for being with me always.

  23

  Too Hot!

  Anita and her mother, Ingrid, chose a cozy booth in their favorite café. They were going to enjoy their monthly lunch together.

  Ingrid started the conversation. “We had a wonderful gift fair at church last weekend. You’d be surprised at how much we brought in from the sale of third-world goods. And a neighbor church sold even more of them. It was so exciting to hear about such a good response.”

  Anita smiled so her mother would know she was interested and paying attention. She commented, “So the total was about $105k?”

  “Your temperature is 105!” Ingrid’s voice rose. “Oh my! You need a doctor! Honey, you’re really sick. Let’s go to urgent care right now. I’ll drive while you pray.” She put down the menu, reached for her car keys, and stood.

  “Mom, wait! I’m fine, really. Do you have your hearing aids in?” Anita asked. But she was too late. Ingrid was already hurrying out the door.

  Today’s Thoughts

  “I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,” declares the LORD.

  JEREMIAH 30:17

  God, thank you for giving me the most precious kind of well-being—a soul redeemed by Christ Jesus.

  24

  Membership Closed

  It was the first day of a long bus trip through Spain. While strolling along a cobblestone walk during the first break, Michelle stumbled, fell, and blacked out. When she came to, she was mortified. Men and women were clustered around. Seeing she was conscious, they kept asking if she wanted to go to the hospital. From the expressions on their faces, they were clearly worried.

  “No. No ambulance and no hospital,” she stated firmly. “I’ll be all right in a moment. I must have slipped on a pebble or something.”

  “It’s those sandals you’re wearing,” chimed in one of the men standing by her. “Put on some real walking shoes.”

  Not too sympathetic, Michelle thought. But he’s probably right. She took his words to heart as she touched her throbbing head and checked out her skinned knees. A nurse on the trip stepped forward and encouraged her to stand up and sip some water. She gave Michelle a going over, checking for a serious head injury and broken bones.

  “So far, so lucky,” the woman said with a smile. “I think you’re in shock more than anything. We’ll help you back to the bus so you can rest.”

  The following day the passengers stepped onto the bus after breakfast and enjoyed a long drive through the countryside before making their next stop at an old castle. Cora slid to the edge of her seat in the front row and stood. As she stepped into the aisle down she went, face forward into the entry well of the bus. The tour guide had put out a steadying hand and kept her from taking a true header. Fortunately, Cora was wearing a wool hat and a raincoat—both helped protect her from serious injury. But she did bonk the side of her head and cut her chin. She noticed her silk scarf had fallen out of her purse and was on the floor. That’s what caused her misstep.

  On day 4 of the 12-day journey, as tour members went through an old house with a winding staircase, Milton missed the narrow end of one of the descending steps and tumbled forward, crashing into his wife, who was just ahead of him. She was sent flying to the bottom of the stairway. Blood spurted everywhere, spotting the walls, the steps, and the couple’s clothing. Within minutes they were whisked off to the emergency room at a nearby hospital. They returned that evening with Milton’s head bandaged and his wife’s right knee bearing five stitches.

  If it weren’t so sad it would have been amusing. The next morning when everyone was aboard the bus and accounted for, the tour leader quipped, “Sorry, folks. We’ve had such a rush of people trying to join ‘The Fall Club’ that we’ve had to close the membership.”

  Everyone laughed, agreed, and for the remaining days of the trip all was well. One oldster quipped, “That’s what happens when you get a bunch of seniors together. We keep trying to trip each other up!”

  Today’s Thoughts

  The gracious hand of our God is on everyone who looks to him.

  EZRA 8:22

  Lord, how blessed I am that no matter what I do, or where I go, or how many challenges I face, there you are guiding and comforting me and healing my wounds.

  25

  Charge!

  “What happened?” Samantha asked as she sat up in the easy chair. She was sitti
ng in darkness. The lights were out. The TV was off. The fridge was no longer humming. I must have dozed off, she decided. She stood and ambled along the wall in the living room to the hallway and then down to her bedroom, afraid of falling with no light to guide her. Even the small nightlights were out.

  She suddenly realized she hadn’t charged her mobile phone for a few days. If her daughter tried to call, she wanted to be sure she could get through. Samantha fumbled in a drawer for a flashlight, found one, and flicked it on. She scurried back down the hallway to the countertop where she kept her phone. Quickly she hooked the phone to the charger and plugged it into the wall socket. Nothing happened.

  “Oh, no! What’s next?” she muttered. Then it hit her. If the lights were out, the television was off, and the entire house was pitch-black, obviously the electricity was off so why did she think she could charge her phone? Ah! Another one of those senior moments.

  Samantha felt her way back to her easy chair, sat down, pulled a blanket tightly around her lap and shoulders, and slipped off to sleep. It will be light soon enough, she consoled herself. And sure enough it was. When she awakened, the TV was on and the lights too. Now she didn’t need lamplight. It was morning and the sun was peeking through her kitchen window. And best of all, the fridge was humming again. Time for breakfast, time to reset all the clocks, time to charge her phone. The power outage was over.

  Today’s Thoughts

  When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

  JOHN 8:12

  Lord, how good to be reassured that when I think the lights have gone out in my life, you are with me to restore them. You are the light of the world. When I walk with you, I have all the light I need.

  26

  The Perils of Smoking

  “Hi, Mom!” Rory said after answering the phone. She raised the volume of her voice as well as she could considering her sore throat and cough. She felt miserable, but she didn’t want to discourage her mother by cutting the conversation short. Rory knew it was an effort for her mother to make phone calls.

  “What’s going on over there?” her mom asked. “You sound so far away.”

  “I have a cold. And to make matters worse, Richard just put a special log in the woodstove today to burn out the creosote that can stop up the chimney. If we don’t take care of it now, it’s likely the smoke from the stove will back up and fill the room eventually. That would be all I need at this point. How about you? I hope you’re doing better than I am.”

  Rory’s mother cleared her throat and exclaimed, “What? You let guests smoke in your house?”

  Oh dear! Rory started the explanation all over again, but her voice had collapsed so she coughed between each word.

  “Oh dear!” her mother shouted. “Are you all right? You should have known better after all these years. Never ever let anyone smoke in your house! You are allergic to smoke. You always have been. What were you thinking?”

  “Mom! I wasn’t… ”

  “See what I mean? You weren’t thinking! I knew it. Well, you tell your guests to put out their cigarettes right now or leave immediately. And you can tell them your mother said so!”

  Rory gave up. “Sure thing, Mom. Great advice. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Today’s Thoughts

  I was sick and you looked after me.

  MATTHEW 25:36

  There are many ways to be sick—but no matter the way, you are here to comfort and heal me. Thank you, Lord.

  27

  Oh, No!

  Sandy plucked her phone out of her purse and called her friend Marie. The two had talked about sharing information for a project they were working on for a club they both belonged to. Sandy wanted to recommend a book for Marie to read. After sharing about the book, Sandy said, “Hang on! It’s in the living room. I’ll put down the phone for just a second and get it. I’ll be right back.”

  Sandy laid the phone on the kitchen table, went into the living room, and reached for the book on a shelf above the fireplace. With book in hand, she grabbed her phone and chatted away, giving Marie the title of the book and a few other details related to their project.

  But Marie didn’t respond. She didn’t even say, “No thanks,” or “good idea,” or “nice of you to think of me.”

  “Marie, are you there? What’s going on?” Sandy said. She felt her face flush with frustration. Still no reply from Marie. Sandy held her phone out and looked at it. That’s when she realized she’d picked up the small clock on the coffee table—not her cell phone that she’d left in the kitchen!

  Oh, no! By now Marie is probably wondering what happened to me! Just then her cell phone chimed. Sandy went into the kitchen, picked it up, and glanced at the face. Sure enough, it was Marie calling.

  Sandy had some explaining to do, including apologizing for the mistake and for her thoughts when she was sure Marie was being rude.

  “I heard your voice fading away,” said Marie, “and then I didn’t hear it anymore. I finally hung up.”

  The two friends had a really good laugh and admitted that getting old certainly has its hang-ups.

  Today’s Thoughts

  [God] will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.

  JOB 8:21

  A good belly laugh is such good medicine when I find myself in ridiculous predicaments. Once I let it out, I can go on with a smile. Lord, thank you for giving me a sense of humor.

  At Play

  28

  A Small World

  Rosemary was fed up with Genevieve, one of her tablemates in the dining room of Wellington Senior Living. Rosemary had moved in just six months before and quickly discovered Genevieve simply wouldn’t stop talking about her many travels to this continent and that, up one river and down another, and over sea and mountain. It seemed there was barely a speck on the globe that she and her husband hadn’t explored.

  Today it was all Rosemary could do to hold her tongue. She and Abner, her husband, had done very little traveling. They were homebodies, content with their life as it was—until recently. When their big house became too much for them, they moved to Wellington.

  Genevieve and Walter could no longer travel due to his declining health, but that didn’t stop Genevieve from blabbing about all they’d done back in the day. She seemed to be challenging everyone at the table to match or outdo what she and her husband had accomplished in their 52 years of marriage.

  “Well,” Genevieve asked Rosemary one day at breakfast, “wasn’t life boring just staying put? Never enlarging your circle, learning about the world and other cultures, and finding out how other people live? I can’t imagine it.”

  “Oh, we did travel,” Rosemary corrected, biting back the sarcasm she wanted to drop in Genevieve’s lap. “We preferred to take short trips to interesting places that enriched our lives.”

  Genevieve set down her coffee cup. “Really? You’ve never mentioned that. What kind of trips? Where did you go? I bet Walter and I have been to some of the same spots. Short trips, you said?”

  “Yes, very short. And I’m certain you’ve been there too. In fact, I’ve seen you at some of the places.”

  “Tell me more!” Genevieve was all ears.

  “Short trips…to Save-a-lot Pharmacy, Minnie’s Flower Shop, Doctor Benson’s office, and Gas for Less Fuel.” Rosemary smiled as she picked up her cup and took a sip. She eyed her tablemate over the rim.

  At last Genevieve was speechless!

  Today’s Thoughts

  Like a north wind that brings unexpected rain is a sly tongue—which provokes a horrified look.

  PROVERBS 25:23

  Lord, sometimes it’s really difficult to listen when other people go on and on about their lives with little thought or comment about mine. Help me be quick to listen and slow to judge.

  29

  Dad’s Turn

  Saturday morning Tom pulled
out his old pup tent, the hiking poles he hadn’t seen in a decade, and the cookstove and backpack he’d used umpty-ump years ago when he was a young man and his two sons were little. Where did the time go? he wondered. I was strong then, and they were fragile. Now I’m fragile, and they’re strong.

  He looked through his pantry. Not much there but a few cans of soup and chili. The fridge held some wilted lettuce, a carton of milk, and a loaf of stale bread. Ever since his wife had passed away six months before, Tom had lost interest in food… make that life. He felt depressed a lot of the time, and he couldn’t muster the energy to do the things he once did with such vigor.

  Now the boys wanted him to go on a camping trip with them. Tom didn’t want to disappoint them, but he also couldn’t picture himself tromping up the side of a mountain or holding out on a trail for hours at a time. He shook his head. He’d have to decline. That was that.

  The front door opened, and in walked Rich and Hal.

  “Dad, we’ve come to give you a hand,” said Rich. “We’re leaving Monday, don’t forget. We’ll need a couple of hours today to make sure you have everything you need.”

  Tom’s stomach soured. How could he tell the boys he wasn’t going? They seemed so excited for this father and sons excursion.

  Hal was carrying a huge bag and a box. He set them down on the living room floor. “Rich and I got these for you, Dad. Take a look.”

  Tom’s eyes flooded. It wasn’t even his birthday, and yet here was a load of gifts! He lifted the lid on the box. New hiking boots—just his size. He opened the big bag and inside was the latest model backpack, complete with pockets for everything from a carving knife to a camera, from a bottle of water to snacks.

  “You boys thought of everything, didn’t you? I don’t know what to say.”

  “No words necessary.” Hal clapped his dad on the back. “The backpack is for your personal items, Dad. Rich and I will handle the tent, sleeping bags, stove, and food.”