Restrained

by Nicole Dykes

  “Lola . . ..” I hate the weakness in my voice.

  Her response is taking the fork and feeding me a bite of the cake that, to my surprise, actually melts in my mouth and is delicious. I don’t even like sweets.

  “Fuck, that’s good.”

  She nods her head knowingly. “Right? They’re the best bakery in town.”

  My hand cups her cheek and brings her forward so I can kiss her lips. She tastes like lemon and frosting and so fucking good. She smiles against my lips. “Where were you for the first thirty years of my life?”

  Her smile fades, but she doesn’t back away from me, her voice quiet and sullen. “In hell.”

  Again, my chest squeezes tight, as my thumb swipes over her cheek. “You’re one strong woman, Lola. Not even hell can take you down.”

  She pulls back, but only slightly, just enough to look in my eyes. She lays a kiss on my lips again and then turns to look on the clock sitting on my nightstand. “I have to go.”

  “What?” I look down at the cake between us. “We haven’t even finished our cake.”

  She kisses me again. “I know. I have to meet with Penelope and Viv about other accounts.” She smiles. “The less high maintenance ones.”

  I chuckle. “Those fuckers.”

  She laughs, placing the cake on the bed and stands up, collecting her skirt from the floor and tugging it on. “And then I should probably get some actual work done for you.”

  She shrugs out of my shirt as she picks up her blouse. I yank her to me by her wrist, making her squeal happily as I pull her into my arms, her bare breasts pressing against my chest. “Or we could say fuck it all and stay in bed all day.”

  What the hell is wrong with me? Forgoing work for sex? That’s really not me.

  I swear I can feel her heart pounding against my own as her finger traces along my shoulder. “Please don’t tempt me.”

  “Tomorrow?”

  She scrunches her nose up like she’s thinking about it and then pecks my lips. “Yes. But work first, then reward.”

  “It’s a date.”

  “It’s a date, Hayden.” She kisses me again before climbing off my bed, getting dressed and tossing me another kiss through the air before she leaves.

  Fuck, I'm in trouble.

  I wake up thinking about Hayden with a big grin on my face.

  I can’t stop thinking about him. Even during my meeting with Penelope and Viv yesterday, I couldn’t shake the goofy smile from my lips.

  I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I like it.

  I haven’t told Penelope about sleeping with Hayden yet. I know I should, but she’s my business partner, and even if she’s cool as hell, she may not be too thrilled with me sleeping with a client.

  I climb out of bed and walk into the kitchen, still wearing that ridiculous smile on my face and stop dead in my tracks when I see Sawyer in my kitchen, shirtless with some serious bedhead. Sex hair.

  Oh. Shit.

  I look further into the kitchen and don’t see Baz or Viv, just Sawyer staring at the coffeemaker. He turns around, and the boy is all abs and a cocky grin. Hard ridges and a deep V. No wonder Viv is into him.

  Of course, most of the girls at our school were even when I was there, and I was quite a few grades above them. “Sawyer.”

  “Hey, Lols.”

  Only my brothers and Sawyer call me “Lols.” It sends a pang of guilt through me, reminding me of Ash. This would kill him. Even if I don’t think Ash and Viv would have ever made it as a couple, I know he’d be jealous as all hell seeing Sawyer half-naked in the kitchen the morning after.

  “You stayed here last night?”

  He nods his head, taking the full mug of hot coffee from the Keurig and handing it to me. “I did.” I accept the cup, and he goes about making another one, since he gave me his. Which is sweet, I have to admit. “Baz is at your mom’s.”

  That’s right. Viv mentioned that yesterday.

  I place the mug down on the counter. It’s too hot to drink. He starts to brew another cup of coffee and turns to me again, crossing his arms over his sculpted abs. “What?”

  There’s that Sawyer attitude. “Nothing. You’re a big boy.”

  I roll my eyes when he smirks, and I shoot him a glare, warning him not to make a “big” joke. “I am.” I see his guilty expression as he drops his arms to his sides. “This is where you tell me I’m not good enough for her. That I should back off, right?”

  I imagine he’s heard that before. Knowing Sawyer, he’s heard it a lot.

  “No.”

  He rolls his beautiful eyes, and they are beautiful. Somehow, he smiles smugly with just his eyes, portraying so much charm I swear he could talk almost any woman into anything. “We’ve known each other a long time, Lola. I know you're dying to give me advice. To protect her. And Ash.”

  The way he says my brother’s name, I know he’s dying inside over what happened. I walk closer to him, leaving my coffee on the counter. “You’re right. We’ve known each other for a long time. And I care about you.” One of his eyebrows lifts, and I shake my head. “I know how much you love Asher.”

  He scoffs, and I see the walls he’s trying to put up. “That shit is over.”

  “No, it’s not. You’re both hotheads, and you’re both pissed for your own stupid reasons.” He’s not smiling now, his grin having fallen as soon as Asher was mentioned. “I know how much you cared about him, so for you to betray him . . .”

  “I didn’t fucking betray him.”

  I hold up one hand. “You went out on a date with Viv.”

  “Yeah, like a half a year after he told her he would never commit to her. He tossed her to the side, made her feel like she was nothing to him.”

  Oh, he has it bad. He stops talking, and I clear my throat and study his face. I don’t think this is just a pissing contest like I initially thought. “You really don’t think she meant anything to him?”

  “I don’t know. All I know is we were all friends. They stopped fucking. We all were hanging out, and then somehow, I ended up alone with Viv a few times and . . .”

  “You really care about her, don’t you?”

  “I’m a fuckup, Lola.” He shoots me a pained expression that makes my stomach hurt. “I don’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to hurt Asher. I wanted to fucking tell him before I even went out on a date, but Viv was hesitant. She wanted to see if there was anything between us first.”

  That’s exactly what I would have done too. But it may have done a lot more damage than good.

  He reminds me so much of my brothers. “He’ll forgive you.”

  He cocks his head to the side, not believing me. “No. He won’t.”

  He might be right. “You aren’t a fuckup, Sawyer. You’ve done some bad shit, but who hasn’t when they’re young and dumb?”

  “Not you, Lola Sterling.”

  I smile at that and shake my head. “I’ve done plenty of damage. Just don’t hurt her.”

  “I won’t. We’re taking it very slow.”

  I raise my eyebrow and nod to a purple hickey on his neck. “Not all that slow.”

  He grins and covers the spot with his large hand. “I won’t hurt her. And I don’t even know what last night really meant anyway.”

  “Don’t cheat on her.” He has a reputation, and we both know it.

  “Not possible, Lols.”

  I move back to pick up my coffee and take a sip, looking over my mug at him. “And why’s that?”

  “She doesn’t want commitment. At least not yet. So, there’s no way I could cheat.”

  “She doesn’t want commitment? Or you don’t want to commit?”

  He takes his own mug of coffee in his hand. “We aren’t there yet. Taking it slow.”

  “Fucking other people?”

  Unbelievable. I swear. They’re all going to kill me with their blatant stupidity.

  “If we want to, yeah.” He shrugs casually, and it’s infuriating. I hate standing by, kn
owing people I care about are going to get hurt, but what can I do?

  Like Viv said, their happiness is up to them.

  Even if they’re being fucking idiots.

  “You’re really okay with her sleeping with someone else? And she’s fine with you putting your dick where you like?”

  Okay, so I'm still not great at staying out of it.

  He takes a drink of coffee, but I noticed him cringe slightly when I mentioned her with someone else. “I’ve never done the commitment thing. Not really, Lola. We have to take it slow or I’ll fuck it up. She knows it, and so do I.” He takes another drink. “And besides, I’m not sure she really wants only one dick at this point.”

  “So it’s casual.” It’s not. I see the way they look at each other. There are feelings there.

  “Yes. It’s casual.” Liar.

  I sip my coffee, deciding this is not my battle. “Okay. Just be careful.”

  He nods. “I will.”

  “Make her some breakfast though. She deserves to be spoiled.”

  He grins and gives me the “aye aye, captain” salute with his hand. “Yes, ma’am.”

  I roll my eyes and go back to my room with my coffee. I take a shower and get ready for the day, saying a quick goodbye to Viv and Sawyer, who are sitting together at the kitchen table eating when I go outside through the side door to check on my flowers before I leave. I hear a car approach and walk to the front of my house, gasping when I see my youngest brother climbing out of a car at the end of my driveway.

  No.

  Asher walks up my driveway, swinging a bag over his shoulder and looking broody and pissed-off as usual. I meet him halfway and look back toward the front door, where Sawyer and Viv are inside.

  I turn to face Ash. “What are you doing here?”

  He looks at me like I’m insane. “I’m taking your advice and being a good uncle. I miss the fuck out of Baz.”

  I feel awful, seeing the loneliness and sadness in my little brother’s eyes. “I’m sorry. Of course. I just meant you didn’t say anything about coming to visit.”

  “I thought it was an open invitation?”

  “It is.” I want him to know that he’s always welcome. “It’s just . . .” I look nervously at Sawyer’s car parked on the street.

  When I look back at Asher, his eyes have followed mine, and they darken, looking up toward the house. “Sawyer’s here.”

  It’s not a question. He knows. And it breaks my heart.

  “Yes.”

  His jaw tightens, and I see darkness brewing, battling with the light. This is why I didn’t want him and Viv together because of this look on him . . . He looks way too much like our father.

  “I’m not here to see either one of them. I’m here for Baz.”

  Great. I take a deep breath and look him in the eyes. “Baz isn’t here.”

  The fury inside him only intensifies. “What the fuck do you mean he’s not here?”

  “He’s at Mom’s house. He stayed the night with her.”

  He scoffs, and I hate the bitterness I hear in his tone. “So they could fuck? That’s great. Why did he have to go to Mom’s? You couldn’t watch them while Sawyer spent a couple of minutes inside Viv?”

  “Asher . . .” I hate when he gets like this.

  “What?”

  “Viv is a good mother, and you know it. Don’t do that.”

  On the outside, I know he seems like a grown man, but my brother has so much growing up to do. “I never said she wasn’t.”

  “I know, but it kills her to be away from Baz. She didn’t just pawn him off on Mom so she could get laid. She let our mom take Baz so Mom could spend time with him. She trusts few people with that kid.”

  He looks vulnerable as he swallows tight and grits his teeth. “I miss him.”

  I pull him into a hug, trying like hell to comfort him. “I know. He misses you too. A lot. He talks about you every single day.”

  Asher hugs me back, holding me to him. “When is he supposed to be home?”

  “I’m not sure, but we’re all supposed to have dinner together, so you’ll come over for that. Okay?”

  He releases me and tries to steel himself, trying like hell not to show any emotion, but I see it. “Okay. But not with fuckface.”

  “I’m assuming that’s Sawyer?” He gives a curt nod. “Fine.” I look down at my phone, noting the time. “I have to go meet with a client. Where are you staying?”

  He shrugs his shoulders. “I guess a hotel.”

  “Penelope and Linc would gladly let you stay there.” I feel like an ass. “You know I would if . . .”

  He shakes his head, raising a hand to silence me. “No. To both. A hotel is fine.”

  “Well, you could go to Mom’s. Go see Baz there. I don’t think Viv would mind. Just text her first and make sure.”

  He nods his head. “Yeah, fine.”

  “Do it now, and I'll give you a ride.”

  He waves me off again. “Nah. Go to your meeting.”

  I look over my shoulder nervously, looking back at my house. “I don’t think I should leave you here.”

  “Jesus Christ, Lola. I’m not a fucking animal. I’m not going to go in there and pound the shit out of that fucker.”

  “Yeah. Real convincing, Ash.”

  He rolls his eyes and takes out his phone. A moment later it pings with a message, and he shows me.

  Viv gave him permission to go visit Baz at Mom’s house.

  “Come on, I’ll drop you off on my way.”

  Thankfully, he doesn’t fight me. He just climbs in my car, his eyes glaring at my house as I back out of the drive.

  Asher definitely shakes things up. But still, I'm so happy to see him.

  I should get going. I spent some time today texting with Viv, trying to ease her nerves. I can’t imagine how jolting it was when Ash sent that text this morning, knowing he’s in California the day after she slept with Sawyer for the first time.

  I’m nervous about tonight, but my body is fully relaxed, submerged with Hayden in his master suite’s jacuzzi tub at his house.

  We did actually work today. Albeit for a few hours, but then we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.

  I’ve never experimented with drugs. I’ve never had a problem with alcohol. I don’t have an unhealthy addiction to food.

  But . . . Hayden West. I definitely have a problem when it comes to him. One I don’t want to solve.

  He’s on the opposite side of the tub facing me, his arms wrapped around my knees that are bent up and out of the water. His chest is against my calves and my feet are under his ass. I could stay like this all day.

  His mouth sweeps over my knee, and even that is erotic as I smile at him, his full lips dragging along the skin over my kneecap. “You okay?”

  I drag my hand over his cheek, letting my thumb slide over his bottom lip. “I have to have dinner with my family tonight.”

  He sits up a little straighter now. Reacting to my tension? Or my family? I'm not sure. “Your whole family?”

  “Yes.” I watch him. “My youngest brother decided to come see our nephew. And my mom, my brother Linc, Penelope, and Viv and I were already planning to have dinner, so I invited Asher.”

  “I thought you were close to your family?”

  I lay my head back against the edge of the tub. “I am, but when we’re all together, there’s always drama. And lots of it.”

  His hands move from my legs to reach behind me, sliding my body closer to his. Our foreheads meet. “Maybe it won’t be too bad.”

  “Asher and Viv ended badly. And last night, she slept with his best friend for the first time. Now he’s in town.” I keep my flesh against his, leaning into him for comfort. “And Asher still hasn’t forgiven Penelope and Linc for being together. It’s a shitshow.”

  “Hasn’t forgiven them because Penelope dated Colt first?”

  I try not to flinch when he says my brother’s name. “Yes. He felt like it was a betrayal.�
��

  Hayden strangely seems to think over this quite a bit, considering they are all total strangers to him. “Maybe he’ll forgive them.”

  “Forgiveness isn’t Asher’s thing.”

  His eyes lift, and there’s something deep in them. There’s always a mystery in those eyes. I notice little gold flakes in his irises that seem to flicker with that mysteriousness. “Is it yours?”

  I study him intently, his gaze never ceasing as he watches me, waiting for my answer. “Some things can’t be forgiven.” His head drops, his chin on his chest, then I add, “But I think most can.”

  His head lifts, his eyes capturing mine. “I need to tell you something.” His chest rises and falls with a deep breath. He almost looks afraid. I say almost because it’s hard to imagine such a strong man fearing anything. “I have to tell you so many things.”

  My mouth opens to ask him what even though I am most certainly afraid of what he’s going to say when I hear my phone ringing in my purse. “Damn it. I should get that.”

  I climb out of the tub and grab a towel, wrapping it around me. I hear him follow as I find my phone, seeing it’s Asher calling. I watch Hayden wrap a white towel around his trim waist and nearly groan at the beautiful sight as I hit the accept button.

  “Ash? What’s wrong?”

  “Are we doing dinner or what?”

  My eyes drift to the clock on Hayden’s nightstand. Shit. It’s almost seven. I’m so late. “Um, yeah. I’m sorry, I lost track of time.”

  Asher is not amused. “Baz usually goes to sleep at eight, unless that’s another thing Viv has changed. I’d like to eat with him.”

  “I’m on my way. You, mom, and Tony can take Baz to my house.”

  “Is fuckface there?”

  I find my skirt on the floor, dropping my towel, letting the phone rest against my shoulder as I shimmy into it, all with Hayden’s amused and amorous gaze on me. “No. Viv assured me Sawyer won’t be there.”

  “Good.”

  “I’ll be there in fifteen.”

  Click.

  Shithead.

  I toss the phone onto the bed and grab my bra and blouse, pulling them both on as Hayden’s strong arms wrap around my waist. “You have to go?”