Through The Lens

by Shannon Dermott

I swiveled to face him in alarm. “You can’t hide that from me. If the guy’s got a girlfriend, and you know her, maybe you should put some space between you and him before something happens that both of you will regret.”

  “It’s not like that, at least not on his side.”

  “You’re staring at your phone like you need to find an answer to the secrets of life. Obviously, he’s asked you to hang out and you’re unsure of what to do.”

  Bradley had my number. “Thanks, Dr. Phil,” I muttered.

  The car came to a stop. I didn’t have to look to know that he’d brought me all the way home even though he’d passed his house to get there. “Aren’t you the same girl preaching to me about doing the right thing?”

  With my hand on the door handle, I said, “Yes, you're right.” I got out of the car and made it to my house still unsure of my next move. Bradley was right. He was. But I wanted to see Allie.

  Me: Tell her 2 call me.

  That text may have been my downfall.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The week blew by in a gust of school, homework, college applications, and the little sleep I got. I didn’t see much of Ethan except in the two classes we shared. He barely managed to look in my direction to acknowledge my presence. I didn’t press. I was sure I’d see him tonight when I met up with Allie at his house.

  Lunch as usual, he wasn’t there. I’d gotten my fair share of attention these days, just none from him. Getting my fill of PDA, otherwise known as public display of affection, from Madison and Bradley, I headed out of lunch early before I gagged. I loved them both, but didn’t need to see their carnal lust for each other up close and personal. With the empty halls, getting to my locker was simple. With the spin of the tumbler on the freshly painted maroon locker, I took my time to get what I would need for my next class.

  Jenna tried to tell me the last couple of days, but I hadn’t believed her. I mean how could I? So when Josh walked over to me at my locker, I stammered for even a hello.

  Dimples appeared with the wide grin he gave me over my tongue-tied-ness. Melting like a Popsicle on a summer day, I was openmouthed when I proceeded to speak. “I was wondering if we could go out to the movies or something?” Stunned not by just the asking but by his nervousness over me, I didn’t say anything at first.

  Josh had a crush on my sister for years. In my dreams, I’d always assumed if he liked her, he could like me. I mean I was her twin. My dreams, however, always landed me in the mirror to remind myself I’d been the fat sister. We hadn’t looked alike. But those were the thoughts of a younger me. I was different. Josh was still seriously cute, but my eyes fell on a boy who’d come in through the parking lot doors.

  Ethan’s tall frame entered the hall with a girl that was standing a little too close. It seemed Lucy was holding onto her prey and not giving up. Is this who Ethan was spending time with at lunch every day? And what were they doing? Josh looked up as they neared.

  Hand extended, Josh said, “What’s up, my man?” He eyed Ethan and Lucy and I didn’t have to see the look that passed between Josh and the two, to know what he meant from his words. I heard the unspoken question in his tone.

  Feeling guilty for a variety of reasons, I fiddled with my fingers looking down anywhere but at Ethan. The two guys did some sort of male handshake, I’d looked up enough to see that. Lucy gave a sigh, and I looked up to meet Ethan’s eyes. Josh had taken a step to my side, placing a hand on my waist that made us look like a couple. I could see it in Ethan’s quick look. Lucy mirrored Josh with a side step closing in on Ethan with complete satisfaction.

  “See you later, man,” Ethan said, quickly leaving with Lucy on his heels.

  “Later,” Josh said, taking a step back from me. He was as tall as Ethan, and his nearness made me crane my neck up to look at him. “So?”

  This should have been an easy answer. I pushed thoughts about a boy that could never be mine in the back of my head. He was with Allie or so I’d thought. Yet, Lucy was following him like a puppy dog. Was he scum? Should I tell Allie? Then I remembered the saying my Mom said. To assume would make and ass out of 'u' and me. I’d already assumed and fractured my friendship with Ethan. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

  To Josh, I said, “Yes.”

  His toothy smile and deep dimples led him to lean down. I thought he might kiss me. I’d never been kissed. But he only whispered in my ear. “I’ll pick you up tonight at eight.”

  There had been no one in the halls, therefore, no need for him to whisper. Had he just wanted to get close to me? I watched him walk away and couldn’t help but appreciate the view.

  Finally, getting my books out, I was about to close my locker when a hulking presence cornered me in the confines of my upper locker like a caged animal. “Jessa,” the voice said.

  Jamming my elbow back, I knocked the wind out of my would-be attacker. He stepped back, trying to catch his breath. “Kyle, why aren’t you in class?” I demanded quizzically. He didn’t answer. Instead, he rebounded and reached out to scuffle with me. That didn’t last for long before he was reaching in my locker to pull something out. “Stop it, you oaf”

  Before I could try another defensive move I’d learned over the years with a younger brother who didn’t seem to grasp that he was the youngest one, and it was my job, not his, to pick on him, he was gone. Turning, I found my brother pinned to the locker with a hand clasp around his throat. A few people who’d passed stopped to turn around to see the would be fight.

  Reaching with my hand, I clasped the arm of the guy who’d bested my brother. “Ethan, don’t,” I said. His rage-filled eyes met mine as he still held my brother immobile. Ethan wasn’t as big as my brother in terms of girth, but that didn’t seem to matter any. Not letting go, I said calmly, “He’s my brother.”

  His eyes turned back to Kyle, and he dropped his hand. My brother clasped his around what looked painfully sore from his grimace. “That’s even worse. You don’t manhandle the ladies,” Ethan said to a still shocked Kyle. Then without even a look in my direction, he stormed off. The gawkers headed back in the direction of the lunch room looking disappointed.

  “Who the hell was that?” my brother gasped. His pride sounded wounded as his ego shrank.

  With a clang, my locker closed. Giving my brother a smirk feeling like I’d won this round with my twerp of a brother I said, “That’s Allie’s boyfriend.”

  Eyes shown like flying saucers, he said, “No shit.” His voice sounded wistful, and I knew he’d be hero-worshiping Ethan for not only besting him but having the girl of his dreams.

  Wanting to bring the focus back to my victory, I added, “And I hope you learned something today. I’m a lady.” My head up tilted with my princess status, smugly, trying to make light of the situation.

  If I thought that with his protectiveness, he’d forgiven me, I was wrong. In our last class, he’d still acted like I didn’t exist. The one time I caught his stare, the features on his amazing face were blank. It was as if he were looking through me like glass.

  Unable to change his mind because I already apologized, I frantically, worked to try and finish my vase sketch before I had to turn it in for this week’s project. I was not the first to leave when the bell rang. When I looked up, however, I was dismayed at the lack of Ethan. I wanted to talk to him again, thinking that it would be awkward with Allie later if we didn’t settle things. But he was gone. Gathering my supplies and putting things back, I handed my sketch to Mr. Miller.

  “Nice job, Jessica,” Mr. Miller said.

  It was weird to have my given name be said. Everyone called me Jessa including all my other teachers and my parents. “It’s Jessa,” I said.

  His warm smile let me see just what the girls were saying about him. He was cute for an old guy. I guess I should say older. He was only a few years older than we were if the grapevine held any truth. He was like twenty-five or something like that. “Jessa, then. You will come for Yearbook Club on Monday, right?” he aske
d.

  “Yeah, sure,” I said before walking out. Ethan was in the club, I suspected because he’d hung around after class Monday. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to avoid me anymore.

  Chapter Fifteen

  After reasoning with Jenna, I kept our car and dropped her off. She was staying with friends overnight to do cheerleading business, something about making spirit posters for the away game tomorrow. Josh would be picking me up later, but now, I could go see Allie at Ethan’s on my own terms, using my half of the car for the first time in many moons.

  Parking in the driveway, I walked the short distance to the door. Ringing the bell was odd. The one time I’d done it before, things had ended so badly. However, I was invited. Allie had texted me to drop by.

  The door opened, and I was immediately enveloped, then crushed in a hug. A shrill of happiness escaped Allie that let me know she was happy to see me. She bounced like we were the best of friends, and it felt that way when I was with her.

  “I’ve missed you,” she crooned.

  Patting her back, I said, “Me, too.” And I meant it wholeheartedly.

  Over Allie’s shoulder, I saw Ethan standing in the hall as if he wasn’t sure what to do. She pulled back and surveyed me. “So school started; do tell me all the gossip.”

  Laughing, I said walking in, “But you don’t know anybody.”

  An exhale of breath, and she said, “I know. But I don’t get to go to school. I live through you and Ethan.”

  “Why don’t you get to go to school,” I asked, puzzled.

  Sighing, she said, “With shooting all week, all of us that haven’t graduated are required to have tutors. There is no time to actually go to school.”

  “Oh,” I said, genuinely amazed by the life of a celebrity.

  “Okay now, tell me,” she begged, pulling me down the hall.

  “Well,” I said, playfully. “There was this new guy that had all the girls talking.” I looked at Ethan and hoped this might break the tension between us. He just smirked when Allie turned to glance at him. She shook her head knowing him better than I.

  When I realized what I was saying to his girlfriend, I tried to think of something to backtrack my comment. “And we have this really cute new teacher.”

  “I know,” she said, not sounding the least bit miffed. “Ethan told me Mr. Miller is there now.”

  That was odd. “You know Mr. Miller?” I said.

  “Of course. He taught at our old school like two years ago. Then he went somewhere else and now he’s at your school. I hear he’s in high demand.”

  We made our way to the sole couch. Ethan was at one end, and I was at the other. Allie was sitting in between. Turning my way giving Ethan her back, she said conspiratorially, “Now tell me about all the hot guys.”

  Ethan put his hands around her waist drawing her close. “Hey now, I’m the only hot guy that matters.” He tickled her, and I hated myself for being jealous. He’d tickled me, too. I stuffed that jealousy back and beat it with a stick. He’s just a friend, semi-friend or maybe just somewhat of a friend. And there closeness reminded me just how close he’d been with Lucy. Should I say something? Then I remembered, I had no proof of anything. What if I did say something and nothing was going on expect Lucy trying to sink her teeth in the new guy?

  She laughed and I pulled out my camera which had been slung over my shoulder like a purse. I needed to distract myself. I snapped photo after photo until they were now paying more attention to the camera and posing on purpose.

  “I should leave you guys,” I said, while packing away my camera. I hadn’t planned to stay long.

  “You just got here,” Allie pouted.

  “Actually, I have plans tonight. But I really wanted to stop by and see you. You left with that whole paparazzi thing, and I haven’t spoken to you. I did try to call.”

  She rolled her eyes, but it wasn’t for me. “Yeah, that was a whole mess. My agent thought it was best that I get a new number just in case.”

  “You don’t think I had something to do with that, do you?” I asked because it had been a legitimate worry for me.

  Shaking her head, she said, “Oh no, it was bound to happen.” She dismissed that thought with a wave of her hand. “And don’t think you get off that easy.” Her back was against Ethan’s chest as he stroked her arm in a soothing gesture. “What plans do you have tonight?” she said, lifting her eyebrows in question.

  “I have a date,” I announced. I couldn’t help myself from looking at Ethan, too, for his response. Allie’s eyes went all wide in happiness. Ethan’s eyes narrowed, and he frowned for a second before he caught me looking and changed to a look of impassiveness.

  “Do tell,” she said, sounding like a reporter about to get her hands on a juicy story.

  “It’s this guy I’ve had a crush on for like forever,” I said, unsure why I needed to point that out.

  “Name? Stats?” she questioned.

  “Josh Macon, hottie, tall, dark hair, intense eyes like pools of chocolate.”

  “Oh, he sounds yummy.” Her voice sounded like a song as she uttered the short vowel sound for “oh.” “Have fun. But hey, do you want to hang tomorrow? I need to go shopping and thought you’d make better company.”

  I narrowed my eyes and teased, “Are you just using me for girl stuff?”

  “Of course, but honestly if I didn’t like you, I’d just drag Ethan with me.” We giggled. “I’ll text you the time. I want details,” she said a little louder as I made my way to the door.

  In the car on the way home, I thought about the fact that Ethan hadn’t said two words to me.

  Back in the confines of my room, I’d replayed the events and wondered just what I’d have to do to break this tension between Ethan and me. I stared into the mirror at my reflection. It still seemed weird to look at myself. I wore a summer dress with thin straps and more back showing than I’d dared before. I didn’t look like the Pillsbury Dough Girl anymore, and as weird as it sounds, the girl in the mirror didn’t seem like me because of it.

  The dress was pale blue in color and seemed to bring life to my hair and eyes, at least that is what my Mom said on one of her impromptu shopping trips a few weeks back. When the doorbell rang, I didn’t need to look at the time to know it was eight. Josh was known to be prompt.

  Picking up the little crossbody purse that was just big enough to carry my phone, cash, and house key, I headed downstairs. My Mom was at the door, but Dad was nowhere in sight. They knew Josh. He and my sister ran in the same circle for years. So he’d been over a time or two.

  They both turned and looked at me with open mouths. I immediately stopped my descent on the narrow stairway and looked down over myself.

  “Oh, honey,” my Mom said. I snapped my attention to her with pleading eyes that she wouldn’t embarrass me by announcing my flaw or whatever they saw that had them gaping. “No, silly,” she said, reading my expression. “You look lovely.”

  Josh, not wanting to be outdone, stepped in the house and said, “You do look beautiful, Jessa.”

  Smiling, I finished my descent to the landing where Josh met me. With a proffered hand, he held a small bouquet of wild flowers. Now it was my turn to display lockjaw. What guy brought a girl flowers these days?

  My Mom was timely and came over to take them from my hand. “I’ll put these in water. They are pretty.”

  I nodded, still looking at Josh as if seeing him for the first time. It was the kind of thing I’d never forget in my life. My very first date was with a guy I really liked. And to top it off, he’d brought me flowers.

  Holding out his hand to me, I took it in mine. He walked me out of the house, saying goodbye to my mother as I took it all in. His Jeep was parked at the curb. Thankfully, it had all of its doors and roof for once. Although it was several years old, its black exterior gleamed like new as if he’d washed it for our date.

  “I thought we’d go to Rio,” he said. I nodded in agreement. The Rio was a hangout spot that
held it all just north of our town. It had shops, restaurants in all varieties, coffee and an ice shop, movies, a pond to walk around, and a few rides like a carousel. Going there said a lot about Josh and what he thought of me. Not only was he giving us lots of options, he’d wanted to be seen with me. Most of his friends and half the school would be there tonight. The football game was tomorrow, and it was an away game. Tonight would be fun for all, hyped up in anticipation of the first game of the season.

  This indeed would be a night of wonders. “Do you want to see a movie?” he asked on the ride over.

  “Sure,” I said. This, I thought, would be a good ice breaker. Although we’ve known each other most of our lives, we weren’t really friends before. I had no idea how or what to talk to him about. A nervous flutter crossed my belly. This was Josh, I told myself. It would be fine.

  As we made our way to the ticket booth after finding parking, I ran into my sister.

  “Oh my god, you’re here,” Jenna crooned, looking happy to see me. But I saw underneath her mask of a smile. She didn’t act like she was shocked to see me, nor did she say she was glad to see me. She’d been in a group of her friends all paired. Pulling Billy along, she came over to me. I wanted to ask her what happened to spending the night with friends. What was she up to, and why was she with Billy? It wasn’t like Mom and Dad didn’t know about her long-term relationship. So if he hadn’t come to pick her up, she was hiding something. Looking at her, I saw the flash of panic. Oh, we would talk, but I wouldn’t do it here and now.

  Hugging me first, then Josh, she looked at the two of us. I know she wanted to ask about when I decided to go out with him. I’d forgotten to tell her because I’d been so worried about meeting Ethan and getting the car it didn’t come up. So we both had secrets I guessed.

  Billy chimed in. He was a transplant to our town, his native Tennessee accent was thick when he said, “What are y’all going to see?”

  Shrugging, Josh said, “Not sure yet. How about you?” He’d expertly tugged me to his side and put his hand around my waist. There it was again. I felt like I was his in his half embrace. And it felt good to be wanted.