Through The Lens

by Shannon Dermott

  I didn’t want to tell her, but I did. “Fudge,” Madison said at the end of a string of curses. I wiggled my way to the front of the car at a stoplight.

  Clicking my seatbelt on, I added, “Fudgetastic.”

  “Do you think he did it?” she asked cautiously. Her warning about him before had me biting her head off. She was treading water carefully this time.

  Facing her profile, I said, “Honestly, no.”

  “Then why did you hightail it out of there? And your phone keeps buzzing so the vibrate isn’t hiding that he’s calling you and you’re not answering.” Damn vibrate. I had family, so I couldn’t put the phone on silent. I would never forgive myself if I missed a life-or-death call from my Mom or Dad or Kyle. Jenna, eh.

  “I don’t think he did it. But he blew me off when I was worried. What if he’d taken me seriously? What if that was the difference in finding her alive or dead.”

  We didn’t talk for the rest of the ride. I did thank her for her help last night and for the rescue today.

  “What are friends for?” she said, giving me as much of a hug as you can in a car. Then she left. I spent the rest of the day after showering doing my homework. I tried not to think. I ignored Ethan’s text and a final email before he seemed to give up.

  I didn’t read any of it, afraid he’d sway me. Instead, I lay on my bed after ten, wishing for sleep and putting all the pieces together. Was he really culpable? Did he have a motive? What were the other things cops looked for on the TV shows? Motive and opportunity, did he have both? Most of all, did I trust him?

  Tossing and turning all night, I woke early. I made my escape from the house and safely to Bradley’s before anyone could ambush me. I avoided my parents due to my own guilt. I’d gotten a pass from Sunday dinner when I feigned sleep. I avoided Jenna because she was still on my shit list. Kyle would have seen right through me since our relationship had grown closer. I might just have told him. I avoided the possibility of Ethan showing up at my door. He’d done it before; granted I wasn’t mad at him. But I wouldn’t put it past him.

  Bradley had heard everything from Madison, and good for them, they were talking. He only asked if I wanted to talk about it. When I shook my head no, he let it be.

  Ethan did not stalk me in the halls in the morning, and he wasn’t in the class we shared together. My worry and keeping a lookout gave me my answer. I did trust him. I needed to tell him that. Thinking that texting was not the best way, I decided I would borrow my car after school while my siblings were at practice and go see him.

  Fate had other plans. Ethan showed up for our last period class just as the bell rang. I was giving him all my attention as he sat, when a knock came at the door. Mr. Miller walked over and had a hushed conversation with the principal. My heart stopped at seeing the officers behind him. Mr. Miller said, “Ethan, could you come outside.”

  He looked at me with an expression void of any emotion before he turned away. I was so stunned I hadn’t managed to give him a smile or anything to show I supported him. While Mr. Miller spoke to the group outside, I left my chair. I moved slowly at first. When Mr. Miller made his way back in the classroom, my feet turned into a trot and then a run as I burst through the classroom door.

  Hands in cuffs, Ethan was being led down the hallway. In a strangled voice, I cried out, “Ethan, I believe you.”

  He turned, and the officer on his left, because there were two like he was some hardened criminal, said, “Why don’t you get your boyfriend here to tell us where your classmate Lucy is?” My breath hitched in my throat. Lucy was missing, too.

  A third officer, who was near the door I just exited, walked over to me after admonishing the other guy, “Pete. keep your mouth closed, I’ll handle this.”

  With a notepad in his hand, he said, “What is your name?”

  Shock plays itself out differently in everyone, I would learn later. “Jessica Shelby,” I responded, my eye never leaving Ethan’s retreating form. “When did Lucy go missing?” I asked, still not looking at the guy.

  “I really shouldn’t say, but I’m sure you will hear this much. She’s been missing since this weekend.”

  That is when I turned to meet the gray eyes of a detective. That’s what he must have been. He wasn’t wearing a uniform, and a badge was clipped to his waistband. The suit jacket wasn’t covering it, because of his hand on his hip.

  “I was with him this weekend, he couldn’t have done it,” I blurted.

  “Ms. Shelby, I can’t take a formal statement from you without your parents present. Are you willing to admit to this later in their presence?” Clearly, he didn’t believe me. He thought I might back down if I had to.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “Fine, when will your parents be at home?” he asked.

  “After six,” I said.

  He asked, and I gave him the address to my house. He promised to see them later. I wanted to leave school, but Mr. Miller was there, waving me back into class.

  To say we did nothing is an understatement. Mr. Miller tried to get us focused, but everyone was talking except for me. I heard what they were saying. So I knew they hadn’t heard what happened in the hallway, but that didn’t stop them from speculating.

  When class was over, Mr. Miller asked me to stay. Then he asked me to give him a minute. So I sat in his office chair, purely because I couldn’t stand. The weight of all the things happening pressed on me. I would have to admit to lying to my parents to their face. I was sure I would be grounded for life, but that didn’t matter if I cleared Ethan of something he didn’t do.

  My fingers played with the pictures on Mr. Miller’s desk. I didn’t even really see them. I would be scrutinized about my relationship with Ethan. Sex was going to come up. This was going to be awful but worth it.

  “Jessica,” Mr. Miller said. I pulled my hands in my lap, and he sat on the corner of his desk. “I’m worried about Ethan as much as you are. He’s a good kid. I’ve known him a while, and he’s had some tough breaks.” He paused, and that had me looking at him. His face was grim. “I heard you tell them that he was with you this weekend. I want you to think if there is a way to prove that. You’re his girlfriend. So they won’t put much stock into your story.”

  Fear coursed through me. Of course, he was right. That’s how it happened in all the movies. My face snapped back to his after my mind wandered. “I have pictures of our time together this weekend,” I blurted.

  Mr. Milled smiled. “That could work. Are they timed stamped?”

  My face fell. “No, it’s an original SLR camera not a digital model.”

  He frowned, putting his hand under his chin like in deep thought. “If you got a picture of a newspaper article or TV show in one of your shots.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”

  “Don’t give up,” he said. With weary eyes, he said, “You should give them your camera anyway if the film is still in there. That way the evidence isn’t tainted.”

  Jumping up, I said, “Yes.”

  “Do you need a ride home? I know Ethan usually took you home after Yearbook Club,” he asked.

  “No,” I said. “I’ve got to go get my camera.”

  “Oh, it’s at Ethan’s?” he said.

  “Yes, I left it there.”

  “I suggest you hurry then. They will surely search his house and confiscate everything. Once they have it, you may not persuade them to look at it. And don’t worry. He’ll probably be out within the hour. I’m sure his mother would have called a lawyer for him.”

  Nodding, I left. I thought that it was surely a stroke of luck that his mother was in town, if she was still here.

  Texting my brother, I let him know I was borrowing the car and for him to see if he and Jenna could get a ride home. Otherwise, I would come back and pick them up. I would leave it to him to pass the word to my sister to whom I still wasn’t speaking.

  The day was gloomy all around. The clouds were thick and heavy in the air. The rain c
ame hard and fast by the time I parked in his driveway. With no umbrella, I made a mad dash out back to the bunker. I was soaking wet, so it was hard to get a purchase on the wheel that I needed to turn to open it. It creaked, and my hands slipped in protest when I spun it to open the lock. The door seemed to weigh a ton as I lifted it open.

  It felt like everything rode on my pictures. I didn’t think I had anything to corroborate the date. But the significance of his father’s one-year anniversary of his death, and my lying about where I was should hold up as some proof.

  Nearly breaking my neck while descending underground, I felt a tiny bit of doubt that said I didn’t know when Lucy went missing exactly. I shook that thought away, getting the shivers in the cold air of the bunker we’d turned into a lab. Pushing wet hair out of my eyes, I moved with squishy feet to get to my camera. Even with the door open, the place was heavy with shadow, not giving much light. Finding my camera on a shelf, I pulled the straps around my neck so my hands would be free to climb the ladder. No need for lights at this point, I just wanted to get home. The weight around my neck could be all that exonerated Ethan.

  Sliding on the floor when I swiveled to head back the way I’d come, I didn’t expect a dark shape to grip my hair and violently toss me to the ground. My head hit the floor so brutally I saw spots in my vision. My attacker had yet to speak. My breath gone from my lungs, I sucked in deep.

  My thoughts were a whirlwind, I hadn’t heard anyone come down. Dazed from my face planted on the ground, I didn’t muster to fight right away when a knee kicked between my legs to spread them. I was wearing jeans; nevertheless that didn’t stop the cry that escaped my throat. With a fistful of my hair, my attacker slammed my face into the ground

  Before I could see, the strap of my camera tightened around my neck. Jerked around so my back was to the ground, I felt the breath of my would-be killer on my face. Trying to breathe and fight with my hands, I managed to scratch the person’s face. I kicked before a weight settled on my legs. I was pinned much like a wrestler pins their opponent. A hiss preceded my hands being forced over my head.

  A knock at my temple stopped my struggle. I felt like giving into the pull of oblivion. It would be so easy. Stars spun orbiting my eyes, and tears ran from the pain. There was no holding them back. The straps of the camera continued to cut off the little air to nothingness. Twisting my head trying to find space to breathe, I gasped and choked. Darkness began to overtake the stars.

  I was going to die here. Even when I was spun around on my back, my tears, the stars, and the darkness didn’t allow me to see my enemy. Still, I thought for sure I knew who it was.

  The peace in the knowing who did this was only eclipsed by the wonder if my family would find the truth. Would they even find my body?

  When the pressure moved from away from my throat and off me, it didn’t matter. I wanted to breathe when I heard a faint crash somewhere in the distance. I wanted to call out when objects rained down like the storm above. I felt tiny bits of water pelt over me just as I felt myself slip into the void.

  Chapter Thirty Four

  The beeps and blips didn’t seem heavenly, so I opened my eyes. Blinking a bit against the sudden brightness, I think I groaned. My parents immediately came into view.

  “Mom, Dad,” I croaked.

  My Mom’s face coalesced into a mass of bright red. She’d been crying. Her eyes were puffy. My father looked as though he’d aged. They held each other murmuring things like we’re so happy you’re back with us, we couldn’t have lost you, and do you need anything?

  Believe me, I was grateful to be among the living. Something else bothered me a bit more. “Ethan,” I cried out. Apparently, it was the wrong thing to say. My Mom buried her face in my father’s chest as he wrapped his arms around her. Undeterred, I mustered a forceful tone, “Ethan.”

  A nurse walked in. “She really shouldn’t be upset.” The beeps seemed to grow faster in the background. “She needs to remain calm. You should consider.”

  “Ethan,” I screamed, my voice dry burned from the yell I managed.

  And there he was. He too looked haggard. His hair appeared longer. How long had I been out?

  The nurse looked at my parents who didn’t like that Ethan barged in. “He has been waiting like you. And she seems to want to talk to him. Perhaps if you give them five minutes. It will calm her.”

  My Dad looked at Ethan and said, “We’re going to get coffee and we will be right back.”

  My Dad wasn’t happy. But he and my Mom left. It was after they stepped away, I saw Kyle and Jenna sitting on a sofa in the room that appeared fairly large. They followed suit. Jenna’s eyes too were red, but she didn’t look at me. Not directly. Kyle stepped over and playfully tapped my shoulder with his fist. Silently, he was telling me he missed me.

  When we were alone, Ethan looked at me. “I’m sorry, Jess.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I croaked.

  He reached behind him to a table and poured me a cup of water. With a straw, he offered it to me. There is nothing like cold water going down when your throat is dry.

  “If I’d cooperated earlier, they wouldn’t have gotten an arrest order and taken me. Then you wouldn’t have been down there.”

  “You stopped him,” I asked. My voice sounded more like me now.

  He dipped his head. “How could I not see it?” Reaching up, I drew him closer. He pressed his lips to mine quickly before pulling away. “I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if you didn’t make it.”

  “So they got him?” I asked. When he only stared, I said, “Mr. Miller.”

  Nodding to me, I gripped his hand. How would anyone have guessed? He seemed so sincere. Then the dots connected. He’d taken photos of Allie and Carly.

  “Did they find Lucy or Allie?” I asked hopefully.

  He nodded. “It’s messed up. Lucy’s in the hospital here. They are releasing Allie where she is. It’s bad, Jess.” The guy had us all fooled. Had he followed me to Ethan’s? What if Ethan hadn’t come?

  Then I added, “Carly.” He shook his head and I left that subject alone for now. “Why would he do this?” I asked. I remembered the article that said a teacher was quoted as saying Ethan had been doing drugs. Had that been Mr. Miller? Had he intended to point the finger at Ethan all along or was he just convenient? I didn’t ask Ethan all of this because his expression was already haunted. I didn’t want to burden him more with maybe about Mr. Miller’s intentions.

  “So far he isn’t talking,” he said. My father cleared his throat. “They know,” he whispered before fully pulling away from me. I took that to mean, they knew I stayed with Ethan and not Madison this weekend.

  “You should go home. You’ve been here the last couple of days. Now that you know she’s safe, you should go get some rest,” my father said in a firm but not too stern voice.

  “I’ll be back,” declared Ethan much to my father’s chagrin. He kissed my cheek and winked at me before he left.

  My Dad had many words after he departed. “You lady, you are in a world of trouble.”

  “Tom,” my mother protested. “Can’t this wait until after she gets released from the hospital?”

  Those however were my famous last words. To say I was grounded for life was an understatement.

  Chapter Thirty Five

  Eventually, I was given parole by my parents for a night to go to homecoming. My father chaperoned us, it was infuriating. I’d messed up, but I hadn’t done have the things my sibs did. Gratefully, my father didn’t ride with us to the dance. Instead, he volunteered to help at the dance and opted to drive behind us there and back. Ethan couldn’t get closer than two inches to me all night. I thought he might get pissed, but he’d seemed more amused than anything else.

  My sibs weren’t happy with me either. My getting caught had hampered their activities. My Mom with the flexibility of owning her own restaurant was home when we left for school and there when we came home after school. One of my pa
rents was always home now, which cut out some of the partying for my sibs because my parents checked with other parents to verify where we were going. Or rather where my sibs were going, because I wasn’t allowed to leave the house. My sentence was indefinite.

  After a month of solitude, Madison and Bradley were allowed to visit me at my house. Ethan however still didn’t have very many privileges to see me expect for the occasional dinner he was invited to. Until my parents’ house arrest lifted, I couldn’t do anything else. Ethan and I did a lot of hand-holding and kissing in at school between classes and at lunch. He even met me for running after my Dad stopped following me in his car. But even with that, they knew how long I took. So stolen kisses behind trees were all we got.

  By Christmas, Ethan was allowed over for supervised visits. No, I was still on house arrest.

  “Is this anything like your house arrest?” I’d teasingly asked him.

  “I think I got off better,” he’d said.

  Despite that all suspicion was removed from Ethan in regards to Carly’s disappearance, his record remained. That was because the charges he had were for underage drinking, driving and endangerment or something like that.

  Carly had yet to be found. The prosecution was working on getting Mr. Miller to admit that he’d taken her. They’d found a ring she was known for wearing in his apartment. Still, he hadn’t spoken and had gotten a good lawyer, so I was told.

  My feelings for Ethan grew like a budding flower in spring. As the weeks flew by, the layers of my heart bloomed open until I couldn’t deny that I was full out in love with him. Here was a boy who could have any girl he wanted. Yet he chose to stay with me even through my parentally induced imprisonment. I could not go to parties or even a date out alone with him.

  Once he could, Ethan spent a fair amount of time at my house. He ate dinner with us often. My parents were now well aware of his mother’s antics. She’d mostly moved back home. A little thing about child protective services scared her straight. Still she spent her weekends in California, which was fine by Ethan. They were attending therapy to get over the grief they both felt from his father’s death which was a good thing.