Always & Forever

by Crossley, Lauren

  “I saw her touch you, I saw her whisper something in your ear and stroke your arm as she walked past you. I saw it all and it didn’t look like you were complaining!” I tried to slap him, I tried to sneak underneath his arm but he anticipated my movement and lowered it, boxing me in and keeping me still.

  “Didn’t you see how small the bar area is? You can’t even squeeze past the other person without moving them out the way. That’s all it was, Bethany. I swear.”

  “The two of you looked very cosy and intimate together. It seemed like you were familiar with one another and I want to know how long you’ve known her for.” I demanded, folding my arms across my chest.

  A part of me knew I was behaving like a stubborn child; the other half didn’t give a damn. I wanted answers and I wouldn’t stop until I heard every single one.

  “I’ve know her for years. She’s been working at the bar for a long time, long before I even started.” He explained wearily, closing his eyes as he took a step back from me.

  “Have you slept with her?”

  “What?” Jake’s mouth fell open and his face turned white.

  “Have you slept with her?” I already knew the answer but I repeated my question, trying to keep my face cold and devoid of any emotion.

  “Bethany, that’s… that doesn’t matter now. I’m with you, only you. God, all I want is you; don’t you know that by now?” Jake raked his fingers through his hair, imploring me to listen to him, to hear what he was saying and understand his meaning.

  “Have. You. Slept. With. Her?” I repeated my question for a third time, torturing myself and Jake in the process.

  “Don’t make me answer that.” He begged me, lowering his gaze to the floor.

  “Just tell me!” I grabbed a fistful of his shirt, consumed by the rage that was threatening to burst out of my head any second.

  “Yes! Is that what you wanted to hear? Yes, I fucked her. It was a long time ago and that’s exactly what it was, a fuck and nothing more than that.”

  My mouth fell open, my whole body began to tremble and I curled my fists, overwhelmed and consumed by the powerful urge I had to hurt him. He said yes. He just confessed to having sex with her, the same girl who was all over him downstairs, the same girl who touched him, brushed by him and flirted with him all night.

  “You’ve slept with her?” I whispered in disbelief.

  “Yes but it was a long time ago and it meant nothing.”

  “How long?”

  “A couple of years ago.”

  “I knew it.” I sobbed, covering my face with my hands.

  “Bethany, please let me explain.” Jake pleaded with me, trying to prise my fingers from my face.

  “I think you just did.” I mumbled furiously, crossing over to the other side of the room. I didn’t want him anywhere near me and wanted him to know it.

  “Baby, we’ve already been through this so many times. Sex before you never meant anything to me. None of it mattered and Melissa certainly doesn’t.”

  “Sex always means something, Jake.”

  “No. It doesn’t. The only time it has ever meant anything to me is when I’ve been with you.” He emphasised this by following me across the room, pushing me against the kitchen unit and pressing himself against me.

  “Why should I believe you? You never told me you were working with someone you once slept with, you kept it to yourself and that’s equivalent to lying to me!”

  “Sweetheart, I did not lie to you. I didn’t mention anything about Melissa to you because I honestly didn’t think it was worth mentioning. She means nothing to me. We talk because we work together and I’ve known her for a long time but that’s all there is to it. She knows all about you, Bethany. She knows I live with my girlfriend now and she knows how crazy I am in love with you. I talk about you all the time.”

  His lips were just centimetres away from my own and I tried so hard to resist the incredible urge I had to reach up and kiss him. I wanted to believe everything he was saying but I just couldn’t shake the despairing bitterness that came from envy. There’s a thin line between love and hate and I don’t think I realised just how thin that line can be.

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I sneered.

  “Yes! What do I have to do? What do I have to say to convince you that I’m telling you the truth?”

  “How about you stop lying to me?”

  I used all my strength to shove him in the chest, frantically trying to put some space between us. Jake’s presence was suffocating me, he was everywhere and I could barely breathe, speak or think logically with him so near.

  “Bethany, I didn’t lie to you and deep down you know I’m right.” His eyes kept switching focus; his intense gaze swept from my eyes before they dropped to my mouth and back up again. It was blatantly obvious that he wanted to kiss me but he was fighting with himself. He didn’t know whether to give into temptation try and resist.

  “How about you stop lying to me?”

  I was being so obnoxious, my behaviour was beyond ludicrous but I just couldn’t stop myself.

  “You know, I should be the one firing questions at you right now! I need you to tell me that there was nothing going on back there when I caught that son of a bitch with his hands all over you. What the fuck were you thinking, Bethany?” His unpredictable and unstable temperament had yet again changed, from hopeless desperation to acute outrage and jealousy.

  “It wasn’t my fault he started dancing with me. You totally overreacted and behaved like a complete Neanderthal.”

  “Can you honestly blame me for how I acted? What the hell were you trying to do to me? Were you deliberately trying to make me jealous? Do you know how fucking incredible you look tonight? You knew exactly what you were doing, turning up at my work dressed like that, knowing that every guy in the place would want to put his hands on you.”

  He towered above my small frame, glaring down at me with so much anger and hostility. The atmosphere in our apartment was charged and electric, the temperature was high and I knew that despite the intense animosity between us, we still shared an extraordinary amount of chemistry.

  “I was angry, ok? All night I had to watch you with her. I had to watch every single girl in that place throw herself at you and I’d had enough!”

  “So you thought you’d teach me a lesson and give me a taste of my own medicine? You thought you’d rip out my heart, tear it into fucking pieces before handing it back to me like it was no big deal?”

  “That wasn’t my intention.” I lied.

  “Come on, you knew exactly what you were doing. You knew that dancing with that guy would be like waving a red fucking flag in front of a bull. You wanted to antagonise me, you wanted to provoke me and that’s precisely what you did. Why were you even there? Why the hell wouldn’t you ask me before stumbling into the club? I don’t want you anywhere near that place. It’s full of scumbags who wouldn’t think twice about coming onto you. I was working and I didn’t even know you were there, If I hadn’t spotted you when I did…”

  “What would have happened? Absolutely nothing and you know it.” I snapped.

  “Someone might have hurt you! I don’t even think you would have told me if they did. You’ve lied to me before, what’s to stop you doing it again?”

  I couldn’t believe he would bring up what happened to me before. I’d already explained to him the reasons why I’d kept the assault from him. I was disgusted that he chose to remind me of it during our confrontation and was struggling to control the anger building up inside of me.

  “You know why I lied to you that night; it was to keep you out of prison and to keep you from doing something you would later regret. I’m not a little girl, Jake. I can take care of myself and I was with Carla. She came over to keep me company and when I told her that I was curious about downstairs she offered to take me. We didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Jesus, Bethany… I swear you’re going to make me go crazy one of these days
.”

  He closed his eyes and turned away from me. He looked like he was absolutely exhausted and physically drained; the tension was oozing from his body and I swear I could feel it working its way inside my own head.

  “You already are crazy for what you did to that poor guy downstairs. He might have called the police; they could be here to arrest you any minute.” I said, starting to panic.

  “That’s not going to happen.” He spoke with so much confidence and certainty; it made me wonder how he could be so sure.

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Yeah, I do. No one in there will have phoned the police and if that guy knows what’s good for him… he won’t either.”

  “I think you need some help, Jake. You need to learn how to deal with your anger and that temper of yours. It’s out of control and I think we both need to take some steps to helping you deal with it.”

  “I can cope just fine when I know that my pregnant girlfriend is safe at home where she belongs. What I can’t deal with is her sneaking into my place of work, and allowing a perfect stranger to put his hands all over her. She then has the audacity to have a go at me for hurting the guy when he was blatantly coming on her! What the fuck were you thinking? Why did you let him touch you?”

  He whirled around to face me and grabbed hold of my arms, we were inches apart and I could feel the heat radiating from his body.

  “I felt betrayed! I felt stupid for staying home every night and trusting you. I found out that you’re surrounded by beautiful women and gorgeous bartenders every single night and I guess I just figured out the reason why you chose to take a job like that. Don’t feel guilty about it, Jake. I knew you would get bored of me sooner or later. I can’t compete with the likes of them; they’re gorgeous and look like supermodels. It’s just a matter of time before you ditch me for one of those Barbie dolls downstairs.”

  Tears of frustration were now streaming down my face; I could feel myself drowning in them and despised myself and my broken self-esteem for destroying the small piece of confidence I thought I had.

  “Don’t say that! Don’t ever compare yourself to them! Bethany, you are my whole world. You and this baby mean everything to me and I think you’re the most beautiful girl in the entire universe. You’re the only girl I see and I love you more than anything. Sweetheart, please believe me. Melissa meant nothing to me, she never did. I’ve told you everything about my past and I don’t know what to do to convince you that you have nothing at all to worry about. I hate the fact that you keep torturing yourself like this, driving yourself crazy over girls that don’t matter and sex I didn’t even give a shit about.”

  His stormy eyes were ablaze with torment and despair as he tightened the firm grip he had on my arms. His desperation was tangible; I could almost taste his desolate devastation and anguish.

  “You only slept with her once?” I asked him, needing to believe it was nothing more than a one night stand.

  “Baby, it was one time thing and it meant nothing. I didn’t care about her and she felt the same way about me. It was a one night stand and we haven’t even spoken about it since that night. The other girl moved away shortly after and I never saw her again. I don’t even know her name.”

  I froze and wondered if I had heard him correctly.

  “What did you just say?”

  “Nothing. Forget I said anything, Bethany. Please.” He begged me crushing our chests together.

  “What other girl?” I persisted, unable and unwilling to let it go.

  “Baby, you don’t really want to know so don’t ask me.”

  “Believe me, I do.”

  I was lying to myself when I told him I wanted to know what he meant. I didn’t. I knew it would kill me but the compulsion I felt to uncover the truth was undeniable. It was something I just couldn’t ignore, even if the truth would destroy me.

  “Look, I didn’t mean to say that, it just slipped out.”

  “You had a threesome with two girls?” I sounded horrified and repulsed at the same time. I’d never experienced so much fury; it was pumping through my veins and turned my heart cold.

  “I’m not proud of it, ok? It was a long time ago, it was one night and I’ve regretted it ever since. At least it proves to you how little it meant to me, it was a drunken, idiotic and meaningless event that took place before I even met you.”

  “So it was just a foolish night of fucking?”

  “I hate to say it admit it but… yeah. That’s all it was, that’s all it ever was before you.”

  “How could you, Jake? How could you use them like that?” I whispered, holding onto my stomach.

  I felt sick. I was full of hatred and seriously wanted to hurt him. I couldn’t get the disturbing and intrusive images of Jake with two naked women out of my head. I felt betrayed and heartbroken, it didn’t make any sense but that’s exactly how I felt. The fact that he was still in close contact with one of the girls made me tremble with rage. I wanted to kill her. And him. I wanted to murder them both with my bare hands.

  “I told you I wasn’t a good person before I met you. I was a typical male who only thought with his dick and never with his heart. I know that my behaviour disgusts you, I can see it in your eyes and I don’t want you to view me in that way, I’m a different man now, Bethany. You made me want to change; you’ve made me whole again and you make me better.”

  He tried to touch me but I flinched away from him, stalking over to the kitchen cupboard to get a glass.

  “I can’t believe you were with two women at the same time.” I murmured in disbelief, filling my empty glass with water.

  I could feel his nearing presence behind me as he crossed the room, chastising my body for the way it instinctively reacted to him.

  “Baby girl, I’m so sorry. Let me make this right. Let me show you how much I love you, how badly I want you and how desperately I crave you.”

  He circled his arms around my waist as his mouth trailed kisses down my neck. His hands eventually found their way to my breasts and he squeezed them roughly, massaging them between his strong fingers.

  “Jake, don’t.” I whimpered, determined to remain in control and angry. His touch felt far too good and I was close to giving into the sexual demands he made on my body.

  “You want this, don’t you? You wanted this. You need me to show you what you mean to me. I’ll show you, baby. I’ll prove it to you all night long if that’s what it takes.”

  “Stop it! That’s not what I want.” I pushed myself against him and turned around. “I want to know if that’s what you’re eventually going to expect from me. Will you want to introduce a third party into the bedroom? Are you going to bring home one of your old conquests?”

  “Bethany, stop it.” He warned me.

  “How about the guy you beat up downstairs? He seemed pretty interested in me, he might let you watch, you could even take turns and I could see what I’ve been missing.”

  I knew it was a monumental mistake as soon as I said it. Jake’s expression turned from one of anger and frustration to something else entirely. Violent fury contorted his face and I knew I’d pushed him too far. Jake was so close to the edge, I had no idea what his next move would be and a part of me didn’t want to stick around to find out.

  “Don’t you dare joke about that. Don’t you fucking dare.” He backed me into a corner and for one moment I really was terrified. I knew Jake would never hurt me but it was like he had transformed into someone else. I was looking into the eyes of a stranger and I was unsure if I’d be able to find Jake amongst the disruptive chaos going on inside his head.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t push me, Bethany. I’m too fucking angry right now, I’m capable of anything. You don’t know the thoughts that are racing through my mind, what I want to do to you.”

  “What do you want to do?” My voice was barely audible and my head was spinning. I don’t know what possessed me to ask such a question, especially when I was pretty
certain I knew the answer.

  “I want to take you right now. I want to bury myself so deep inside you, Bethany. I want to fuck you all night long and remind you exactly who it is you belong to. I want you to scream my name and know that it’s the only name you’ll ever be screaming. I’m the only one who gets to make you come, who gets to own you and who gets to be inside you. You are mine and it’s about time you get used to the idea.”

  We were in the bedroom within seconds, tearing at each other’s clothes and tasting one another’s skin. I wanted him. I needed him and the desperation I felt to have him deep inside me was indescribable.

  “Jake, I need to feel you. Now.” I begged him, stroking his large arousal through his jeans.

  I was breathless and greedy for him, a lethal combination when it came to Jake and the intoxicating amount of passion between us. My fingers were shaking so badly, I could barely free him from the restriction of his clothing.

  “Let me help you with that.” Jake winked at me, yanking his T-shirt over his head before unzipping his jeans and sliding them down his toned, herculean thighs

  I gaped up at him in astonishment, absorbing every single detail of his magnificent body. His dark skin, chocolate coloured eyes and the muscular contours of his body will forever leave me speechless. My fingers trailed a path down his body, sinking my nails into his skin as I reach the top of his boxers.

  “Let me taste you.” I murmured, reaching inside his boxer shorts.

  “Baby, wait.” He grasped my wrist, preventing me from touching him. “I don’t have much restraint right now, especially if you’re going to lock those gorgeous lips around me. Besides, there’s something I want you to do for me first.”

  “Ok…” I said uncertainly.

  “If you’re not comfortable with it then you don’t have to do it, ok?” He reassured me, placing a gentle kiss against my lips.

  “What is it you want me to do?”

  I have to admit that a part of me was really curious. I really wanted to please Jake but I didn’t know what he had in mind for me and I suppose I was a little scared to find out.