Love with Every Beat

by K. L. Shandwick

  Slipping into my car, I turned on the radio, Daughtry, “Break the Spell” was playing, and looking down I saw my notebook I always keep handy in case a lyric comes to mind. Before I knew what I was doing, I was writing a letter to Lily.

  Lily,

  Tonight wasn’t planned, just a case of right time right place, or wrong time, wrong place, depending how you look at things. I stood mesmerized by you tonight. You were everything I knew you could be, and you are amazing.

  Your vocals, improvisation, musical ability, outfit and band choice, were all completely on the money. Overall, a definite ten. I am so proud of you. My little Lily has graduated to be the bad-ass-rock-chic I always knew was in there. Glad I got to see you. Alfie X.

  Pushing my way back inside, I approached a waitress at the bar. “Hey, I’m an old friend of Lily Parnell’s. I’m from out of town and need to leave again before she’s done up there. Can you make sure she gets this for me?”

  “Hey you’re Alfie Black aren’t you?”

  Shit. “Shh,” I said, tapping my nose. Leaning forward, I kissed her cheek, and said in her ear, “That I am, honey, and I like my privacy you know?” She nodded and looked kinda oddly at me, that adulation shit people did, when someone didn’t seem real. I didn’t wait around after I passed it to her, just said, “Please make sure she gets that will you?” And left the club.

  Breathing the same air as Lily again drove me crazy, and the following afternoon I drove and parked in the lot near her condo. I just wanted to see her, and I wasn’t going to interfere with her life. So turning on the radio, I sat back staring at the main entrance of her building, and I didn’t care how long I waited as long as I saw her. About twenty minutes later I just about had a coronary when Holly banged on the window.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing hanging around here Alfie? Get yourself home, you’re not wanted here.” Holly never gave me a chance to talk before she ranted at me again, “You need to leave Lily alone, you hear me? She’s doing great now, but for a while after you split I was scared we weren’t going to be able to salvage her this time.”

  Now, I could have got really pissed and told her that it was none of her business, but it was. Holly, her other roommate, was the one who had to live with Lily during the darkest days of our split and after Saffy abandoned her. Jack told me how if it hadn’t been for Holly, she’d probably have given up her college course and gone home.

  So whatever I thought about saying, I bit it back instead, respecting that she had taken care of Lily when I couldn’t. Turning the key in the ignition, my car fired up, and I just nodded and swallowed hard before I slowly drove away.

  In the space of a week my life seemed so different from the one I had been staring at a few weeks ago. Kara’s ex-boyfriend’s friend had helped her get some fake ID and found a place for her in Portland, Oregon.

  Allegedly, he had a beef with her ex-guy and it turned out the ex was running scared of him. Kara was spotted by the dude who helped her at a playdate on the campus play area, where the kids from the kindergarten and day- care played.

  Same guy as the one she thought she was compromised with, but he turned out to be a blessing in disguise. With him on her side, she was free to move on with her life. All of this was taking place as the tour was winding down, and I never got to see Kara and Poppy before they left.

  Things were looking up and I was finally making it. Not that much money yet, but I had finally put the house on the market, because it was time for me to move on as well, figuring Kara could have the money from that because when the royalties started to come in I’d be able to start again.

  Luck struck once again when in less than two days, a cash buyer came forward. So with my cut from the tour, and the sale of the house, Kara and Poppy had the money to live in comfort for at least two years as long as Kara didn’t get too extravagant.

  Her savior had even arranged a home working opportunity, so Kara could work, earn a living with her new social security number, and still take care of Poppy. For me, I was so fucking relieved, and I was finally free to go after Lily.

  Concentrating on the Orlando festival, I had Mandy go up with the band a couple of days ahead, to practice singing in such a vast space. She was used to singing inside small venues and the technical aspects of singing at an open air event of that size needed a bit more work. Feedback in the ear pieces and the way sound traveled interfered with the delivery sometimes.

  Meanwhile, I was being flown up there for the gig and straight back for a meeting in Miami the following morning. So basically, I was arriving, doing my thing for an hour and a half, and I’d be back in Miami by bedtime.

  Layla called unexpectedly. I hadn’t seen her for about six months. We’d spoken on the phone, but it wasn’t the same. I missed my baby sister and felt sad that we weren’t close anymore. An invite to go to the beach and hang out was just what I needed, so I agreed to a little rest and relaxation with her and her friends for the afternoon.

  Where we usually hung out wasn’t in the main south beach area anyway, that was mainly for tourists, so the quiet spot we went to would guarantee my privacy a bit more. Generally, I was pretty good at that part, but I was almost at the stage of needing a bodyguard in Europe.

  Talking to Layla’s friends was a little awkward to start with, the girls all staring with the eyes of a fan but within ten minutes most of them had got passed that and I could be Alfie, Layla’s brother, just hanging out for the day with them. Walking down the boardwalk, I raised my face to the sun thinking, damn, I missed this. When I looked straight ahead, Lily was just reaching the top of the steps coming from the beach.

  By the look on her face she’d seen me, and I saw her dart over to the side of the railings and lean over, no doubt trying to hide from me so that I wouldn’t see her. She was in a bikini top and shorts, her long dark hair pulled to the side in a long cute pigtail, and my heart fluttered so hard in my chest at seeing her.

  When I saw her ass poking out as she leaned over my dick was instantly hard. I hadn’t been laid in six months, and my dick thought my hand was my latest girl. Signaling to Layla that I was going to talk to her, she rolled her eyes and nodded, before carrying on down the stairs with her friends, as I doubled back to lean alongside Lily by the railings.

  My forearm brushed hers and that same chemistry I felt every time I touched her bombarded my senses again. The beat of my heart was rapid and wild, I was covered in goose-bumps, my dick looked awkward in my board shorts, and my scalp crept. And all from one simple touch of my skin to hers.

  Watching her, she worked a swallow and tried to push past me with her head down. No way was she skipping out on me this time, not when I’d just felt what passed between us. Catching her hand, I tugged her against my chest, and my hand slipped around her waist.

  “Hey,” I said softly. My eyes meeting hers briefly, I saw the months of hurt right there in her eyes.

  “Leave me alone.” Lily started running for the safety of the restrooms.

  Following her into the restrooms, the heavy restroom door banged against the brick wall. Lily had bolted the stall door she’d run into, so I made it into the next one, and before she knew what was happening, I was over the top and down in front of her, caging her to the stall door with my hands either side of her head.

  My face was only inches from hers. Air thick between us, eyes locked in an intense stare, chests heaving breathlessly. A moment when we were both suspended, indulging in the nearness of each other. Lily was all I remembered and more, stunningly beautiful, vulnerable… heart breaking.

  “Why did you run, Lily? I’m not a fucking murderer.” My eyes searched her face. “Speak to me.”

  “Please just leave me alone.” Her sad voice was barely a whisper. Tears began rolling down her face.

  Still staring, I shook my head. “No. I can’t. I don’t want to leave you alone.”

  “You hurt me. You almost destroyed me, hell, you’re still destroying me. You’re a selfish
bastard Alfie. Can’t you even think of your wife and child?”

  Needing to see her eyes, I dipped my head and placed my forehead on hers, locking in a stare between us. She tried to turn away from my, but I grabbed her chin and kept her face in place.

  “I’m not married Lily. I told you, I’m not with her. You know the deal.”

  “No? That’s not what Kara told me. She had no clue I existed. If she isn’t your wife, then why in the hell doesn’t she know anything about me?” She stood there indignant, staring back at me.

  “You really don’t know me at all, do you?” I muttered, taking my mouth closer and brushing my lips with hers. She was fucking irresistible to me.

  Lily’s body tensed, “Don’t… don’t touch me.” Smiling slowly, my eyes searched mine. “Sorry, but I’ve waited six months to touch you again. I can’t help myself. I’ve missed you.”

  She closed my eyes to shut me out and stood silently. So I spoke instead.

  “I’m not married, Lily. Kara is not my wife. Why don’t you believe me? Why do you find it easier to believe someone you don’t know than me? I’m the one who should be angry.” Lily’s eyes sprung open and widened in surprise.

  “Seriously? You think I should believe what you’ve said after everything that’s happened between us? You’re fucking sick in the head, Alfie. I. Don’t. Know. You! I’ve never really known you. Do you know what it’s like to think that someone is everything, only to find out everything is a lie?”

  Taking her by her shoulders, my eyes locked with hers in a hard stare. “Listen to me. Kara didn’t know about you. She would stick with the plan no matter what. She has Poppy to protect. She didn’t know about you because she would have stopped me from helping her, but she has no one else. There is no way she would have blown her cover at the campus. She told you she was my wife because that’s the story. Her life depends on it.”

  Staring at her, I willed her to believe me. Briefly closing my eyes, I pulled her into my chest, and Lily’s face nestled into my neck. She pulled back slightly, and I looked down at her. Oh, god, she just felt so right in my arms.

  Lily’s body hummed the way it always did from our touch, and I moved my face close to hers to look into her eyes again. Slowly, hesitantly, my lips got nearer until they brushed against her mouth.

  Through my soft, sensual kiss, I wanted to show Lily how I felt about her. My tongue probed her mouth, teasing her lips apart. I pulled the band out of her hair and swept my splayed fingers weeping through it. Finally, I caressed her face. I was just about to deepen the kiss, when a guy’s voice shouted, “Lily! Are you in there?” She froze and stiffened.

  Lily pushed me back and stared for a split second. “Yeah, give me a couple of minutes, and I’ll be right out.”

  We heard the door close, and I scowled, “Who’s that?” As soon as I asked, I remembered. I already knew—Lily had a new man.

  “It’s Zack, my boyfriend. Sorry, I’ve moved on.” No fucking way, not after this.

  Smirking at her, I said, “Really? You’ve moved on, yeah, it felt like it.” I snickered sarcastically as I touched my lips as our kiss did a playback in my mind.

  Shoving me hard, I almost lost my balance when my legs hit the porcelain toilet. My hands slapped against the cubicle walls to stop me from falling.

  “I’m in a relationship now, my life is good. Don’t come and fuck it up for me again.” Still smirking, I held her wrists again, and pushed myself flush with her body.

  My dick was loose in my shorts and as hard as a fucking rock for her. So I brushed it back and forth, and I could just tell from the look in her eyes that her pussy was probably pulsing with the need for me to fill it.

  “Yeah, I know you’re in a relationship Lily, I felt it. Poor guy, he just doesn’t stand a chance with me around eh?” I knew I was goading her, but what the fuck did I have to lose? She was already pissed with me and dating someone else, but she needed to learn that he couldn’t do what I did for her.

  “Stop pleading with your eyes, Lily. We both know that it should be us. Not you and him. You and me! Does he make you feel the way I do, Lily?”

  Lily struggled in my grip. “Please Alfie, let me go. He makes me feel better than you make me feel.” With those words all bets were off. Smirking because the way she was looking at me told me she was lying. I let my hands run the length of her ribs and up and over her breasts.

  Lily sucked in deep breath. “So fucking responsive, you don’t feel that with him, do you? Don’t lie.”

  Pushing me back, she stared at me with an angry stare. “I. Choose. Him. Alfie. I want to be with him. Please, he’ll find you here.”

  “I’ll let you go, if you meet me later tonight.” The gig in Orlando was at eight, I could be back by ten thirty.

  “Okay, fine, whatever, but you need to let me go to him now.” Spotting her cell tucked into her bikini top, I carefully extracted it. As soon as my phone started ringing I felt relieved. I had punched my number into her cell and the line of communication between us was open once again.

  “Make sure you answer when I text, or I’ll be back to speak to your boyfriend,” I threatened, stepped back, and she pulled the stall door open. Staring at the mirror over the wash bowl for a couple of minutes, I couldn’t believe how I had just treated her. The thing was—I was a desperate man.

  A surfer dude was helping her into his car by the time I reached the parking lot. I texted with Layla to tell her something came up and I’d call her later and slipped behind the wheel. Following Lily home, if the dude tried to go to her apartment with her, I was going to do everything in my power to stop him. No one was going to be touching Lily if I had anything to do with it.

  Chapter 41 – Bangle

  Swallowing hard, I was relieved when he dropped her off and drove off. I didn’t feel like a fight today, so I was thankful that whatever she’d said had made him leave.

  SEXPERT: I’m downstairs, you come down or I’m coming up, take your choice, but we need to talk.

  Lily obviously didn’t trust me to be at her apartment with her, and she was straight back out of the building and walking toward me. Silently, I thanked God that she was still coming to talk to me, whatever her reason for doing so.

  “Get in.” She shook her head vigorously.

  “Get in I want to show you something. I won’t touch you.”

  Staring at me, she finally asked, “Alfie, why are you doing this? Why after all this time are we doing this again?”

  “You called it off, Lily. Not me, you need to allow me the chance to let me walk away knowing I did everything I could to fight for you.”

  “Alfie there’s nothing to say. You know I loved you, still love you. Feelings that strong for someone don’t just disappear.”

  “Last time, Lily, I promise. This will be the last time we talk, let me try to explain, and if you’re not convinced afterwards you won’t ever see me again.” Trying to smile, I was so fucking determined and hurt. I needed to get this right for us.

  “Seriously Lily, don’t you think we’re worth this one last attempt to make things right between us?” Lily’s eyes filled with tears and after a few seconds she nodded.

  “Okay, you have an hour Alfie, but I am playing tonight, so I need to leave home in about two hours.” Smiling widely I was relieved and opened the passenger door, started the car, and as soon as she was inside I drove off.

  Listening to her crying silently, I hoped that would change when she saw what I had to show her. Okay, it wasn’t the whole of the equation stopping us being together, but it was a sizable chunk. “It’s okay, darling, don’t cry.” My attempt to soothe her only made things worse, when a sob tore from her throat. Reaching over, I tried to take her hand, but she pulled it away.

  We arrived on campus and Lily looked alarmed, “What’s going on?”

  I smiled in reassurance. “Let’s go.” I got out of the car and walked around to open her door for her, but she had flung the door open and slipped out alrea
dy pressing the door closed with her hip until it clicked.

  Heading for the stairs to Kara’s old apartment, I turned to find Lily at the bottom of the stairs.

  “What are you waiting for? You wanted the truth, you wanted answers.” Holding my arms out to the side. “The answers are right here, right now, Lily. Are you ready to hear them?” Feelings of frustration, that she was blocking this moment I had been so fucking longing to share with her, made me snap at her.

  “What am I going to achieve by going up there Alfie? You’re going to hurt Kara and Poppy? You’re choosing me over your family? I don’t want that, I’m not a home wrecker.”

  Beyond frustrated by then I said, “I’m the shit in this relationship Lily, you wanted answers. You’ve accused me of things. I never wanted to become emotionally involved with you. I told you that. The attraction between us, it’s… undeniable. When I’m in the same room as you, I can’t keep my hands off of you. I’ve tried, it isn’t possible. I never wanted to hurt you, but I did anyway.” Her eyes dropped to the ground.

  “More than you know, Alfie,” she whispered, and I ran back down the stairs to stand beside her.

  I swept her hair behind her ear. “See always taking liberties with me,” she spat at my touch. “I told you not to touch me.”

  Softly I murmured, “I told you not to love me.” My eyes locked into hers, willing her to understand this wasn’t a completely voluntary thing that was happening between us.

  “Have you ever stopped for one minute and thought how this has been for me? To know you were out there with other guys? That you were being touched by other guys, just like you were accusing me of?”

  She threw me the hand. “I’m not doing this Alfie. I’m not getting drawn into your fucking mind games again. When I’m hurting, you seem to be able to turn it around so that I look like the psycho-bitch, and you’re doing your best to deal with me?”

  Lily walked over to my car, and I locked it with the remote key. “Dammit Alfie, open the fucking door and take me home.”