Rules of the Road

by K. Aten

  Laughter erupted from the confines of the booths, turning more than a few graying heads their way. Once they calmed down again Jenn prodded her friend a little more. “You never answered my question.”

  Jamie hung her head and sighed, twisting a slightly damp cocktail napkin between her fingers. Then she said something that completely took her friend by surprise. “I’ve developed a pattern in my life and I keep hurting people.”

  Once she got over her momentary shock Jenn nodded, intimately aware of those very words. She was better because it had been nearly a year since their fling, but it still stung. “Yes, you do.”

  Jamie looked stricken. “But I don’t mean to! I do everything I can to warn women that I’m not interested in more than just casual. I mean, I go out of my way to make sure they understand. I’m kind of a dick about it.”

  Her friend sighed. “I know you do, James. But not all women are the same as you, a lot aren’t. Women are emotional, they get connected, and a lot of us are convinced that we are the one who is different and will get through.”

  “Is that what happened to you?”

  Jenn shook her head sadly. “No. I knew I wasn’t going to be the one to get through and that’s why I backed off when I did. I refuse to chase someone who’s not interested.”

  “I’m really sor—”

  Jenn cut her off. “Sorry, I know. But that doesn’t change what you did, or what you continue to do. Think about this. If you drive down a certain street every day and more often than not you hit someone’s cat on that street, would you keep taking it? Even if you honk your horn and there are signs up that say no cat crossing, would you keep taking that street or would you go down a different one?”

  Jamie sat back in the booth and looked horrified. “Oh my God, that is a terrible analogy! You are so effed in the head! And of course I’d take another street, Jesus!”

  “But why? You honk your horn, there are signs up that say no cat crossing, it’s not your fault if they run out in front of you and get hit. Why change the way you’re driving?”

  The look on her face said clearly that Jamie thought she was insane. “Because they’re cats. You can’t tell a cat not to cross a street, they do what they want. It’s in a cat’s nature to be assholes and do their own thing.”

  Jenn leveled a look at her that said she better listen. It was a lot like the mom look that she gave Malcom. “Women feel, James. Most of us have hearts that behave like a cat. We can’t just tell it not to love, not to stay on our side of the street. Hearts do what they want and have since the beginning of time.” She reached over and touched the back of Jamie’s hand. “I understand the need to protect yourself, believe me. I have two hearts to protect every day of my life, me and Malcom. But I also have a duty to look out for others too. If you really don’t want to hurt anyone, you have an obligation to take another street.”

  Jamie stared into the martini for a minute after Jenn stopped speaking, deep in thought. Then with a mercurial change of mood, she downed her drink in two swallows. “This conversation got weird. Let’s order another round!”

  “James.” The voice was stern, a warning that said she wasn’t playing.

  Jamie sighed and looked up to meet her friend’s dark eyes. “I understand and I’ll give it some thought.” She held her hand up to catch Mort’s attention and signaled for another round. “Speaking of cats, my driving friend has two of them. Apparently they knit too.”

  “You’re such a goddamn liar, James!” They chatted for a while longer about a lot of nothing. Jenn found it interesting that Jamie spend most of the rest of their evening talking about her mysterious driving buddy. A little after midnight Jamie went home to finally catch up on her sleep. Jenn went home to friend request Kelsey, if only to see if the woman’s cats really did knit. It wasn’t hard for her to figure out that Jamie’s driving buddy was none other than the woman Tam and Shell had introduced her to.

  KELSEY WAS NOT knitting with her cats, but she was knitting for them. It was a possibility that people would think she was certifiable if they learned about the little tiny sweaters she had made for Newman and Pierre. It was possible people would scoff at the way she frequently asked Newman if he preferred Alex or Piper while they watched her show, or remarked on how Pierre’s black coloring on his upper lip made him look just like Porn-stache.

  When the show was over and popcorn gone from her bowl, she gave in and set the needles down. The urge to find Jamie online was nearly hurricane force and she was only human. She searched fruitlessly for much too long then gave up and switched over to check out Tam’s page. The last post had a comment on it by Jenn. Feeling a surge of excitement she clicked on her newest friend’s profile and immediately sent her a friend request. It was approved less than two minutes later. Looking at the clock in the lower right hand corner of her computer, Kelsey’s eyebrow went up when she saw that it was 12:30 in the morning. She smiled and sent off a quick message.

  Most people are either out with friends or home sleeping at this hour. What are you doing up, BFF?

  She watched as the ellipses came up in the message box and Jenn’s message came in a few seconds later.

  I could say the same about you. So, you knit with your cats?

  Both dark brows went up in shock when she read the words.

  What the hell? Who told you that?

  A little bird. So is it true?

  Of course it’s not true!

  Kelsey waited a beat and wrote a little more.

  I might knit FOR them.

  Jenn was sitting at her house on the west side of the city, curled up in an old leather recliner that had been worn smooth with age. She had her long dead maternal grand mamma’s afghan over her legs to ward off the nighttime spring chill. Jenn laughed at Kelsey’s admission. The evening they all hung out the previous weekend had been a lot of fun, and she learned real fast that she couldn’t pin down the other woman’s sense of humor or personality. Kelsey was quick-witted and her comments kept everyone on their toes.

  Oh, so you’re one of THOSE? A certified crazy cat lady? I would have never guessed that about you. LOL

  Kelsey’s response came in within seconds.

  I’ve actually never been tested so I don’t know ifI can claim to be certified or not.

  So what are you doing now?

  Jenn was curious why Kelsey was at home on a Friday night. The woman was hot, from an objective point of view. They weren’t each other’s type, after all.

  Um.

  Jenn’s curiosity was piqued.

  What? It can’t be that bad!

  I’ve been home knitting with my cats.

  Water sprayed harmlessly across her living room as Kelsey’s answer came back. Luckily Jenn had turned her head at the last second. She quickly typed back to her new friend.

  Are you for real, seriously? Test passed, Kels. Consider yourself certified!

  They chatted for a little while longer until exhaustion pleaded with Kelsey to go to bed. As she drifted off to sleep, her original intent to find her driving buddy was completely forgotten.

  Chapter Five

  “GOLD GUNS GIRLS” by Metric fired up the drive first thing Monday morning. The song immediately had Jamie drumming on her steering wheel and tapping her feet on the way to work. Cruise control was a wonderful thing. It had been a little over two weeks since her sister came into town on a Saturday night. The fun had continued when they went out to breakfast at Mozart’s the next morning. Despite standing for nearly an hour outside waiting for a table, Mozart’s was worth it. But when Maya went home a little after noon that Sunday, Jamie sat in the silence of her condo.

  Maya was actually her half-sister and lived about seven hours away in Wisconsin so she wasn’t able to come into town very often. Neither one of them stayed in touch with the family much after Maya’s high school graduation. No one took it well when Jamie came out. It was a big drama and Jamie became a pariah within the entire redneck Shultz clan. The only one that stuck by
her was Maya, who was also blacklisted by the family. After Maya left for home Jamie remained lost in thought. She didn’t feel like watching her favorite shows, she didn’t want to work out, and she had no interest in talking to any of her friends. After years of living only for herself Jamie had finally reached a point where she wasn’t sure she liked who she had become.

  At loose ends she decided she had to do something. Forcing herself to get up and move, Jamie spent the rest of Sunday cleaning, working out, and reading two books before finally settling in to catch up on the recorded episodes of her favorite prison girls. She wondered idly if Alex ever regretted the things she did to Piper.

  Over the course of the two weeks following her conversation with Jenn, and her sister’s visit, she had been keeping to herself on the weekends. She was trying to change her pattern of behavior and it was hard. It was also lonely and she leaned on her friends more than ever. Jenn and Burke had become the priests of her confessional and neither minded because they both sensed a shift in their friend. Jamie also relished her morning and evening chats with Kelsey. They teased and laughed during the daily commutes and managed to cover a surprising variety of topics while driving. But neither had taken the step to connect in any other way.

  For Jamie, it was because she was afraid of following those old patterns of seeking someone out then hooking up. She was trying very hard to stay away from that behavior. And Kelsey had initially tried to find Jamie but she had failed miserably. She assumed that her driving buddy had simply given her the wrong name, or perhaps was listed under a different name on social media and didn’t want Kelsey to find her.

  But it was a new Monday morning and, after two weeks of purging her old life, it was like the slate of her conscience was starting to come clean. Jamie was determined to make a fresh start, beginning with a fast-paced anthem that was one of her favorites. Her jam session was interrupted by Nigel, much to her disappointment.

  “Object on road ahead.”

  “What the hell, Nigel? That’s all I get from you?” She muttered to herself while scanning ahead to see which lane had the object. “Kelsey gives me way more detail than that. I wonder where she is.” Jamie searched for the little rainbow car icon as soon as she logged into the app but Kelsey wasn’t online. Mondays always sucked and it was just another thing that had brought her down.

  She was in the left lane following all the rules, having just gone past a busy exit. But she slowed with the rest of traffic then slammed on her brakes as the car in front of her abruptly stopped. Jamie heard a sound and looked up into her rearview mirror in a panic. Unfortunately the view matched the sound as ten wheels of stuttering rubber locked up tight. The dump truck barreling up behind her had slammed on its brakes as well. She shut her eyes and braced for the impact that never came. “Oh my God oh my God oh my God—”

  When she dared open them to peek out, the dump truck had veered into the space between the left lane and the concrete divider. Black marks like charcoal art trailed the truck’s tires about forty feet back on the road. Jamie took in a deep breath and let out a shaky sigh, then patted Olivia’s dash. “We’re okay girl, and I didn’t even piss my pants!” When traffic started moving again, she waited and let the truck driver pull out in front of her. “No way am I letting you follow me again, buddy!”

  Work went much like her drive. It seemed like one thing after another was going wrong or breaking and Jamie was kept running all day just putting out fires. Near quitting time, someone came around with packages of crackers that they had brought back from Japan. The company was an international one and associates from Japan would rotate over for a few years to work, then go back to the parent company overseas. Even the group in Mexico would send people up to work for a while in a cross-cultural exchange of sorts. Both groups would bring strange candies, crackers, and other such delicacies from their home countries.

  Jamie liked a lot of things but the food items that were passed out in the office were definitely hit or miss. Green tea flavored candy bars and chocolates made with goat’s milk were just a few examples of culinary strangeness that invaded the engineering office on a regular basis. A lot of times Jamie saved hers for Burke because he liked all kinds of different foreign foods. Both Jamie and her cubemate, Bill, were given the decorative little packs of crackers. Each package had four crackers total, wrapped up in twos. Jamie immediately dropped hers into her empty lunch cooler and waited while Bill opened one of the two packs inside his. Then she watched as he took the first bite and started chewing. He made a face.

  “Well?” she prompted.

  He took a second bite and wavered his head back and forth a little. “Hmm, salty.” He took another bite of the large cracker and made another face.

  Jamie started laughing. “Dude, you don’t have to eat it. Just spit it out.”

  Bill shrugged. “Eh, it’s not that bad. You wanna try the other one?”

  She suspiciously stared back at him. “It’s not that bad?” He shrugged and shoved the open wrapper containing the second cracker over to Jamie’s side of the cubical. She picked it up and sniffed it, then made her own face. “It smells fishy, you know I don’t like fish.”

  She started to put it down again and Bill rushed to reassure her. “You like crab though, and that smells fishy too!”

  “Hmm, you have a good point. Fine.” Before she could sec-ond-guess her actions anymore she took a large bite of the cracker. She tried to give it the benefit of the doubt by thoroughly chewing the cracker mass in her mouth but eventually she gave in to disgust. Pulling the trash can out from under her desk she spat out the entire masticated glob. “Bleh! Holy nastiness, that was terrible! What is wrong with you, man?” She grabbed a napkin out of the drawer and started scraping her tongue to remove the cloying flavor.

  Bill looked surprised. “You didn’t like it?”

  Jamie looked back at him in horror. “And you did? That tasted like I was licking the underside of a dock, or an oceanfront area where all the fish had died. It was like a cracker version of tofu, times ten.” After drinking down some water she grabbed three pieces of gum and stuffed them all into her mouth to kill the taste. She watched as Bill shrugged again and opened the other two-pack. Jamie shuddered when he shoved another cracker into his mouth and began chewing. “Dude, I feel so bad for your wife.”

  He looked over at her and shoved the other cracker into his maw. “Why? I eat whatever she cooks, even the burnt stuff.”

  Jamie made a face. “Then clearly you two were meant for each other.” She looked down at her smart watch and smiled for the first time all day. “And now it is time for me to get the heck out of here! See you tomorrow!”

  He nodded and gave her a little wave. “See you tomorrow, James.”

  It was with a great sigh of relief that Jamie hit the road after work. And it was with a huge grin that she saw the rainbow car icon pop up on her driving app. She immediately down-swiped without giving thought to how needy it seemed. “Hey, where were you this morning?”

  “Good afternoon to you, Nerd. Are you stalking me?”

  The nerd in question grinned. “Of course I am, now answer the question!”

  “I had a doctor’s appointment, so I took the morning off. Jeez nosey!”

  Jamie grew immediately concerned. “Uh, is everything, um, okay?”

  Laughter came through her speakers before Kelsey’s voice. “Everything is fine, Jamie. It was just my annual checkup, won’t have another til next year. But it’s sweet that you were concerned for me.”

  Back in Kelsey’s little economy car she had a smile that would not go away. Rather than spend the entire weekend with her cats like a shut-in, Kelsey had accepted Tam and Shell’s invite to come over Saturday night for pizza and games. She loved game nights but did tend to be a little competitive. Usually her friends steered the group more toward card games that involved horribleness and laughter. Sunday she cleaned her small apartment and took the cats for a walk around the building. It too was hilarious
. But much like Jamie, she had really missed her friend on her drive to work and she was glad when the other woman messaged her for the drive home. Jamie’s voice sounded through the speakers of her phone so Kelsey turned down her radio a little more to hear.

  “So what did you do this weekend, Kels? Knit a blanket for uh, what are your cat’s names anyway?”

  Kelsey snickered. “I have two handsome tuxedo cats, Newman and Pierre. And I have never knitted them a blanket!”

  Jamie’s voice came back with laughter. “But you have knitted them stuff, haven’t you? Because there was something in your denial that just didn’t ring completely true. Are you secretly a crazy cat lady?”

  The crazy cat lady sighed and responded. “Maaaaybe. And Pierre and Newman might have a couple of little monogrammed sweaters. But I’m not admitting to anything else!”

  “How about admitting that you want to have coffee with me?”

  Without fail, Jamie asked Kelsey if she wanted to go for coffee every Monday and every Friday. Kelsey never accepted and it had become almost a game between them. She laughed at the persistent woman. “Don’t you have enough women willing to have drinks, or more, with you? Besides, I don’t even know you!”

  A minute went by, then two, and still Jamie didn’t respond. Finally, when Kelsey thought she wasn’t going to get an answer from the other woman, Jamie’s voice came across the little speaker of her phone. It was more serious than she’d ever heard from the driver of the pretty little blue car. “Not a lot of them have the potential to be good friends, Kels. And with all our conversations, you know me a lot better than most.”