Love Online

by Penelope Ward

  Mr. Eckelstein poured the lemonade. I watched as a couple of fresh lemon slices fell into his glass along with the liquid.

  “Tell me what’s happening, son.”

  I rubbed my hands together to gear up for my proposition. “Well, obviously, you know Dad left me with enough voting rights to make the decision on how the company should proceed without him. As much as I would love to step in and take over where he left off, the reality is, I’m not qualified. We’d been working to get me there. But I’d say we were probably five years away from me being ready to take over.”

  He shook the ice around in his glass. “Well, it takes a strong person to admit that. I think many people in your position would just assume power and wing it. I respect you wanting to put the company first.”

  “My father would be freaking out right now. I know for a fact he didn’t trust any other person to take over his spot. The only reason I’ve been tempted is so it doesn’t go to someone else. The only person Dad would have trusted besides me…is you.”

  He nodded. “Okay, I’m listening.”

  “I need your expertise. I don’t know if you’d be willing to come out of retirement for a little while to help me keep the company afloat, but I think that’s what I need. I know that’s a lot to ask and—”

  “Absolutely, I would.”

  I blinked in surprise. “Really?”

  “One-hundred percent. I thought you’d never ask. The truth is, retirement isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the business from time to time. I never thought I’d have a reason to return—or quite frankly, that anyone would want me back after being gone. I’m old, but I’m not that old. I’m still younger than the president of the United States. There’s no reason I can’t go back to work.”

  “So, you’d be willing to return for a while?”

  “Yes, but I’d make myself co-chairman alongside you. I think it’s important to continue what your father started, which is grooming you for the position. That was his dream. Unless that’s not what you want.”

  It was always hard for me to admit I had doubts about that.

  “Can I be brutally honest, Ben?”

  “Sure, you can.”

  “I don’t know what I want. There are some days I fantasize about selling my shares and doing something altogether different. But I’ve always wanted to make my father proud. That’s the driving force behind everything I’ve ever done. Now that he’s gone, I think I have some serious decisions to make. Life is short. And I need to be sure running the company is what I want for the long haul.”

  Benjamin finished off the last of his drink before setting the glass on the table. “As a father, let me give you my perspective.” He poured lemonade into another glass and slid it in front of me. “We all want what’s best for our kids. Ultimately, what’s best is what makes them happy, despite our own personal dreams. Case in point, instead of making movies like I wanted him to, my son is a legal pot dealer, for Christ’s sake. That doesn’t make me love him any less. Maybe over the next year, one of our goals can be helping you figure out what you want—whether that’s running the studio or something else. But in the meantime, let’s not waste any time getting the place back up and running.”

  I could’ve kissed him. Maybe that sounded weird, but I was too happy to care. “You sure about this?”

  “Your father was a good friend to me. This is the least I can do for him.”

  “Ben, you have no idea what peace this brings me. I don’t even know how to thank you.”

  He stood up from his seat. “No time for thanks. Let’s go to my office and get to work.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  * * *

  EDEN

  I’d just gotten Ollie to sleep when a call from Ryder lit up my phone.

  I answered. “How did you know I was thinking of you?”

  “Hey, beautiful,” he said.

  “This is earlier than you normally call me.”

  “I know. I just missed you. I couldn’t wait until midnight.” His voice was low and smooth—he sounded like sex.

  Since leaving California, I’d cherished every conversation with Ryder more than the last. Tonight my heart was feeling particularly full, and I couldn’t put my finger on why. It was so good to hear his voice.

  “Where are you?” I asked.

  “Home. Doing nothing. But earlier today I went for a jog through Runyon Canyon, and I kept thinking about how badly I wished you were with me.”

  “I wish I could have gone with you, too.”

  “Benjamin told me to take the afternoon off. We’ve been working overtime lately on the reorganization. He thought I needed a break. Can you believe that? That’s one big difference between him and my father. Dad never took breaks. Benjamin encourages them.”

  “I bet your Dad is tickled you’re working alongside his old friend. How is everything going with that?”

  “He’s been a godsend. Seriously. Benjamin is so smart. He’s been gone from the industry for a few years, yet he jumped right back in the saddle. You’d never know he went away.”

  “I’m so glad he agreed to come back.”

  Things were silent for a bit before Ryder groaned. “I’m so horny. I’d give anything to fuck you right now.”

  “Don’t say stuff like that to me. I can’t handle it. I miss your body so much,” I said.

  “It’s really tough being away from you. But I plan to come out there in a couple of weeks. So it won’t be too much longer.”

  My body buzzed at the prospect of getting to see him soon. “I’ll be counting the days, then.”

  “My hand is getting sick of me using him,” he grumbled. “I’ve never masturbated so much in my life.”

  “Well, your hand should meet my hand. They can lament.”

  Ryder laughed before I heard the sound of a doorbell in the background.

  “Shit,” he said.

  “What’s up?”

  “Someone’s at the door. I don’t feel like dealing with anyone tonight.”

  “Want me to let you go?” I asked.

  “No. No. Hang on. Let me just see who it is.”

  A few seconds later, I could hear him talking to a woman.

  Then Ryder said to her, “Excuse me a minute.”

  An uneasy feeling came over me. “Who is it?”

  “It’s, um, Mallory.”

  My heart thundered against my chest. “Mallory?”

  He whispered, “Yeah. I’m not sure what she wants.”

  “Is this the first time she’s come to see you?”

  “Yes. I haven’t seen her since the funeral.”

  Shit.

  Shit.

  Shit.

  This is it.

  “I see.”

  After I let out a long, panicked breath into the phone, he asked, “Are you okay?”

  I was too worked up to bother pretending. “No, not really.”

  “Want me to tell her to leave?”

  It felt like my throat was closing. “How are you gonna do that?”

  “I can make up any excuse if her being here is upsetting you.”

  My breathing accelerated. “No. Talk to her. Get it over with.”

  “Get what over with?”

  I didn’t answer his question. “I’m late for my show anyway.”

  He let out a long breath into the phone. “Okay…same time tonight? Midnight?”

  “Yeah. Same time,” I breathed, pulling my hair as I paced.

  I could hardly catch my breath as I hung up the phone.

  The room felt like it was spinning. This was it. This was the moment I’d been fearing. Mallory was going to tell him she loved him. He’d be caught off guard and confused. Old feelings would come flooding back. I’d be able to hear it in his voice later, and so would begin the gradual demise of our relationship. That, of course, was my worst fear played out in two sentences.

  Please be honest with me, Ryder.

  Checking t
he time on my phone, I realized I really was late for work. I had no idea how I was going to put on a strong face tonight.

  I needed to let it out, so I did something I almost never did. I looked up to the ceiling and channeled my mother.

  Palm to palm, I held my hands together. “Hey, Mom. It’s me, Eden. I know it’s been a while since I’ve spoken to you. I just really need you right now. I wish you were here to give me advice. I know you’d tell me to put on my big-girl panties. You’d assure me I don’t need a man to make me happy because you never did.”

  I started to change my clothes while continuing to speak to her.

  “For the longest time, I assumed my life would always be lonely, especially after Ethan left. But meeting Ryder has made me realize why Ethan had to go—because my feelings for Ryder are stronger than I’ve ever felt in my life. I’ll never regret what he and I have shared, even if it ends tomorrow.”

  I sat down at my vanity and began to brush my hair.

  “I’m asking for your help. At this moment, I’m very afraid of losing him. Just send me strength. I know I’ll be okay no matter what, because I’ve inherited your independent streak. But being okay with being alone doesn’t mean I can’t want what you never had—stability and true love from a man. I’ve spent the past four years taking care of Ollie and never once thought I needed anyone to take care of me. I don’t financially. But emotionally? It feels damn good to be cared for. It’s hard to lose that once you have it.”

  I looked up again.

  “Anyway…I know Ollie’s been talking your ear off lately, ever since Ryder gave him the idea. I hear him sometimes. He doesn’t realize I listen. I hope you’re as proud of our little guy as I am. I’m trying like hell, Mom. I hope I make you proud, too.” Blowing a kiss, I said, “I love you.”

  My heart felt filled to the rim with love for Ryder that had nowhere to go. I hoped I didn’t have to hold it inside forever. I so wanted to release it.

  I reached into my jewelry box for one of my mother’s old necklaces. The charm on it was a Celtic symbol signifying strength. Placing it around my neck, I locked the clasp and straightened the chain.

  It was time to go to work.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  * * *

  RYDER

  Mallory took a seat on my couch. She looked extremely nervous as she chugged down the last of her iced green tea until it was gone.

  “What brings you by, Mallory?”

  “Were you in the middle of an important call?”

  “I was talking to Eden.”

  It looked like it pained her to ask, “How is she?”

  She was gearing up for something.

  “What’s going on, Mal?”

  “A lot.” She patted the seat next to her. “Will you sit down next to me so we can talk?”

  I took a seat on the couch, specifically keeping my distance.

  She ran her hand along the microfiber of the sofa. “I’ve missed being in this house. This was my home for so long. And it still feels like home to me.” She looked around as if she was reminiscing. At one point, she closed her eyes.

  She moved closer, her leg almost brushing mine. My body went rigid. Her nearness was unsettling, and I couldn’t figure out if it was because of an instinctual physical awareness or fear.

  She blew out a shaky breath. “I have so much to say. I don’t know where to begin.”

  “Just start anywhere, then.”

  Rubbing her palms along her knees, she nodded. “The night I ran into you at The Grove was really telling. There I was with the man I was supposed to marry, and the moment you said goodbye and walked away from me, I found myself aching for you. Seeing you after such a long time brought home the fact that I hadn’t gotten over you, not even a little bit. I’ve come to realize that my jumping into another relationship was an attempt to forget all of the pain I caused. The truth is, I’ve never gotten over you at all.”

  My stomach felt uneasy. Now I knew exactly where this was going.

  “That night, Aaron kept grilling me. He wanted to know why I was acting so strange, so preoccupied. I admitted that seeing you had affected me. Every day after that was worse than the next. I finally admitted I didn’t love him the way I needed to.” She stopped to look at me. “Aaron and I broke up because I’m still in love with you.”

  At one time I’d longed to hear those words. This was definitely bittersweet—but too late.

  I couldn’t help feeling a little defensive, too. “I’m sorry…I’m just really perplexed. Surely you can understand my confusion, given some of the things you said before you moved out.”

  “I know what I said—blaming you for things that were never your fault, for what happened with our son. It took a lot of therapy and balancing my out-of-whack hormones to see clearly again.”

  The fact that she’d been in therapy was news to me. She certainly hadn’t gotten help when we were together, despite me urging her to.

  “I’m glad to hear you finally went to see someone.”

  “My therapist made me realize my negative feelings were misdirected at you. I’m so sorry for blaming you. And I’m sorry for the words I used as weapons. I couldn’t continue to live my life without you at least knowing how sorry I am.”

  “Is that why you came here? To apologize?”

  Mallory got down on her knees in front of me—an awkward and desperate sight that broke my heart a little. Because as much as she had hurt me, I knew she was hurting, too. And I believed she was sincere. I believed she still loved me and regretted pushing me away.

  “I came to ask you to give me a second chance…to give us a second chance before it’s too late. I still love you so much. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.”

  This was incredibly surreal. I’d never imagined Mallory would come back, begging for another chance. And I certainly would have never imagined I would feel so…numb toward her. But what surprised me the most was the fact that all I could think about in this moment was Eden—how much I loved Eden and how hurt she would be if I were to leave her.

  Hearing Mallory says these things forced me to face my true feelings. It could never work with Mallory or anyone else as long as I loved Eden.

  I love Eden.

  Fuck.

  I really love Eden.

  It was never clearer to me than in this moment. How ironic that it took Mallory coming back to make me realize exactly where my heart was. Maybe that’s how it works sometimes. It was only when I was given what I’d thought I wanted for so long that I realized what I’d grown to actually want, so purely and organically over the past several months. My love for Eden had been simmering for a long time, but right now it felt like it was exploding out of me.

  I thought long and hard before addressing Mallory. But there was nothing to do but be honest.

  “I’m so sorry for what we lost, especially your loss as a mother. Of course, I know you weren’t in your right mind right after the miscarriage. And there’s no need to apologize for anything you said to me. I don’t blame you for any of that.” Nudging her up off the floor, I said, “Please, sit. I need you to hear this.”

  I waited for her to return to her seat on the couch before I said, “I waited for you to come back to me for a long time—two years. There were many nights I prayed to God that you would say the exact words that just came out of your mouth.” Taking her hand in mine, I said, “I cried over losing you and mourned the loss of our baby and our relationship, asking why over and over and never getting an answer. Losing you was undoubtedly the biggest heartbreak of my life, and a part of me will always love you.”

  Here comes the hard part. “But the thing is…now I know why things had to end between us. We weren’t meant to be together, Mal. People who are meant to be together don’t break as easily as we broke. But more than that, I’ve found the person I’m meant to be with—and it isn’t you. I’m sorry.”

  There was just no easy way to say it. And I felt a mix of emotions—sad
ness for Mallory and peace in knowing my heart now truly understood what it wanted.

  A tear fell from her eye. “You really love this girl…Eden?” She wiped it away.

  I didn’t have to think about my answer. “Yes. Very much.”

  “She told me she cares about you, too. I just didn’t think things were really that—”

  “What?” Mallory spoke to Eden? “She told you? How?”

  “I talked to her in the bathroom at your dad’s wake. I told her I’d planned on getting you back and I still loved you. I asked her not to tell you about our conversation.”

  “She knew this was going to happen?”

  “Yes.”

  Now it made sense, Eden’s strange mood the last night she was in California.

  And her comment on the phone tonight: “Get it over with.”

  Fuck.

  She thought she was going to lose me to Mallory.

  I had so much explaining to do, so much I needed to say to Eden. And it couldn’t wait any longer.

  “I’m really sorry, Mallory. Like I said, I can’t tell you I don’t love you anymore, because that wouldn’t be true. A part of me will always love you and hold the time we had together close to my heart. But I know the right person is out there for you somewhere.”

  It took several minutes for Mallory to compose herself. She finally stood up and said, “This girl better treat you right. She has no idea how lucky she is. No idea.”

  After another moment, she moved from her spot.

  “Take care of yourself,” I told her.

  I walked her to the door and watched as she got into her car and drove away.

  ***

  By the time a couple of hours had passed, my heart was bursting with the need to talk to Eden, to tell her I loved her. It was long overdue.

  Mallory had forced me to search inside myself. I’d been so consumed by the aftermath of my father’s death that I hadn’t been able to pay attention to what I was feeling.