Erasure

by Percival Everett

  “See, that another reason I don’t want you niggers smokin in here. Look at this shit.”

  “Shut up, Fatman,” Tito say. “You gots to sweeps the fucka anyway.”

  “Yeah,” Yellow says.

  Fatman grumbles and walk on back to his stool behind the counter.

  “You guys ever look at the Willy the Wonker muthafucka?” I ax.

  Tito sink the five and look at me. “You mean the wino over near the courts?” he ax.

  “Yeah,” I say.

  “I seen him,” Tito say. “Why? What he to you?”

  “He ain’t nuffin to me.”

  “Why you be askin bout him then?” Yellow ax.

  “You shut the fuck up,” I say.

  “Suck my dick,” he say.

  “Whip it out, muthafucka,” I say.

  “I would but I don’t wanna make you cry,” he say.

  “Listen to you two niggers,” Tito say. “Sound like you be twelf years old. Talkin shit like that.”

  “Fuck both you,” I say and I walk out.

  Sex

  Next mornin I gets up and I wash my pits cause they real funky from workin and gettin on that gash. I puts on some clean drawers too, then I sit on the bed and look at the Mickey Mouse clock I got during the riots. Niggers was laughin at me left and right, pointin at the clock. They had TV’s and stereos, but, shit, I liked the fuckin clock. Made me think of Dissyland. I was there once and all I can remember is that Main Street and me thinkin “this is what it s’posed to be like.” Fuck ‘em for laughin at my clock. The shit work. Time just keep movin, them hands keep sweepin and that make me think about work. I work there two weeks and I’m gone have enough for my gun. And then, watch out. Van Go gone be gone and went.

  I go out to the table and Baby Girl already be sitting there workin on a bowl of Life cereal. “You like that shit, don’t you, Baby Girl,” I say.

  Mama turn around at the stove and say, “Don’t be swearin’ in fron’ o her like that, boy.”

  I don’t pay her no ‘tention. I sit down and eat the eggs she slide in front of me. “Ain’t you got no meat?” I say.

  “No, that’s it,” she say.

  I think about gettin up and walkin out. No meat? What kind of shit? But I be hongry, so I eat.

  “How you like yo job?” Mama ax.

  “It a job.”

  “Lois say they house is like a mansion,” Mama say.

  “It is a mansion, Mama,” I say. “That nigger is loaded.”

  “Don’t be callin Mr. Dalton that,” she say.

  “You call me that,” I say. “’Cause he gots bucks he ain’t no nigger? ‘Cause I ain’t got nuffin, I am?”

  “Shut up, nigger,” she say.

  She look at me and I look at her and we bust out laughin. It feel good to laugh with Mama again. We laugh for a few minutes and then I tells her I gots to get to work.

  “Okay, nigger,” she say.

  We laugh again.

  I get on the bus and start my trip over to the hills. I’m still laughin in my head about what Mama say. She give me three dollars ‘fore I left. So, I be sittin on the bus and this white girl get on and sit cross from me. She look like she goin to work.

  “Goin to work?” I ax.

  She nod and look away.

  “Where you work at?” I ax.

  “I work at a store,” she say, still not lookin at me.

  “What sto?”

  She don’t say nuffin.

  “What sto?”

  Nuffin.

  I leans forward and put my elbows on my knees. “You ‘fraid I’m gone walk into the place you work at and say hello?”

  She shake her head.

  “I come in there and say hello and yo’ boss take you aside and say, ‘Who that nigger?’ That what you ‘fraid of?”

  She get up and walk on to the back of the bus. An old black woman who been listenin be starin at me.

  “What you lookin at?” I ax.

  She look away.

  I walks another six blocks after I get off the bus. I guess rich folk don’t like buses comin too close to they houses. Maybe it the fumes they don’t like. Maybe it’s guys like me. Shit, I don’t know. I just walks up the hill past the big driveways and I sees the gardeners starin at me. Most of ‘em is oriental and they givin me the evil eye and I thinks about the gun I’m gone buy and how I’m gone rob that K’rean mutha.

  I walk up the driveway and Dalton honk his horn at me as he drive out. I wave and I feel stupid doin it. I put my hands in my pockets. When I gets to the door, Lois is standin there and she be lookin at her watch.

  “Well, you ain’t too late,” she say.

  “I ain’t got no watch,” I say.

  “That ain’t my problem,” she say. “You make yo’self some money, maybe you kin buy you a watch.”

  “I ain’t got no need fo’ no watch,” I say. “Time is the white man’s. Time ain’t mine.”

  “Nigger, you crazy,” she say.

  I laugh, cause I ‘member Mama callin me a nigger at the house that mornin. I laugh and Lois laugh too, but she don’t know why I be laughin.

  “Come on in and gets to work,” she say. “First thing you gots to do is wash the cars.” She lead the way into the room off the kitchen. “All the keys be in this here cabinet. They is four cars in the big garage. You takes ‘em out one at a time and washes ‘em.”

  “How I s’posed to get ‘em out?” I ax.

  “I told you, simple, the keys in this here cabinet,” she say.

  “You mean, I drives the cars out?” I say.

  “I swear, you is as stupid as you look,” she say.

  I think about gettin mad cause she call me stupid, but I’m too excited about drivin them cars, even if it is just out the garage. I takes all the keys and go outside. The doors be open and there’s them cars. I wonder why they needs to be washed. They already be so shiny that they ‘bout to blind my ass. They’s this one little red car, real low down to the ground, one of them F’raris. I gets in behind the wheel and it be like a glove and I wish Tito and Yellow could see my ass now, looking all fine up in there with the leather. I turn the muthafuckin key and the sound damn near make me shit my pants. Varoooom! That engine sound like the army coming through, but smooth as sick shit. I thinks that one day I gots to have me one of them. ‘Cept I wants a black one. Black on black with a red stripe run straight down through the middle of the muthafucker. I put it in gear and roll it out into the yard and my heart be beatin like nobody’s goddamn bizness. Kabamada kabamada kabamada, my heart be poundin. I turn off the engine and get out. I close the door and step away and look at it, tryin to wonder what I look like when I was sittin behind that wheel.

  “Nigger, you better get to washin that car and stop yo dreamin,” Lois call at me from the glass door.

  I gets the hose and the bucket from the shed and I’m rinsin this muthafucker off when this fine ass bitch come out the house with this bikini on and I think I’m gone die for damn sho. The bitch put her towel on one of the lounge chairs and then she dive into the water. It don’t even look like she make a splash. I’m watchin her, but I can’t see for shit from where I am wif the car. I walk over to the hedge so I can look over at her. She sees me lookin at her and I turn away. I be a long way from the car and I feel kinda stupid. I think shit I better git back on over there and wash that damn car. I go back and I start sloppin suds on the muthafucka and I hear somebody callin to me. I turns around and there that bitch in the bikini, standin at the hedge.

  “Yeah you,” she say. “Come over here.”

  I walk over to her and I’m feelin kinda scared and then I feels kinda mad cause I hates feelin scared.

  “What’s your name?” she ax. Her eyes is bright.

  “My name be Van Go,” I says. “Van Go Jenkins. But my friends, they calls me Go.”

  “Go,” she says. “I like that.”

  “I’m Penelope,” she say. “Penelope Dalton. When did Daddy hire you?”


  “Other day,” I say. And I find I cain’t look right at her.

  “Well, I hope he’s paying you okay,” she say. “Daddy can be pretty tight.”

  “He payin okay,” I say.

  “How old are you?” she ax.

  “Why you wanna know that?” I say.

  “Just a question,” she say.

  “Twenty,” I tells her.

  “I’m twenty-two,” she say. “I just finished school. Stanford. What about you? You go to school?”

  “No.”

  “Did you finish high school?” she ax.

  “Listen, I gotta get back to washin that car,” I says. I feels sick.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” she say. “Maybe we can talk again soon.”

  “Sure,” I says.

  “Hey, can you drive?” she ax.

  “Sho, I can drive,” I say.

  “Good,” she say. “I’ll be right back.”

  So, I be finishin up wif the car and wonderin what this bitch got in mind fo’ me. I’m gettin all nervous, waitin and wonderin. I gets the car all rinsed off and sits down on the bumper.

  Lois yell out at me from the house. “What you doin’? Ain’t nobody payin you to sit round.”

  “Mr. Dalton’s daughter told me to wait here,” I say.

  Lois come out the house. “Why she tell you that?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Boy, you bet be careful now,” she say.

  “What you talkin bout, ol’ lady,” I say to her. “I ain’t studyin you.” “You bet be studyin sumpin,” she say.

  Penelope Dalton come back out the house then. She wearin this tight, short dress what look mo’ like a slip than anythin else.

  “Where you think you goin’,” Lois bark at her.

  Penelope laugh it off just as cool as shit. “I’m going to have young Mister—.” She stop and look at me. “What’s your name?”

  “Van Go.”

  “That’s right,” she say. “I’m going to have Van here drive me down the hill for a little shopping.”

  “Lawd, have mercy,” Lois say.

  “I’m sure he will,” Penelope say.

  Lois give me the evil eye and say, “You mind now.”

  And I’m thinkin, shit, I ain’t no dog. I gives her the evil eye back and gets into the car. Penelope surprise me and be gettin in the front seat wif me. Shit if I ain’t sweatin now.

  “Drive,” she say.

  “Just like that,” I says.

  “Just like that,” she say. “Let’s go, Van.”

  Ain’t nobody call me Van. Everybody call me Go all the time. But I don’t say nuffin. I kinda like the way it sound when she call me Van. “Where you want me to take you?”

  “Take me to Rose’s,” she say. “That’s in Santa Monica. Just drive. I’ll tell you when to turn and which way.” She say that last part real slow and it make me nervous, wondering what she be meanin, cause I know she be signifyin.

  We gets to this fancy ass restrant and it just covered wif people. Blond bitches with shades and white dudes with they shirts open showin stomack muscles. But Penelope dont wanna go in, she just wanna pick up this candyass nigger who be waitin outside. She get out the car and hug the guy then they gets in the backseat.

  “Okay, Van, let’s go,” she say.

  “Where to?” I ax.

  “Let’s go to your neighborhood,” she say.

  I just look at her in the mirror. Then I looks at the dude in the silk shirt and the shades hangin round his neck.

  “We want to see where you live,” she say.

  “Yeah, brother,” the guy say.

  “Van, this is Roger. Roger, this is Van. He’s working for my father.”

  “Cool, brother,” Roger say. “Take us to the hood and we can shoot some hoops and then maybe score some weed and eat some chicken.” They laughs.

  “Let’s go, Van,” Penelope say.

  “I don’t know. This is your father’s car,” I say.

  “This is my car, Van,” she say. “Now, let’s roll.” Penelope lean back into the seat and look at my eyes in the mirror. “You like my daddy?” she ask.

  “I guess so,” I say. “He hired me.”

  “You know he puts a lot of money into the ‘hood,” she say.

  “I don’t get it,” I say.

  “He makes loans and gives some cheap legal help,” she say.

  Roger laugh out loud, then say, “You mean he’s a loan shark and an ambulance chaser.”

  They giggles together and Penelope say, “You watch what you say now. Van might run home and tell daddy.”

  I be filled up with heat now. They be laughin at me? The muthafuckas laughin at me? Shit, I wanted to stop the car and kick they asses. That Roger muthafucka, think he all cool and shit and that he look good. He ain’t shit. He ain’t nuffin but a sorry-ass muthafucka and I oughta slit his sorry-ass throat.

  “You live around here, Van?” Roger asked. “What is this? Compton?”

  I don’t say nothin. I just glance at them in the mirror. They starin out the windows like we in Jungleland or some shit. Like we at Dissyland in that fuckin submarine. Niggers on the street be lookin at me drivin this fine car and I feels cool till I remember that I’m in the front by myself and them two bitches be in the back and I be lookin like some flunky-ass chaffeur.

  Penelope lean forward and put her hand on my shoulder. “Take us someplace colorful to eat,” she say.

  The feelin of her hand on my shoulder makes me less mad. “What you wanna eat?” I ax.

  “Something funky,” she say. “Ribs. Something like that.”

  “Hey, Van,” Roger say. “You finish high school?”

  I don’t say nothin.

  “It’s okay if you didn’t. No jobs out there anyway.” Roger look back out the window. “I didn’t expect the houses to have yards here.”

  “Whatchew ‘pect?” I ax.

  “You know, like slums and stuff.”

  “They’re people just like you and me,” Penelope say.

  “You ought to think about going back to school,” Penelope say, lookin at my eyes in the mirror. “I bet daddy could help you get a scholarship to college.”

  “What kinda schola-ship I’m gone get?” I ax.

  “I don’t know. You’re underprivileged, you’ve that going for you.”

  Roger laugh. “Can you run fast?” he ax. “If you can run fast then you can run track. Can you play basketball?”

  “Yeah, I can play ball,” I say.

  “There you are then. A basketball scholarship.” Roger got this smartass look on his face. I stared at him in the mirror, but he don’t look at me.

  I starts worryin and hopin that Yellow and Tito don’t see me. I decide to take them to this rib joint a couple blocks away. I know Tito and Yellow won’t be in there, cause Tito got throwed out for feelin the waitress. But once we parked in front, I don’t wanna go in. I don’t want nobody I know seein me out with these fuckas.

  Penelope and Roger gets out, but I stay behind the wheel.

  “Aren’t you hungry?” Penelope ax.

  “Naw, I ain’t hungry,” I say.

  “We’re paying,” that Roger muthafucka say.

  “Somebody better watch the car,” I says.

  “Come on,” Penelope say. “Don’t worry about the car. I’ve got insurance. It’s just a car. Come on.”

  I be trapped. I be feelin like a little animal they found on the road some damn place. I’m pissed as hell now, but they gots money and I realize how important that be. Mr. Dalton got all the money in the world. And I ain’t got shit. I don’t wanna go in, but I do. I’m wonderin why they so interested in me and be actin so nice to me like this. The sun be bright and I feels like I be caught up in a web of light. I follow them into the place called Ernie’s Kitchen.

  This one dude I know wave at me from cross the room, but he be starin at Penelope and Roger. Then I see Cleona starin at me from the far wall. She still mad, but she in
terested. She wave.

  “You know her?” Penelope say as we sit at a table.

  “Of course he knows her,” Roger say. “He probably knows everybody in here. Right, Van?”

  I don’t say nothing.

  “Invite her over,” Penelope say.

  “She all the way over there,” I say.

  The waitress bring us some chicken and beer and we start eatin.

  “This stuff be jammin,” Roger say. He look at me. “Did I say it right?” he ax.

  “Yeah, that’s how they says it,” I say.

  They keeps eatin, but I can’t.

  “Eat,” Penelope say.

  “I ain’t hungry,” I tell her.

  “Want some more beer?” Roger ax.

  “Yeah,” I say and I watches him fill my glass.

  “What’s your father do?” Penelope ax me.

  “I ain’t got no father,” I say.

  “Did he die?” she ax.

  “He was born dead,” I say.

  “What about your mother?” Roger ax. “Is she alive?”

  “Yeah, she alive,” I tell them. “She a slave.”

  Penelope and Roger look at each other and then they laughs loud.

  Eveybody in the place looks over at us. “You’re a riot,” Penelope say to me. “A slave,” she repeat. “That’s rich.”

  “Tell me, Van,” Roger say, “you got a girlfriend?”

  I looks at him and laughs. “Shit, man, I gots me fo’ babies.”

  Penelope look at Roger and he look at her and they bust up laughin.

  “You’re kidding me,” Penelope say. “Four babies? Are you married?”

  “Hell no,” I say.

  “You’re not married and some woman has had four babies by you?” Roger ax.

  “No,” I says. “Fo’ different womens.”

  They look at each other and Roger make like he whistlin but don’t no sound come out. Then they be starin at me.

  “What the fuck you lookin at,” I say.

  “Oh, nothing,” Penelope say. “Four babies. Do you see them?”

  “I sees my babies,” I say and I starts to eat some of that chicken. I be rippin into a thigh like it the last food on earf. Grease be all on my mouth and shit. I drink some beer and I see they ready to go. I wipes my mouth on my sleeve.